Brian Coltrane

Howdy Bryan! Make yourself at home. We do have a number of folks from the UK who come and go on the message boards here. HazzardNet has also helped Grenada TV with some media inquiries. Always good to see our cousins from overseas! Enjoy! Brian

AAAAHHH!! GADuke, don't bring me into this one. Only thing I'll add to this debate - before running like hell - is that the DVD doesn't exactly seem to be selling like hotcakes. Despite CMT's banner ads for OBSCENITY NUDITY DRUG USE . I think this lil' marketing plan is blowin' up in somebody's face. Why didn't they just promote the theatre version of the flick, and hype on what worked the best - namely the stunts? I don't get it. You'd think WB was out to prove they could really make this worse. Brian

Ok, first a scream because I didn't buy this thing last summer when it was cheaper: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Now, the news. Apparently, this @#$&* die-cast General Lee that looks like it has "dirt" on the quarter panels, is a limited edition with 2500 made. I'm not sure of that....a mere 2500 made?! It's possible, because I can't find them locally at the die-cast collectors at any price. I've seen maybe 2 on ebay in the last few weeks. John Schneider's site claims to have the last of the lot, and he's asking $60 a pop for 'em: https://shop.johnschneider.tv/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=25 fyi ! Brian

The Walmarts in my neck of the woods are now out of Dukes stuff. They no longer have the RC cars or the 3-car chase sets. Got 'em in for Christmas and that's it, looks like. Brian

I came across this on Tom's site, Wopat.com : Tom will be the guest of the Indiana Ice for "Hardee's Dukes of Hazzard Night" as the team battles the Cedar Rapids on Saturday, December 17th at 7 p.m. from the Pepsi Coliseum. Wopat will be on hand to sign autographs throughout the course of the game. Also, on Wednesday, December 14th, Ice fans will have the opportunity to get their photo taken with "The General Lee" from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. at the Castleton Hardee's located at 8601 Allisonville Road. During this time Ice merchandise and tickets will be handed out and fans will have the chance to win a pre-game party for 30 friends and ride in the "General Lee" around the ice during an intermission at the December 17th game.

Thanks, much appreciated. I figure I'll leave a few more remarks over there and give their moderators somethin' to do. Brian

Okay, I was enjoyin' a good ol' fashioned brawl with landsharkk over on the CMT boards - and most of my posts got deleted by the CMT mods. Landsharkk lost a couple of his smarmy ones too. Which was a shame, because it was a spirited fight but neither of us were cussin' or anything. We were insulting each other, but it was clean. What ticks me off, is the selective deletion of the posts. It was OK for landsharkk to post "The Dukes of Hazzard is crap " but some of my responding comments were evah-dently too colorful. Granted, I've deleted posts on HNet once in awhile, if they contained profanity or they were just disruptor-bombs of nonsense. Despite the label of "Forum Nazi " it's rare I mess with anything. So I'm very familiar with the decisions a moderator has to make when it comes to argumentive posts. It's a subjective decision and ultimately it comes down to the protection of the site and other users, versus the speech rights of the offending individual. Knowin' all that, I'm kinda surprised that I tripped a wire on somebody else's turf. Not once, but several times. I had at least 5 posts wiped out over the course of a few days. As HazzardNet is friendly to CMT, and we fully support and appreciate their airing of Dukes and their good treatment of the original cast, this ain't an anti-CMT message. It is, however, a mild grumble, exercised in the safety of my home turf. @#$%&*....... Brian

Given what has been done to all retro TV shows in the movies - I think ya can only expect the worst. The writing team is decent, though, so maybe CHiPs will get a little more....justice. Heh heh. Brian

Wow, they don't call it the Badger State for nothin'. Relax, jllybn, don't shoot. It was a joke, I got nothin' but respect for Tom and the entire state of Wisconsin. You gotta admit it's true that it's a beer-heavy state. Of course most folks don't try to open a beer bottle with their teeth. Though I chipped one of mine once, while trying to drink and laugh at the same time. I nailed one of my front teeth with the mouth of a glass beer bottle...bonked right into it. Brian

This is kinda sacrilegious, and may be found offensive by anybody with good taste. The rest of ya'll might be amused by it. http://www.toonedin.com/movies/WhiteTrashXmas.html

Send some my way!! Hey, you outta post one r' two of your better cookie recipies. I'd post my recipie for Hallelujah cookies, but you gotta be 21 and over just to buy the main ingredient. Brian

Go ahead, he'd probably get a chuckle out of it ! Thanks for posting Cledus T. Judd's tune. That's one of my favorite smarmy Christmas tunes. I'm surprised nobody's posted the lyrics to "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" yet..... Brian

