Great Waylon Lines

[texasdaisy09]

Let's see here Waylon got some of the best lines in the show. Now if only I could remember all of my favorites....hmmmm. Daisy used one of my favorits when she mentioned Waylon saying "There was old Cooter sticking out like a bourbon bottle at a country revival" I'll try to think of another one ..."Sure hope Sheriff Little never gets elected Sheriff of Hazzard don't you?" Is another good one.

[RogerDuke]

Waylon said this about Boss in "Brotherly Love"

"Now as crooked as old Boss is, he don't cotton to violence. He figures that if you got to be violent to be crooked, you're trash."

[texasdaisy09]

That's a really good one Roger!

[HossC]

This one's from 'Enos in Trouble' - don't think we've had it before.

When we first see the bad guys watching Enos's footlocker Waylon says:

"There's two faces that only a mother could love, and I bet neither one of them had one."

[HossC]

I don't think even Waylon would get away with some of his lines in these more politically correct times. There was a line in an episode I watched the other day about women drivers, and in 'Welcome, Waylon Jennings' when Betty Jo plants the homing device on the General he says:

'You know, she's awful slick for a woman ... wonder if she can type?.'

[RogerDuke]

I just watched "Arrest Jesse Duke" today and he said some politically incorrect things about the 4 female villians, especially at the end. You're right Hoss, there's no way that would fly today.

[bolukeduke]

lol waylon was such a good balladeer. i like what he says in one armed bandits

[Garrett Duke]

Waylon is an awesome balladeer and has some funny lines...the CMT Duke marathon proves that.

Ine one of the first episodes, Waylon says: Boss and Rosco are as close as thick of thieves, that's because they are thieves.

In "The Rustlers" : Rosco has seemed to get out of bed on the wrong side of the bed late, that's because Rosco has no good side of the bed. (Something like that.)

[waikiki23]

I love in "My Son, Bo Hogg" when Bo wakes up and Boss says he is his son, Waylon says something like "Now how would you like to wake up to that?"

From "The Ghost of General Lee" "I though hogs liked mud, this one don't." Then at the end, he talks about the boys skinny dipping again, the he says, "Where do you suppose they hid their car?"

[Garrett Duke]

In "Carnival of Thrills"

"Pride makes a horrible master"

Now ain't that the truth...

[RogerDuke]

That's a good one Garrett.

I'm not sure if you know this or not but since I was around a couple decades before the Dukes came out, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Although many of Waylon's great lines were written by him personally, that one was around before the show came out. It's not used as much now but was pretty popular when I was a kid growing up in the 60s.

[HossC]

I just watched "Arrest Jesse Duke" today and he said some politically incorrect things about the 4 female villians, especially at the end. You're right Hoss, there's no way that would fly today.

I'm watching that one now, and when Cooter first goes into the auto parts store Waylon says:

"Look at who's selling parts instead of staying home, making babies and biscuits."

I had to laugh because I was imagining the reaction that would get today.

[ChargerCNH320]

I was just watching the episode Cooter's confession, and Bo and Luke were sneaking around in this building where Boss's stolen auto parts are. Anyway some goon comes in and says "I hear ya! and i know your in here somewhere, now I'm gunna count to 3 and if you don't come out I'm gunna shoot! 1.... 2...." Then it pauses for a commercial and Waylon says "Y'all cheer up, he looks like he don't know what number comes next!" I thought it was a pretty good Waylon line, made me laugh.

[Garrett Duke]

Well I don't know what episode it is in, but think it was said in the first season or so. I can't even recall what was happening when he said it...it's been that long since I've seen that ep or the Dukes in general thanks to my busy schedule. But this line had popped in my head for some odd reason a couple of days ago so I thought I'd post it...

Waylon: Y'all have heard the calvary is coming...well they ain't.

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

Y'all really should re-title this thread "Waylonisms."

[Hobie Hartkins]

How about the time ( I can't remember the episode) when the Dukes were being chased and Waylon said, " Don't go stickin' no fork in it, 'cause this ain't over yet!"

or, the one where he says " I don't know how this is gonna end up, you're on your own, ya know?"

