(Season 3 The Producer)
Based on another post today - here is “Hamlet: The Musical” by the Castaways of Gilligan’s Island
Act I
[The curtain rises. Hamlet stands stage center.]
HAMLET: (Sings)
I ask to be or not to be, A rogue or peasant slave is what you see; A boy who loved his mother’s knee, And so I ask to be or not to be. So here’s my plea, I beg of you, And say you see a little hope for me. To fight or flee, to fight or flee, I ask myself to be or not to be.
[Enter King Claudius and Queen Certrude]
CLAUDIUS AND GERTRUDE:
(Sing) He asks to be or not to be, A rogue or
peasant slave is what you see;
GERTRUDE: (Sings) My son who loved his mother’s knee,
CLAUDIUS AND GERTRUDE: (Sing) And so he asks to be or not to be. So here’s his plea, we beg of thee, And say we see a little hope for he.
HAMLET: (Sings) To fight or flee, to fight or flee, I ask myself to be or not to be.
Exit Claudius and Certrude.
HAMLET: Hark! I do believe I hear the fair Ophelia.
Enter Ophelia
OPHELIA: My Lord Hamlet is troubled.
HAMLET: Yea, verily, my heart is heavy. I cannot marry thee, Ophelia. There is nothing left for you, but to get thee to a notary.
OPHELIA: Ah, my poor Hamlet. Ah, my poor Hamlet. (Sings) Hamlet, dear, your problem is clear, Avenging thy father’s death; You seek to harm your uncle and mom, But you’re scaring me to death. While I die and sigh and cry,
That love is everything; You’re content to try to touch, The conscience of a king. Since the day when your dad met his fate, You just brood and you don’t touch your food; You
hate your ma, mad at my pa, You’ll kill the king or some silly thing. So Hamlet. Hamlet, do be a man, let Rotten enough alone. From Ophelia no one can steal yea You’ll always be my own, Leave the gravedigger’s scene, If you
know what I mean. Danish pastry for two, For me, for you.
HAMLET: In truth Ophelia, you have said a mouthful.
OPHELIA: Hamlet, I have so much more to offer. But hark! Me thinks me hear the heavy footsteps of my father, Polonius.
HAMLET: And the laughter of your brother and my friend, Laertes.
OPHELIA: Oh, they must not find us here. But where to hide?
HAMLET: Hide anyplace. But don’t go near the water.
[Exit Hamlet and Ophelia]
LAERTES: Father, my ship sails at the tide.
POLONIUS: A mornent, my son, for I have something to tell you.
LAERTES: But I ask only for my allowance.
POLONIUS: Ah, but I shall give you something far more available: advice.
LAERTES:
Do you know how much wine you can buy in Paris with advice?
POLONIUS: Paris is a wild and wicked town. And you are but a young and innocent boy.
LAERTES: (To audience) Oh, could I tell him a few stories.
POLONIUS: Heed my words, Laertes, and you’ll be safe.
LAERTES: (To audience) Unless I listen, I won’t get my spending money. So I’ll listen, I’ll listen.
POLONIUS: (Sings) Neither a borrower nor a lender be, Do not forget: Stay out of debt; Think twice, and take this good advice from me, Guard that old solvency. There’s just one other thing you ought to do. To thine own self be true.
[Enter entire cast]
ALL: (Sing)
Neither a borrower nor a lender be, Do not forget: Stay out of debt; Think twice, and take this good advice from me, Guard that old solvency. There’s just one other thing you ought to do, To thine own self be true.