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Brian Coltrane

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Everything posted by Brian Coltrane

  1. (after reading Mac's response on the bulliten board, this reply is left, stuck into the board with a small knife. ka-THUNK!) Mac, maybe YOU are lookin' to be a stunt double on Hee Haw, but I'm not gonna be an extra in Green Acres anytime soon. Ya dig? As far as bein' a bad guy bein' boring....are you NUTS? I get chased by cops, rival criminals, good citizens, Feds, dogs, everything but the National Guard. (And it's early in the game yet.) Hell, I been shot, stabbed, beat up, nearly lynched, and I've been kicked, bit and mauled. Hmm. I'm startin' to wonder WHY I ain't reformed altogher yet. But how could I leave all this behind? KHEE! Now if ya really wanna impress me, you'd come up with some scheme I could pull off. Otherwise I'll be left to my own dee-vices. And the rest of ya'll in Hazzard, don't tell me nobody has any other ideas! Don't tell me y'all are afraid of the law r' somethin'! I don't think MaryAnne even reads this board anymore. So c'mon, show your criminal ingenuity. Brian
  2. (After strolling around the town square and studying the prospects for excitement - and not finding any - the black-clad figure walks back towards the bulliten board. En route, the note is found under Diablo's wiper blade.) Hey, what's this? Looks like I got a re-ply to my post. Khee! Lessee heah. *reads note about tow-truck suggestion* Hmmm, that's somethin' fresh! Grand Theft Tow Truck. Heh heh. I'll keep that one on mind. *puts note inside of jacket pocket* *leaves Diablo to walk up to bulliten board* Ah, hell. Can ya believe that? Some rotten hoodlum stole my notice off the board! *takes another copy of notice from pocket, pins it up* I tell ya. People will take anythin' that ain't nailed down. *looks over the board, finds a response posted* There's only one person I know who would use duct tape to post somethin' on a bulliten board. Must be from ol' MacGyver. *reads post, snorts at the content, and then writes a reply* "To Fleetwood MacGyver: I haven't 'done' the bad guy thing. I AM a bad guy. Try and remember that, you toolshed tinker. What are you doing in Hazzard? Did you get fired from the Foundation for Law and Government? Whups, I forgot. They refused to hire ya! KHEEHAHAHA!!!" Brian Coltrane
  3. ( A black-clad figure walks up to the town bulliten board and posts a notification that reads...) If you're the Hazzard County law, don't read this. The rest of y'all, go ahead. Local criminal seeks hell to raise. Looking for new heists that haven't been done. As I understand it, the Hazzard Bank has been robbed at least a dozen times already. The General Lee has been stolen before. Armored cars have been knocked over right and left. It's all been done! Other than making off with the entire contents of the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department booking room, I can't think of a @#%& thing. (Besides, carrying a desk out by yerself tends to slow down an escape.) Listen ya'll, it's so quiet around here, I'm ready to resort to complete and total reform because there's nothin' left to do. GAH!!! If you have ideas, go ahead and leave 'em here for me to ponder. Disclaimer: In case you were the Hazzard County law and read this anyway....this is all purely hypothetical. Ya got nothin' on me. KHEE! Sincerely, Brian Coltrane
  4. Wow. Essy, thank ya for the heartwarmin' sentiment. I appreciate the kind words you've spoken; I'm sincerely touched. And I also agree with the things you've said in tribute to everyone else. Your assessments are right on the money. Ya know...it pays to look around and realize who's there at your side. Because if you've got a good friend or two, then you've got all you need to make it through anything life can throw at ya.
  5. Awwww, hell.... awright, I'll spill some mush. That was beautiful, Deputy. And Essy, congrats on your career choice. Sounds like a good move. I'm proud of your choice. A few words on Hazzard, and the people in it...gah, where do I start? I've seen faces change over the years, and I've seen a lot of different people come and go. I've seen the population in Hazzard rise n' fall. There's been times of fun and carefree horseplay, and then there's been times when the county was under seige by those who would seek to disrupt it. I've spent a lot of time in different areas of "Hazzard." I've been privileged to make some terrific friends and have had some wild adventures. It's been a haven for me, when all else in my personal world was crashin' down around my head. To everyone past and present who formed Hazzard and made it a hangout of wonderful friends...thank ya. You all bring something special to this place. To MaryAnne and MeadowMufn, who "built" the Hazzard we know and have kept it standin' through all storms....my deepest, and sincerest gratitude. You have been, and always will be, my cousins.
  6. Essy, I had no idea you were such a trouble-prone Tizdale! MaryAnne, I had no doubt you were somewhere right up at the top. But yer right. Nobody would want to kick yer butt for sport. You kick back pretty hard. Khee! The rest of ya'll scored about what I figured. Riddick, man...yer bad and yer glad, but don't tell me you'd rob a little ol' lady who was about to cross the street. That's low, even for you. And the answers for yers truly? Well, considerin' I came up with the questions, I think enuff's been said right there. But hey, it's good to have friends on both sides of the tracks.
