Brian Coltrane

Got this idea from looking at one of Brad's recent posts. How many times have ya'll seen the movie?

We're still working on rebuilding the Photo Gallery. Sorry for the delay, we'll have it back up as soon as possible. Thanks for your patience in the meantime! Brian

Since Darrell ( Cap'n Redneck ) is a gentleman and won't lower himself in reply to Paladin.... I'll do it! Me, I got no such manners. Awright, where do I start... Good, 'cause you won't find any HERE! Heh. Seriously though, man, yer in the wrong place. We actually like each other around here. Why rip into anybody on a personal level just 'cause ya don't dig their opinion? I've wasted more time than anybody on this message board. Yeah, I'm mentally deficient and I have the maturity of a Saturday morning cartoon. (fortunately, it doesn't show.) But it's fun. That's what we're all about here. Kinda goes with that friendship thang, too. So why the hell did you post that twenty-minute rant? Actually, Darrell has always been one of the first to welcome new folk to our board. He's friendly. Polite, even. Socially well-adjusted and an all-around good guy. In fact, the vast majority of HazzardNet folk are the nicest buncha lunatics you'd ever be fortunate enuff to meet. Dude. It's a movie. I personally had disappointments with it, but I also let myself enjoy some of it. Doesn't mean I'm more or less of a Dukes fan. Same goes for everybody here. Relax, eh? Brian --------------------------- HazzardNet Moderator Content Editor Forum Nazi Zookeeper Ringmaster

One of the scenes/lines that made me chuckle was during the chase scene in Atlanta. Bo is pissed off because his old flame had let slip that she and Luke used to tumble together in the hayloft. He's trying to evade the cops while he's processing his feelings of betrayal and homicidal rage. Luke tries praise to soothe his cousin. "Bo, this is some of the best driving I ever seen you do!" Bo snaps back, "Don't kiss my ass!" Heh... shortly thereafter, Bo turns to Luke and says, "I hope you're at peace with the Lord, because you're about to meet your maker!" And he proceeds to gun the General Lee up the side of a freeway overpass, as if to kill all occupants. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!" Definately not the Good ol' boys as we remember 'em originally, but man, if only Coy and Vance would have treated each other this bad. BAHAHA. Brian

One of the scenes/lines that made me chuckle was during the chase scene in Atlanta. Bo is pissed off because his old flame had let slip that she and Luke used to tumble together in the hayloft. He's trying to evade the cops while he's processing his feelings of betrayal and homicidal rage. Luke tries praise to soothe his cousin. "Bo, this is some of the best driving I ever seen you do!" Bo snaps back, "Don't kiss my ass!" Heh... shortly thereafter, Bo turns to Luke and says, "I hope you're at peace with the Lord, because you're about to meet your maker!" And he proceeds to gun the General Lee up the side of a freeway overpass, as if to kill all occupants. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!" Definately not the Good ol' boys as we remember 'em originally, but man, if only Coy and Vance would have treated each other this bad. BAHAHA. Brian

Don't get me started. The next "most qualified person" was Scott, the president of the Confederate General Lee Fan Club. Who should have got the job, but apparently the CMT panel was looking for an egotistical jerk instead. They interviewed 3 people out of 2,000 applicants. Not exactly a deep dig for a winner. You'd think for spending 100 grand, CMT would have wanted to make sure they were getting their money's worth. Instead, they've got a socially-remedial hack who can't communicate with other fans, let alone relate to them. One look at the low-volume "Dukes Institute Board", and you'll see weirdness without substance. The thing I can't get over, is that this guy had no involvement whatsoever in any Dukes fan club, website, message board, email group, ect. He didn't previously particpate in a damn thing to do with the show or its fans. He wasn't watching the show when he applied for the position. I think he was a "Dukes fan" in the same respect that he was a fan of 100 other tv shows. He only became a big Dukes fan for the money. I've been long-tempted to draw the saber on this guy, but my own standards of professional conduct have kept me from indulging. Then again....why spare him? This VP guy is getting paid 100 grand to be seen as the epitome of Dukes fans - without the burden of having to know much, care much, or actually deal with anybody unless CMT says he's gotta talk to 'em. Maybe it's time somebody made him earn his bread. Brian

