MaryAnne

While the rest of the jail area was consumed in temporary chaos, MaryAnne had kneeled down by the bars of the cell and looked at Razor. He was wounded, badly and there was little she could do with the bars that seperated her from the large tiger. But she would do what she could. Razor's left leg looked to have taken the worse and the snow white fur of the tiger was now a mess of matted, dirty red. She removed her black neck tie and put her arms through the bars working carefully to tied the material around the leg of the animal in an attempt to slow the flow of blood to the wound. "Yeah, Chet," MaryAnne said evenly, looking up occassionally at the Duke boy. "Aren't you concerned about Razor here? More than that, aren't you concerned that if a gang beat and attacked a tiger you reckon they might have something in store for the rest of us? You think it was Brian's Syndicate buddies?? YOU'RE the one that helped put the entire Sheriff's department in jail. How convienent...." MaryAnne turned to Rosco, Enos, Cletus and Emery. "Give me your neckties," she said. Although all four hesitated momentarily, they subsequently relinguished their ties and handed them to MaryAnne. She then turned and added those to the one she already had around Razor's battered left front leg. She glanced up at Chet occasionally as she worked. "What are you really up to Chet Duke? Why do you have us all in here? Why don't you lay all your cards on the table...." (cue anyone!)

Tater Salad! "You are under arrest for being drunk in pub-LECK." "I'm not drunk in pub-LECK. I was drunk in a bar!" My family tree consists of every aspect of New England history you can think of, including northern bootleggers and an owner of a speaskeasy back in the '20's. Tracing back to the early 1800's, on my mother's side, they were able to trace back to a great-great-great(however many) grandfather from England named....drum roll please......ENOS! I kid you not! =) Okay my own based-on-personal-experience redneck-isms... You might be a redneck if... 1. You consider Primer Grey to *be* a color choice for your car. 2. When faced with the task of fixing something your two favorite words are "Duct Tape." 3. You other favorite word is "WD40" 4. You plant flowers in your yard and your father gets a little over zealous with the weed wacker. "Took them things down in one whack! Hoowee!" 5. You're proud you bought the heavy duty car cover because the neighborhood cats congregate on your car during the winter because it's the only place in the neighborhood where they can take a piss and not discolor the snow. 6. When attending a formal dinner, you become confused at the three forks, two spoons and three drinking glasses that are placed in front of you. 7. You mistake the appetizer at the formal dinner for the main meal and vocally complain about how small the portions are. (I'm hungry dammit!) 8. You argue that the arrival of NASCAR was the biggest economic booster to your neck of the woods. 9. Your idea of dining out is going to the local KFC and bringing it back home. And finally.... 10. For New England Rednecks only. You can't understand why some flatlander can't understand what yer asking for when yer looking for "pahts fer tha cah..."

I love that Blue Collar Comedy Tour! "Git 'er done!" Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" listing is funny too. "I hate stupid people. They should just wear a sign that says "I'm Stupid" then you won't have to deal with them..... Excuse me--whoa! Sorry 'bout that. Didn't see your sign. Never mind!" ROFL As for both that listing and the "You Might Be a Redneck" listing resembling any family events.... yes. ROFL. And I'm further north than you are Pendragon!

"Judas Priest on a pony..." was Rosco's vocal reaction to the news the lady gambler provided on Brian. He then turned to MaryAnne. "Maybe you should go with this lady and Daisy and say howdy to him." MaryAnne snorted. "What's the matter, you afraid I'll shoot up the town if I got with you down to Doc Appleby's?" "Yes! So git!" MaryAnne sighed and rolled her eyes. "Awright." She looked at the lady gambler and nodded. "Show me the way to him...." Meanwhile, back at Doc Appleby's.... (Cue VAL!! And only Val!)

(Funny how we got this top secret thang goin' on. Khee!) Diablo's highbeams cut a swath through the dark night as the Chevy rumbled over a dirt road heading toward the all night general store that Daney had reported seeing the Z-28 at. Rosco and MaryAnne glanced at each other, hearing Doc's voice come through the radio. MaryAnne nodded to her cousin and he picked up the mike to answer. "This is Rosco, go ahead Doc." (cue anyone!)

