Brian Coltrane

"Blame" is a strong word. I have a notion, but like so many other things, I won't air it here in the name of Peace And Unity In the Dukes Fandom. And I'm not angry about Adam West being there, I just disagree with it in a big way. Ain't his gig, ya know? I have another guess....the only reason I can think for pulling in other non-Dukes celebrities....is if there was some doubt about the commitment of some of the Dukes cast. I'd heard a few months ago that Tom was "in" for DF. But recently, I'd heard that he had another Broadway gig. Broadway is Tom's main bread and butter and it will always come before Dukes these days. Daney also tipped me off that the concert that John and Tom were supposted to have in CA, was called off. It was supposed to be in May, and again I suspect the Broadway opportunity took priority. Tom's website does say he's in a musical called "A Catered Affair" starting this month, but it doesn't say how long that gig will be running. I suppose, like most Broadway shows, it'll run so long as tickets are selling well. Tom's site also mentions the concert in CA with John, but last I'd heard through HazzardNet's Underworld Spies, this show was cancelled. The cancellation was supposted to have happened within the last week. Tom's website makes no mention whatsoever of DukesFest. Thankfully, it doesn't mention Adam West either. Heh.... WestFest!! There we go. Bahahaha! Ok, I'm going to log off before I'm fired.

Tim, ol' buddy... Since when is DukesFest hard up for "drawing more of a crowd?" And if somebody wanted to boost gate attendance, how the hell does Adam West make that happen? WOW, Adam West!! *yawn* It's just a mismatch for whole point of DukesFest becoming the living, breathing, epitome of Hazzard County for a weekend. Adam Freakin' West. Talk about "Strange Visitor to Hazzard..." I'm not hostile over it to the point I'm gonna point fingers, name names, or email Elly. I just plain disagree with the decision to bring in Adam West. This is DUKES Fest. Not, Whoever We Can Dig Up Fest. Ya know....I've done my share for Duke and Country over the years, concerning DF and car shows and HNet. I'm not any big screaming deal but I have worked hard for this fandom. So if I speak a strong opinion, it's because I remember all what it took to get here. Adam Bleeping West had nothing to do with the Dukes of Hazzard, then or now. I don't reckon we'll have people drive 600 miles to Atlanta and pay $4.25 a gallon for gas along the way, to see Adam West.

BAHAHAHA!!! I can't think of a worse mismatch. What the (BLEEP!) does the 60's-era "Batman" have to do with the Dukes of Hazzard? Adam West is a (BLEEP!) in real life, too. I witnessed an exchange between Jimmie and Adam at a car show in Detroit several years ago. They're not real fond of each other. And who the (BLEEP!) would think that having Adam West at a Dukes event would add value to it? People are going to DF to experience "Hazzard County" not the (BLEEPING) Batcave. Adam West does charge an outrageous amount for his photos and autographs. When most Dukes fans are lucky if they can afford one or two cast photos at these events, who the (BLEEEEEP!!) thought that this crowd could afford an Adam West photo? Holy Bad Idea! I have a pretty good idea who's behind this peice of oxygen-deprived genius and I'm not going to blame Elly for it. Oh, and to express my feelings in more detail... BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPING BLEEPITY-BLEEP! Brian BLEEP!

*Brian was, at the moment, alright. In fact, he was about to test the range of the shotgun he had appropriated from the trunk of Jack's car. He caught the motion of one Lieutenant Morrison in flight, and quickly brought the shotgun up and rested the stock against the front of his shoulder. Jack had picked that exact moment to peek around the tree he was hiding behind....* BA-BLAM! *the loud report of the shotgun cracked through the air. Instantly, bits of wood and bark exploded from Jack's protective tree, just about a foot over his head. A rain of timber splinters and wood grit sprinkled down to earth, the sound of the falling debris agonizingly clear in the quiet countyside.* *Brian popped in another couple of shells, reloading fast and pumping the gun. He took aim again, daring Jack to move....*

Actually, yeah, a couple of friends of mine are going ( fellow HNet members ) and I'm going to try to make the trip. Not sure which day yet, depends on the friggin' weather. Green Bay is not a happy town right now onconna Brett Favre's retirement, so hopefully the car show will cheer 'em up.

