Brian Coltrane

At ABC Family, the premiere of "The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning" from 8-10 p.m. Sunday became the network's most-watched original movie of all time among males 18-34 (305,000) and males 12-34 (476,000). Source: The Hollywood Reporter I'll post any other info as I find it. Brian

For the purpose o' this particular challenge, you can send the story to . That box is viewable by myself, MaryAnne and MeadowMufn, so we'll all know these stories are coming in. (This way, I can't cheat and claim that nothing came in. Not that I'd cheat. Much.) Stories will be posted on DukesofHazzardFanfic.com . Instead of writing a story, however, you could watch Dukes DVD's for the next month and let chaos take it's course! Then, things will be changing once MaryAnne is out of the way - and MeadowMufn has got to sleep sometime! I'll have plenty of opportunity to wreak a little havoc. Ahh, where to start.... I've got at least 30 days to ponder my schemes. Brian

How old are your older posts? The forums conversion was a major overhaul, and some dots may not connect precisely. As long as your sig is working now, carry on!

I kinda like Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse. The moonshiner gig seems to go with Willie's persona pretty well. And taking a page right out of "High Octane" - did you know, Willie has his own brand of biofuel? Yep, it's called "BioWillie." Pot smoking and IRS troubles aside, Willie has been an activist for the American Farmer and he's cool in my book. Brian

At least they smashed up a few cop cars, which scores points with me. But yeah, there were a lot of pointless innuendo scenes ( like the ones with Lulu) and not nearly enough car chases. If they took the cast from this latest effort, and combined them with the stunts from the 2005 movie, they'd have something. Give or take a navel shot. Brian

Oh, my plans for a New Coltrane Order don't invole polka dots, don't worry. Any color changes I make are the least of yer problems. I'm sure we'll all miss MaryAnne. But let's look upon this as an opportunity for a radically new structure. Brian

I can't find ratings info yet. Network broadcast data is available for March 4th, but cable ratings are more commonly released in weekly batches. Earliest we might know is next Monday. Meantime, I sent an email to our WB contact. They might cheerfully tell us to shove it. We didn't do them many favors with the 2005 movie reviews so it's hard to say if they'll be responsive. I gave it a shot, I'll let ya'll know if we get a reply. Meantime - yeah, I'd love it if the original cast was back in a new show or movie and it paid homage to the Dukes as we knew it. But it will never happen. WB will never do it. They refuse continuity because then they have to credit the writers of the original show. They go out of their way to make this stuff be just different enough to avoid giving a nod to anybody else's storyline. ( While re-using all possible material.) The good news - depending on one's viewpoint - is that as long as WB is making a buck, there will be a Dukes of Whatever. The suit settlement in 2005 gives WB further incentive to squeeze the teat for every drop. Far as continuity goes, hell, I was amazed that there was any roof shot of the General Lee showing the rebel flag. A confederate flag on TV, on the ABC Family Channel! Somebody call a boycott! (sarcasm) And there was a civil-war reference to Lee as the greatest general of all time. This is bold given current political climates. The General Lee's plates actually had "Georgia" on them. Of all the non-continuity we complain about, maybe we're taking the stuff that matches for granted - and we shouldn't. Brian

I liked it. It wasn't a masterpiece, but the new cast actually seemed to give a damn this time, and they put something into the characters. Not saying I agreed with everything, but this was a better effort than the 2005 movie. I wasn't bowled over by the writing. The sex jokes weren't even that good - there was nothing fresh about seeing guys in drag. Or in mishandling a raw turkey. But there were moments that got a laugh of of me. The humor poked gentle fun at the original series without being mean-spirited about it. (For example, Bo's first hood slide was a resounding failure. Later, after he has his honeymoon drive with the General Lee, he pounces on Luke and Cooter for a hug at the same time, in his zeal. Credit to all three of them for not toppling over in a heap.) The lack of continuity to the original series on a few fine points will always drive me nuts. Yet, this effort was closer to the mark, and fun enough that I'd watch another episode, if it were on next week. Brian

Yep, you read that right. The tables are being turned. First, though, thanks again to everyone who participated in the Bail Bond Bonus Challenge. We had great updates to Dukes of Hazzard Fanfic.com and everybody did a fine job on their stories. I, of course, appreciated the contributions on a personal level, in addition to enjoying the stories themselves. Sal-ute! And now, it’s time for some friendly revenge. I’m officially announcing the Appomattox Challenge, which puts MaryAnne’s authority on the line. Quite simply, if we don’t get in a few stories by April 09, then MaryAnne is to surrender all rank and title to me, unconditionally. Then, I’ll be able to do all kinds of ruthless stuff like ban her from HazzardNet for a change. And don’t think I won’t do it! Though I might send her on some tedious errands and heap all kinds of menial tasks on her beforehand. Once she’s out of the way, I can rearrange a few things, and get a bigger cut of that 50% of 50% of 50%. There ya have it. Ya’ll have from now until April 09, to turn in a Dukes of Hazzard fanfic story. Length and topic up to you. Help ransom MaryAnne’s badge and all it stands for. Or, do nothing and therefore assure my new elevated position within HNet’s hierarchy. Muahahaha! Brian P.S. MaryAnne, you may wanna tidy up your desk a bit. Heh heh.

