Skipper Duke

(Season 3 Court Martial) Skipper/Long John Silver:"One of me mates ad a fight with Lord Admiral Gilligan once and just remember, eez a sucker for a right ook." Mr. Howell/Captain Hook:"Well I’m at a disadvantage, I can only give him a left hook." Professor/Captain Kidd:"Did he give you that scar?" Mr. Howell/Captain Hook:"I did that myself!" Skipper/Long John Silver:"You did dat yourself!?" Mr. Howell/Captain Hook:"I had an itch, and I forgot!" Professor/Captain Kidd:"Why are we wasting our time talking about that dandy!? Let's look at the treasure!"

Dusty's Trail scene. Dusty is trimming Mr. Callahan's hair. Mr. Callahan:"Ouch! Yer supposed to be trimmin' my hair not pullin' it out!" Dusty:"Freckles never complains when I trim his tail." Mr. Callahan:"Freckles!? So that's how the scissors got so dull huh!?"

Kait Tucker Yep!

You know how everyone is so easily offended by things these days? Waylon Jennings made a joke about it a long time back before it got this way. In live versions of Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys he reversed the lyric to "Mommas Don't Let Your Cowboys Grow Up To Be Babies" lol. Very accurate to how things are these days. Bout that joking lyric reversal: What did WJ know that we didn't? Seems like he knew at that time how things would end up.

(Season 4 Dukescam Scam) Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:"Good thing he's gone. Cuz you woulda tore him limb from limb." Flash starts snoring. "No don't go to sleep!"

(Season 3 The Kidnapper) Gilligan:"The skinny one in the sailors hat, he must mean me." Skipper:"Well he certainly doesn't mean me!" Gilligan:(to Professor)"Why couldn't it be that big fat one with the captain's hat!?"

North Atlantic

(Season 2 Allergy Time) Skipper:"Come On Mr. Howell Don't Tell Me You're Happy because Gilligan Moved Out On Us ?." Mr. Howell:"No, But My Nose is Very Grateful..."

(Season 2 Castaways Pictures Presents) Mr. Howell:"Quiet ! Quiet ! Up There You Birds !. Lights, Camera, Action..."

(Season 2 The Friendly Physician) The Dog:"Meow!" Gilligan:"Hey Cat, Cat Go Ahead Show Him What You Sound Like Cat ?." The Cat:"Bark ! Woof-Woof !."

(Season 2 The Friendly Physician) The Skipper:"Aren't These Steaks Beautiful ?." Gilligan:"You Better Enjoy it Might be Your Last Meal." The Skipper:"Thanks a Lot Little Buddy That'll Certainly Help My Appetite."

(Season 3 The Late J. D. Hogg) Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:"Flash everybody's a dipstick! Except you and me I guess."

Bandit:"I can't lie to you Sheriff. You're to good of a man. Look over your left shoulder." Sheriff Buford T. Justice:"Oooof!" Bandit:"We're on our way to Boston to get some Clam Chowder. Bye bye!" Sheriff Buford T. Justice:"I'm not giving up! I'm not giving up!"

(Season 3 The Kidnapper) Gilligan:"Did he sign it?" Skipper:"Kidnappers don't sign ransom notes!"

My Tribute to James Best(Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane) Rosco:"Flash we'll wait fer those Duke Boys to race thru the pearly gates, and then daddy will cuff 'em and stuff 'em! I love it I love it Velvet Ears!"

Cousin Roger Duke... Pammy still looks good at 54 years old.

Cousin Roger Duke... Why the wow reaction?

Cousin Roger Duke... I know her. She was a Charlie's Angel. Farrah Fawcett!

(Season 4 The Sound of Music Hazzard Style) Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:"Now you stay here cuz daddy will be back in a Flaysh Flaysh! Git it Flaysh Flaysh?"

Skipper:"Gilligan. What are you hiding?" Gilligan:"Me hiding? Where what what what hiding who what what what hiding who... Skipper, I got a confession to make. I got a stuck foot." Skipper:"I thought so." Gilligan:"Please help me huh Skipper?" Skipper:"Yes Gilligan I'll help you. But remember, when you've done something wrong don't try to hide it." Gilligan:"I'll remember."

(Beep beep beep) Sheriff Buford T. Justice:"Shut yo a** and that goes for the 2 monks too!"

Bandit:"I can turn 'em on but I can't turn 'em off."

Jr.:"Daddy my face is all white!" Sheriff Buford T. Justice"Well, put on a little lipstick and I'll drop you off at a gay bar!"

SEALS

(Season 4 Trouble at Cooter's) Luke Duke:"Uncle Shepard the boys in blue are on our tail again. Can you stake out Rhuebottom's for us, and find out where them stolen furs go?" Uncle Jesse Duke:"I'm yer man, and I'm on my way."