"Brian, how did you get down here---" Rosco started to say. "Never mind that!" MaryAnne said. She glared at Brian. "For your information we were all forced down here by Chet, Garrett, Ethan and Riddick! Now wipe that grin off yer face and get the keys there and let us out of here or so help me I'm gonna...." (cue anyone!)

Down in the cells in the basement, everyone paused hearing the argueing voices that carried from the booking room. "Sounds like they're fightin'," Boss observed. "Yeah..." Rosco said. The words were hard to make out, but there was no mistaking the "How the hell was I supposed to know that she was going to show up all of a sudden!" Then there was some more exchange of words, and a female voice interjected, trying to smooth things over. "Who is that?" Rosco asked. MaryAnne shook her head. "I ain't sure....it sounds like Vicki." "Vicki?!" Cletus said. "I thought she was in Chickasaw?" He paused. "Oh now wait a minute, you don't think she's involved in all this too?" "Either that or she showed up at the wrong time," MaryAnne replied. Eventually, the voices settled down. Either they had all killed each other up there, or had come to some kind of resolution. "They stopped," Rosco said. "Good," Boss said. "If there's one sound I can't stand it's a bunch of sqawking Dukes." "Oh yeah? Well yer gonna git an earload of squawking Coltrane," MaryAnne said. She then turned to bars and the stairwell. "HEY! HEY UP THERE!!! WHAT'S GOING ON??! CHET!!! GARRETT!!! ETHAN!!! SOMEBODY BETTER GIT THEIR POSTERIOR DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!!!" "Or else what?" Enos asked. "Or else I'm gonna go hoarse..." MaryAnne replied. (Cue anybody!)

MaryAnne picked up on the lady stranger's desire to share whatever information she had with as few ears as possible. She waved for the woman to dismount her horse and step aside with Rosco and herself. "You know where Brian is?" was all the others heard MaryAnne say. The lady gambler spoke her answer quietly. Meanwhile, down the street at Doc Appleby's.... (CUE CHET! And only Chet!)

Well son, if you live in Canada you'll wanna tune into CMT Canada to catch the Dukes. There's a link somewhere here in the forums (I think it's up under either Latest News, or General Discussion) that tells what day the Dukes will start airing and time. Welcome to HNet!

(Coronary's are my specialty. Khee!) "Yeah, that's me--" MaryAnne turned to look at who had spoken and the deputy flinched seeing the rifle pointed in the air. MaryAnne had hers half way brought around to bear when she stopped, realizing the woman wasn't moving to take a shot. "@%$! If yer gonna shoot me, better make it quick." (Cue Doc)

Hi Lolly, welcome to HNet! Let me start with the fanfic question first. If you'd like to submit fanfic to be posted in the fanfic section here at HNet, you'll wanna check out the fanfic page and there's a link there to my email to send me fics. You can also check out http://www.dukesofhazzardfanfic.com and you can submit your fics to be posted there. I run the dohff site along with helping take care of HNet. As for the roleplaying basically it works like this. Most of the writers who partcipate have a character that they created within their fics, or for roleplaying and it eventually progressed to fics. Many have their character profiles posted in the General Discussion topic under Fanfiction. Anyway, if you wanna just jump in to a role play, go ahead. LOL. I've been attempting to update the Round Robin rules and will at some point have that update put up. But for now, make yourself aware of the rules but keep in mind that very few folks tend to follow 'em. If you don't mind perpetual chaos, you'll enjoy the RR's. ROFL. MaryAnne

Well I'm just flat out optimistic now. Dick and fart jokes? Terrific. A movie worth seeing? Right. As for the "Cooter" thing....I'll admit I'm not the most wordly individual 'round here but, might they not be confusing that with "Hooter"? ROFL And frankly, given the above if dick and fart jokes are the crown jewel of this Broken Lizard team, it won't be Cooter they'll be poking fun at. It'll be Enos.

Howdy LoneRanger! Welcome to HNet! Andy Griffith as Jesse would be worth seein'. Jerry Reed as Rosco would be worth the price of admission too. Give him a bassett hound and he'd be set! LOL. Burt as Rosco would be kewl to see, given that James Best was in several movies with Burt. It would be interesting to see Burt try to pull off that "Khee khee khee!!" ROFL!! (Or Jerry Reed for that matter! LOL) I could definetly see Hank Jr. as a possible balladeer too. I could see Randy Travis as a possible Enos too. Or a balladeer, he has the voice for it, I think. It'll be interesting to see how things unfold over the next few months with additional casting.

