Brian Coltrane

Would that be the back of the bach section? Tho' the picture in question speaks more to the front. You don't find women with nice, natural elbows like that anymore. Brian

AAAAAAHHHH!!! Not that!! Not....the LIBRARY!! *gasp* How horrible!! One does what one must. We'll see ya soon - hang in there! Brian

I've always loved this movie! And I've always wanted to become wealthy and act just like Rodney Dangerfield . Get a big-ass boat and tear up some snooty marina. Yeeehaaa! I'm gonna put a dixie horn on my yacht. Brian

You just might find a Rosco fan or two...or three...lurkin' around HazzardNet. But I ain't one of these people who imitate his expressions, or adapt into a lingo of Coltrane-ese. Nor do I hang around lunatics who do. KHEE khee khee I love it I love it!! HOT PURSUIT!!! Buckle up for safety! Awwwright you Dukes...come out wit'cher hands up!! Then again, I could be lyin' through my teeth. Hey MaryAnne, you wanna weigh in on this one? You a Rosco fan? Brian

It is? That's amazin', because I didn't do anything. This place is haunted. Brian

...And if so, are they gonna replace the rebel flag on the General with the Union Jack, or what?

GAAAAAAAH!!! It must be true!! *gasp* <THUD> Sequels!! Which means.....years of us all analyzin' and squabblin' and bickerin' and pickin' apart everything! Which means....dammit, I've got to clean up some of these bazillion pages of old posts, so we can make room for the new bellyachin' and carryin' on and wild speculation we all gotta engage in!! But...London? What's with this London gig, is that true? What, is this gonna be like a Smokey and the Bandit motive, where the Dukes are on some mad quest for fish and chips? Help me out, heah.... Brian

So long as it's not Jessica singing. She's got the vocal range of a bad channel on AM radio. Brian

Dammit, that photo gallery is still broken, ain't it ? @#$%&*..... they don't make duct tape like they used to, that's all I got to say. It's on our list....still...yet. Thanks for your continued patience. Brian

I dunno....why? I don't even remember where that thing was. If it ain't working or seems to be missing, lemme know where it used to be, and I'll go see if I can figure out where it went. If it was hosted off-site by somebody else, it's always possible the host location removed it, which would render any link we had to it, dee-funct. Thank ya, Brian

Just to let ya'll know, "Scott", who is one of the folks who posted info about the Dukes movie during filming - is okay! I've been worried about 'em, along with all our Louisiana cousins. But I'm happy to report Scott's awright. He is busy helping with the relief and stabilization efforts. Y'all, we've put a link on the HazzardNet homepage to the Red Cross. The situation created by hurricane Katrina is beyond what most of us have ever witnessed for a natural disaster in the U.S. The amount of money needed to help folks survive and recover, is going to be tremendous. Simple necessities like fresh water, food, blankets and clothing have become incredible luxuries for people who have lost everything. This didn't happen in some third-world country, where we can hope that "somebody else" will help. These people are our own friends, neighbors and cousins in an hour of great need. HazzardNet asks ya'll to please help the Red Cross, so that they can help the thousands of people who have been made homeless and jobless by this disaster. Thank you, Brian

Awright , Chatroom seems to be working. If there's any other problems, please drop me a Private Message. Enjoy! Brian

Please no. Please tell me that it's all a cruel hoax.... Nooooooooooo!!

Okay, I just got in there ....anybody around who can help me test it? Brian

Yes, there be a moderator out heah!! Sorry about the chatroom. We...uh....well, we broke it. But we'll fix it! Our apologies for the inconvenience. Soon as it's up and running I'll post something here. Thank ya, Brian

Cool ride, TimDuke. How much ya want for it? Just kiddin'! Outta my price range anyhow.... Brian

Our Louisiana cousins, as well as those from Biloxi and the neighboring areas, are in our thoughts and prayers. We've had many friendly folks from Louisiana visit HazzardNet over the last year, posting about the movie filming and such. May all of you, and your kin, be found safe. Brian

Happy B-lated Birthdays, ya'll ! And anytime yer worried about growin' older, remember this: It sure as hell beats the alternative! So pile on the candles, raise a toast to yourself, and vow to outlive your enemies. Yeehaaw. Brian

With a smouldering look at the insolent Dukes, Brian mounted his horse and heaved a resigned sigh. They're would be no getting rid of Bo or Luke, short of shooting them. Tempting as that was, there was also the fact of two dead wranglers who had been bushwhacked by unknown assailants. It might not hurt, then, to have company along. Though he didn't have to like it. "Bein' seen with y'all is gonna damage mah reputation to no end," Brian grumbled. He waited as the Dukes mounted their own horses, then nudged Damascus into motion. "But ah'll endure yer self-righteous and altogether smug presence, so long as you fill me in on the news from town. This gang you mentioned....are you talkin' about Chet's old friends, or some other stray dogs?" (cue anyone!)

