An invitation...

[pendragon1980]

Let me tell you a story about the strength of the human spirit.

A story I have shared with a precious few, but I share it now because of the friendships I have made on Hazzardnet.

5 years ago, one scared, depressed college student did something really, really stupid. She didn't get the help she needed. Instead, she took the entire contents of her prescription drugs and most of the over the counter medications as well. She nearly died. In fact, if not for a quick-thinking roomate she would have. She spent the next ten days in the pysch ward of the hospital, visited by friends and family, all who told her they loved her despite what she had done.

Five years ago, this Halloween, that girl was me. Since then I've been fighting, clawing and battling my way back to the life I had, and more. Nine months ago I was told I would be taken off my antidepressents for the first time in more than a decade. I have often thought back on that night, for months I couldn't sleep without reliving it. It's a long, hard journey, but the future looks bright and I have arrived stronger for it. Every Halloween, I raised a toast for myself for one simple reason...survival.

I have relearn to love life with a passion I couldn't desrcibe, because I almost lost mine. It was the love of my family and friends I attribute to that lesson, a love I have since extended to many I know from Hazzard.

So join me this Halloween, whereever you call home, and raise a toast.

To friendship, to survival through hard times, to Hazzard....To life.

Pendragon

Five years, still here.

[Capt_Redneck]

Pendragon

I know that was very difficult to say on here. That takes courage and strength , which you have . You have gotten a lot of support from your family and friends.

Just want to say, even though we don't know each other, that I am glad you have stayed strong. I love to read the stories you have written and hope to continue doing so. I am sure others on here will offer prayers and praise also.

Here's a toast to you.......

Darrell

[Stormy Stormrider]

Fantastic, well done you !

I don't know you but that is an exceptional achievement and confession for anyone.

[Eddiemunster]

I have a friend who had a similar situation. He was away at school, and had an apartment by himself. He was about seven hours away from his friends and family. He would call me and another friend of ours, for no other reason than he was lonely and severely homesick. He once told me that he drank a whole bottle of cough syrup.

I would think the point would be is that in order to keep a well being, you absolutely must have a fair amount of good friends and a caring family. The more you spend quality time with good people, the more it is good for your soul. This is why it is always a great idea to meet new people. Hey, you never know when you're going to need them for good company. Trust me, you'd be surprised what a good friend could do to uplift your spirit and defray you from thinking about suicide. Suicide is the cheater's way out. Don't ever be a cheater.

Good luck and Cheers!

[MaryAnne]

Pendragon, I raise a toast to you right now. You definetly show the strength of the human spirit and I congratulate you on your success and survival. I'm also glad to know that Hazzard, in one way or another, has been part of that survival.

To life....to friends...to survival...to Hazzard.

[Tempest66]

Sorry I've been missing for a little while---I was trying to take advantage of the last few nice days we had left before winter and I also completely redid my computer. But I'm back now and I missed y'all!!!

So my very first message I read was yours, Pendragon! I was very moved and I thank you for trusting us to share your story. It just might help someone else who is feeling hopeless realize that you can get your "passion" back for life. I really respect your long, hard journey and I promise to raise a glass to you this Halloween---To Pendragon and the life she fought for---a battle I'm so glad you won!!!

[Brian Coltrane]

Pendragon, I salute ya, and I applaud your courage for speaking up. We're all very glad you're here!

In an earlier post, EddieM made some good points. In addition, the kind thoughts and wishes of the other folks here speak for the caliber of the HazzardNet crowd. Some of us know each other quite well; some of us only know each other by our posts. But we are all part of a community, and each one of us brings something to the group that is unique and irreplacable.

None of us know what kind of challenges will hit us in life. Also, there's no predicting when a friend will be struck low by events that have no immediate solution...and by emotions that have hit a breaking point.

Sometimes there are no outward warning signs, no advance notice....no "reason" that would seem justifiable to anyone outside of the problem.