Don't get me started. The next "most qualified person" was Scott, the president of the Confederate General Lee Fan Club. Who should have got the job, but apparently the CMT panel was looking for an egotistical jerk instead. They interviewed 3 people out of 2,000 applicants. Not exactly a deep dig for a winner. You'd think for spending 100 grand, CMT would have wanted to make sure they were getting their money's worth. Instead, they've got a socially-remedial hack who can't communicate with other fans, let alone relate to them. One look at the low-volume "Dukes Institute Board", and you'll see weirdness without substance. The thing I can't get over, is that this guy had no involvement whatsoever in any Dukes fan club, website, message board, email group, ect. He didn't previously particpate in a damn thing to do with the show or its fans. He wasn't watching the show when he applied for the position. I think he was a "Dukes fan" in the same respect that he was a fan of 100 other tv shows. He only became a big Dukes fan for the money. I've been long-tempted to draw the saber on this guy, but my own standards of professional conduct have kept me from indulging. Then again....why spare him? This VP guy is getting paid 100 grand to be seen as the epitome of Dukes fans - without the burden of having to know much, care much, or actually deal with anybody unless CMT says he's gotta talk to 'em. Maybe it's time somebody made him earn his bread. Brian

I'm gonna write a longer and more thought-out review at a later date. Reason being, I did see the movie half-drunk, as I'd planned, and some of the details are foggy. I'll go see it again, sober. Meanwhile, here's a few thoughts: A big YEEHAAA for the stunts. Tho' the camera angles were weird at some points; I would have liked to have seen more car-roof vantage points, kinda like in the original series. Some of the close action scenes were frantic and side-viewed, and the result was a blurry madness that I couldn't quite decipher. Or maybe that was the Mike's Hard Lemonade workin' on me. For the most part these scenes were epic and worth the admission fee right there. A big BAHAHAHA for the new Bo. SWS was an outrageous nut. This is Bo Duke on crack; wired, emotional, and twitchy. We still saw a kid with a racing dream, though, and that was cool. A big CHUCKLE on Bo's discovery of the Dixie horn in the repaired General Lee, and his repeated use of it to Luke's annoynance. A big BOO HISS on the drug innuendo. It didn't add anything to the movie; it didn't need to be there, and it wasn't funny. I get the feeling they toned it down from the original script, but it should have been OUT. I know that drug humor is a Broken Lizard staple, but damn, you'd think they could give up this old crutch for one movie. Especially this one. A big THANK YOU for leaving Cooter the hell alone and not making him a raving maniac. I think the "Sheev" character took on some of the character elements that were originally intended for Cooter. Good call. A big YAWN for Rosco. He was mean, but hell, most cops are mean. Big deal. Take Jackie Gleason in "Smokey and the Bandit." Beauford T. Justice was mean, but he was also a creative cusser and a ridiculously tenacious chaser. The new Rosco, in comparison, lacked the comedic, fun-loving and sputtering nature of the original - and brought nothing else to replace it. A big ERASER for half the script and the characterizations. The core "save the farm" plot is fine; but what we didn't see, is any purpose for most of the characters. Uncle Jesse didn't offer sage advice or a moral compass; his most Duke-like line was a remark about only leaving the farm if he was taken away in a pine box. The rest was a bunch of pointless one-liners that had nothing to do with the scene at hand. Why not try exercisin' some wit involvin' what's happening at the moment? A big "Shame shame" for the fact that this Duke family showed no real respect for one another; no manners; no pride in southern heritage. (Had the flag not been pained on the car by somebody else, they wouldn't have thought to put it there? Hmph.) Yes, they cared about their town enough to save it, but they spent the first half of the film beating the hell outta each other. (Which was funny, from an alternate universe perspective, but you dig what I mean.) Overall, I enjoyed the movie as a guilty pleasure, again because of the stunts, and because I went to it liquored up, and also because I took it as a "Twilight Zone" version of the Hazzard I knew. Brian

