Brian Coltrane

"We can take it elsewhere," Brian called back. "Like to the Sheriff. You get a day in court, a last meal, and a preacher. Which is a damn sight more than what you'll get from us, in about thirty seconds." Brian glanced over at Alex, gesturing for him to wait until Chet's reply....

From the other side of the bar, came a low growl. The black-clad Coltrane was crouched on the floor, recovering from the wallop, his back to the protective wall of the wooden bar. "You wasted two perfectly good beers," Brian snarled. "And the reason why ah had brought you heah, insteada right to the Sheriff, was to figure out what to do with yer sorry ass. Ah mighta let you go, boy...yer peanuts anyway. But now....you've made the decision for me." A deadly silence lingered while the words sunk in. The click of Brian's gun signaled that this insult would not go unanswered.

Brian heard the sum that the lady called out. Without taking his eyes off Chet, he hollered back a question. "Dead or alive?" (cue Daney)

I'll admit, I always dug Starsky & Hutch, so when the movie version came out - I had to see it. The original series was chock-full of melodrama and violence - and yet it had it's moments of humor. The movie took these traits and exaggerated them beyond the nth degree. It did make me laugh, tho'. I went into it knowin' that it was gonna be silly, and therefore got what I expected. The swan dive of the Torino into the ocean was well-crafted. It was set up with this incredible launch from the pier to land on the bad guy's yacht, which would have been specatcular. Instead, Starksy hammers it a bit too hard, and the Torino makes a phenominal launch into the air and careens right over the boat, landing like a brick into the ocean. The bad guys, of course, laugh their ass off, and so did everyone in the theatre I was in. It was funny because the result was unexpected, yet totally plausible. The biggest mistake in the flick, was the character traits weren't quite right. In the movie, Hutch was a slacking cop who would just as soon be on the other side with the bad guys. Starsky was neurotic and by-the-book. I suppose in the interest of comedy, the scriptwriter thought that messing with the core personas of these guys would be funny. But to longtime fans, that was the hardest thing to take. I tell ya, if they do some kinda lobotomy with Bo and Luke and change their personalities in the Dukes movie, I'll be the first one to have a fit. But if the S&H movie is any indication, the car scenes will be good. I hate to say it, but I'm sure this is going to be the main focus of the movie. An hour and a half of an orange Charger tearing around a field and jumping various obstacles. Critics would be fast to point out that this is more or less true to the original show. The rest of us, howevah, know there was more to it than that.

I haven't heard any advance news on location. Given the lazy choice for the last Dukes TV movie, I'm sure it'll be in the WB's back parking lot. On the Jessica topic - it's possible she's not supposed to talk about it. Britney Spears had originally stated that she'd been promised the role - this is going back as far as last summer - and when Jessica let it slip a few months ago that she was auditioning for the role, Britney pitched a fit. There are a few instances earlier this year where Jessica made references to the Dukes movie. Somewhere in the movie topics here there's a couple of examples, so you may wanna stroll around the older posts.

Meanwhile, back in the Boar's Nest Saloon.... Brian listened to Alex's words, then considered Chet's fate. The dejected horse thief seemed to be sinking through the floor, knowing he was beaten and the game was lost. "That's a mighty high price for a horse," Brian drawled to Chet. "Even if yer exaggeratin' those numbers, ah figure we can sell the whole set of nags around heah for a ree-spectable sum. But tell me somethin'..." At this, Brian's gaze hardened, and his expression flattned until his grin was little more than a thin line. "What's the bounty on yer head? Seems to me, it might more n' make up for any shortfall." (cue anyone!)

In the current issue of Mopar Muscle, on newstands now through 09/14, there's a picture on page 8 of a German Shepard sittin' behind the wheel of a General Lee. It's a cute picture - the dog looks like he just pulled the car up and parked it. Anyhow, they got a caption contest goin' on for this photo - no big prize, but the winner gets their name in the magazine, and a small gift of some sort. Be fun to enter, just to get the braggin' rights if ya win. One more thing to add to yer resume' !

