Brian Coltrane

( Note: In MaryAnne's absence, I've decided to keep this one rolling. Until she returns, I'll be covering her character, as well as Rosco, and Blackjack. Which gives me a lot to deal with. I'd have somebody else cover my own character, but that'd be confusing as hell, and then I'd probably fight with myself. ) Back at the campsite of the out-of-town outlaws, BlackJack held a private conference with the trusted members of his killer gang. Alex was made to wait by himself a short distance away, having been plunked down by the campfire. The gun in BlackJack's hand ensured that the blonde drifter wouldn't make a break for it...if he was smart. After a pointed look at Alex, BlackJack returned his attention to his own men. "Here's the plan. Goldilocks over there will drive the covered wagon into town. Our horses will be tethered to the back of it. We'll leave the saddles and tack off of the horses, so's not to make 'em look suspicous. Anybody watching in town will figure the horses are being brought in for sale. " The killer band nodded, and BlackJack smiled through yellowed teeth. "We'll have this fool drive the wagon right up to the jailhouse. Just when it gets there, we'll jump out from the back of that wagon, and get on our horses fast, and get some distance from it." The gang blinked at this. One of them, a long-faced outlaw with a crooked nose, spoke up. "Whut about that Deputy you wanted to kill? Whut about that-there Sheriff ? How we gonna kill 'em when we're runnin' off?" BlackJack grinned evilly. "That blonde fella yonder is gonna do the killin' for us, seein' as how we'll have that wagon loaded with enough gunpowder and dynamite to blow up half the town. We light a long fuse, we jump...KERBLAM! Little pieces of law come sprinkling down from the sky." "Ooooooooooo." Impressed, the rest of the gang nodded. BlackJack looked smug. "That's not the best part. Once the law is nothing more than a crater in the ground, we'll be able to clean that town out like pirates. Won't be anything to stop us, boys." The long-faced outlaw spoke up again, excitement in his rough voice. "We get to rape the women and shoot the dogs and kill all the menfolk and burn the town?" BlackJack nodded. "Just get it in the right order this time." "I will, BlackJack! Sorry about that time in Kansas City, I was drunk-" "Don't remind me." Cutting off the discussion with a wave of the gun, BlackJack turned back towards the campfire, walking towards Alex. The gang fanned out to sit down near the unwilling accomplice. All of them wore devilish expressions, and they chuckled to themselves as they passed a whiskey bottle around. BlackJack handed the bottle to Alex. "Have a snort and relax, Goldilocks. All you need to do is drive the wagon tonight. " (Cue Alex!)

Don't tell me you're fallin' for that Dean Winchester.

TimDuke, in review of the thread....I don't think Cap'n Redneck is your enemy, and I don't think he aimed that remark directly at you. He did use the word "asinine" in a broad sense, but he didn't say anything about bein' childish. ( That remark was somebody else. ) In any case, I don't think it was meant as a personal attack. All in all, it's just opinions about a movie. And man, I'd JUST got done sayin' a few posts ago that this movie didn't tear the fandom asunder, and then you go asunder. Seriously, Darrell is a good guy. I'll also know you, TimDuke, from your haunts of the CMT stomping grounds and a few other places. ( I lurk a lot but I try not to interfere with other folks territory.) I think folks on HazzardNet are more level-headed than most, tho' of course I'm biased and I can't be objective about that. All I'd ask, is that you don't let one spirited debate here drive you off. Brian

Nah! Not my style. Plus, I don't believe in tryin' to sway people against checking something out for themselves, and getting their own opinion. One thing's for sure, the movie didn't bring about the end of the world, and it didn't split the fandom asunder. I ain't sure it added fans, but it did galvanize us into talking about how much we care about the show. I saw that on both sides of the debate. The Dukes fandom is a culture unto itself; it's one of the strongest and rabidly-loyal fan bases anywhere to be had. That hasn't changed. On an aside, whatever else we liked or didn't like, let's all give WB credit for leaving the rebel flag on the roof of the General Lee. Let s give 'em a hell-yeah for that much! Brian