*Diablo's engine gave a growl of acceleration as Jack hoofed it for the woods, spurring him on. The long black Impala didn't leave the road, however, and Jack was allowed to take his woodsy refuge. Diablo came to a dirt-billowing, sliding stop alongside of the disabled Caprice. The unmarked Atlanta cruiser was now a strategic barrier between Diablo and the patch of woods where Jack had secluded himself like a repentant druid.* *Brian made use of the advantage, and climbed through Diablo's driver's side window, to crawl half-in to the Caprice, just enough to reach for the CB handset.* "I've always wanted to do this. Seen it on tv enuff...." *the CB microphone handset is given a hard tug, and the cord snaps apart from the CB receiver.* "Khee! Ah man, that felt great...." *merrily, the now-defunct CB handset is pitched out the window, the broken cord trailing behind it.* *Next, it is noticed that Jack left in such a hurry, that the keys were still dangling from the Caprice's ignition. These are irresitable to any thief, whether the car runs or not, and so the keys are snatched up quickly. After a moment's deliberation, one curious Coltrane climbs out and skulks around the Caprice, then uses the keys to open the Caprice's trunk.* "Let's just see if all that fun cop stuff is still in here....yep!" *with the delight of a kid in a toy store, Brian rummages through the trunk. Lights one of the road flares and tosses it a few feet away from the parked cars, issuing legitimate warning to any other motorists who might attempt travel down this blocked dirt road. Tosses another flare near the other end of the parked cars, and with this bit of public safety complete, helps self to the really fun stuff in the trunk, like the police-issue shotgun.* "Yeee-freakin'-haaa." *finds the shotgun is loaded, and digs around in the trunk for a couple boxes of shotgun shells. Carries this prize back to the Impala and stands next to it with the shotgun in hand, while gazing towards the last known flight path of Jack Morrison.* *pursuit there would be. But not yet, not in the broad daylight. It would be better to wait for dusk, when the long shadows of nightfall would offer more cover to the black-clad Coltrane.*

*....but the black Impala did not go as far as Jack might have expected. Diablo made good on the escape, but only to the extent of avoiding any return fire Jack might have offered. Once it was clear that the Caprice was disabled and not giving futher chase, Diablo made a wide U-turn, turning to face the enemy.* *Brian let Diablo idle in place. He didn't send anymore gunfire Jack's direction, though it was clear he could have, if he wished. Jack, no doubt, could offer the same, though Diablo was far enough away to discourage any casual potshot. The Caprice couldn't flee, but Diablo could attack, and this new balance of power tilted the odds into Brian's favor.* *Brian waited just long enough to let Jack come to that conclusion on his own, then let Diablo roll forward. The black Impala picked up speed gradually, until it was cruising towards the immoble Caprice at a good clip. The path of Diablo, while bold and confrontational, was not aimed in head-on chicken. Something else was up the black leather jacket sleeve of one Coltrane....* *...who was now the predator, and no longer the prey....*

Quick note to General Grant - "carry on with your bad self " is a positive remark, so you are therefore empowered! Really. You don't cause trouble. And you're covered by this First Amendment thang that's all the rage nowadays. So don't worry about offending somebody with your opinions. Now to answer North o' Border - in the very beginning, when the bad guys are snooping through the garage, there's a steering wheel belonging to KITT and a couple of familiar looking parts. Bonus points to anybody who can Name Those Parts!

