Brian Coltrane

Howdy, right back atcha! Welcome to HazzardNet, Larry Duke. G'wan and settle in, help yerself to anything in the fridge.

Lemme open this one up by sayin' that HazzardNet is not affilated with any Dukes club in particular. We're our own group of screwballs who just hang out and have fun. We're not gettin' in the middle of anybody's business, nor are we takin' up the rebel flag for one side or the other. That bein' said, in the interest of news and Hazzard history, here's the dirt. The North American General Lee Fan Club enjoyed some popularity as well as notoriety with a large number of fans. The club's focus and mission centered around '69 Dodge Chargers...includin' authentic General Lees used in the show, and replica projects. Man, if you wanted to talk car parts for weeks on end, it was the place to be. The club rolled merrily along for a couple of years, but then some thunder started up about a host of issues, which in respect to both sides of the cannons, I won't detail here. There were some acheivements by the club in the way of unifyin' fans and throwin' some shindigs. But it also had it's controversy. It's been said that a house divided cannot stand. Evidently not, as there was an irrevocable split some time ago between two principal parties of the club...and it now appears that the website and message board of that club is in limbo. Whether it'll magically reappear when the latest round of hoopla dies down, is uncertain. Meanwhile, the Confederate General Lee Fan Club is alive and well. It looks to soon be the "International" General Lee Fan Club, and hey, more power to 'em. The club's founders have charity fund raisers for the Special Olympics, and seem to have their heart in the right place. And there, you can still talk car parts for weeks on end, in addition to whatever else. The only caveat bein', that "negative" posts are frowned upon and subject to the Big Zap. That subtle censorship is what drove me to put a post here. I'm not judgin' anybody, and every webmaster and club proprietor has to run their shop as they see fit. I just know how it feels when a club or message board you call home is shaken up or lost. And when posts are selectively removed, it compounds the loss of continuity for the displaced fans. HazzardNet ain't run by any mechanics, so we're useless when it comes to things like what shade of orange your car should be painted. We can't tell you a darn thing about where to find the right u-joint to replace the one ya busted when you jumped your car over the railroad tracks. ( We can tell you that JC Whitney carries Dixie horns in stock, but that's about it. When it comes to installation, yer on yer own.) If any of the rest of ya'll want to talk cars or car parts - g'wan ahead! Start a topic. But we can't serve as the tiebreaker on mechanical issues. Nor could we vouch for the accuracy of any advice given on All Things Charger. Awright, back to our usual programmin'. 'Nuff said. Brian

At Chet's nod, Brian dismounted his own horse, the gun in his right hand remaining out in the open. "Awright," Brian said when both men stood eye to eye. "You g'wan in first. You'll recognize that blonde drifter once yer inside. He's workin' with me, so don't try any stunts." Brian motioned with the gun, having Chet walk into the saloon first. Once inside, Brian put his weapon away, but kept his long coat brushed back from the holster. He guided Chet to the end of the bar where Alex waited. Chet was made to stand between the two men, who now had every outlaw advantage. Brian took a whiskey bottle from the bar and poured himself a shot. He let the captured horse thief sweat a moment in silence while the smooth whiskey was consumed. Brian shoved the shotglass away and turned his dark eyes to Chet. "Time for you to spill the beans," he announced. "Tell us who you had lined up to buy those stolen horses. And don't leave nothin' out....'cause you're lookin' at a short future with a long rope." (cue anybody)

Rather than thank his luck for this possibility for escape, Brian was agitated. He'd caught the warning glance from Fargo as the two men excited the car. Any escape attempt Brian made, would put the women in danger. Equally of risk, was the fact that if Daisy or Daney noticed him in the back of the car, they were liable to call out a greeting and then start asking questions, which could endanger them as well. And so far, Brian's captors didn't have his name, and threfore had no idea who the interfering "hick" really was. If the Duke women gave him away, Brian would be out of the fry pan and into the fire. He'd likely be dispatched by the bounty hunters anyway, whether or not they ever knew his identity. The difference was, as long as they didn't know....then Rosco, MaryAnne and Riddick were protected. And yet the will to escape, and to live, was pulling at him strongly. Brian wanted nothing more than to open a car door and attack, or run for it.... ....but there were two Duke women who would pay the price if he did. Brian leaned back in the seat and sighed. Coltrane luck had handed him a card he couldn't play. (cue anyone)

Just doin' my part for civic duty. Heh heh!

