Brian Coltrane

As a moderator and staff member, I should set a good example. But I called another HNet member "Puddin' Head" and then Alex kind of ran away with it. I shoulda reined this in before, given the history between those two. So, I'm gonna voluntarily suspend myself for two days.

Decent?! Law-abiding?!!

*grins* It ain't my fault your car wasn't properly in gear and you didn't set the e-mergency brake. And as much as I'd like to help you out with yer endless repair bills, I ain't got a reg'lar job. So, I reckon yer patrol car will sit at Cooter's until some other sucker coughs up the dough. Since that could be awhile, you may wanna gitcher tricycle outta storage and put a siren on it, Sheriff Puddin' Head.

Plthblpth!! ACK!! *gets bodily sprayed off the now-slippery car hood, getting washed clear across it and falling onto the sidewalk* Blaugh! *pushes self up, dripping wet, black clothing and jacket clinging to saturated body. Mutters darkly* Nobody...cleans up my act...but me. *opens the passenger door of patrol car while the Sheriff is busy spraying Alex. Crawls over and puts gear shift into "Neutral." Eases back out of the passenger side, then gives the patrol car a heave-ho, pushing against the roof column until the car is rolling on it's own. Shuts the passenger door, salutes the departing patrol car, and then calls out to opponent* Hey, SHERIFF! Ya dropped somethin'. *gestures with thumb towards the free-rolling patrol car, grinning* Looks like you're about to have a wreck without even drivin'!

Cocktail weenie, lil' smokie, and so on. Now we'd better hush and give other people a chance to....ketchup.

No, sausage. Like...weenie. Ya gotta keep it in context.

Yes! And when it comes to a little sausage, it's only natural to think of the ol' Sheriff heah.

I'd avoid "Deliverance" jokes in this county, Alex. Some thangs a man shouldn't have to think about. *remains standing on patrol car hood* Besides, there's a lot more material with the cop = pig breakfast jokes. You get entrees like Badge n' Bacon, and Smoked Ham in a Hat.

*points to the Sheriff * There's bacon. *scampers off to jump up on a patrol car, dancing on the hood, singing an impromtu verse* Pig! Pig! Pig in a blanket!

Mpth! *peels pancake off of face, bemused* I cannot believe you handed me a joke this good. You can only blame yerself for what comes next. *takes the pancake and folds it over the Sheriff's face, pinching his nose in the process* Now serving pig-in-a-blanket! Kheehahaha!!

*pictures Rosco's head missing, with a smoking cannonball sitting in it's place, wearing the black Stetson hat* Bahahahaha!!

*admires the choice of weapon* Freakin' awesome. *grins wide, then looks at the Sheriff* Hey MaryAnne! How about a test shot, to calibrate that thang? *points to Rosco* Five bucks says you can't hit 'em on the first shot.

Better make sure it comes with matching pants.

Hmm....according to MaryAnne's day planner, she's got you scheduled for a shooting this Saturday. Maybe we could work something out and take turns firing potshots at ya. I'll ask her.

I knew there was something I kept forgetting to do. Gonna halfta make a note in my day planner.

I didn't tell her to kill you, just shoot you. Fair enuff, ain't it? She can't hardly put you in jail, because you like being handcuffed too darn much. It's not a deterrent.

Shoot 'em!!

I've heard of "plain-clothes" officers, but never "no-clothes" officers. Unless you had an undercover assignment at a nudist colony. One thing's for sure, there'd be little reason to frisk a suspect at a nudist colony. Even if somebody managed to conceal a weapon while being stark raving nude, they'd have a helluva time getting it out at a moment's notice.

Alex, if you'd behave for two and a half minutes, maybe I could get some work done on my challenge story.

I'm not saying there had to be blood and bullets, but in most Dukes eps there was a sense of danger, or at least risk. ( example, "New Deputy in Town" where the baddies handcuffed the boys to the side mirrors of a car, and then put it in neutral and gave it a shove towards a pond.) There was always some risk to the Dukes, be it losing the farm, or going to jail for a long time, or in getting bumped off by the bad guys for nosing around in their dirty deals. But John's movie never made you go, "gee, how is he going to get out of this one?" Hell, I think the average Coy and Vance episode might have been better written than Collier & Company. I agree with Val that most "Bo Duke" fans would be content to watch John chew gum for 45 minutes and be fascinated. Well, this movie comes close to that experience. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see that John made an effort to make anything Dukes-related on his own dime. Kudos to him. I'm just staying it could have been, and should have been, a stronger product given his own familiarity with the turf.

Alex, for somebody who, thus far, barely escaped a lynching from the Deputy's wrath, and then barely escaped a pummeling from yours truly in a fight, and THEN had to endure a "Hee Haw" donkey icon for an avatar...you're really askin' for it.

I finally saw the movie in its entirety a week ago, couresty of Jax who supplied me with an autographed DVD. (Thanks Jax!) I give John credit for the idea of doing a family flick, and overall the movie is "cute" for the Dukes references. But it's not good. The biggest disappointment is the car chase. The "bad guys" in the chase - who failed to install any sense of danger whatsoever - were in an old, 1978 Datsun and they were chasing John's character in his orange Charger. Not exactly a pitched battle. They go trundling through an orange grove at what looks to be 40 miles per hour. When the Charger makes it's inevitable, and predictable jump - it doesn't feel like a "do or die" getaway tactic, it's more like "what the hell, let's go over the ditch." Towards the end of the flick, there's a helicopter scene. This too, fails to feel like any real danger, even though the baddies have kidnapped the family in it. It kind of weaves around aimlessly, but nobody seems worried about it. Not John's character, not his family. The big drama of the moment, is the daughter who needs her diabeties medicine and is now late for it, due to the inconvenience of being kidnapped. It never feels like anybody is in real trouble though, and this is where the bad acting - yes, bad - can't save the already-weak action and watered down script. John really tries in this flick, but he's one guy, and he can't carry the film on it's own. All that said, of course I recommend having a copy of Collier & Co in your collection of All Things Dukes. One can enjoy the movie just in picking out the not-so-subtle Dukes references. Kind of like a "Where's Waldo". There's one hidden in every scene.

Fine with me, we can work it in with the Community Skinny Dip that's scheduled for the end of the month.

What MaryAnne means, is that while she may be a pretty Deputy, she's certainly not working. Heheheheheh.

That photo amuses me, because it's like he just got the biggest parking ticket of his life. Nice sour expression on 'em. Heh heh!