General Grant, Carry on with your bad self. The only time we've ever had to ask people to chill, is when the posts become personal attacks and were no longer about the issue. That's extremely rare around here. So, bash away at the new KR. But first lemme throw this nugget in. The producer of the new series - whassis name - ( his name's around here somewhere on a post-it note, does anybody really care?) - said that he aims to have "continuity" in the new KR series to appeal to fans of the original. He's even going to salt in some Team Knight Rider concepts. If "continuity" is Michael Knight making five minute appearances here and there, it won't be enough. What we wanna see is the original KITT in those glimpses. I doubt Ford will allow it. Which is a shame, because with all the old KITT parts scattered about in the recent tv movie, it begs the question - is the KITT that we knew beyond reconstruction? And Team Knight Rider sucked. It stank out loud. If this concept is used to merely roll out more Fords now available at your dealership - the new series will tank sooner than later. All said, I'll take KR returning to television, with it's flaws, than another damn reality tv show.

*And Jack Morrison was a damn sight more patient than his prey. Brian knew that Jack was capable of just hanging back and wearing him down. Any hope that Jack would be less capable on a dirt road was quickly squashed, as Diablo did a drifting slide around one turn and then another, only to have the Caprice stubbornly follow.* "Looks like thangs are gonna halfta get mean. Sorry Jack....." *with this, Brian drew the snub-nosed .38 from his inner jacket pocket. The billowing dust behind Diablo afforded some cover as Brian shifted the gun into his left hand, and held it backwards out the driver's side window. He used the side mirror to aim, pointing the barrel of the gun towards the Caprice, resting the tip of his thumb outside of the trigger. But it was here that the cloud of dust worked against him. Brief glimpses of the Caprice's grill would come into view and then be obscured again.* Jack's gonna think I'm tryin' to blow his head off...and if I miss, I just might. Careful now...easy... *Brian watched the road ahead and watched the mirror. If he didn't nail the radiator of the Caprice on the first shot, he might never get a second one fired, as Jack would no doubt reply in kind.* *the dirt road opened up to a flat stretch. Brian saw just enough of the Caprice's grill in the mirror, and quickly aimed low and center. There was no intent to shoot his advesary, only his car - and Brian hoped Jack would realize that as he pulled back the trigger with the tip of this thumb, taking a wild west trick shot at the Caprice's grill." *BLAM!*

Whatever we thought of it - we all watched it, or at least enuff of us to add up to 12 million viewers. Looks like the new fall Knight Rider series is a go. We've updated the homepage with a smarmy article to that effect.

Alas, how cruel, the suggestion of the original KITT becoming nothing more than scrap. But yeah, I saw it too. How could they suggest such a thing? I mean, just look at this face: This was KITT. Young, curious, and somewhat naive despite all his artificial intelligence. He wasn't perfect out of the box. He learned, he grew, he developed a dry humor that complimented the personality of his driver. He was loyal and fiercely protective. I could never stand the prior Knight Rider made-for-tv reunion movies as both suggested that KITT was dismantled and put on the shelf. Surely KITT deserved better. The new tv movie was KR's chance to give the original fans a glimpse of an old friend. Even if he was outdated for the high-tech criminal world by 2008, we'd all prefer to believe that the original KITT was enjoying civilian life and sneaking into demo derby's on the weekends. The Knight Rider fans deserved better. Oh, I'm not saying there can't be a new KR, and that nothing should change. I'm just saying that a better nod to the past could have been given, 'cause that thirty-second glimpse of a familiar black Pontiac would have tied it all together. Despite the shortcomings of the rest of the show.

I have to throw in that I don't think it's an age thang. I can handle KITT being modernized, but for all the pretty buttons he didn't do much.

Well, the lesbian scene in the beginning with the Federal agent would probably go right over a kid's head. And later when KITT asks Mike if he's gay, while flashing rainbow flags on his graphics screen and showing two guys holding hands, might also go over a kid's head. Other than that, it wasn't as violent as most other shows on TV and overall it's harmless. It fell short of it's potential, in my book, but that's just me. I am interested in everybody's opinions, so if you don't agree with me - good! Fire away.

