Brian Coltrane

I totally agree that KITT should stay a Pontiac. Ford ponied up the money, however, to make KITT a Mustang. Sadly...General Motors didn't have any current Pontiacs with the kind of muscle and eye-catching style the show was hoping for. So that sorta clinched it. Still, they coulda used a Corvette or something. The only thing I'll give the Mustang deal, is that the 'Stang has a retro-look that "feels" more muscle car-ish, even if it's not how I think KITT would look. On an aside, I wish Dodge wouldn't have botched the modern-day version of the Charger so bad. Ford, at least, got it right when they brought back a classic name. They didn't try to make the Mustang a 4-door sedan that was basically a Taurus with a different front end. Unlike Dodge's effort at crossbreeding a Stratus and an Intrepid and then hacking off the nose.

"What?!" *surprised, and then becoming more worried* "MaryAnne, I appreciate the help, but ain't that goin' just a little far? He's liable to go after ya'll next. Ain't him hatin' one Coltrane enuff?"

Zzz

Coffee? Nah. I don't drink that much beer. I'm careful about how much I imbibe, because beer makes me lazy. I'm lazy without beer, too. How lazy? Watch my next post.

*after giving a welcoming smile to Doc, turns to watch cousins' entrance. Feels some natural anxiety at the sight of the uniformed duo, under the circumstances, kin or not. Who knows what the Atlanta officer may be pressuring them into?* *ultimately, trusts MaryAnne enough to sit down and hear her out. Glances at Alex and Doc, nodding towards a nearby table for all of them to gather around. Pulls out a chair and sits down, bracing self for whatever news the cop-cousins Coltrane are about to deliver*

And David Hasselhoff's first wife looked like Marilyn Monroe who was President Kennedy's mistress but of course that was a secret but everybody knew it because the alligator squealed.

Clydesdales? How charming. No, "Bud" ain't my brand, and after that mental image, it's not likely to to win me over. That would be a new take on a beer commercial, though. Change brands, or else -- aaaaaaugh!! Actually, just making me drink Budweiser would be pretty harsh. Note to public: HazzardNet does not officially endorse or denounce any brand of beer. Drink beer responsibly. Do not serve beer to minors. Don't drink and drive. Consumption of beer may impair your ability to operate your brain. Beer is not considered a food group and should not be used in substitute of a main meal. Despite what you see on TV, beer does not make you more popular, witty, or sexy. In fact, beer bloats your stomach and gives you an incessant urge to whiz. Other common side effects of beer include blurred vision, headaches, loss of muscular coordination and loss of memory. Overdosing on beer may cause nausea and even death. Ask your doctor if beer is right for you. This public service announcement has been brought to you by BEER. Next up: Some real news. *hic* Or more empty threats. Depends on MaryAnne's mood.

*watches as Alex elbows his way through to walk into the Boar's Nest first. Gives him a mocking bow* "Ladies first!" *while appreciating Alex's loyalty, feels a growing irritation at the over-protection. Hesitates outside of the Boar's Nest for a moment, looking around. Spots Julie Duke watching from within her car. Wonders if she's here to snoop, or if this is an innocent coincidence..* *...but then realizes she's here to snoop, because after all, she's a Duke and that's what Dukes are famous for. Shrugs to self, leaving her be, and walks inside the Boar's Nest...not knowing who else may be here, as friend or foe.....*

Because Team Knight Rider sucked. Any continuity from that show wouldn't be a help.

"Reckon so. I'm bankin' on the fact she's smarter than us, and that this ain't a trap somebody put her up to." *gets out of the car, walking to the front entrance of the Nest* "Tho' if there's any trouble, we hightail it outta heah at the first sign of it. I don't want this turnin' into no gun battle where somebody innocent could get hurt." *realizes this doesn't sound very badguy-ish, and adds with a drawl* "Besides, I'd rather save the bullets for Lieutenant Jack Morrison."

Given the county budget, you probably have four miniture horses that are about as big as French poodles. You couldn't plow a tomato garden with that, let alone draw and quarter somebody. So thhpth! And just to repay you for such vile threats, I have an article ready! It's about your favorite celebrity, too. Jessica Simpson. MUAHAHAHA!! Ok, so that's not quality work. Maybe I'm not done yet. Maybe I am. We'll see if I feel like putting together the other news.