"That tears it!" MaryAnne exclaimed. She moved quickly across the floor of the Sheriff's office and grabbed her rifle. "C'mon y'all let's go get 'em. Damn if I ain't tired of this hell raisin' in my town!" MaryAnne plowed ahead to the jailhouse door and pushed it open, stepping outside.... (Cue Chance!!)

Rosco let out a tense breath . "I told her to go home...." "Did you tell her to stay there?" Rosco blinked and stared at MaryAnne. "Oh don't tell me I had to be that technical! What the hell difference is that going to make now? She'll end up gettin' herself killed!" MaryAnne waved a hand in the air at Rosco. She held up the CB mike. "Acknowledged." She tossed the mike into the Chevy and looked at Rosco. "Let's go check it out...." Rosco walked around the backside of the Diablo, muttering, and got in the passenger seat. MaryAnne settled in the driver seat and brought the Chevy rumbling to life. A moment later the Impala pulled from the parking area, the spanse of red taillights blazing a trail behind it. (cue anyone!)

Meanwhile, in the jail cells downstairs, several voices were going at once, most of it Boss argueing with his law officers over how inept they were for allowing this to happen. Then suddenly Boss realized what time of day it was and his newest concern was how they were going to get food. One deputy's voice finally rose above the din of the blubbering law officers. "Hush! HUUSSSH!!!" MaryAnne Coltrane finally was able to silence everyone around her. She looked at Rosco, Enos, Cletus, and Emery Potter, who was only wearing a uniform because MaryAnne asked him to help volunteer for something. Boss puffed away nervously on his cigar. "Yellin' ain't accomplishin' a whole hell of a lot. When them boys up there figure what the hell it is they wan't, they'll let us know." "Well I hope it's soon," Boss said. "And I hope they're going to let us eat." "Will you stop worrying about your stomach for one minute?" MaryAnne said. "We've been locked by an 800 pound tiger and three Dukes. I think we might have a little problem on our hands." "Damn Dukes!" Boss yelled. He looked at Rosco. "Why didn't you stop them?" "Like I had much of a choice against an 800 pound tiger?!" "Argh, Rosco so help me if we make it out of this alive, I'll fire you!" "You'll have to fire all of us then, Boss," MaryAnne said. "I'll fire Kristy too for what her kin and her brother Garrett's doing!" MaryAnne snorted. "If Razor doesn't turn you into cat chow first. Have you stopped to think of the possibilties of why they have us all locked up down here?" Boss was quiet. He seemed uncomfortable suddenly. "If I was you Boss, I'd stop worrying about the bridges you're gonna burn tomorrow...and think about all the ones you burned yesterday..." (Cue anyone!)

There's a local car show that I've participated in for the past three years with my Firebird. Always a good time. =) Just got my photos back from the recent show and will post a couple once I scan them in. I think we gotta git Stormy on a steamer with his car and get him over here to the States and to a car show. Better yet, Stormy, I think you'd really enjoy a "cruise night" where a bunch of folks with classic cars get together and congregate either at an ice cream shop, diner or just meet in a parking lot and have a parade of classic cars going down the road. =) Nice site Jance! Nice trucks.

Brian said: Tho' I have no explanation, nor excuse to offer, for MaryAnne's ongoing antics. I think that's an individual matter that is best taken up with her directly. (MaryAnne, it's been nice workin' with ya.) Oh no! You leaving, Brian?! And we were just gettin' the hang of this thing too... durn it.

Sometimes I wonder why you gave us passwords to the place! ROFL. In all seriousness, we are honored to be caretakers of this place and even tho' we trip cords once in awhile, er rather....I trip cords once in awhile, the other one there just blows up computers, at least we admit it and we work hard to fix it (and prevent from doing it again. Although Brian's computer problem is it's own unique tripped cord, heh heh). Anyway! Believe me, we know who owns the place! And we ain't likely to forget.