Capt'n Redneck, if yer sittin' down to a brew with Sway Duke, you'd best avoid servin' him any of them Yankee beers. Which means, ya must omit the followin' brands: Miller Budweiser Old Style Old Milwaukee Pabst Blue Ribbon Hamm's Samuel Adams This by no means is a complete list, but ya get the idea. Lest you o-ffend yer buddy, all due caution is recommened. So read the fine print on the label, and then enjoy a non-confrontational beverage with yer buddy. As for me...I drink alone. With nobody else! Brian

Sway Duke, I know how badly you wanted to land the role of Daisy. Your dreams of being a starlet have been brutally crushed by those Hollywood jerks, who led you on....made you empty promises....induced you to compromise yerself. Well, baby....this film would've just held your career back anyway. There's other opportunities out there, so walk away with your pride intact, and remember that Jessica Simpson ain't got half of your talent, even if she does have better legs.

Not to worry, Sway ol' buddy.... We'll tell ya all about it. And we'll embellish the really bad parts, so it'll be worse than actually seein' it for yerself. Brian

Is Randy Quaid from the South? BAHAHAHAHA! I'm not sure who's puttin' on who anymore. I can't even remember which side of the debate I'm on. What the hell was the topic? Why don't the moderators watch what's goin' on here?!

So I guess you'll wait till it's out on DVD and rent it, eh? I don't blame ya, why drop ten bucks when you could buy beer with that money?

Chet, ol' Swayin' Duke didn't say anythin' unsuitable for our younger friends n' neighbors. He's entitled to his opinion. As for me, I've got enough Southern Honor to let Duke o' Sway have a chance to recover himself. On an aside, Chet... it's one thing to be from New York, it's another to admit it in mixed company. Man alive, just when ya think ya know somebody....

Yankees?! Where?! When did we get Yankees? Who left the window open and let Yankees in? Ya know, the moderators should be more carefull about filterin' out the northerners. The original Dukes series shoulda filtered out the Yankees too. Here ya had Bo Duke played by a dude from New York state, and Luke Duke played by a Wisconsin guy - what the hell where they thinkin'? And then Daisy was played by a chick from North Dakota. Hell, the only actual southern boys in the whole show were Cooter n' Enos. Ben and Sonny, ree-spectively, were at least from the south. And you know what's worse...the Dodge Chargers used in the show were built in Detroit! As was every other dang car in the show, save for the AMC patrol cars in the pilot episode, which were built in Kenosha. I ain't sure where that is, but it sounds like more rampant Yankee-ism. Sway Duke, you got a helluva lot more to picket! Gotcher hands full now, don't ya? Brian

Somehow, you omitted the Dukes of Hazzard from your list of favorite shows. Or did ya miss the big "01" above the front door when ya walked in? That in itself ain't a big deal, but just so there's no misunderstanding, this is a family board. It sounds like you're in touch with your inner freak and that's cool, but we're not lookin' to branch out into personal ads just yet. Good luck on your cosmic quest for enlightenment. Brian

Yer really makin' the rounds! It's good to have ya here. We have a few other sites listed under our "links" page, but we kinda need to update that. It's a start, tho', and you might wanna check it out. As MaryAnne said, a lot of the message boards that were Yahoo Clubs totally went to heck when the change was made to Yahoo Goups. I think the problem was that the user experience went way down, when everyone had to steer around obnoxious ads within the posts. Brian

I wasn't familiar with that wrestler, no. But it's cool you're carryin' on the name. It's too good of a handle to be forgotten.

That is true, Traveler. It's just gonna be a little strange to see other faces connected with the names we all know. But to see the General fly on the big screen...that's gonna be cool. So long as the new generation of Dukes do their best to honor the spirit of the show, and they enjoy themselves in those roles....I think they'll pull it off.

The cast chemistry will make or break the whole thing, yep. On a side note....I'm not sure how you ended up with the title "Captain Redneck", but you'll fit right in here. Heh heh! Welcome to HazzardNet. Brian

Hey, that's cool. When you say Cooter was on the airwaves, didja mean they had an interview with him on the radio show, or were they playing one of his bluegrass songs? I've heard Cooter's Garage Band play a few gigs, and they're pretty darn good.

Ya know....you're on to somethin' there. Freshest idea I've heard for the role yet. Everything I've heard so far, seems to indicate that Jessica's got it locked in. But at the same time, WB has been kinda cagey on the whole casting issue. We'll keep an ear to the wind, and listen for the buzz of the rumor mill.

"Good decision." Brian nudged Damascus into a walk. He kept the reins in his left hand, and the gun ready in his right, resting it on his thigh as he rode. If Chet so much as sneezed in the wrong direction, Brian could fire a shot with an upward snap of the wrist. They rode no more than a half a mile when Chet's wandering thoroghbred gave a high-pitched call, off in the distance. It was alone and unhappy about it. Damascus answered the whinny, as did the borrowed horse that Chet was seated upon. Thus encouraged, the thoroghbred came out into the open and broke into a canter, squealing the horse equivilent of wait-for-me. Brian allowed Chet's horse to walk alongside of them. A wave of the gun in warning kept Chet from trying any fancy leapfrogging into Red's saddle. Other than the occassional nicker and snort from the horses, the trip to town was made in an uneasy silence. