Brian Coltrane

Well, when ya knead a new way to make some dough, you come up with ways to pull in the bread. 'Cept I ate all the goods, so the HazzardNet Bake Sale is cancelled. *urp!* Next up: More shenanigans.

Suddenly this conversation is too....clean!

Here's a new avatar for Alex. Kinda captures his personality, don'tcha think?

Me?! I wasn't saving it, 'cause I thought you were! Looks like we have another true Coltrane moment goin' on. Ahhh, we gotta have another copy around her somewhere, in the UnWanted posters. We'll keep looking, Alex. Don't worry.

"Appreciation" is an interesting word for it. Well, Alex, we'd put your photo back up, but....um....

Ahh, groveling! Finally, some humility outta the guy!!

The only thing left to do, is revoke Alex's permissions, so that this avatar is permanent. Unless we find a more appropriate photo, first.

It's close enough. Nice hat....

Buddy, you don't know the half of it. But I'm digging your new look. Bahaha!

Considering all the water landings, the EPA has done a fine job of keeping Hazzard Pond relatively scum-free. Except for Alex, who's been known to hang around there on occassion. Don't worry, MaryAnne. It'll be good clean fun.

Something tells me that Hazzard Pond is going to become a very popular spot after MaryAnne's debut in the au naturale. Just don't leave the keys in the patrol car while yer at it, eh?

Heh heh! Suddenly, wearing a dog collar doesn't seem to be such a big deal anymore, against the prospects of being completely out of uniform. Don't worry, this too will be handled with the delicacy and tact I'm famous for.

So?

Wow, I got a lot to catch up on here. Lessee, somebody said I wrote something "seedy." Seedy?! That's called a love scene. There's a difference between the artistic rendering of human expression at it's deepest level, and raw smut. Alex, don't worry about MaryAnne not participating in the skinny dip challenge. I can write her into one of my stories, so she won't miss out. That way, her moral fiber remains unscathed, and I take things to that murky grey area where it's just outside the lines of decency but not so much that anybody minds. Heh heh. Except maybe MaryAnne, but she'll have to read the whole story before passing judgment, and by that time I can be clear outta town.

Heh! Awright, we'll just put this box of vivid nightmares away. I'll say this much, it really puts the Dog Collar Challenge and Skinny Dip Challenge into perspective. Speaking of inappropriate content for minors ( and everybody else ) where the heck has Alex been?

Of course I fight dirty. You think I got where I am today by charming my way through life? Now then...I'll just add yer email address to the title page...

A little more groveling, and maybe I'll just put this big thick file of yours back under the stack where it won't see the light of day. Otherwise, you might find yourself credited with "Truck Stop Dukes" among other classics.

Ha! Even if it ain't yours, I can make it look like yours. I've been messing around with posts for years, I can put your handle on a bad story and post a link to it in no time flat. And I know you don't have any suggestive stories of mine, because at no time have I ever strayed into the murky realm of seedy, steamy fiction. That would be improper conduct for someone of my public standing and there's no way I'd compromise my integrity as such, or jepordize my position with HazzardNet through such a foray.

Oh, so you admit you've got a wide collection of red-light material. I doubt you've got anything of mine, though. Meanwhile, I have access to amazing amounts of degenerate fiction that's been submitted by our users over the years. Includin' a few stories that remarkably resemble your style of writing. Lessee.....*flips through the stack* Here's one about the Dukes working as lumberjacks in a logging camp....another one about Daisy joining an Amazon motorcycle gang....oh, and how could we forget, the moonlit rendevous that involved half the town after a drunken hayride? Tsk, all the constructive ways you could spend your time, and you crank out this stuff.

Are you seriously going to dare me to post a link to something penned by thyself, o' plaid-wearing fool ?

Oh, don't start with me. Or I might just dredge up some little ditty from the seedy district and offer that sucker as free wallpaper to the masses. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! You may now panic and grovel.

As a challenge story! Figures, this question would come from one of the seedy people we couldn't siphon off into the red-light district without them wandering back into the respectable neighborhood. It's gutter-minded people like this and their depraved suggestions that make keeping Hazzard County clean all the more difficult.

We tried that once, but it was kind of redundant, because it was all the same people patronizing it. We never succeeded in siphoning off the seedy set. As evidenced by my continued presence.

I'm glad there's an extension too. I wanna finish the story, but real life has kicked me in the teeth these past couple weeks. As Mufn said - no time. But, once we're done with the Dog Collar Challenge, I'd like to suggest the Skinny Dip Challenge for the next story.

FYI, I deleted the posts showing the poor sportsmanship. If either of you have rebuttal or commentary that you're compelled to share, PM me rather than pollute this already perverted and entirely depraved thread.