I started watching this show because of the '67 Impala in it. I got some bias there. But I've been pleased to find that this show is very well-written, and chock-full of tension, surprise, and drama. The central characters, Sam and Dean, are two brothers who roam the country in a vintage Chevy, on an endless mission to disrupt evil phenomena wherever it may lurk. Sam, the younger brother, is a boyish youth recently jaded by loss, but not quite over his ideals yet. Dean is the older, protective brother who's been jaded a lot longer than Sam. Together, they remind me of the dark Dukes of suburbia. For those of you who've never seen the show, let me paint a brief picture of what these two modern-day exorcists do. Last episode, they returned to their haunted childhood home to fight a Lurking Evil that threatens the new homeowner. ( A helpless blonde single mother of two. What nice boys. ) Anyway, after things like knives flying out of the kitchen drawer and furniture moving around on it's own - Sam becomes trapped in the house by Something Evil that is trying to kill him. Dean, locked outside, runs to the trunk of the Impala and grabs nothing less than a sawed-off shotgun and an axe, and hacks his way through the front door in a desperate fury to save his brother. A shotgun and an axe. YEEEHAAAA!! Now that's entertainment. Man, the Dukes only had compound bows and hunting knives. If Bo and Luke had this trunkful of artillery in the General Lee, ol' Rosco woulda kept his distance. Brian

People can b**** and moan if they want, it's a free Confederacy. So here's my whine. I will buy the DVD, because I thought the stunts were pretty cool, and I support all things Dukes of Hazzard. For example, I have no use for the Coy and Vance era, but I'll buy the Season 5 DVD just the same. I also support WB for doing ANYTHING to give us more Dukes of Hazzard, even if I was disappointed in the creative take on the movie. And I guess "disappointed" is a fair word in my case. The movie was fun, in a twilight-zone kind of way. But it was half-assed, and Broken Lizard's juvenille T&A jokes and drug references were a shame to be seen in Hazzard. Any Hazzard. The scriptwriting and dialogue were weak, and the movie cast lacked any real chemistry with each other. Sure, the car looked good doing 180's and being shot from a cannon, but that's all I got out of it. For me, the movie fell way short of it's potential. It'll go in my collection as another piece of Hazzard history. But unlike the original Dukes, we're not going to see cast reunions and fan shindigs for this movie 25 years hence. The movie version of the Dukes, when all is said and done, is kind of like an exotic detour; an aberration from the place that really feels like home. Respectfully, Brian

"The eye of people today?" Let's consider what people "today" have been doing, long before this movie came out. They've been buying the original series on DVD. They've been watching the show on CMT. They tuned in by the millions to the CMT Music Awards in April 05, to see the on-stage reunion of the original cast. They're coming from all over the world to attend DukesFest. They're visiting goofy websites like HazzardNet. Nothing needed to be reinvented to make the Dukes of Hazzard popular with people "today." Brian

It's awright. Sounds like part of it was just a misunderstanding of the words used. It's also true you copied our own forums, though, when you put your digs together. You're one of my buddies so that broke my black-clad heart. But, you've been punished enough and I'm not interested in holdin' any grudge. Tell you what, if you change up your site a bit, PM me the link and I'll take a look at it. Maybe we'll just start a new Topics section for "Lookit My Dukes Site!" posts and links, and so long as it ain't blatant ripoffs or porn, we might be okay. Lemme see if Mufn will buy into it. Brian

This is in reply to Starkist72.....there's nothin' wrong with using another Dukes site - and in fact HNet is friendly with many of 'em. For example, the cglfc and HazzardNet are on good terms, and we've helped support their shindigs with putting up banners on our site n' such. There's a difference between good relationships like that, and flimsy startups who look for shortcuts to building content and user traffic. I've beat this topic into the ground over the years, and I think most folks dig where I'm comin' from. Then again, maybe I shoulda seen what DixieRose's moderator gig was payin'. Hmmmm... more power, more posts to edit and delete! More tyranny and oppression to levy on the unsuspectin' souls of CyberHazzard! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! --------- Brian Evil Wicked Nasty Rotten Forum Nazi

DixieRose/Jessi - Shame shame, everybody knows your name!! It's one thing to post yet another "lookit my Dukes site" message. But to more or less copy topic categories from HNet, and then advertise HERE for moderators on top of it .... you've reached the limit of my good nature. I try NOT to be a forum nazi. Far as moderators go, I'm lazy. I don't rile at much, but the fastest way to tick me off is to go "Lookit my Dukes site" when you're basically rebuilding HNet in part or whole, and then looking to siphon off visitors from us on top of it. That's a naughty-naughty. I've confiscated the URL outta yer post, and yer on probation. Brian