More n' likely, Tom was opening a bottle of beer with his teeth. He's from Wisconsin, so that'd be my guess. Brian

You're convinced that truck stops have the best food. Your standard of living improves when you go camping. Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens. You have jacked up your home to look for a dog. Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer. There is a belch on your answering machine greeting. You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode. None of the tires on your van are the same size. You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it. Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade. Starting your car involves popping the hood. Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays. You whistle at women in church. You actually wear shoes your dog brought home. You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale. You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat. You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

BAHAHAHAHA!! Jax, that's too much. Now I'm walkin' around the house singin' that... " Fiiiiive… jugs of shiiiiiiiiiiine!!!! " That was beautiful. Brian

My kinfolk usually exchanged gifts consisting of: Cans of peanuts ( pre-shelled ! ) New socks Car parts (rebuilt !) Venison Beer I knew I was all-grown-up, the first time I got a set of jumper cables for Christmas. Brian

Figured this was a good place to plunk down some holiday humor. Here's a little ditty I found on the web for ya. 'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back. The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care, With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads. And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake. Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake. When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird. I ran to the door, like I's on a mission, But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission. The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'. Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'. When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep. With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick! More rapid than eX-lax his wooly sheep came And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name. Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENOS! On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS! From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away you-ins! I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack. Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack. He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hogg. He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's boar hunt. A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm, And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam. His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey. From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky. A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops. The veins on his face looked ready to pop. The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips. He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly. I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly. He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me. A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head, From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed. He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic, Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics. His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice But he had tons of them and yuh can't beat the price. He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells. Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size. When the presents were gone and he had no more, He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door. He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order "Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!" And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl, "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!" YEE HAWWWW!

There was a big ad banner on CMT.com yesterday, promoting the Unrated DVD with the following words, in bold text: OBSCENTIY NUDITY DRUG USE This was on CMT's homepage, mind you. Not the Dukes message board. At least people know what they're getting.... Brian

Guess you'll find out on Christmas, eh? Lessee, what Dukes stuff do I want for Christmas....well, I've been bad this year, so I took matters into my own hands and bought the RC General Lee back in October. Muahahaha. But, I'd also like to get the Season 5 DVD. I'd also like to get the Unrated movie DVD. ( For editorial and review purposes, of course. ) If I was gonna pull out all the stops, I'd also get a bassett hound, but my landlord would take issue with that. Brian

Yep, you heard me! Make some sleigh bells ring, deck yer halls, have yerself a Hazzard County Christmas! I realize time is short for this, but let's see some Dukes stories centered around a Christmas theme. Story length can be anything from one page, to all-you-can-write. Show a moment in time, or an all-out adventure. You can use your choice o' characters, whether just the series originals, or mix n' match with your own creations. I'd like to see these all in by Dec 20th. I'll post whatevah I get, as I get it, to DukesofHazzardfanfic.com. The more the merrier, and the sooner the better! Send your Christmas stories to me at: briancoltrane@yahoo.com Have fun! Brian

Doesn't look like much more than some dude out for some sport. But man, you'd think this would be the kinda thing that the CMT Dukes VP would respond to. You'd think, for a hundred grand a year, that cyber-slacker could answer a @&%# post once in awhile, or PARTICIPATE with the fans he supposedly represents. Maybe landsharkk would make a better Dukes Institute VP. Muahahaha. Brian

TimDuke, thanks for the alert. I'll go check it out for myself. It's possible this landsharkk dude is just amusing himself by stirring up otherwise defenseless Dukes fans. If he's serious though, well, it sounds like he's gonna be outnumbered by about 80 gazallion to one. Still, we gotta take it seriously. CMT could be paying attention to see if we really give a dang. In the meantime, if anybody sees spamsharkk over here on HazzardNet, let me know. I'd like to give him a personal welcome. With a manure shovel upside the head. Brian

"Tonight." Blackjack's yellow teeth were bared in a canine grin. "You're just gonna bring in that wagon like you was Wells Fargo. Me n' the boys will be ridin' in the back of it. Oh, and in case you was to take a mind about tryin' anything clever....I'll have a gun pointed at the back of your head the whole way." ( Cue Alex )

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody! Count yer blessings and pass the potatoes! I've just finished eatin' dinner and I can hardly move. No room for pie. *urp!* Brian

At a guess, I'd say ol' confederate Scott is tinkering around with website updates. Looks like everything there is down 'cept the homepage itself. I'm sure he's got 10 million emails about it already, but we'll send him a quick howdy and make sure things are awright. Brian