I knew the IQ of humanity hit a new low, when I saw directions printed on a box of matches. Ok, if you need directions on how to strike a match, you shouldn't be handling matches. Let alone fireworks or gas grills or whatever else you're using the matches for. Warning labels and the safety caps on products have become insane. I can't open a friggin' bottle of ketchup without having to get a pliers to remove the safety seal under the cap. Here's what the ketchup bottle needs: Warning: Contains tomatoes AND an impenetrable safety seal to make sure you won't be at risk for using our product. For display use only. Keep out of the reach of children, pets, and adults. Concentrating and inhaling contents could induce suffocation. Void where prohibited. Contents under pressure. Do not point at eye. Flammable. Do not mix with other household condiments as chemcial reactions may occur. Use only in well-ventilated areas. If irritation or swelling persists see your doctor. Brian

"Tall Tales" was the most bizarre and silly episode to date. I'm not sure yet if I liked it or not, but I did find some moments pretty damn funny. It's also amazing to think about the list of enemies the Winchesters are earning. Feds, cops...then, other evil-hunters.....and now, they've run afoul of a demigod? Where do ya go from there? And as important as this time of the year is, for ratings...why is Supernatural relying on reruns again until March 15? Granted I don't watch a lot of TV and maybe this is more common then I think. On another note, March 15 brings in a guest star from the Sci-Fi channel. A sign, perhaps, of things to come? Will CW drop Supernatural and Sci-Fi pick it up? Early speculation, but it would seem a more suitable fit in some ways. As long as we're not going to see that "probed by aliens" joke run into the ground. Brian

Get ready for weird! Tonight, the brothers Winchester use tabloid newspaper clues to track down....who-knows-what. For a sampling of this ep's freaky features, visit : http://weeklyworldnews.com/ I don't know what to expect in this one. But do we ever? Brian

http://www.cmt.com/movies/dale/ Dale Earnhardt is an unforgettable part of NASCAR history, and an icon of American culture. He was a true dogfighter without apology. NASCAR races have suffered declining attendance the past few years, and smaller, independent racetracks have closed all over the country. This movie represents more than Earnhardt's life and career - it represents an era of racing and fan devotion that NASCAR dearly needs to recover. But there will never be another Dale Earnhardt. -= 3 =- Brian

I work from home ( Yes, I actually work! Heh heh) and so there's no such thing as a snow day. But I was glad I didn't have to fight the roads out there. Also glad ya'll are safe n' sound. Brian

"Born Under a Bad Sign" is the new Supernatural episode airing tonight. In this one, Sam is freaking out and turning evil, though his memory blacks out and he can't recall his actions. What's not to like? Meanwhile, I keep hoping for more car chases. Last week's ep had a brief, but cool car chase. The combination of angst, drama, spookifyin' special effects, gun shootouts and squealing tires is a helluva mix. Supernatural might be finding a plot formula for long success. The CW execs, however, are the biggest boogeymen Sam and Dean will ever face. Hey, CW! Can you keep the promos for "Everybody Hates Chris" from taking up half the airtime of other shows? You're not endearing me to "Veronica Mars" either despite shoving it down our throats 5 times an hour. How about leaving room for commercial endorsements that actually make you money? Then maybe we can see more of the program we're trying to watch in the process. TIVO!! I must get Tivo before CW drives me insane with the curse of the repetitive commercials! Brian

Daney, what is that thing in your sign, is that a plunger?

My thanks to everybody who turned in a story, or who gave immoral support to the cause! Much appreciated! I look forward to reading everybody's stuff. On a serious note, there's something to be said for keeping the creative juice going. Prior to the last three weeks, I'd been in a slump, and I wasn't contributing much to the collective cause. Beneath all the teasing here, there were some real issues that got addressed. A lot of positive changes got underway. Sometimes MaryAnne and I have an odd way of sorting things out, but it works. And despite whatever access level I have here, she's not above booting my posterior out of the place, because she's done it before. (never fails to get my attention, either!) Whatever threats or dares we throw down, there's teeth to it. I don't know of any other Dukes site where the mods/admins ban each other to settle internal matters. Works for us, but maybe we're not the best example of how to run a website. Anyhow, I've acheived the creative turnaround I needed, and chaos will ensue as usual. Thanks again to everyone who participated. And if you have ideas on how I can get a little revenge on MaryAnne for a March fanfic challenge...I'm all ears! Muahahaha. Brian

I missed the deadline for pacific time, but I was within the deadline if ya go by Alaska and Hawaii time. Kinda pushin' the envelope there, but hey. We'll have to see what the Deputy's final opinion is. If you need me, I'll be hiding under my desk.