It's been widely reported that Ashton Kutcher was gonna have a leading role in the upcoming Dukes movie, but I've come across new information that conflicts with this. Ashton is currently working on another project for Columbia Pictures. The movie is called "The Dinner Party" and went into production 06/21/04. The movie is slated for release next summer, just about when Dukes was supposed to come out. (the name of Ashton's project was blandly listed as, "Untitled Bernie Mac/Ashton Kutcher Project" , I had to dig around just to get the name of the movie. Sheesh, why is this stuff such a military secret?) Anyhoo...as Dukes was supposed to hit production this last spring - then this summer - and now we're gettin' close to autumn - I've gotta wonder just what the heck is goin' on. Though rumored to be in "pre-production", the Dukes movie status cannot be confirmed. But seein' as how it took WB forever just to name a director, I'm not too worried. Also, Jessica Simpson is wrappin' up her summer tour this month - it's very possible that everything's been held back a bit until schedules can jive. We'll keep the channels open and letcha know what we hear.

RJ, we did get kinda distracted there, didn't we. Sorry 'bout that. We got swept up in the moment. You're right about the S&H movie bein' an example of what we DON'T want the Dukes movie to be. The Starsky & Hutch movie was a parody at best, an insult at worst, to the original show. Tho' seeing that Ford Torino do a swan dive into the ocean was worth the price of admission. Brian

If they were real people, it wouldn't be an issue. There's plenty o' folks today who drive around with rebel flag license plates, and have Dixie horns wired to their car. Not to mention the few hundred General Lee replicas that are out there. Give or take any other make n' model of car painted with the flag. The nifty thing about the First Amendment and freedom of speech - which you have enjoyed rather liberally here - is that self-expression is still permitted, even if it does offend a few folks. Hollywood, tho', has it's own agenda. I think the whole Dukes thang is strong enough to survive whatever the General Lee is painted, and whatever the movie does to it. It survived the Coy and Vance era. It survived the distain of critics everywhere. It survived TNN cutting the reruns to ribbons to make room for numerous commercials. More, it survived bad plots like "Strange Visitor to Hazzard" which would have killed an ordinary show. I don't expect you to believe me, though. So let me add, in closing, the most compelling remarks I can offer regarding your concerns. THHHBPTH!! =P Yers truly, Brian

There is no race, no culture, no creed, that can look back upon their history and claim their hands are clean. It's not history that harms your heritage, Sway. It's your own attitude. If you think you've got the market cornered on bein' ridiculed, wronged, ripped off, or mocked, or treated differently....you're in for some awakenin' yet. What started out as some friendly jibes back and forth has turned into somethin' ugly. I think everyone here made an effort to hear ya out and give you a chance to proudly recite your ancestry, so that we could dig it. All I've heard tho', is a lot of bitterness and hate, for events that occurred long before you were born. And I'd have to say, the incidents you've recited about yer own experience with other folk in the country are unfortunate..but hardly unique. Everyone gets teased for somethin'. If you're scarred for life because someone picked on your accent, then you're fragile as all hell. You've indicated you're movin' on, and that's just as well. I'm not deletin' your posts, tho', because there is such a thing as freedom of speech. You have, however, lost an opportunity to make at least one friend. Yer loss. Brian

If history was written by the winnin' side, how the hell would I know the truth? How would you? Unless that's a time-travel device in your pocket. Speakin' for myself personally, I wasn't around in the 1860's or durin' the reconsitution era. But no one has ever accused my knowledge of the period of bein' shallow...or biased. No one on HazzardNet is yer enemy. And if you feel otherwise, I'm sorry. Of all the things Dukes of Hazzard was about....it was NOT about a division of people. Bo and Luke didn't stroll around hatin' Yankees. We don't, either. Brian

RebellWolf, Yeah, yer the only one. The rest of us just kinda hang around and try to look busy. Except for MaryAnne, who hangs around to make sure everybody else is lookin' busy. Perhaps Three Dog Night said it best in their ol' 70's hit ( You're old enough to remember this ) Oooonnnne is the lonliest numbah that you'll evah doooooo..... Or in our case....01. Obviously, you're a bigger fan than any of us are, and due honors should be accorded. *smattering of scattered applause* There ya go! Brian

Budget cuts. Print costs. Labor shortage. You know how it is. So we skimped on a "z" and thought nobody would notice.