This is why I enjoy working with MaryAnne. I always know exactly where she stands...and about how far away I need to be, to avoid getting kicked. Looks like if I go on strike, even for a day, she'll fire me immediately. This is a classic instance of having a bluff called. She knows I'm probably kidding about going on strike, but I can tell that she's not kidding about replacing me. So, that one's out. There's too many people who would be happy to take my place. ( Like Alex, who's been after my job for years.) Options 2 and 3 both mean that sooner or later, I'll produce something worthwhile for the homepage. Option 2 is more friendly and pretty much business as usual. Option 3 takes a bit more daring and finesse. It also means my work, when I finally provide it, better be dang well worth the wait. So, in the interest of quality....option 3 it is!

*listens to Alex's steady babble during the trip to the Boar's Nest, and gives an offhand remark* "Oh, I got that all figured out. I'll make Jack Morrison an offer he can't ree-fuse." *doesn't elaborate, saying nothing else until arriving at the Boar's Nest..*

*answers MaryAnne on the CB* "10-4, Songbird. See ya there." *hangs up the CB, then responds to Alex's steady chatter* "No, it don't sound like MaryAnne's in trouble, but that's when she's usually in trouble. Tho' that Atlanta cop must be occupied or distracted by somethin', or she'd nevah openly call a meetin' place over the air." *thinks of something else* "Unless, of course, it's a trap, but MaryAnne wouldn't set us up. Even if she was pressured by the law to do it. So I gotta assume she's awright and that it's safe to meet her and Rosco there." *says nothing else for a moment while Alex drives. Feels a nagging suspicion, however, that this meeting won't go unobserved. Worries that MaryAnne is going to end up having a lot to answer for, to one Jack Morrison....* *....and there's already a high Coltrane tab with the Atlanta officer. One that can only be paid by facing the music...*

I'm crushed. Daney recently tried to set her user panel to ignore me. I'm absolutely devestated. How cold. How cruel. How absolutely ineffective. If I ever fall off the face of the Forums, all fingers would point to Daney. She's evah-dently got an agenda. Or a day planner. Or at least a free bank calendar, and she intends to render me silent. Just because I altered a few dozen of her posts over the course of the last...oh, five or six years. And MaryAnne calls me a lazy slacker! Salt in the wound. I'm feeling a little under-appreciated here. After all the contributions I've made to HazzardNet over the years, I'd expect to be better thought of. Why, if it wasn't for me..... ..this place would run pretty darn well. But that aside, one can't ignore the impact I've had on the community. Then again, maybe that's MaryAnne's point. Now that she's in the taste-of-own-medicine phase and she's altering my posts, it won't be much longer before this whole thing erupts into chaos. I have four choices at this point: 1) Stop the nonsense and get back to work 2) Pretend to be getting back to work but cause subtle disruptions - nothing bad enough to incur MaryAnne's full wrath, but be annoying enough to make her pay close attention to my every move for the next three weeks 3) Openly escalate my shenanigans until MaryAnne gives me the Ultimatim Du Jour - then cave in at the last possible moment 4) Join the Writer's Guild strike and just hold my pencil until I get paid more money Hmmm. Choices, choices....what to do, what to do....

Disease, I think. Pestilence, Disease....somethin' cheerful like that.

Otherwise known as Famine, War, Death, and Daney. Bahahahaha!

Jack, don't get ideas. Alex, the four horses could, in theory, be used to administer an archaic form of justice, which is far too unpleasant to detail here. Fortunately, if the selected Hazzard horses are as ambitious as the rest of the staff around here, they'd be too lazy to pull it off. Literally. They'd just stand there, chew hay, and try to look busy, like the rest of us. Besides, I haven't done anything that bad to warrant such a dramatic threat! I'd have to do something more treasonous, like mess around with MaryAnne's own posts. Which I have successfully done! Muhahahhaha...she'll never figure it out. Oh wait. Maybe she did because I don't remember typing these words... GAAAHH!! I've been hijacked! BUSTED!