  7. I'm here to officially declare that I have no feelings to report. Whew, that was easy....
  8. Khee! As I told MaryAnne once, me drivin' a patrol car would give a new meanin' to the expression, "Go chase yourself." Heh heh. Thanks for the quiz, Hilery! I had fun with it, and you've inspired me to come up with another one.
  9. Take this fun quiz and see where you stand with the law! 1) During the school year, how frequently were you truant? a. Never b. Rarely c. A few times d. Every possible chance 2) Have you ever been in detention? a. Heck no b. Only once, not my fault c. Here and there d. Not only was I in detention, I was in solitary 3) Most of your childhood friends are, or were, from: a. Church b. Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts c. All over town d. Detention 4) Pick yer crime! What common no-no have you committed? a. How can you suggest such a thing? b. Jaywalking c. Shoplifting d. I plead the 5th 5) An old lady is waiting to cross the street, and you're walking up to her. Do you: a. Offer to help her across b. Wait to see if someone else helps her c. Calculate her odds in this traffic d. Lift her purse 6) Now you've done it, you're busted! A cop is interrogating you. Do you: a. Confidently and truthfully answer all questions, no fear b. Think about your answers, but cooperate c. Demand a lawyer d. Hope you don't share a cell with a restless lumberjack 7) You witness a theft committed by a friend: a. Turn him in for his own good b. Confront him, telling him to put it back c. Congratulate him d. Where's my cut, man? 8 ) There's a patrol car parked along the highway, and you're driving through the speed trap: a. No worries, you're doing exactly the speed limit b. Hardly a glance spared, you're not going that fast c. Hit the brakes and hope he didn't clock you d. Oh, #%&*!! 9) You only fight when: a. Fight? Eeek, I can't fight! b. It's self-defense c. It's better odds than running d. You get paid for it 10) Your taste in clothes tends to follow: a. Perky fashion trends - I'm so cuuuuute!! b. Simple, practical clothing c. Mostly dark colors d. Dark-colored stuff with hidden pockets SCORE: Mostly a: You're an uncommonly good egg and a rare human being. You'd better avoid meeting any C's and D's, though, 'cause those types will kick your butt just for sport. Mostly b: You're definately one of the good guys, though you're human. You've known people from all walks of life. Mostly c: You've been hanging around the wrong crowd, but it's not too late to repent! Mostly d: You are a genuine baddie. Beware the lumberjack.
  10. I came up with a combination of Daisy's Road Runner and Rosco's patrol car. And to that last one, may I just say...GAH!! Tho' it would be fun to hit the gumballs n' siren just once, and chase a Duke into the next county. Kheehaaa!
  11. Essy, that was one heartfelt burst of prose, there! Very sweet of ya! Thanks for sharing it.
  12. *hearing no remorse in MaryAnne's voice, nods back curtly and walks away, already making a mental checklist of things that must be done before tomorrow. Glances over to sees Daney, Min and Hilary watching departure. Stops for a moment, standing in silence, considering each face. A dark-eyed glance sweeps over the gathering, conveying an expression to each of them...a combination of hope...and possible farewell.*
  13. *sees the cold determination in MaryAnne's blue eyes, and gives a slow nod.* "I never thought it would come to this...but then part of me ain't surprised. I suppose it was inevitable." *turns to the watching townfolk* "Y'all can watch, place bets, what have ya. Let Hilary out so she can get her money's worth. But none, and I mean NONE of ya, get to interfere. MaryAnne and I are gonna go into this thing with honor...and I'm gonna ask ya'll to respect it with honor. " *takes another breath, looks over shoulder at MaryAnne* "I'm gonna put my affairs in order...and I'd suggest you do the same. As far as the time and place....make it outside, behind the Boar's Nest, tomorrow." *waits for agreement, hoping against hope MaryAnne finds some way to reconsider....*
  14. *takes a deep breath, realizing that there's no backing down...for either Coltrane. Looks away for a moment, wondering if pride and honor is really worth the price...* *after a few heavy heartbeats, returns gaze to MaryAnne.* "I guess each of us have somethin' to prove, cousin. For once and for all. If you're bringing your gun, I'm sure as hell bringing mine. We'll find out which one of us gets a chance to draw." *stares at the Deputy, waits for reaction...*
  15. *Watches commotion out of corner of eyes, but keeps concentration on the Deputy." "Awright...have it as you will, cousin. I agree to no outside interference, no help for either of us. No cheatin'." *crosses jacket-covered heart* "Just one thing I think needs to be clear. Exactly how far do you want this thing to go, MaryAnne? Were you serious about that ticket to hell, as ya so quaintly put it?"
  16. *winces as jacket is thown back, puts it on again. Reaches down for deputy hat. Picks it up, and looks at it with a little regret.* If you're sure about this duel, MaryAnne....then so am I. *whaps MaryAnne over the head with the hat, then shoves it into her arms.* Awright, we've agreed to a senseless duel. Now by 'high stakes', I'm trusting you meant needlepoint at twenty paces, or somethin' yer usual speed.