[HossC]

The first line is from 'Route 7-11"in season 1,and the second line is from "The Meeting" in season 2.

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

I must be on vacation, because I've compiled my favorite WAYLONISMS from the third season:

“Now, tangling with sweet Daisy is like trying to put socks on a rooster.”

–S3 E3 Enos Strate to the Top

 

"There's places in this part of the South that's so peaceful and quiet that a man can almost sit and listen to his hair grow. This ain't one of them places."

–S3 E4 And In This Corner, Luke Duke

 

“Talk about hard luck. I’ll bet if it rains soup right now, the Dukes' bowl will be upside-down.” –S3 E4 And In This Corner, Luke Duke

 

 “Time was flyin’, and so was General Lee.” –S3 E5 The Late J.D. Hogg

 

 “Boss was gettin’ as nervous as an alligator in a handbag factory.”

–S3 E6 Uncle Boss

 

“Now folks, them boys are having more trouble than two stray heifers in a pasture full of bulls.” –S3 E8 Mrs. Rosco P. Coltrane

 

“Six Santa Clauses? Where they gonna get 48 tiny reindeer?” –S3 E9 The Great Santa Claus Chase

 

“Hazzard County is the only county where the ditch-diggers get combat pay.”

–S3 E11 State of the County

 

“Now the last time Boss Hogg ever listened to reason was when the IRS audited his books—both sets.” –S3 E11 State of the County

 

“Did y’all ever have one of them days when everything was clicking along peaceful and perfect…just waitin’ to go wrong?” –S3 E12 The Legacy

 

“Reckon this here’s a case of a moving force meeting an irresistible object. I’m bettin’ on the truck. Unless Boss has had dinner.” –S3 E12 The Legacy

 

“Friends, don’t it make you feel kind of sorry for folks that come into Hazzard thinking it’s just like any other place?” –S3 E15 To Catch A Duke

 

“I wouldn’t want to be chased in Hazzard County at a fast walk.” –S3 E16 Along Came a Duke

 

“If you think that’s something, you ought to see the Hazzard High basketball team. They play in cars, too.” –S3 E17 By-Line, Daisy Duke

 

“With that kind of luck, ain’t you glad a Duke ain’t President?” –S3 E19 Bye, Bye Boss

 

“Hazzard sure is tough on strangers…’till they get the hang of it.” –S3 E20 The Hack of Hazzard

Edited July 8, 2016 by Andrew D Charger Chaser

[Hobie Hartkins]

11 hours ago, HossC said:

The first line is from 'Route 7-11"in season 1,and the second line is from "The Meeting" in season 2.

Hoss, you are the smartest person in Hazzard! You always know the episodes I can't think of!

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

My favorite WAYLONISMS from Season 2:

“Now, you know there’s some people who’d rather eat a live rattlesnake headfirst than sit down in a dentist’s chair. Matter of fact, I could’ve said getting Jesse to see a dentist was like pulling teeth. But I got my pride.” –S2 E2 Gold Fever

 

“Now Boss Hogg might not welcome the Dukes, but even if the bank was closed he’d gladly meet a grizzly bear if it had a wallet.” –S2 E2 Gold Fever

 

“Now don’t you worry why Hazzard folks don’t notice the shooting. They didn’t pay any attention to Sherman either, and he burned the town.” –S2 E2 Gold Fever

 

"Rosco just keeps waking up in the morning on the wrong side of the bed…mainly because his bed don’t have no good side.” –S2 E3 The Rustlers

 

“Now getting arrested twice in the same day for the same thing – rustling – you kind of get the feeling that you’re in Texas.” –S2 E3 The Rustlers

 

“You know, Boss’ paving company mixes the only cement that’s thin enough to fish in.” –S2 E5 Road Pirates

 

"Ain't you glad Bo and Luke don't direct traffic at the airport?" –S2 E6 The Ghost of General Lee

 