"Songbird, I've got a cuckoo with me who says you told 'em to ....uh, move a car for you." *issues the bent truth as to not incriminate anyone over the air* "There's some confusion, tho', on where 'zactly we outta put it now. Last I knew, the tapwater in town was runnin' hot, so if you got any advice...we're all ears." *with this carefully phrased statement given, hopes that MaryAnne can provide some idea of where things stand, without incriminating herself in the process. Wonders privately if the Deputy would be the one winning the "Bad Guy" contest before this was all over...*

Roger, thank you for the kind words! I'd have to say that # 7 is the big item there. Because it's the fans that have consistently made HazzardNet the top-ranked Dukes of Hazzard website. It's people like you. We have been very fortunate over the years, to have met terrific friends and cousins who have contributed in many ways to what the site is today. Everything from supplying suggestions, to alerting us to spammers, to sharing photos and news articles. The community here is terrific, and that's in thanks to y'all. Maybe we don't say it enough, but all of you are appreciated. HazzardNet is yours, so if you have suggestions, ideas, or questions about something, always feel welcome to send a Private Message or email us. We're never done updating this place, so we've got many more years of Hazzard County fun ahead of us. Thank you, and enjoy! Brian

Enjoyed Mufn's and Val's posts there....ya know the world has changed, when there IS such a concept as a "famed environmentalist" , and Al Gore is the poster boy. Maybe he's gonna unveil an environmentally friendly General Lee that runs on rechargable batteries. The catch is, it's a remote control toy. Yep, save gas and emissions on DukesFest by leaving the Dodge Chargers at home and bringing in your ERTL collection. Bet that would go over well.... Julie, Al didn't get re-e-lected because he hadn't been elected the first time. That whole electoral vote thang vs. the popular vote, remember? Al was Clinton's VP for two terms. Whatevah, this ain't the Colbert Report so don't expect me to get into political debates. Alex, I'd already altered Daneys' post. But I said exactly what she would have, anyway. Heh heh. To answer you, "Cowboy" ... I hate creamed, chipped beef. It's a step below a can of Alpo dog food. Which, I'm surprised the Hazzard County Jail hasn't served up yet, seein' as how it's an institution of cruel and unusual foodstuffs. ( though if you got connections you can get take out food from the cafe' in town.) As usual, the deciding factor is MaryAnne. Which is why I'm holding back my news articles, as it's the only thing I've got to bargain with. (See, this is why the homepage doesn't get updated as often as it should. It's my selfish interest in self-preservation.)

*listens to Alex, showing some surprise* "MaryAnne told you to steal Lieutenant Morrison's car? She musta wanted to stall him. Bless her badge-covered heart!" *decides to take Alex's advice - for once - and picks up the CB, and turns the dial to the Hazzard County police frequency.* "We're running a risk in callin' her, Alex...'cause if mah determined enemy hears the broadcast, he'll know without a doubt that she's in cahoots with us. Somethin' tells me though, that the cat's already outta the bag on that one." *holds the microphone button down with thumb and calls out to Hazzard's rowdiest Deputy* "Blackbird to Songbird, do you read me? Songbird, come in please." *waits anxiously for the response, worrying that MaryAnne may have already gotten herself into a heap of trouble with the Atlanta law...*

Gah!!! It would seem that the popular sentiment is weighin' against yers truly. 'Cept maybe you Daney, though I'd caution against suggesting to MaryAnne that she "shouldn't drag this matter out further." I mean, that sounds ominous. Please, let her take her time and drag it out all she wants, so I can find a way to redeem myself. Fortunately, a few Hazzardites have written in with news tidbits today, to make me appear useful ! Here's a short rundown: John is going to be on Broadway, in the hit musical "Chicago" John is in a movie that's coming out on DVD John's got 2 or 3 other appearances in movies due out soon Tom is in a movie that hits theaters the end of Feb ( "Bonneville" ) Tom is rumored to have a new Broadway gig on the table, though audtions are still in progress Al Gore is scheduled to appear at DukesFest Hmmm...I got my doubts about that last one. Sometimes you gotta take these reports with a grain of rock salt. Anyhow! I have to stick around in order to put all the details together. Guess I'm not expendable today. Which means I should go find a post to alter because I'd probably get away with it.

* Meanwhile, back in the stolen Caprice....* "Alex, that was a very nice speechify, and I dig all that. I know you just wanna help. But you can't fight this battle for me. You can't just wisk me away from it." *buckles seat belt* "Now, if you wanna help me, take me back to town, sneaky-like. And if yer interested in my advice, I'd suggest you turn this car in to MaryAnne, and then run like hell."