Sway, ol' buddy....I take it you've seen Deliverance! I'm sure they'll remake it pretty soon, and maybe this time, they'll get the South more accurate. Brian

Let's step back a bit. The flag does NOT represent the KKK. Tho' various hate groups have used it. Worth noting that the same hate groups also fly the US flag at their functions and consider themselves the ultimate patriots. ( When in actuality, they're the ultimate idiots.) The rebel flag began as the standard of the Army of Nothern Virginia. It was, and is, purely a "battle" flag, when you boil everything down. (The national flag of the Confederate States of America was an unremarkable blue bedsheet. ) Anyhow, other Confederate units began incorporating the battle standard into their own colors, and the Confederate states added it within their own flags. The brightness of the rebel flag and it's simple design made it highly visible on the battlefield; it was for this reason, perhaps, that it became the herald of the Confederate army. Movin' back up to modern times...about three years ago, the state of GA removed the rebel colors from their state flag, after being put under political pressure and economic threat by special interest groups. Meanwhile, other southern states continue to have their same state flags -with the bit o' rebel intact - as they did since the 1860's. And here we are today, still fightin' over the flag. Does it represent heritage, or hate? Courage, or treason? The fact that it represents battle, and therefore conflict, cannot be denied. Southern troops were oft barefoot, under-supplied, and half-starved. This flag was all they had when Union guns were blazing. The rebel flag represented the fighting spirit of the common solider; it was the embodiment of his will to live against overwhelming odds; it was his oath of loyalty to his home state; it was his pledge to protect the soil that sustained his family. Given the motives of the average Confederate soldier - namely, to survive and to protect his home - this flag should be remembered. To remove all traces of it, is to deny the events of history; more, it only serves to reinforce the distortions of the groups who have wronged it in their use. Brian

Ya know a great movie that portrayed the south, was "Deliverance." One of Bert Reynolds earlier flicks. Who can ever forget the immortal line, "Squeal like a pig!" I'm sure Sway has this one in his collection. Heh heh. Brian

If this is the dental plan, I'll pass on the medical benefits. Tho' I use the term "benefit " loosely when it comes to this outfit. Guess I'd better shaddap and go look busy. Might be good time to get that Extra Eee-diton of the newsletter put together....

Thank ya, everyone. It ain't often I'm known for logic, but this issue just strikes a chord with me. I think WB needs to take a good, long look at all the Dukes merchandise that's been cranked out for the past two decades r'' so. Does that dreaded rebel flag appear on anything? *gasp* Yeah, the flag appears on damn near everything. Especially seein' as how it was on the car all these years. Man, bet that flag bein' on so much stuff hurt merchandise sales. NOT!! Take a deep look into the cash register, Warner Bros. How much have you made from this car? ERTL went so far as to make the rebel flag part of it's packaging on the 1:18 scale die casts, the 1:24 scale die casts, and the 3-car "hot pursuit set." Oh, and that promo picture on the front of the Dukes DVD...eeek, we can still tell that's a rebel flag Daisy is laying on!! Oh man, nobody will buy it if THIS gets out. Riiiight. The same promo shot appears on the Columbia House VHS releases of the Dukes series. ( back cover, upper left.) Darned if the rebel flag ain't part of the old Dukes CD cover, too. Goodness, how'd that happen. Maybe because ya'll been marketin' the hell out of it for damn near 25 YEARS?! And now this flag is a problem? Can't have it in the video game? Can't have it in the movie? Taking the flag off the General's roof now, is nothing more than a hollow gesture of political correctness, to a radical wing that is gonna find somethin' to protest no matter what the hell ya do. ( Next thing ya know, a Southern accent is gonna be illegal, and then what? Ah'll be in big trouble, ya'll. ) Warner Bros, if you deface the General Lee, and strip the car of the very emblem that it's namesake fought for....ya'll are the biggest, most complete bunch of hypocrites that ever walked this earth. Do you want to make a real gesture to whatever groups are offended by the flag on the car? Then why don't you donate just a little bit of that merchandising fortune to a charitable cause of the self-same groups? College fund, political hope chest, whatever. THAT would be a gesture! Warner Bros, you ain't gonna please anybody with this one. How about you decide in favor of the fans who have consistently forked out big bucks for your products? Why don't you try, just for the sake o' novelty, to do somethin' that would make the fans of the show happy? The hell with everybody else. We're the ones buyin' the tickets...the toys...the CD's...the posters. Be honest, the folks who nevah dug the show nevah will. Those offended by the show or anythin' in it, always will be offended. Those of us that love the show...always will. Be good to us. Brian

