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Favorite Dukes of Hazzard Quotes

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  • 2 months later...
30 minutes ago, Cooters Left Nut said:

I'm reclaiming the old British favourite 'Gordon Bennett' too. Look it up and spread the word :neener:

There's been a Gordon Bennett race here in Ireland since 1903 - see here. There's a memorial to the race by the R418 a few miles north-east of Athy in Co. Kildare. I drove past it two weeks ago, but I've never stopped to look at it. You can read more here.

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On 3/16/2024 at 3:38 PM, Cooters Left Nut said:


Probably heard the best thing I've ever heard on TV. 

Ep My Son, Bo Hogg (s3e15)

Rosco gets chased down by Luke and Daisy after he's plundered the farm for Bo's belongings. Upon stopping and gathering himself, Rosco utters

"Great gobs of goose goo". 

Beautiful. It's up there with 'Great googly moogly' for making tea come down my nose. I'll be adding that to my arsenal of oldy timey sayings. I'm reclaiming the old British favourite 'Gordon Bennett' too. Look it up and spread the word :neener:

Only a true fan would post something like this! We are so lucky you have joined our family. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

(Season 5 Return of the Mean Green Machine) Boss and Rosco are riding Miss Tisdale's motorcycle they stole from her, and using it to chase the MGM because Rosco blew up his car while trying to fire a bazooka at the machine to make it stop.

Boss Hogg:"Rosco, if you ever have to live yer life over, don't!" Rosco:"If I do, I hope I'm a duck!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

(Season 2 The Runaway)

The Private Detectives Mitch Henderson & Les Sloane are at the Hazzard Telephone/Telegraph Co. Les Sloane is on the phone with Mr. C. J. Holmes.

Les Sloane:"Right, anything you say Mr. Holmes."(Hangs up the phone. To partner Mitch Henderson.)"Or his money says!" Mitch Henderson:"Are we fired?"

Les Sloane:"Not yet. But he's flyin' in, an' wants us to pick him up at the airport."

Mitch Henderson:"I'm not picking anybody up at an airport just so he could fire me. Let him take a taxi."

Les Sloane:"Do that, an' he's liable to take it outta our pay. Plus the tip!"

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

(Season 1 Double Sting)

Wendell:"You're supposed to be in jail 'til tomorrow! Can't anybody anything right!?"

Tom Colt:"Boss, I ran into some trouble back there!"

Wendell:"What happened?"

Daisy Duke:"You poor man! That's a terrible case of Poison Ivy!"

Tom Colt:"You see? An' it didn't work in jail either. Some hillbillies spotted me."

Wendell:"Where's your car?"

Tom Colt:"I had to make a getaway in this thing! Hey, isn't that the girl from the bar?"

Irving:"She belongs to me! Look, dummy! Are we supposed to sneak out of here in an orange stock car with a big number one on the side, an' a Confederate flag on the roof!?"

Tom Colt:"Look, little man! It'll be a whole lot easier than tryin' to hide her!"

Wendell:"Imbiciles! It was a very simple plan. These 2 idiots couldn't follow instructions on a cereal box!"

Daisy Duke:"Y'all don't git along very well, do you?"

Wendell:"No young lady, we don't!"

Tom Colt:"I wanna see the money!"

Daisy Duke:"I think you should see about gettin' some Calamine Lotion on that Poison Ivy."

Wendell:"Git her inside! Because of your stupidity, we're gonna have to dump that RV truck, an' escape in that clown car!"

Edited by Skipper Duke
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Posted (edited)

(Season 1 Limo One is Missing)

Rosco and Enos almost collide into each other's car.

Rosco:"You dumb dipstick! What're you tryin' to do?! Give me bodily injury!? Alright, where is she!? Did you let 'er go!?"

Enos:"I didn't mean to Sheriff. I don't know where she went."

Rosco:"Hush! Hush! Don't talk back to me while I'm yellin' at you!"