I'm gonna write a longer and more thought-out review at a later date. Reason being, I did see the movie half-drunk, as I'd planned, and some of the details are foggy. I'll go see it again, sober. Meanwhile, here's a few thoughts: A big YEEHAAA for the stunts. Tho' the camera angles were weird at some points; I would have liked to have seen more car-roof vantage points, kinda like in the original series. Some of the close action scenes were frantic and side-viewed, and the result was a blurry madness that I couldn't quite decipher. Or maybe that was the Mike's Hard Lemonade workin' on me. For the most part these scenes were epic and worth the admission fee right there. A big BAHAHAHA for the new Bo. SWS was an outrageous nut. This is Bo Duke on crack; wired, emotional, and twitchy. We still saw a kid with a racing dream, though, and that was cool. A big CHUCKLE on Bo's discovery of the Dixie horn in the repaired General Lee, and his repeated use of it to Luke's annoynance. A big BOO HISS on the drug innuendo. It didn't add anything to the movie; it didn't need to be there, and it wasn't funny. I get the feeling they toned it down from the original script, but it should have been OUT. I know that drug humor is a Broken Lizard staple, but damn, you'd think they could give up this old crutch for one movie. Especially this one. A big THANK YOU for leaving Cooter the hell alone and not making him a raving maniac. I think the "Sheev" character took on some of the character elements that were originally intended for Cooter. Good call. A big YAWN for Rosco. He was mean, but hell, most cops are mean. Big deal. Take Jackie Gleason in "Smokey and the Bandit." Beauford T. Justice was mean, but he was also a creative cusser and a ridiculously tenacious chaser. The new Rosco, in comparison, lacked the comedic, fun-loving and sputtering nature of the original - and brought nothing else to replace it. A big ERASER for half the script and the characterizations. The core "save the farm" plot is fine; but what we didn't see, is any purpose for most of the characters. Uncle Jesse didn't offer sage advice or a moral compass; his most Duke-like line was a remark about only leaving the farm if he was taken away in a pine box. The rest was a bunch of pointless one-liners that had nothing to do with the scene at hand. Why not try exercisin' some wit involvin' what's happening at the moment? A big "Shame shame" for the fact that this Duke family showed no real respect for one another; no manners; no pride in southern heritage. (Had the flag not been pained on the car by somebody else, they wouldn't have thought to put it there? Hmph.) Yes, they cared about their town enough to save it, but they spent the first half of the film beating the hell outta each other. (Which was funny, from an alternate universe perspective, but you dig what I mean.) Overall, I enjoyed the movie as a guilty pleasure, again because of the stunts, and because I went to it liquored up, and also because I took it as a "Twilight Zone" version of the Hazzard I knew. Brian

Coy and Vance are fun to hate. They are the scapegoats (or scape-sheep) for our wrath over Bo and Luke's departure. We had to take it out on somebody....and what more deserving target, than these hollow substitutes who stagger around and try to remember how Bo and Luke acted? And while I don't really blame the actors who had this unappreciated task, both lacked charisma. Here they get to be like Bo and Luke, and get paid for it....and somehow it didn't look like fun. Now, if these guys had any sense of humor, there would have been more moments like this: Scene 1: Rosco pursues the General Lee. Coy is driving the General and attempting to evade the law. Coy: "Rosco is right on our tail and the General is almost out of gas and there's a road block up ahead! What are we gonna do, Vance?" Vance: "Nothing." Coy: (looking perplexed) "But...you're the smart one, seein' as how you're the Luke substitute! You've gotta have a plan!" Vance: "Oh, I have a plan, but it's just for me. The way I see it, Coy...you're going to go to jail. Nope, ain't no way we're gettin' outta this one....so I'm gonna plea-bargain and testify against you." Coy: (looking shocked) "WHAT!!" Vance: "Well, somebody has to stay at the farm and help Uncle Jesse and Daisy. Since I'm smarter and stronger than you are, it only makes sense for you to go to jail, and me to stay home. You care about Jesse and Daisy, don't you Coy?" Coy: ( looking confused) "Uh...yeah...but...." Vance: "Don't worry, you'll be out before you know it. All you have to do is tell Rosco everything I tell you to say. Trust me, my plans always work." Coy: (brightening, showing naive innocence) "Okay!" Vance leans back in the seat and smiles smugly, knowing he his about to have the General Lee all to himself, and no younger cousin around to cramp his style. Ah, now that woulda been a happy ending. BAHAHAHA!! Brian