Thanks for posting the info! Man, this is shaping up to be a blowout shindig next summer. Tom hasn't appeared at any DukesFest yet - it will definately be something special if the entire living cast gets together. The 2005 event was crazy; this one sounds like it'll be over the top! Looks like I'll be takin' another summer road trip to TN ! Don't wanna miss this one. Brian

As found on filmforce.com. I did minor editing for topic relevance; you can read the whole thing at: http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/638/638928p2.html IGN Interviews Jay Chandrasekhar We talk one-on-one with the Broken Lizard member and director of The Dukes of Hazzard.by Steve Head August 3, 2005 - Perhaps you know him as Ramathorn the party-loving police officer in Super Troopers, or as Putman the dreadlocked British tennis instructor in Club Dread? Jay Chandrasekhar has for the last 10 years been an integral part of the comedy troupe Broken Lizard, directing each of their films beginning with 1996's Puddle Cruiser. Now Chandrasekhar's at the helm of The Dukes of Hazzard, Warner Brother's modern re-tooling of the late-'70s, early-'80s TV show, and he brought the Broken Lizard gang along for the ride. IGN recently spoke with Chandrasekhar in New York about making The Dukes of Hazzard. The PG-13 movie opens this Friday. And if all goes to plan, his R-rated version will be released sometime in the future on DVD. IGN FILMFORCE: So how did a kid from the suburbs of Chicago get from there to Broken Lizard? JAY CHANDRASEKHAR: Chicago's got that great comedy history... I took a semester off from Colgate – I went to Colgate in upstate New York. I wanted to see if I could make it in show business so I started doing stand-up. I was probably eighteen, got into a couple comedy groups. There was a group called the Improv Olympic and this guy Del Close was the founder, and it was this really pure improv – like, everything was created at that moment. Second City is a little more managed improv; they do a little bit of writing and then improv off of that. Chris Farley was in this Improv Olympic and go was Dave Koechner, who plays Cooter in the movie, he was also in that. They were all in this sort of top group and I started off below them. But, I went back to Colgate after that semester and started a comedy group. I'd been acting in plays up until then and we started writing our own stuff. We wanted to do what Monty Python did. IGNFF: I can imagine you guys being pretty huge Monty Python fans. CHANDRASEKHAR: Oh, yeah. I mean, they're sort of the reason we exist. IGNFF: Are you guys still now planning to work together continuously? CHANDRASEKHAR: Yeah, we've made three movies together. And for [Dukes] the first script I was sent was so terrible; it was just so middle-of-the-road. So, I turned the movie down twice. And then the final script I got... It was OK. There was some structure to it that was kind of pretty good. So I told Warner Brothers we needed to bring in Broken Lizard. We re-wrote virtually the entire script. We kept the structure, but we re-wrote every line of dialogue. It gave it a flavor that I was hoping for: tough, funny and a little unpredictable. IGNFF: [Producer] Bill Gerber said that he was looking for a feel for this movie and he didn't quite know what he wanted, so he was looking for this balance he was trying to find. CHANDRASEKHAR: It was really a matter of making it... well... it's not exactly Smokey and the Bandit in any way. But I said to Johnny and Seann, we want to make something that could be on the same shelf... you know... just from a vibe. I wanted it to feel a little bit like Smokey and the Bandit and a little bit like The Blues Brothers. IGNFF: Could you guys have been more raunchy with the movie? CHANDRASEKHAR: No, we were as raunchy as the ratings board would let us be. IGNFF: You wanted a PG-13? CHANDRASEKHAR: I've only made R-rated movies up until now. And I think that if you make a movie that's based on a TV show – I mean, I was a ten-year-old when I watched it, and granted I was swearing when I was a ten-year-old because of Smokey and the Bandit; I remember counting the swear words. (He laughs) IGNFF: I remember being conscious of that and wondering "Am I allowed to say this word?" CHANDRASEKHAR: I think ten-year-olds were swearing then, but then whatever. I doesn't really matter. The point of it is that this movie should be PG-13 because I think a lot families and dads and moms who