Having any number of family and friends won't stop somebody from the attempt. To speak of Pendragon's situation...it's likely she had family and friends who were shocked to find out what happened. And the overriding question in thier minds had to be...."Why??"

The answer to that "Why" is never adequate, to those left behind.

I'm rambling on because there's probably a reason Pendragon felt it was time to talk about it - so maybe there's a reason this thread was meant to roll. Something could be said here, that will help somebody. Or help someone help someone else.

So what do ya do, if a friend or family member out of the blue throws you a warning sign...or sounds like they're breaking under pressure?

Listen to them. Keep them talking. Let those terrible waves of emotion spill out, before it consumes the person inside. A person might want to die to escape intense pain - emotional, or physical - or, they might feel trapped in a situation and see no hope for positive change. Or all of the above.

The emotions on both sides of the suicide transaction are the same. The despondent person is overwhelmed with feelings of grief, anger, depression, helplessness.

The people left behind, are then overwhelmed with feelings of grief, anger, depression, helplessness....

But where there is love and compassion....there is hope of breaking through...and hanging on.

Everyone's life touches another's. It's not the number of friends and family that matters. (There's no faster way to feel lonely, than in a room full of people.) It's the connection you have with them; the trust, the openess. It's the ability to share. The ability to reach out when you need help, and to reach down when someone else needs lifting up.

Brian

[DaneyDuke]

((((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))

Pendragon, I'm proud of you for sharing, and those who contributed to this topic.

[Val Strate]

Well it's Halloween now, Pendragon, and I raise my glass to you....

Life isn't easy. We all know that and you of course realize that. However, for you to share something so personal like this, tells me about the amount of strength you have inside. You've grown from this experience and overcame the set backs that you ran into.

I'm very proud of you and happy to call you friend.

Hopefully others can learn from reading this. Learn that even if you feel like no one cares, there is always someone who does and will help lift you up. Plus, it also teaches us to look out for one another and care about each other.

If you're like me, which from the people I have met here many are like this, I treat my friends as if they were another brother or sister to me. Which around Hazzard alot of us have that relationship.

Thank you Pendragon for your story and how you over came adversity. You are an awesome friend and thank the Lord for that roommate of yours. Life wouldn't be the same without you. I love talking to ya when we have the chance to.

*raises glass* Have a Happy Halloween, Pendragon and everyone else. Here's to five years. May you have at least fifty plus more...

Valerie Marie Strate

[pendragon1980]

Well it's about that time of year again.

I wouldn't have revived this thread except I find myself in a rather strange position this year. One that has me both nervous and hopeful.

As some of you may or may not know, I am a nursing school. This year included a pysch rotation at the local hospital. Ya'll can probably guess where this is going...

I have been assigned, ironically enough, to the same ward I spent time in six years ago.

I have to say, I haven't been this nervous about a rotation since my first. I don't know if my experience will help me empathize with the patients or just totally make me freak out being in that place again.

I do know this, something about this feels right.

If I can help just one person while my short stay there, touch one lost soul, I feel I will have completed the cycle started six years ago.

If I can do that, I feel my journey will had have a purpose and I can be at peace with what happeaned.

Wish me luck.

Pendragon

[Brian Coltrane]

Pendragon, I wish you more than luck. I wish you success. I have faith in you, and in what you can do.

Have faith in yourself. I think this experience is a necessary test. As you said, there's something right - something appropriate, about you returning to this place, looking at it now from the other side.

It sounds like you're going into this with maturity, too. You can't save the world....but if you can turn one person around, it's all worth it.

Brian

[just_me]

Pendragon, you'll be just fine, don't wory! Seems to me you already fougt a lot of battle's so this new one you'll win againg i'm sure.

I want to thank you specially for reviving this thread, cause I never saw it before and now I'm really glad I did.

The thing is, I have a friend who's depressed for many years now, ever since we were teenagers. She tried to kill her self two times, once 5 years ago and once last year.