Edited by Skipper Duke
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(Season 1 Luke's Love Story.)

Bo, Cooter and Uncle Jesse talking about Cooter being a crasher in the upcoming Hazzard County Obstacle Derby race.

Bo:"You are gonna be a crasher fer Boss!?"

Cooter:"I ain't got no choice y'all! Rosco's gonna sell my truck to pay off my tickets, if not, he's gonna put me under the jail!" Bo and Jesse laugh.

Cooter:"You ain't mad?"

Bo:"Old Boss sure has outfoxed himself this time, huh? Cooter, yer gonna put on a phony show for 'im."

Cooter:"I am?"

Uncle Jesse:"Yeah. You see, now that we know about it, you an' Luke can just bump each other once in awhile, an' the Boss will think yer runnin' a dishonest race an' doin' yer job!" Bo, Cooter and Uncle Jesse laugh. Bo and Cooter high five. Now they talk about Amy Creavy's ex mechanic/boyfriend Turk. Turk likes putting nitrous oxide in cars getting drivers disqualified.

Francis Lee Olmstead(Frankie for short):"I wish we could handle Turk that easily."

Bo:"Well don't worry about. We will, when we find him."

Frankie:"Find Turk? You don't find Turk! Turk finds you!"

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(Season 1 Double Sting)

Luke Duke:"It looks like Rosco's gonna give us a hand here!"

Sheriff Emitt Ragsdale:"What kind of untrained -?"(Rosco causes him to flip his car over.)

Deputy Enos Strate:"Sheriff, did you see that!?"

Sheriff Emitt Ragsdale:(Gets out of car.)"Coltrane, your driving is sub standard!"

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:(So only him and Enos hear.)"I didn't turn over!"

Deputy Enos Strate:"You reckon we oughta help the Sheriff?"

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:"He ain't hurt! Turn off the lights!"

Deputy Enos Strate:"Yessir!"

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(Season 1 Double Sting)

Luke Duke:"I'm tellin' ya Bo! I got a close up look at it, an' it's the same car!"

Bo Duke:"So I suppose yer gonna tell me he's in here right?"

Waylon Jennings:"Now, you start with a little bumpin' on a Hazzard County road, then go to the Boars Nest, add a stranger or two that look like they're up to no good, a lot of spice, mix in a little sugar, an' watch out."

Daisy Duke:"What'd he look like?"

Luke Duke:"He looked mean-"

Bo Duke:"An' ugly."

Daisy Duke:"That covers just about everybody in here, except me!"

Luke Duke:"Well, I'd know him if I saw him again."

Daisy Duke:"Good luck. Hey, are y'all goin' to the costume dance party Saturday?"

Bo Duke:"Daisy, we ain't got time fer that, we gotta race."

Daisy Duke:"It's the biggest dance all year, fellas!"

Luke Duke:"It's the only dance all year!"

Daisy Duke:"Wait 'til you see what I'm wearin'. I'm goin' as a circus bareback rider!"

Tom Colt:"Hey baby! I'd like to be yer horse!"

Daisy Duke:"Ok sugar! Soon as I find the front end!"

Tom Colt:"I don't take no dirt from a bar maid!"

Bo Duke:"Ain't that him?"

Luke Duke:"That's him!"

A bar room brawl erupts into major chaos.

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(Season 1 Repo Men)

Rosco:"Well, I ain't to crazy about the idea Boss. I mean, what is it exactly that we're framin' the Duke Boys for?"

Boss Hogg:"It ain't "we" Rosco! It's more like you! Those Duke Boys settin' a very dangerous example for the other folks here about, they'll get everybody thinkin' that the duly constituted authority in Hazzard County -"

Rosco:"Namely you-"

Boss Hogg:"Namely me can be cut sassed an' crossed! I want those boys behind bars!"

Rosco:"Well, I'll throw 'em in jail! I'll throw 'em in jail fer the whole weekend! That way, they can't race on Saturday! That'll just break their redneck hearts! Kew Kew!"