were into the show will want to take their kids. So, there's that. And, we've made an R-rated version because I'm a huge fan of John Landis's movies and I feel like these comedies really, really succeed when they give you something that's forbidden. We knowingly changed language and tipped some tops off here and there for the R-rated version, which will come out later. IGNFF: I was going to ask you if an R-rated version actually existed. CHANDRASEKHAR: Hell yeah, I think it's great! It was a way for me to be creatively free under the rules of PG-13 – and they're fine. The rules aren't set in stone. Sexual innuendo is sometimes OK and sometimes not. And swearing, depending on what you say is sometimes OK and sometimes not. IGNFF: Like the context of the situation. CHANDRASEKHAR: Yeah, the context and what the word is. You can say f*** once or twice, but if you do, then you can't say s*** as much. (He laughs) You can't say, "I'm gonna f*** her," but you can say "f*** you." IGNFF: F*** used as an exclamation opposed to as a verb. CHANDRASEKHAR: Yeah. The middle finger counts as a f***. [The ratings board] gave us more than you're supposed to have. So it's like this balancing act. It's like there's this scene where the sorority girls are smoking grass. And then we shot a scene where Willie [Nelson] is smoking grass out of an apple. IGNFF: That would be a whole different scene apart from the one where he was smoking grass but we don't see it? CHANDRASEKHAR: It's a whole different scene. Like, [Daisy] comes around the corner and he's really smoking on an apple, like with a joint stuck in it. No main characters can smoke [grass]. But then they'd let us have the sorority girls smoke. So it's like you almost wonder if it's like they're saying, "Oh, I don't think it's funny, but the sorority girls..." IGNFF: If you have Willie smoking grass then that would automatically put the movie over to an R? CHANDRASEKHAR: Oh, yeah! Mostly, and what I've said to Warner Brothers about the Broken Lizard movies is that the Broken Lizard movies we're making are going to be R-rated movies. And that's just non-negotiable. That's the deal. It's like, the great comedies of the '70 and '80s were R-rated movies. Like, Animal House. Imagine Animal House as PG-13. It would have been a travesty. I mean, the influence Animal House had on not only the comedy scene but the college scene in the country as a whole was massive. It taught people a certain kind of rebellion almost for rebellion's sake. IGNFF: I hear you. I worshiped that movie when it came out. It was the first R-rated movie that I saw. That may not mean much today. I guess kids might not remember the first R-rated movie because of things like The Terminator and The Matrix, but Animal House to me was defining. CHANDRASEKHAR: Yeah, and part of it was there was swearing and drinking and it's more real to what college was like. The thing about the movie is it has to be a little bit forbidden. IGNFF: It's like there's a shock value to the raunchy humor. It's fun. It shakes you up. In Dukes you've got those outtakes at the end that are terrific. I mean, Seann hanging upside down and Johnny trying to... CHANDRASEKHAR: (He laughs) Yeah, yeah... IGNFF: Did the ratings board give you any trouble about that? CHANDRASEKHAR: Actually, no. The bottom line is they're people just like anybody else. For that I think it's because people like to see the reality behind the actors, the actors being themselves. They're in character the whole time, but here you get to see them really speak and really make jokes. I think the people watching will enjoy it. IGNFF: Did you have to be coy in photographing Jessica in her cut-offs at all? CHANDRASEKHAR: No, I told her these shorts are going to be really small. And this is not a part for somebody who's too shy. She was like, "I know." And she got it. I think the way she reacted was she just made sure that when she had that stuff on that she looked great. And she did a great job. IGNFF: She said she was really nervous on her first day. CHANDRASEKHAR: She was. She was really nervous. It's not easy to walk into a scene and work with Burt Reynolds who has 30 or 40 movies under his belt. Or Seann William Scott, who is an incredibly talented actor. It's like, you better have it together. (He laughs) IGNFF: How about Johnny and Seann working together? CHANDRASEKHAR: They think that each other is funny. Seann reads the script three times a week and makes endless