“Now, the time between Chicamahonny and Hazzard is 21 minutes as the crow flies. But, there ain’t nobody that knows how long it takes as the General Lee flies.” –S2 E11 People’s Choice

 

“…gettin’ itchier than a hound dog in a flea circus.” –S2 E12 Arrest Jesse Duke

 

“Don’t you just hate it when somebody runs right past you? Especially when you don’t even know you’re racing!” –S3 E14 The Runaway

 

“Well, it’s got to be confusing to any normal person; so you can imagine what it does to the Hazzard County law.” –S2 E15 Follow That Still

 

“Y’all know it takes the early bird to catch the worm…which is a pretty good description of Boss Hogg.” –S2 E17 Officer Daisy Duke

 

“Now, if all this changing roads is getting a mite confusing, well, look at the good side. They’re driving it. We’re only watching.” –S2 E17 Officer Daisy Duke

 

“I don’t know about y’all, but if I’d have had a day like ol’ Jesse’s had, I’d get back in bed.” –S2 E20 Return of the Ridge Runners

Edited July 10, 2016 by Andrew D Charger Chaser

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

And finally my favorite WAYLONISMS from Season 1:

“Like my ol’ uncle used to say, ‘There’s trouble, and then – there’s – trouble.’ And the trouble with some trouble is, at first it don’t look like trouble.”

–S1 E3 Mary Kaye’s Baby

 

“Ace Parker was Hazzard County’s number two used-car dealer; there weren’t no others. But ol’ Ace just couldn’t be first at anything.” –S1 E4 Repo Men

 

"There was ol' Cooter, stickin' out like a bourbon bottle at a country revival." –S1 E4 Repo Men

 

"Ever have one of them days when you couldn't hit the ground with your hat?"

– S1 E4 Repo Men

 

“Now, don’t you wish they had a ride like that in Disneyland?” –S1 E8 The Big Heist

 

"Now, if you folks were heading for the cookies and milk, well, you picked a baaad time..." –S1 E10 Deputy Dukes

 

“Y’all gotta remember that the only difference between an ambulance and a hearse is slow driving and a black paint job.” –S1 E10 Deputy Dukes

 

“Now, in case you’re wondering what’s going on…so – am – I.” –S1 E11 Money to Burn

 

“Friends and neighbors, don’t go stickin’ no fork in it, ‘cause it ain’t done yet.”

–S1 E11 Money to Burn

 

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

WAYLONISMS, Season Six:

“Anybody figuring to kidnap Lulu Hogg is figuring on two long shots. The first, it’d be easier to steal a buffalo. And second, who says ol’ Boss will pay to get her back?” –S6 E1 Lulu’s Gone Away

 

“Well, don’t that put a clot in the churn?” –S6 E1 Lulu’s Gone Away

 

“Now, about this time Boss Hogg was having a county budget meeting with Rosco and Enos, who couldn't count a dozen eggs without taking off their shoes.” –S6 E2 A Baby for the Dukes

 

“Y’know, either them jumps are gettin’ longer, or I’m gettin’ older.” –S6 E3 Too Many Roscos

 

“Y’know, them fish in Hazzard Lake have all got battle fatigue.” –S6 E3 Too Many Roscos

 

“The Dukes headed for Hazzard looking for Rosco’s help, a sure sign of desperation.” –S6 E4 Brotherly Love

 

“Now you can't see the wheels spinnin’ in Enos's head, 'cause they're so tiny. But they're really hummin’.” –S6 E4 Brotherly Love

 

“Meanwhile, back in town, Boss was squealing like a stuck hog…which is exactly what he was.” –S6 E6 Boss Behind Bars  

 

“Now, the Hazzard Dog Pound ain’t seen so much action since the runaway flea circus hid out there when the carnival got stranded.” –S6 E7 A Boy’s Best Friend

 

“Someday I’m gonna write a book about Hazzard County insurance claims.”