  17. *Focuses dark eyes on MaryAnne, then looks down at the hat. Slowly takes off black leather jacket, folds it neatly over one arm...and then in a return gesture of throwing the gauntlet, tosses the jacket down at the Deputy's feet.* Deputy, if you're gonna challenge me, then you're going to have to be willing to play for big stakes. I've suffered my share of insults from the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department. And from you. *glares at MaryAnne* You started this. But I'll bet you ain't got the guts to FINISH it.
  18. *pokes a finger back into the blue-clad shoulder of MaryAnne* Hey, I proved my worth a LONG time ago, Deputy. If you still think you're the law that can take me down....then you just bring it on, cousin. Tho' really, shouldn't you be out writin' parkin' tickets? KHEE!
  19. MaryAnne, if you were crazy enough to volunteer for the task of my dispoal...you'd have no better luck than anybody else who's ever tried it. Why kid yerself? There's a reason why I'm THE number one bad guy in these parts. Reformed or otherwise. Hell, the only reason I don't kick yer uniformed posterior more often, is because you're my cousin, and I have a certain amount of sympathy for ya. Not that it'll save your rear end if you really get on my nerves, tho'.
  20. Tizdale traits? Well, you can't leave out: Enjoys the taste of envelope glue and likes to lick stamps. KHEE!
  21. (And now, my carefully-considered reply to MaryAnne's last remark) Awright, Deputy...I'm glad your calander is clear as of January 2nd...'cause then you won't be missin' out on anything when I SHOOT YOU FIRST!! Unless I'm presented with any real good reason NOT to...which by the looks of the bloodthirsty crowd around here, ain't likely to happen. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
  22. Reply to Mad Max: Boy howdy, you got Duke sympathies there, don't ya? Well, it coulda been worse. Like poor Sandra. Nah, you ain't related to a Hogg, Sandra, - but per your quiz score, you are leanin' heavily towards Coltrane temperment! While that's a mixed blessing, it does assure you an interesting life. I'm considerin' makin' another quiz. "Aptitude Test For The Hazzard County Sheriff's Department." KHEEHAHAHA!!! 8)
  23. GAH!!! Awright, don't anybody get yer hopes up, 'cause I doubt that MaryAnne really meant that lil' threat. Besides, she wouldn't shoot me around the holidays. *checks calander* Looks like I'm good for a few days yet...so let me just say this to the esteemed Deputy... You couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, blue-sleeves.
  24. I had fun puttin' it together. Glad ya'll enjoyed it! I tested positive for Coltrane, btw. KHEE! It looks like we all hit pretty close to our "character traits" with the outcomes, eh? ( Vicki, I had no idea you had any Strate genetic programming in ya! And Essy, I didn't have any Tizdale specifics in here, but it makes sense that if there were any, it would come out as a combination of Strate and Davenport.) Now, the interesting thing is that there is not a Hogg among the lot of us. Of course, the Deputy hasn't posted her results yet. ( Just kidding, MaryAnne!! Don't shoot me. ROFL.)
  25. Take the Hazzard Personality Quiz! Find out if you are a daring Duke, a greedy Hogg, a sneaky Coltrane, a loyal Davenport, or a reliable Strate! Select ONE answer from each of the following questions, then total your score for the revealin' insight to your inner Hazzardite! 1) The thing MOST important to you is: a. Money b. Family honor c. Self-Survival d. Helping others e. Having fun 2) You're in an all-out car chase against your arch adversary, when suddenly they lose control of the car and wipe out. Do you: a. Chortle with glee, gloat, and do a dance b. Go back and make sure everybody's okay c. Thank your lucky stars it didn't happen to you d. Radio for help, just in case it's worse than it looks e. Rate the crash on a scale of 1 to 10, congratulate survivors 3) You find a sack full of money and have no idea where it came from. What do you do? a. Count it b. Turn it in to the authorities c. Suspect it could be counterfeit or stolen d. Ask around to see if anyone reported losing it e. Share it with your friends, buy a round at the Boar's Nest 4) You feel good about yourself because: a. You're wealthy b. You've got a happy home c. You've made it this far d. You've done nice things for people e. You're crazy 5) You're in big trouble and about to be in serious danger. The only people that can help you are your sworn enemies. Do you: a. Shamelessly beg for their aid b. Ask for help without really expecting any c. Write your Last Will and Testament d. This isn't a problem, because you have no sworn enemies e. Remind everyone that you fix their cars 6) You've got some free time. Do you occupy yourself by: a. eating b. driving/fishing/skinny dipping c. sneakin' a snooze d. volunteering for extra work e. hangin' out with friends 7) It feels perfectly natural for you to say which of the following? a. You're fired! b. Yeehaaa! c. Khee! d. Possum on a gumbush! e. I might be crazy but I ain't dumb! 8) How do you feel about lying to somebody? a. completely comfortable b. you never lie c. it all depends, ya see d. you couldn't live with yourself e. you'd do it to protect somebody RESULTS: If you chose mosty "a" - you're a conniving Hogg! If you chose mostly "b" - you're definitely Duke material! If you chose mostly "c" - you're a genuine Coltrane! If you chose mostly "d" - you're a Strate for sure! If you chose mostly "e" - you're a Davenport at heart! If you got a real mix of answers - you're a first cousin to some and a second cousin to others!
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