For your listening pleasure - and the annoyance of everyone in your household - I present this YouTube link to one of my favorite tunes, "Cotton-Eye Joe" by Rednex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGreRttdEkM The sound quality is good, though the vid's a little pixilated. I've listened to this song twice in a row today, and now I'm crazed. YEEEHOOOO!! Brian

The type of music is called "Bluegrass." I don't know who performs the exact music you hear in the early episodes. But if you like fast guitar, fast banjo, and fast fiddle, try looking up "Bluegrass" music and listening to some samples. Bluegrass sometimes has vocals, and can have slower songs too. If you enjoy the faster music, look for songs like, "Smokey Mountain Breakdown" and "Orange Blossom Special." Bill Monroe is one of the most famous of Bluegrass artists here in the States. He has a song called "Bluegrass Breakdown" that sounds very similiar to some of the Dukes music in the first season. Hope this helps! Brian

The latest release date for the "Beginning" DVD is showing as March 13, 2007. Just to keep things confusing. Ahh, this brings back fond memories. Remember when we were trying to pin down the opening date of the big-screen movie? Heh!

Yeah, no kiddin'....how'd ya know? GAH! I'm never gonna get this thing done in time. I did the math. I can type about sixty words a minute. Which means if I have my brain engaged, I can crank out so many pages an hour. Which means technically, if I don't sleep for these next 24 hours I've got plenty of time to finish. *insert panic here* GAAAAAAH!! Brian

Since you don't have a favorite named for Season Three, I'll offer one. "Carnival of Thrills" is a two-part episode that features cool car stunts, a fight between Bo and Luke, family angst galore and a couple of Rosco's sneakier tricks. For my money it's one of the best of the series. Check it out if you get a chance. Welcome to HazzardNet, Bill-Duke! Brian

HazzardNet is independent of all other Dukes clubs and websites, and always has been, and unless MeadowMufn gets her brain reprogrammed by aliens I doubt that will ever change. Tho' over the years, we've been good neighbors with the Confederate General Lee Fan Club. We recognize that several people on HNet hail from there, and that's cool. You're always welcome. As are members of whatever other sites and clubs. I'm going to break from HazzardNet's officially neutral stance on all the fandom politics and tell you exactly what I think of the "official" DOH fan club as run by Aneesh. I used to be a dues-paying member of it. The opinions expressed from here on out are my own, and not necessarily those of HNet, or Mufn, or MaryAnne. Aneesh, by his own admission, is a kid who never wanted to work for a living. So he came up with a fan club and suckered people into paying $15 to join. I was one of the morons who fell for his ad in a trade publication back in the mid-90's. What I got for fifteen dollars was diddly-squat. Aneesh would send out a poorly photocopied "newsletter" about three times a year, that was barely legible. His partner in slime, Michael Streit, helped him a lot. Michael had an impressive Dukes collection. The purpose of the first Dukesfest that he and Aneesh put on in Covington, GA, was more or less an opportunity to pimp Michael's Dukes collection. Aneesh also sold bootleg copies of photographs along with items that had been donated to the "club." Michael had told me back then that he was getting ready to get out and that's why he was letting go of all the stuff he could. In short he was cashing in now that he had an opportunity. One of the things Michael cashed in on, was an autographed photo he'd received free from Jimmy. Michael turned around and sold it to a fan for $35.00. The fan took it to Jimmy at a later appearance, and asked if he could personalize it. Jimmy recognized it, found out what the fan paid for it, and was very upset. This was just one example of many. This happened with many materials that the "official" club got for free from cast members and WB. I'd like to say that the proceeds went to the club to "cover expenses" but that'd be baloney. Isn't that why they charged a membership fee - and still do? These are the same guys who can barely send a newsletter or keep a website running. I do give them credit for organizing a fan event of any kind, and in getting Ben and Sonny and Jerry Rushing and Don Pedro to hang out for awhile. Tho' Aneesh charged $25 to fan club members for advance tickets. Yet if you walked in off the streets of Covington, as whoever, you got in for $10. ( It was a tiny set up in an empty retail store in a strip mall. ) There were a handful of Chargers there, but they couldn't stay put long enough for fans to see them. They were busy running around town and showing off. There was supposedly a "guided tour" of filming sites, and cars were supposed to follow a GL. The GL went so fast that many people got lost. There was no schedule of events. There was a party at the original Boar's Nest, a half-assed affair that required more money to attend. I think I paid $20 more to get into that. Other people later showed up at the door and got in free. I realized fast that there was no altruism in this "fan club" and members were not treated equally. I could tell ya'll a lot of dirt. But what speaks louder than anything I could say, is the fact that Ben himself banned the "official" DOH club from representation at DukesFest. Wanna know why? Aneesh/Marky B. had bought a bunch of photos from Cooter's Place, back when this was at Sperryville, and then marked them up to sell at their "club" table. There were other issues, but out of respect to the parties concerned and our usual neutrality, I won't detail them. I realize that there's very few saints in the fandom, and the cast members themselves are very dollar-driven. This is a fandom, this is a family, but it's also a business and means of income to many people and I'm keenly aware of that. When it comes to the "official" fan club, my advice is, save your money. Brian

Just a quick note, last week's ep, "Night Shifter" ROCKED. The beginning was a little slow. But once the main chaos kicked in, it kept getting more intense by the minute. This ep combined weirdness with a cops n' robbers shoot-em-up, and the effect was a double-whammy of action and suspense. If this show doesn't make it a third season, it won't be the writer's fault.