I watched the new Knight Rider tonight, and I thought it sucked beyond all expectation. It was nothing more than an unapologetic two hour commercial for Ford products. With more Ford commercials thrown in. Sadly, the commercials involving Mike and the new KITT were more interesting than the actual program. The commercials were the only time we saw any rapport or banter that was reminiscent of the original series. The new KITT's main talent was changing color so that you could see a number of available paint options for your next Mustang. Other than a few spinouts there were no car stunts to speak of. Tho' I enjoyed the early chase scene where the bad guy let loose with a "yeehaa" while pursuing KITT. Wonder what crowd that was aimed at, eh? In the closing chase scene, KITT takes on an SUV. (Ooooo. *yawn*) Come on, couldn't the bad guys drive a Ferrrari or something and give us a real run for the money? No, they couldn't, because this was Ford's show. Mike eventually stops the SUV by throwing KITT in it's path and making the SUV t-bone into it. At the end, Michael Knight makes a short cameo appearance. Any KR fans who were hoping to see just a glimpse of the old KITT along with him, were disappointed. Time will tell if the new Knight Rider gained enough viewers to get the go-ahead for the fall season.

I've gotta point out this much. For all the " I don't like it" reactions the 2005 movie had, and "The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning" had, guess what. People watched it anyway. Taking it in reverse order, "The Beginning" was one of the highest rated programs that ABC Family Channel ever aired; it solidly captured the demographic category of male viewers aged 18 to 35, which it was aimed at - and did respectably well across other audience categories. The 2005 Dukes movie has been bashed by most of us here at HNet, but that didn't stop the movie from grossing around 80 million in it's original theater run, and another 30 million in DVD sales and rentals during 2006. I don't have the cable broadcast demographic ratings, but I'm willing to bet it did just fine. Ya know, back when the Dukes of Hazzard 2005 movie was a production rumor, and there was talk of Britney Spears being Daisy, and there was no casting going on, nothing - HNet stuck it's neck out and reported what was flying around. And as the plans for the movie went forward, we reported it on our forums and homepage. We reported the lawsuit that nearly kept the movie out of theaters, we reported the opening weekend gross, we reported the fan reactions and then the rumors of Sean William Scott refusing to ever do another "Bo Duke" role. All we're doing now, is the same thing we did then - reporting the first, early rumors. Fans in Florida reported seeing General Lee filming activity as recently as last month. HNet can't promise what it means - we can only report it as we've heard it. Personally I don't think the concept of a new Dukes project is all that far-fetched nor impossible. Everything WB does with The Dukes of Hazzard, no matter how much they hose it up - still translates into money in the bank.

Watch it on premiere night if you wanna see it for yourself and not have a hundred tv reviews about it first. If ya can't watch it on premier night, then watch it the next week. I think what's happened is twofold: available broadcast content is lean due to the long-runnign writer's strike - and also, a lot of the KR buzz is just starting to "catch." NBC is making a huge push on this show and Ford is backing it with serious money. Dukes fans could only dream of WB ever giving Dukes of Hazzard such good promotion. It's enough to piss ya off. Yet in a way this does help the chances for more Dukes. We posted a new homepage article on all of that, along with a couple pics and a YouTube promo vid.

*watches in the mirror as the Caprice turns sharply and aggressively takes to the chase. Grips own wheel a little tighter and gives Diablo more gas, just trying to keep the Caprice from flying into the Impala's tail. Feels some apprehension at the sheer ferocity of the pursuit..* "Well, Diablo, looks like we got his attention. And unless we get some distance from 'em, Jack Morrison's gonna have you in the impound yard in about ten minutes flat." *speaks aloud to own car, Diablo being the only audience for the nervous banter* "We'd better make sure he can't shoot out a tire, once he calms down enuff to think of that. Which means I've got a new appreciation for dirt roads...and heah's one now!" *sees an old dirt road running parallel to the highway, being the original rural route that existed before Highway 36 was paved. Cranks the wheel to a sharp right and sends Diablo nose-first down a rock strewn slope, the big car bounding down fast to finally skitter loose on the dirt road.* *It takes a minute to get Diablo's front and rear in agreement with which end was to be in the front. The long black Impala finds traction as the rear wheels dig into the dirt road. Diablo roars down the dirt road, effectively backtracking and now leading Jack away from Hazzard.* *As a bonus, clouds of billowing dust were thrown up by the Impala's skittish embrace of the dirt road, and more dust fans out in the wake of Diablo's flight. Weaves the car side to side, catching the rougher pockets of loose stones and ruts of dirt at the edges of the road. Plumes of dust and a spray of gravel are thrown out from the wide rear tires, obscuring the visibility behind Diablo.*