*wolf whistle* He shorr is purty! =) I've always dug that color. I named both of my cars, the Saturn too. I call it Sassy. Maybe I oughta post a pic of that one? ROFL

The only vintage Dukes stuff I have (as in I got back in the day) is that Ertl car set and a Dukes of Hazzard guitar (black with the picture of Bo, Luke and Daisy on the face.) The guitar is literally junk now as I tore off the face sticker at one point, but left the "01" and the lil' pic of the General on the head. It's held together by duct tape. I drew a bass guitar on the other side. Some of the tuning keys are missing or broken. The strings are gone. It was stolen once. And you thought Pete Townsend was tough on his instruments. ROFLMAO. Anyway, in recent years I've added the following: 1/18 scale General Lee, DOH poster, calender, various autographed photos of the cast, trading card collection set (almost complete), 45 record of the Dukes theme song, cast album on CD, HCSD shirt (Khee!), tons of pictures, clippings, vintage People Magazine with Cathy Bach on the cover, a few vintage issues of Tiger Beat, 16 and TV Tattletales mags with tons of John, Tom and Cathy pics, the DOH paperback "Gone Racin'", and of course the video and DVD stuff. Yeeehaa! =)

The long night was turing into a long morning. Once MaryAnne reached the sherrif's station with Alex, the blond stranger was placed in a cell. MaryAnne's arrival, complete with stolen horses and a prisoner surprised the weary Sheriff. "How do you do that?" he asked. "Do what?" "Just stumble on stuff!" "I'm a Coltrane. I do it the same way you stumble on stuff." MaryAnne dropped her saddle bags on her desk, kicking up a fine cloud of dust. "I see Cletus didn't bother to clean up around here like I asked him to while I was gone." "You really trust Cletus with a feather duster?" MaryAnne looked at her cousin. "And you trust him with a gun?!" "Good point." Rosco looked at Alex in the cell. "So who's this dude?" "Alex Jackson," MaryAnne replied. "I stumbled on him on my way back to town. He's a friend of Brian's. Told me everything that happened." MaryAnne looked to her cousin. "Any idea where Brian is?" Rosco shook his head. "No," he replied with a weary sigh. "All I know is those damn stolen horses you brought in with him--" he pointed at Alex "--are pretty much the cause of all this mess!" Rosco slammed his hand down on his desk and stood up. "We ain't had this much shootin' and horse theivein' in this town since the war." He glared at Alex in the cell. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just haul you out to the gallows right now and hang ya for all my troubles!" Suddenly, the doors to the Sherrif's office opened and in came Bo and Luke with three salty looking dudes. The threesome had their hands bound and tied. MaryAnne looked at them and then turned back to Rosco. "Because Alex ain't your guilty party." (CUE ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!)

MaryAnne hesitated and then took a deep breath. "Yeah. He'll be awright. He's a bad guy afterall..." MaryAnne seemed to be saying it to reassure herself too. She quickly changed the subject. "Thanks for everything, Doc. We'll all keep in touch." MaryAnne nodded to Rosco and the two law officers disappeared down the hall. They were quiet as they exited the hospital and walked to the emergency parking area where Rosco had left Diablo. A voice squawked over the airwaves but MaryAnne and Rosco didn't make it out until they reached the car and the caller repeated herself. "MaryAnne, are you out there on the Hazzardnet? Please come back..." Rosco looked into the window of the Chevy, glaring. "I told her to go home," he said, recognizing Daney's voice. MaryAnne leaned in and grabbed up the mike. "This is MaryAnne. Go ahead." (Cue Daney)

MaryAnne, Mistress of Disaster. *takes a bow* Kneel mere mortals, you are in the presense of disaster-ness. Although I appreciate all the accolades of my talents, Brian, I think tho' we need to get back to some business here. Like that newsletter...? You think you'll have that done sometime before the end of this decade?

Brain said: 9 times out of 10, something works just fine until MaryAnne gets ahold of it. Thus my suggestion of the sign telling hackers that we screw things up around here just fine on our own. Believe me, I require little assistance in messing things up 'round here! Infact I've pretty much mastered the finer intricasies of coordinated chaos. I'm an expert. I don't NEED any help!!! And I certainly don't need some schmuck hacking into the forums, taking the place down and leaving some stupid picture for a calling card. Sheesh! Anyway, as Brian said, blowin' up computers is his speciality. And believe me he's very good at it. If you have a computer that you want to die but it just won't, send it to him. He'll kill it in no time flat. Complete with sparks flyin', motherboard grindin', "this program has performed an illegal operation and will shut down", puffs of smoke finesse. 8)