"Nevah saw these two before," Brian answered. "But yeah....I'd thought the worst when I saw two people face-down in the dirt. Didn't get any closer to 'em until ya'll showed up and kinda forced the issue." Knowing how close he'd come into trading lead with the Dukes over dead strangers, Brian cleared his throat and headed for his horse. "Reckon I'd best continue mah search. And since y'all know I had nothin' to do with this mess, I'd be obliged if you shut yer yap concernin' mah whereabouts. 'Cause on the odd chance MaryAnne and Rosco are awright, the minute I confirm that, I'll halfta hightail it outta heah." Pausing at the stirrup, Brian looked back at the Dukes. "If they ain't awright....Chet's gonna have an expensive tab to pay. Either way this goes, ain't no witnesses invited." (Cue Lukas, you dang, meddlesome Duke.....or whoever!)

Brian talked, and he answered with choice words. "@#$%&*," he spat. "Gallavatin'! You call bein' exiled at gunpoint, and forbidden to return to yer own home upon pain of death, gallavantin'?!" You pair of wagon-hitch mules got some nerve! Ah rode back after hearin' a blast that shook the hills....and found....this." Gesturing to the bodies with his gun, Brian turned his horse towards the grim sight. "Now, I had figured Chet might pull a stunt when MaryAnne was leadin' 'em out. I'd told Rosco as much....but he wouldn't ride back to help her until he had taken me outta town. And now...for all ah know, the Hazzard County law, or what's left of it, is right there." Brian's voice tightened. "And then you two thistle-farmers ride up and get on mah nerves." Nudging Damascas towards the dirt-and-buzzard covered bodies, Brian turned his back solidly on the Dukes, insulting them with the implied invitation to shoot him in the back. He knew they weren't likely do it; but at the moment he didn't care one way or the other. He halted Damascus when the horse refused to go closer to the screeching buzzards and ripe stench of death. Brian returned his gun to the holster and dismounted. The buzzards cawed in protest but grudgingly hobbled off at his slow, purposeful approach. Steeling himself against the sight of the bloated, bird-pecked bodies, and holding his breath against the putrid scent, Brian hooked the toe of his boot beneath the shoulder of one dead body and rolled it over. The vacant, sightless face stared up blankly to the sun, teeth set in a grimace. It wasn't anyone Brian recognized. He'd been so worried for his cousins, he'd been convinced of the outcome before knowing the complete truth. Hurriedly, he went to the second body and kicked it over. Another unknown face stared back, the final shock of death frozen on the unwashed features. Relieved, but puzzled, Brian backed away from the dead wranglers. His cousins fates were unknown, but the worst had not happened...yet. (Cue Lukas or anyone )

Brian's eyes followed Luke's gesture. The subtle accusation wasn't missed. "Them?" Brian drawled back. "You mean those bodies under the buzzards? Well, you can thank Chet for that scene. I got heah too late to do anythin'...." A nerve twitched in Brian's face. "...but you can be damn sure, I'll settle up accounts with Chet directly. Unless you two feel like pickin' up the tab." With the threat and challenge issued, Brian waited for either of the Dukes to so much as twitch. His gun was ready. His kin, he thought to be dead. His own fate, therefore, was of no concern. He silently goaded the Dukes to draw, his dark eyes holding a brittle, iced-over gaze. (Cue Lukas )

*gasp* *clutches at heart* <THUD>

There was scant comfort in recognizing the riders to be Dukes. The last thing Brian wanted, was a run-in with any of Chet's relatives, no matter how near or distant. Another point of contention was that Bo and Luke tended to be sticklers for justice, so long as it was levied upon anyone but themselves. "GIT!" Brian barked in answer, firing off two fast shots high over Luke's head. Seconds later, a small tree branch cracked and fell, crunching down to fall irritatingly close to one Duke and his horse. (cue Lukas!)

The sound of hoofbeats stirred Brian from his remorse. He placed the low-brimmed hat back upon his head, and pulled the reins to spin Damascus around to face the oncoming riders. The riders were coming on fast. Too fast to be friendly, Brian figured. With a casual, automatic reflex, his hand flashed down to furl back the side of his long coat. He drew his gun from the holster with a quick, smooth motion. The weapon was spun in hand, causing a brief flare of sunlight to glance off of the barrel. (cue Lukas!)