Ever since we are friends I'm looking out for her.

She used to be bullied a lot when she was a kid and because of that she developed this tremendous defence maganism, in which she goes off at anyone who says something criticizing, at her or about her. In junior high this caused a lot of trouble with her and classmates, trouble I could fight her out again.

In the last years of highschool she found friends who were using drugs.

She started to use it to and found a boy friend, who was good for her selfimage, but was also stoned half of the day. I hated to see her hanging out with that group and took me quite some trouble to get her out of it!

Now we both in our early twenties, she lost the drugs and the boyfriend but she's still depressed all the time, like I said she tried to kill her self again january 2004

Because she hasn't got any other friends she can go to, she leans on me a lot. I don't mind that, but sometimes it's very difficult. Because of her depression she can get prety upset/angry and she'll take it out on me.

She did see a psychiatrist for a while, but her parents thought after a while it didn't do her no good and she has to solve her own problems .

(You believe that?!!)

Sorry I'm rambeling on but what I'm trying to say is even though I care about her a lot, sometimes I'm getting tired of the weight resting on my shoulders specially cause it asks a lot of my private life.

Reading your strory though, reminds me why it's important for friends to stick to gether and for me to keep supporting her!

Thanks a lot!

JM

[pendragon1980]

This is about a week early but I wanted to get it out of my system.

It's been a couple of years since I added to this thread, but since its a milestone for me, I'd thought it would be appropriate.

It's been 10 years since that night and I feel my life has come full circle, now instead of healing myself, I can work to heal others.

Since that night, I've pushed myself though nursing school, met and married the man of my dreams, and found my faith again. Next years, my husband and I will be looking for a house and hopefully starting a family.

Now on this Halloween night, I found myself working as a nurse in the same hospital I spent a lonely and very scary night in 10 years ago. In fact, one floor above exactly.

If you had asked me ten years ago where I saw myself now, I would have probably answered either dead or living dependent on one of my parents. But instead I am thriving, and I owe a great deal of that to my family and friends, alot of whom I met through this site.

I'm not here to brag, I'm here to say thank you. I could not have been here without you.

So again,

To friendship, to survival through hard times and paying forward the kindness of others, to Hazzard....To life.

Pendragon

Ten years, still here.

[RogerDuke]

I went back and read all the posts on this thread and it made my day. I hope everybody here takes the time to check it out.

From one western Pennsylvanian to another, let me say, you are my hero Pendragon. I'll be smiling for a long time thinking about your story!!!!!!

It's like 'ol Waylon says "In Hazzard, we tend to like happy endings."

[daisydukeXenosstrait]

From a Texan to a Pennsylvanian, all of these posts are showing how far you've come and like Roger said I hope more people read these posts, you're awesome Pendgragon!

[MaryAnne]

I'm honored to stand here, Pendragon, ten years onward and salute the incredible journey and path that you have taken since that time. And as I once commented before, I'm glad that HNet and those of us here, in some way, shape n' form, was part of the base of strength to carry you onward to your dreams and goals.

A heartfelt salute to you!

[Garrett Duke]

Pendragon -

First of all, I am very proud of the accomplishments that you have done over the past ten years! I am so happy to hear that you had made it past that horrible time in your life to work had at earning the success you seem to be having in life now - you are well deserving of it!

Second of all, thank-you for sharing your story with all of us. I know it was probably a hard thing to do, but in doing so, you may be helping others in need plus giving everyone a little inspiration as well. Thank-you!

Once again, I am very happy for you and to read on your latest update and am very glad to hear that things are much better now for you! In hoping for many, many, many more happy and successful years for you and your family...cheers! I hope you all the best.

[Sheriff_Rosco_P_Coltrane]

Life is a precious thing! seeing this brought a tear to my eye and I am very proud you pulled through with this! Very well done, pendragon1980! So many years after that all and you are still going. Bravo!

[texasdaisy09]

Thank God you are doing so well. I wish you all the best.