Coy and Vance are fun to hate. They are the scapegoats (or scape-sheep) for our wrath over Bo and Luke's departure. We had to take it out on somebody....and what more deserving target, than these hollow substitutes who stagger around and try to remember how Bo and Luke acted? And while I don't really blame the actors who had this unappreciated task, both lacked charisma. Here they get to be like Bo and Luke, and get paid for it....and somehow it didn't look like fun. Now, if these guys had any sense of humor, there would have been more moments like this: Scene 1: Rosco pursues the General Lee. Coy is driving the General and attempting to evade the law. Coy: "Rosco is right on our tail and the General is almost out of gas and there's a road block up ahead! What are we gonna do, Vance?" Vance: "Nothing." Coy: (looking perplexed) "But...you're the smart one, seein' as how you're the Luke substitute! You've gotta have a plan!" Vance: "Oh, I have a plan, but it's just for me. The way I see it, Coy...you're going to go to jail. Nope, ain't no way we're gettin' outta this one....so I'm gonna plea-bargain and testify against you." Coy: (looking shocked) "WHAT!!" Vance: "Well, somebody has to stay at the farm and help Uncle Jesse and Daisy. Since I'm smarter and stronger than you are, it only makes sense for you to go to jail, and me to stay home. You care about Jesse and Daisy, don't you Coy?" Coy: ( looking confused) "Uh...yeah...but...." Vance: "Don't worry, you'll be out before you know it. All you have to do is tell Rosco everything I tell you to say. Trust me, my plans always work." Coy: (brightening, showing naive innocence) "Okay!" Vance leans back in the seat and smiles smugly, knowing he his about to have the General Lee all to himself, and no younger cousin around to cramp his style. Ah, now that woulda been a happy ending. BAHAHAHA!! Brian

Dale, you make a good point - no matter how good the movie does, I think us longtime fans will be saying, "Coulda been better." And that's where I'm at. Tho' I'm curious about the movie, and I'll go see it. But man...if this is the ONLY shot that the Dukes of Hazzard ever gets to have on the big screen....it'll be sad if it all ends in a tastless parody replete with bad T&A jokes and self-serving cameos by the Broken Lizard clan. Worse, if the movie does well financially, WB will be convinced that they were right - and that nobody gives a rip about who's in the car, or who wears the shorts, or what people in Hazzard were supposedly like. And then a sequel will be bounced right up into our undercarriage. No matter what side of the movie debate folks are on, it seems we all agree that the stunts will carry the flick. The question is...how far? Brian

Dale, you make a good point - no matter how good the movie does, I think us longtime fans will be saying, "Coulda been better." And that's where I'm at. Tho' I'm curious about the movie, and I'll go see it. But man...if this is the ONLY shot that the Dukes of Hazzard ever gets to have on the big screen....it'll be sad if it all ends in a tastless parody replete with bad T&A jokes and self-serving cameos by the Broken Lizard clan. Worse, if the movie does well financially, WB will be convinced that they were right - and that nobody gives a rip about who's in the car, or who wears the shorts, or what people in Hazzard were supposedly like. And then a sequel will be bounced right up into our undercarriage. No matter what side of the movie debate folks are on, it seems we all agree that the stunts will carry the flick. The question is...how far? Brian

I caught most of it, and the stunt scenes look very cool. Saw another chase scene that hadn't been shown on the previews yet, and it was wild. The bar fight scene looked like good ol' mayhem too. But no matter how many times they show Jessica with her "Something bounced up into my undercarriage" line, it doesn't improve. Anybody else see it? Whad'ja think? Did it getcha more excited about the movie? Brian

I caught most of it, and the stunt scenes look very cool. Saw another chase scene that hadn't been shown on the previews yet, and it was wild. The bar fight scene looked like good ol' mayhem too. But no matter how many times they show Jessica with her "Something bounced up into my undercarriage" line, it doesn't improve. Anybody else see it? Whad'ja think? Did it getcha more excited about the movie? Brian

Well, we talked about the movie cast needing to have a good rapport ....but that's more rapport than we had a right to expect.

Well, we talked about the movie cast needing to have a good rapport ....but that's more rapport than we had a right to expect.