Awright, so I just catch up on the thread here, and find discussion remarkin' upon things best unmentioned on a family website. Such as the reputed size of... ...my ego. Ahem. How do these conversations even get started? More importantly, how can we stop them? And Daney, thanks for defending my....honor, let's call it. I can stand up for myself, but it's nice to have some personal testimonials thrown in. Not only is my ego of ample porportion - my testimonials are generous. Watch this post get deleted by MaryAnne in the morning. I couldn't blame her. Meanwhile.....I can't remember what the hell I was originally gonna post tonight. Heh! Moving right along.....NEXT!

Awww, shucks. Thank you. In complete seriousness I can say that HazzardNet wouldn't be HazzardNet without all of you. Truly. This place has a life of it's own. Sometimes it's more quiet; sometimes it's rowdy and unruly as all get out, but that's what makes it real. It's a part of all of us, of every single person who's ever uploaded a photo, or posted to the forums, or written a story, or sent an email with a news tidbit or suggestion. You guys crack me up too. Moderators gone wild on DVD, eh? Yeah, take that to DukesFest and have somebody sign it. Heh heh! Thanks again.

Idiot?! Just for that, I'm adding another chapter to my book. "Destruction and MaryAnne: A List of HazzardNet's Technical Issues and Who Clearly Caused Them."

*...and as the Caprice headed out of Hazzard on Highway 36, a black Impala headed towards it on the same road, crusing sedately and doing five miles under the speed limit. It was inevitable that the two cars would pass by each other.* *It was inevitable, that the driver of each car, would recognize each other...* *...and the only thought going through one Coltrane's mind, as the Caprice came into view, was whether it was best to choose Fight or flight.* *One smooth tug of the wheel, and the Impala's nose would put itself squarely in the Caprice's path, in a deadly game of chicken...* *Or, it wasn't too late to hit the gas and blow by the Caprice at high speed, inviting chase, and hoping for the opportunity to escape. Give Jack Morrison his chance, but don't let him win....* *The odds, however, were not good enough, and any escape would only be temporary. Jack Morrison would never give up, never quit.* *His prey could never surrender.* *With the Caprice in view, criminal instinct took over. Fight or flight....* *....but there was a third option, risky, but it allowed the chance to change strategy later. The Impala roared with sudden speed and moved a notch closer to the center line. It wasn't a collision course...* *...nor was it innocent escape. Diablo's high-powered lunge and smooth, subtle swerve was a jousting move. The steel flank of Diablo skinned against the side of the Caprice at high speed. The Caprice's side mirror popped off and went flying, as did the Impala's, and the shriek of metal against metal was a short, scraping howl.* *A streak of light-colored paint from the Caprice smeared Diablo's hide like war paint. A long smudge of black paint decorated the Caprice in return. These souveniers were only the beginning...* *..the battle was on.*

It's happened. Feels like this: But then ya just gotta get back up, and do this.

How about I give you guys each an autographed copy. How's that, eh? You could ebay it under Dukes of Hazzard crap and get at least double the ... book value, pardon the expression. Or not.

Part of being funny is comedic timing. If you want to start throwing custard pies around, go ahead, but if I'm in a situation where we've got staff issues going on, I'm gonna be understandably distracted. Not every post you make is going to draw a response. That's true for me as well and I don't get hung up about it or push the issue. I simply let it go and post again on another topic. Of course, if your post is ignored, you could always whine about it and I'll eventually respond out of shallow pity. If that works for ya, we're good.