Boss Hogg:"I'm talkin' prison! 2 years fer breakin' probation!"

Rosco:"Well Boss, I wouldn't exactly call that breakin' probation you know. It's not as if they're runnin' 'shine or out there poachin' them little deers!"

Boss Hogg:"Rosco, you better get creative, or else you will be-"

Rosco:"The night watch rent-a-cop at the drive-in deli on Frontage RD.!"

Boss Hogg:"Bingo!"

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(Season 2 Days of Shine and Roses)Boss finds out Rosco failed in his mission to sabotage Uncle Jesse's moonshine race car Black Tillie II.

Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg:"Rosco! The next time you sabotage a car, make sure it's mine! That way, it'll run forever!"

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane:"Well, what I should've done is put sugar in that gas tank instead of water!"

Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg:"Not if you would've used the water on your brain! If it's thick enough to clog your head, just think of what it would've done to Jesse's car!"

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(Season 1 Double Sting)

Bo Duke:"You gotta tell me one thing! How'd you fake the plague?"

Tom Colt:(Laughing.)"That was simple! I'm allergic to Poison Ivy right?"

Bo Duke:"Yeah!"

Tom Colt:"So when I get in jail, I just peel back the tape and expose the Poison Ivy. Then I get the rash, the swelling, I even get a fever. Then, I fake all the other symptoms of the plague, like delirium, crampin', all that sort of stuff you know? An' then, man, it looks good, really good! Just like the plague! It was beautiful, really beautiful! Anyway, do you realize that there ain't no doctor ever seen a case of the plague in this part of the country?"(Tom Colt who was sitting down, got up to go stand behind Bo and Luke while explaining about faking the plague. He sneaks away to the General Lee, while he was standing behind Bo and Luke who are still sitting down on the creek shore.)

Bo Duke:"Gosh, it sure is gonna be somethin' to work with a real professional!"

Luke Duke:"You figure we can ever be that good?"

Bo Duke:"I don't know. It's gonna take a lot of-"(General Lee starts up. Bo and Luke run to it trying to stop Tom Colt from stealing it and leaving them stranded. He escapes, in a cloud of dust, just as they get there.)

Waylon Jennings:"Y'all realize they ain't no closer to Daisy than they were in jail!"

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(Season 5 Coy Meets Girl)

Coy Duke:"We just drove into World War 3!"

Vance Duke:"Holy Hannah, it was in the papers last week!"

Coy Duke:"World War 3?"

Vance Duke:"No, the national guard is holdin' war maneuvers out here! An' we're right smack dab in the middle of it!"

Coy Duke:"If one of those shells hits that truck, it's goodbye antiques!"

Vance Duke:"If one of those shells hits any of us, it's just plain goodbye!"

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Skipper, you need to ease off with the quotes again. This is not Facebook, it's an interactive forum, and there's very little chance for interaction when you make seven lengthy posts one after the other in a 15 minute period.

I've said it before, but I obviously need to repeat it: quotes should be just that - quotes - whether they're memorable or funny. Some of these are entire scenes that don't strike me as either. If you're going to post quotes, stick to simple ones like the one with Rosco and his crossword.

Your accuracy has gone up a bit, but you're still missing words here and there, and mishearing words, e.g. in 'Repo Men' Boss says "namely me, can be cursed, sassed, and crossed" , not "Namely me can be cut sassed an' crossed!". In your last quote (the one from 'Coy Meets Girl'), you omitted nearly 40 seconds of dialogue between Boss and Rosco in the middle of the scene without mentioning it.

If you want guidelines for quotes, look at the ones posted on IMDb. Not many are more than a few lines long. Also, stick to short names preceding the dialogue: "Boss" or "Boss Hogg" is fine, you don't need "Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg". Maybe you're copying them from different sources. If it's a guest character, use their full name on their first line, and then shorten it.

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