–S6 E8 Targets: Daisy and Lulu

 

“It was the best performance since Lulu appeared in the Hazzard Little Theater production of Little Women.” –S6 E8 Targets: Daisy and Lulu

 

“Them two is as slick as two eels in a lard bucket.” –S6 E11 High Flyin’ Dukes

 

“Well, now they’ve riled Uncle Jesse, which is right up there with nude skydiving and eating a rattlesnake headfirst when it comes to things that you ought not do.” –S6 E11 High Flyin’ Dukes

 

“Talk about bad timing. If it was raining soup, ol’ Cooter's bowl would be upside-down.” –S6 E12 Cooter’s Girl

 

“Well, somebody better do something quick, or Hazzard’s gonna look like Sherman’s Army passed through it in a bad mood.” –S6 E12 Cooter’s Girl

 

“And here comes law enforcement’s answer to Dopey and the Seven Dwarves: Rosco P. Coltrane.” –S6 E13 Heiress Daisy Duke

 

“Friends and neighbors, you’re looking at one of the big reasons foreigners don’t really understand us.” (spoken when the General Lee and Sheriff Little’s cars jumped simultaneously during pursuit) –S6 E14 Dead and Alive

 

“I can think of smarter things to do than chase Luke Duke and try to take his woman away from him...like eating a grenade.” –S6 E15 Play it Again, Luke

 

“Meanwhile, Boss was waiting anxiously to hear some good news from Rosco and Enos. There weren’t none.” –S6 E15 Play It Again Luke

 

“That used to work for y’all in Hazzard High football, but it don’t work on cars, boys.” –S6 E16 Undercover Dukes Part 1

 

“Now this being Hazzard, the quiet life is about as laid back as ol’ J.E.B. Stuart’s cavalry charge.” –S6 E18 How to Succeed in Hazzard

 

“When the fox asks you to watch the henhouse, chances are he’s gonna have chicken, and you’re gonna be stuck with the feathers.” –S6 E18 How to Succeed in Hazzard

 

“Y’know, what everybody really needs is some neighbors like the Dukes. That is, if their cars can take it.” –S6 E20 The Ransom of Hazzard County

 

“Y’know, I been wondering. I understand Flash. But how does Flash understand Rosco?” –S6 E21 The Fortune Tellers

 

“Well, don’t that fill grandma’s drawers with nightcrawlers?” –S6 E22 Cooter’s Confession

 

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

WAYLONISMS, Season 4:

SEASON 4

 

“It was one of those days when it seems nothing can go wrong…then it does.”

–S4 E2 Double Dukes

 

“Their future looked just about as bright as the only chicken in the henhouse, and the preacher comin’ Sunday for dinner.” –S4 E2 Double Dukes

 

“Y’know, them boys are about as funny as finding a rattlesnake in your bed.”

–S4 E2 Double Dukes

 

“Sometimes it’s easier to drive in Hazzard County if you stay off the road.”

–S4 E5 The Fugitive

 

“I don’t know what they’re gonna use for bait, but if they’re gonna catch ol’ Boss they’d better get a biiiig hook.” –S4 E5 The Fugitive

 

“Wouldn’t you just love to read them job requirements for a Hazzard County deputy?” –S4 E6 The Great Bank Robbery

 

“I swear, if it rained soup, Cletus’ bowl would be upside-down.” –S4 E6 The Great Bank Robbery

 

“This part of Luke’s plan is working like a two-dollar watch.” –S4 E6 The Great Bank Robbery

 

“Once upon a time, there was this very smart Greek fella that said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Well, I can tell ya right now that that fella had never been to Hazzard County.” –S4 E8 10 Million Dollar Sheriff Part 1

 

“…the biggest poker game in Hazzard since Boss put up Lulu as a bet, hoping to lose. The other guy was bettin’ a cow.” –S4 E9 10 Million Dollar Sheriff Part 1

 

“Y’know, I wonder if Orville Wright said ‘hang on’ to Wilbur; ‘cause every time Bo says it, something starts to fly.” –S4 E13 Hughie Hogg Strikes Again

 