notes and has many conversations about different ideas for different jokes, because he's got a great comic mind. And Knoxville always, just five minutes before we're shooting in the morning, starts talking about different shots and different jokes. With some stuff he'll just say, "I don't like this f****** joke." Johnny's got a certain something. He's a good actor and he's best when he plays something close to himself. IGNFF: There are a couple of scenes in the film with [Knoxville] screaming out the window, a rebel yell kind of thing, with cars whipping by. I can see him watching that and thinking, "Damn, that's good." CHANDRASEKHAR: (He laughs) Yeah. Nice. IGNFF: Did you have trouble choosing which of those kind of reaction shots to use? CHANDRASEKHAR: (He laughs) Yeah, in the Atlanta chase, yeah. You know, the beauty of those two guys is that you have very little footage that's unusable. They've both got their characters down so well. And the characters are what? They're two guys. They know how to play guys. (He laughs) So, they're both funny. And you try to balance it somewhat and you ultimately always try to use the funniest footage. Mixing that footage in the movie, it's almost like mixing an album. IGNFF: I was surprised to see Joe Don Baker in there. CHANDRASEKHAR: I really wanted to figure out a way to get Joe Don Baker in this movie because... I don't know... The guy just drips that classic tough, cool Southern vibe. I almost hired him to play the character Sheev. You know, that sort of backwoods country bumpkin that Kevin [Heffernan] plays. IGNFF: Kevin does that really well, some good laughs there. CHANDRASEKHAR: Yeah, he was great in that. But I was very happy with Joe Don Baker. He's such a cool dude. You know what? He's nocturnal in real life. He sleeps during the day. He says it's because nobody calls at night and he doesn't want to talk to anybody. He just cruises around Baton Rouge by himself. (He laughs) IGNFF: Really? CHANDRASEKHAR: Well, he was more on our schedule there. But in the mornings he was just an ordinary guy. IGNFF: With all the stories and things that Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson probably had, did it ever get to the point where you had to tell those guys to shut up? CHANDRASEKHAR: (He laughs) You could never... I mean, Burt and Willie have known each other for such a long time. There was nothing you could do and there was no way I was going to break up that. All could do was, I'd go stand there and listen. And... you know... eventually say, "OK, we're ready." (He laughs) IGNFF: For me getting the chance to talk with Burt about Hooper and Sharkey's Machine, that was pretty cool. I wish I could remember all of that. And he was cool discussing it. I figured that would be all old stuff to him but he digs it. Hooper to me is quintessential more so than Smokey and the Bandit. CHANDRASEKHAR: There was no lack of storytelling. We had lost of time to hang-out, me and Burt and Joe Don and Willie. And with Knoxville, that was like a dream for him. IGNFF: He'd said those guys are his heroes. You guys had that wrap party where Willie performed. He does do a performance as Uncle Jesse singing in the movie. Did you guys film that afterward, after the main shoot? CHANDRASEKHAR: We shot it like... we shot it fairly early on, actually. I don't remember, but it was probably in the first couple of days. I don't remember exactly when we shot it, but we recorded the song separately. We recorded it with James Stroud, who's like a classic country producer. They recorded a couple versions of it. There's the album version, and then there's the version that's in the movie. And then they recorded another song. It's a J.J. Cale tune that we didn't end up using, "Call Me the Breeze." I figured, you know, we had Willie, why not film him singing a song as Uncle Jesse. IGNFF: And you've got your cameo as a campus police officer, a play on Super Troopers. You drive an electric golf-cart. It looks like you guys might have considered a 10 mph chase scene through the campus with the General Lee and the go-cart. Did you consider it? CHANDRASEKHAR: We did. We wrote an electric car chase. But I just felt that the Super Troopers stuff we had in there was enough. It was to me... it was going to feel a little bit goofy. I mean, it would have been funny I'm sure, but we had to choose ultimately what we could shoot, and we had to make a cut and I just said, "Oh, just cut that damn thing."