GAH! I'm gettin' the feelin' I should have read the fine print when I signed up for this gig. *checks papers* Hmmm.... what the hell is this about an "indentured servant" clause? And dammit MaryAnne, quit swearin' on the boards. Next thing ya know, we'll have people sayin' "@#$&*%!!" and "*&$%#*" and then I'll be here all night sweepin' up behind it because you'll be in Tahiti or somethin' on vacation. *checks papers again* Which, accordin' to this, you've accrued about 7 years in time off, while I've got a mandatory 7 years to put in...interestin' how that coincides. One more thing, 'xplain to me how this moderator pension plan works. 50 percent of 50 percent of 50 percent of our membership dues get divided up three ways...hey, we don't HAVE membership dues! I'd complain to the management, but somethin' tells me it would only get worse. AAAAHHH!!!

"No, you ain't gonna roll no smoke." Brian gritted the words. "And if you don't move your hand away from that pocket, real easy-like, I'm gonna do more shootin' and less listenin'." Brian narrowed his dark eyes and scowled dangerously. "I've got three of your horses already...four, countin' that ansy thoroughbred you ride. I could sell them all right now, for enough money to keep me in women and whiskey for a month. Ah don't need you around to accomplish that. So ah'm beginnin' to wonder if this is gonna be worth mah time." With one hand resting on the handle of his gun, Brian kept a steady stare on the captured horse thief. (Cue anybody! What else is going on in town? Anybody in the saloon watching this? People up to something outside? Or is everybody waitin' for me to either shoot Chet or string him up? )

Here's some logic that I hope Hollywood thinks about. A few months ago, the General Lee was named as the top "car star" of all time. It ranked higher than the Batmobile, higher than anything else that came before or after it. Yep, the General Lee is clearly the most popular TV car on the planet. And that's with the flag on the roof. Gee, it can't be offending THAT MANY PEOPLE!! Plus, Ertl makes toy models of this car. With the flag. Has for years. They sell a lot of them. I think any offense factor of the rebel flag, lies within who is carrying it. Not the flag itself. O' course, this is my own simplistic view, and my own personal opinion. Ironically, while Hollywood might be overly concerned about any possible offense created by this flag painted on a car....they're crankin' out movies with tons of swearing, sex, drug references, and graphic violence. Anything goes in a movie, so long as you don't have THAT flag on a car. Eeeek. Better unplug that Dixie horn, too. And just for safety's sake, let's relocate Hazzard to New York state. The Dukes of Albany. Awright, I'd better shaddap. Brian

Vacation. What a great idea. I could do with two or three months off....yeah! Hey, MeadowMufn n' MaryAnne - what's the vacation policy 'round heah? Brian

It would have been great to see a third made-for-tv Dukes movie with the original cast. I have a feelin' that it won't happen, tho'. I'd loved to be proved wrong, but....I don't think it's in the cards. And of all the reasons why, it could be as simple as the fact Denver Pyle ain't around to be a part of it. Perhaps the cast wanted it left that way; the last show included him, and in this sense, the Duke family was together till the end. This sentiment could also explain why the original cast, for the most part, is not jumping up and down to be in the new movie. With someone else filling in the roles for Boss and Uncle Jesse, everything changes. I'm still hoping the new movie at least has cameos of the original cast. And yeah, I'm gonna go see it. I want to see the faces of the kids in the audience when that orange Charger takes to the air. I want to see if the General Lee can still be the General, even without the confederate flag on the roof, even without the Dixie horn...(I'm sure the horn is politically incorrect and will be the next thing to go.) And you know what, when I go see the movie, I'll be wearin' a t-shirt with a big ol' rebel flag on the front and back. Let them @#%* censor THAT.

Some good selections there, man. But that is one expensive Hollywood payroll. Heh heh.