“Well, friends and neighbors, the odds are stacked against the Dukes like a turkey on the day before Thanksgiving.” –S4 E13 Hughie Hogg Strikes Again

 

“There’s one fish story he ain’t gonna brag about….” –S4 E14 Dukescam Scam

 

“Boy, if them two don’t stick out like a couple of roosters in a room full of ducks….” –S4 E15 The Sound of Music – Hazzard Style

 

“Luck in Hazzard changes faster than gettin’ into your drawers on a winter morning.” –S4 E15 The Sound of Music – Hazzard Style

 

“Hazzard is the only place I know that ain’t got no airport, but still needs a runway.” –S4 E16 Shine On Hazzard Moon

 

"Y’know, ol’ Bo and Luke went to the fair once and rode one of them big time roller coasters. They fell asleep." –Shine On Hazzard Moon

 

“Boss was receiving a phone call that made him lose his appetite…which usually requires something like a war…or bankruptcy.” –S4 E18 Miz Tisdale on the Lam

 

“Yes sir, Boss was in as much trouble as the only chicken in the barnyard when the preacher was comin’ to Sunday dinner.” –S4 E19 Nothin’ But the Truth

 

“Three cars, two lanes. And everybody knows that three don’t go into two without some pieces left over.” –S4 E20 Dear Diary

 

“Man, I tell you, the day they passed out good luck, ol’ Bo and Luke must've been fishing.” –S4 E23 Bad Day in Hazzard

 

“He didn’t even flinch! Duke chickens are tough; you oughtta try to eat one.” –S4 E25 Share and Share Alike

“I tell you, being an entrepreneur is a heavy responsibility. Learning that word wasn’t too easy, either.” –S4 E26 The Law and Jesse Duke

[Andrew D Charger Chaser]

 

SEASON 5

 

“Now, wouldn’t that make you wanna sell the farm and run off to the city?” –S5 E2 Dukes Strike it Rich

 

“You know, just when you think you’ve got things under control in Hazzard, you run into a natural Hazzard hazard.” –S5 E2 Dukes Strike it Rich

 

“Things were beginning to smoke like a $2 pistol.” –S5 E4 Coy Meets Girl

 

“The way ol’ Boss eats, he’ll have to run to Miami to work off breakfast.”

–S5 E5 The Hazzardgate Tape

 

“…well, he (Boss) was as happy as a rat trapped in a corn crib…'cause he’d have to eat his way out.” –S5 E6 Big Daddy

 

“Now, I ain’t of a suspicious nature, but things are smellin’ a little downwind of the pigpen.” –S5 E6 Big Daddy

 

“There’s a basic rule about being a Duke: if you’re really, truly and totally in a mess, it’s fixin’ to get worse.” –S5 E7 Vance’s Lady

 

“Y’know, working for the Hazzard County roads is like being in the airborne. You ought to get hazard pay. Hazard pay, get it?” –S5 E8 Hazzard Hustle

 

“Now I tell you, if I was riding with a Duke and he said ‘Hold on,’ I would! Tight!” –S5 E8 Hazzard Hustle

 

“That’s gonna wipe Boss cleaner than a plate fulla chicken when the preacher comes to dinner.” –S5 E8 Hazzard Hustle

 

“Friends, just think a minute now. When was the last time that you had to look up to see a wreck?” –S5 E13 The Revenge of Hughie Hogg

 

“Y’see? Them sissies need a chopper to fly!” –S5 E21 Farewell, Hazzard

 

“Y’know, Hazzard County is the only place that I know of that needs an air traffic controller for cars!” –S5 E21 Farewell, Hazzard

 

“…happy as three fat foxes leavin’ the chicken coop with nothin’ but feathers.”

–S5 E22 Daisy’s Shotgun Wedding

 

[Carolyn_Duke1970]

From the beginning of the very first episode of the series: One Armed Bandits.

"Welcome to Hazzard County.
You probably noticed there's something different here.
Well, this is Hazzard County.  They do things different here."

He says ^that^ while you're watching General Lee chasing a sheriff's car.