The above chuckle aside, while I was looking for script copies, I found an Aug 2005 interview with Jay Chandrasekhar on filmforce.com. I pasted a relevant piece of it in this post. Before ya read it, please note that the Dukes movie script was originally penned by John O' Brien. We'll probably never know what O' Brien's script contained. Here's why: CHANDRASEKHAR: [Dukes] the first script I was sent was so terrible; it was just so middle-of-the-road. So, I turned the movie down twice. And then the final script I got... It was OK. There was some structure to it that was kind of pretty good. So I told Warner Brothers we needed to bring in Broken Lizard. We re-wrote virtually the entire script. We kept the structure, but we re-wrote every line of dialogue. It gave it a flavor that I was hoping for: tough, funny and a little unpredictable. Brian

I didn't find the original screenplay. I did, however, find this smarmy version of the movie script: THE DUKES OF HAZZARD: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPTâ„¢ By Rod Hilton EXT. HAZZARD COUNTY SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT and JOHNNY KNOXVILLE are on the run from SOME FILTHY REDNECKS. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Ye-haw! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Ye-haw! NARRATOR Welcome to the movie, folks. I'm here to narrate the film sporadically as a throwback to the TV series we're exploiting. Otherwise, I add nothing now, ya hear? They speed away from the REDNECKS and jump over a closed road. After they land, they swerve to avoid hitting a mac truck. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT What the hell is a mac truck doing in the woods? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Heading toward a closed road, no less. Suddenly, they CRASH. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT That was fun! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Yeah! Let's go do it with shopping carts in a mall parking lot! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Maybe our ridiculously hot cousin would like to join! They go to a RESTAURANT that won't be seen again for the rest of the movie. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS (through forced southern drawl) Heya boys. Let me jus' wait up on this here table here and I'll be right up bein' with ya thurr. CITYSLICKER RACECAR DRIVER I'm a celebrity originally from Hazzard, but I've forgotten about my roots. This may be some kind of social commentary, but almost certainly not. Nice shorts. JESSICA totally KICKS HIS ASS. Actually, she knocks him onto the floor so that he has a better angle from which to look up her shorts. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS I'm not just a piece of ass! Oh wait, my sole purpose in the story is to constantly be a piece of ass. But that's my choice! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Don't objectify my cousin without her prior endorsement! A FIGHT breaks out. The bar is destroyed. BURT REYNOLDS enters. BURT REYNOLDS Curse you, Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville! Even with the sheriff of the county in my pocket, I can't seem to stop you from being a thorn in my side! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT You know we drove a car onto your private property and caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage to your construction equipment, right? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE And then we left our illegal moonshine along with our car and walked away. BURT REYNOLDS If only there was something I could do... INT. THE FARM Everyone heads back to the FAMILY FARM and meets up with WILLIE NELSON. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Wow! Willie Nelson! You must be here to add some real southern credibility to this movie full of rich Hollywood a******s trying to act like good ol' boys! WILLIE NELSON How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? (pause) Someone's gonna lose a trailer. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT (beat) Wow. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE This movie isn't even trying to be entertaining, is it? Suddenly, BURT REYNOLDS sleepwalks onto the farm and frames them for selling moonshine, which they were doing. He confiscates the farm. NARRATOR Apparently in Hazzard County, breaking the law results in forfeiting your land instead of, for example, jail. Later, after an overlong re-creation of a scene from SUPER TROOPERS, SEANN and JOHNNY uncover a plot by BURT to strip-mine Hazzard County. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT I can't believe he was planning to destroy the town right under our noses! How did we not see this? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE You do realize we're being upstaged by a car, right? SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT We have to stop him! And also, I have to win the race today, because that's extremely relevant! SEANN forces the audience through yet another car chase and beats the CITYSLICKER A***HOLE. CITYSLICKER RACECAR DRIVER I am beaten! Truly Hazzard county is the heart of the United States! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Ye-haw! WILLIE NELSON Hey, what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE What an awkwardly malapropos one liner! The TOWNSPEOPLE follow them toward the COURTHOUSE. Meanwhile, DAVID KOECHNER and JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS discover a blockade. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS Leave this to me. I have the ability to turn any man in Georgia into a pathetic, spineless, drooling moron. DAVID KOECHNER So, you make them drool? Suddenly, SEANN busts through the blockade, dozens of police cars chasing him. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Faster, Seann! In Georgia, even if the cops know who you are, if you outrun them they have to forgive you! It's the law! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Georgia is very much like Grand Theft Auto. They arrive at the COURTHOUSE, followed by the TOWNSPEOPLE. JUDGE All opposed to leveling Hazzard County, say aye. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Just barely made it! Alright townsfolk, time to object and beat Burt Reynolds! TOWNSPEOPLE Object? Why? Hazzard County sucks. Didn't you just watch the movie? Even though your stereotypical hick qualities have been glorified by the film, those same qualities in us have been condemned and mocked, painting the entire town as being full of worthless idiots for laughs. BURT REYNOLDS What reason has the audience been given to care if this place is blown off the map other than knowing that, if it is, they won't have to endure a sequel? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Oh. JUDGE All opposed to anyone making another movie that makes the audience actually want MORE screen time for Jessica Simpson, say aye. EVERYONE Aye. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS More screen time? That's so sweet! Thanks everybody. END Copyright 2005 Rod Hilton. All Rights Reserved. This document may be reproduced verbatim (allowing censorship and translation) as long as the author's name is preserved and this notice is either preserved or referenced.