Eddiemunster wrote: You're right, I hate 'em a little more than that. How about usin' a 4x6!! Jamanda wrote: Aw, Jamanda. It ain't like I suggested we witness Coy and Vance slowly sinkin' into quicksand while screamin' at the top of their lungs. (Tho' woulda been a great intro for "Welcome Back Bo and Luke." ) Jamanda wrote: Now who's enjoying violence?! Brian

Eddiemunster wrote: You're right, I hate 'em a little more than that. How about usin' a 4x6!! Jamanda wrote: Aw, Jamanda. It ain't like I suggested we witness Coy and Vance slowly sinkin' into quicksand while screamin' at the top of their lungs. (Tho' woulda been a great intro for "Welcome Back Bo and Luke." ) Jamanda wrote: Now who's enjoying violence?! Brian

YES!! Yes I would have!! Except I woulda done thangs a little differently. I would have smacked 'em in the back of the head with a wooden chair and enjoyed added bonus of splintering furniture, which is much more aesthetic visually, than a bland ol' karate chop. On short notice, a two-by-four piece of lumber would do. Brian

YES!! Yes I would have!! Except I woulda done thangs a little differently. I would have smacked 'em in the back of the head with a wooden chair and enjoyed added bonus of splintering furniture, which is much more aesthetic visually, than a bland ol' karate chop. On short notice, a two-by-four piece of lumber would do. Brian

I'll give Jessica this much. What she lacks in talent and personality, she makes up in sleaze and publicity. I'd read in an MSN article awhile back, that Jessica's father sends press releases and stuff to various media outlets dang near continually. Thing is...nobody can stay on top forever. Ok, she was in the Dukes movie. Now what? What next? She can only talk about her "accomplishments" for so long. Now that she's portrayed herself as a hip-grinding, boot-walking, chest-bobbing tart, she'll probably enjoy a limited career of cameo roles and Playboy magazine appearances. And with her propensity to demand all the media attention, I can't see other celebrities lining up to work with her. In fact, I think all this media drum-beating by Jessica Incorporated, is being done in hopes that the Next Big Offer will fall into her lap. ( Or bounce up into her undercarriage.) Brian

I'll give Jessica this much. What she lacks in talent and personality, she makes up in sleaze and publicity. I'd read in an MSN article awhile back, that Jessica's father sends press releases and stuff to various media outlets dang near continually. Thing is...nobody can stay on top forever. Ok, she was in the Dukes movie. Now what? What next? She can only talk about her "accomplishments" for so long. Now that she's portrayed herself as a hip-grinding, boot-walking, chest-bobbing tart, she'll probably enjoy a limited career of cameo roles and Playboy magazine appearances. And with her propensity to demand all the media attention, I can't see other celebrities lining up to work with her. In fact, I think all this media drum-beating by Jessica Incorporated, is being done in hopes that the Next Big Offer will fall into her lap. ( Or bounce up into her undercarriage.) Brian

Here's something to look for and enjoy. Tonight, while watching "The Great Insurance Fraud" C&V episode on CMT, there was a moment worth my while. Allow me to share. The bad guy sneaks up on Vance and karate-chops him from behind. Vance keels over and bonks his head on the table, and lays there lifelessly. YEEHAAA!!! Awright, let's see that again!! *WHACK!* *THUD!!* I used to shun the Coy and Vance episodes, but now I'll tune in just to see 'em get roughed up by the bad guys du jour. Ya know, WB should have capitalized on the fans distain for Coy and Vance and had thier clocks cleaned in every episode. Ratings would have surged. In fact, I'm looking forward to CMT's airing of "Coy vs. Vance" which outta be on next week sometime. The episode is pretty much a ripoff of "Carnival of Thrills" in concept - but I'll enjoy seeing Coy and Vance pound the hash out of each other. Brian

Here's something to look for and enjoy. Tonight, while watching "The Great Insurance Fraud" C&V episode on CMT, there was a moment worth my while. Allow me to share. The bad guy sneaks up on Vance and karate-chops him from behind. Vance keels over and bonks his head on the table, and lays there lifelessly. YEEHAAA!!! Awright, let's see that again!! *WHACK!* *THUD!!* I used to shun the Coy and Vance episodes, but now I'll tune in just to see 'em get roughed up by the bad guys du jour. Ya know, WB should have capitalized on the fans distain for Coy and Vance and had thier clocks cleaned in every episode. Ratings would have surged. In fact, I'm looking forward to CMT's airing of "Coy vs. Vance" which outta be on next week sometime. The episode is pretty much a ripoff of "Carnival of Thrills" in concept - but I'll enjoy seeing Coy and Vance pound the hash out of each other. Brian