For my vote, the best Bo episode was "Carnival of Thrills." This 2-hr episode gave us a unique chance to see an emotional range and depth to Bo's psyche. We saw his pride, vanity, ambition, selfishness, courage, lust, anger, grief, love, fear. I always considered this ep as probably the best in the series, and perhaps the most important to the definition of "Dukes of Hazzard" moral sets. Prior to this episode, we never imagined the Duke family to have any in-family domestic problems. The fight scene between Bo and Luke surprised and shocked us; but the fact the Dukes weren't immune to troubles made them all the more real. The episode's ending, chock-full of forgiveness, mush, and yeehaa-we-did-it's, was especially gratifying after the tension throughout the episode. They earned the happy ending on this one. My two cents. Hope it helps! Brian

I can't believe WB would have ever doubted the market value of having John and Tom in the Dukes movie. Ya think WB would have figured out that substitutes won't cut it, after the Coy and Vance era of the show. And just from my recent ventures into Smallville territory, I can tell you that there is no shortage of John Schneider fans over there. I consider myself and HazzardNet as friends of WB, but dammit I could slap whoever decided that the original cast had no place in the Dukes movie. I can only speculate that it was an economic ( and short-sighted ) decision. Whatever revenues the Dukes movie enjoyed worldwide, it fell short of what really Could Have Been. Brian

Not to worry - between reruns and DVD sets, it'll be around awhile. Meantime, check out the vidcaps on this Smallville website. I posted a link to some of the John and Tom scenes, below: http://www.smallville-news.com/svcaps/exposed/index12.html

Ok, in 10 minutes on tonight's Smallville episode, the on-screen reunion of John and Tom proved a number of things: 1) They were never "too old" to be in the Dukes movie - life doesn't end at 30 after all 2) They had more chemistry between the 2 of them, then the entire movie cast 3) It didn't matter that the Charger wasn't orange 4) Yes, they can act 5) John's still the better driver 6) The Smallville episode paid more true homage to the spirit of the Dukes of Hazzard than anything the movie gave us 7) WB does have decent writers - where the hell were they during the Dukes movie script? 8 Plaid shirts are still " in " 9) Tom can still climb through car windows and make it look graceful 10) They're still the good ol' boys Thank you, Smallville ! For a few minutes, we saw what could have been and what SHOULD have been - in the Dukes movie. Brian

This info is scattered around all over the place, but just in case you've missed it .... tune in to Smallville on the WB on Thursday Nov 3, to see Tom Wopat make a guest appearance. Check yer local listings!

Thanks, Tim , for helping Taco over there. I just found a free photo hosting site called picturetrail.com that seems to be pretty easy.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the "fun-filled blooper reel" in the Unrated DVD. Hell, the whole movie was a blooper reel.... Seriously tho', I'm gonna get this DVD. I enjoyed the action scenes and the stunts , and I'll definately wanna watch those again and again. Another plus of the DVD - I can watch the movie while totally smashed, instead of the mild three-beer buzz I had goin' on in the theatre. Brian

Reserve not met. Brian

Take an eyeball at this. The following article found on myvideostore.com has this to say about the Unrated DVD: The Dukes of Hazzard, this summer's movie adaptation of the classic TV series, is coming to DVD on Dec. 6 in both unrated and original PG-13 versions. The unrated release will contain additional scenes never shown in theaters. To be exact, there are a scant three minutes of extra footage. The unrated version is 107 minutes long whereas the PG-13 is just 104. Both releases will contain some huge special features. The biggest being three featurettes: "Daisy Dukes: The Short Short Shorts," how they made the shorts so short and how to make your own; "The General Lee Lives," a close look at the beloved car; and "How to Launch a Muscle Car 175 feet in 4 Seconds," how they pulled off such a large scale car jumping stunt. Also included will be Jessica Simpson's scalding hot music video for "These Boots are Made for Walking," a behind-the-scenes look titled "The Hazards of Dukes," and a fun-filled blooper reel. Both the PG-13 and Unrated editions will be available in either widescreen or full-screen format. Each DVD will carry a SRP of $28.98.

Two cents?! Guess that explains why we've stuck with the same ownership all these years. Nobody else wants the place! Brian

I checked Cootersplace.com, and there doesn't seem to be a complete address for the Nashville store. Under the News archives, I found this reference for the Nashville location: "Our new place will be in Music Valley Village, directly across McGavock Pike from the Grand Ol' Opry and the Opryland Hotel." So, I suppose you might wanna try and find the Grand Ol' Opry and zero in from there. Brian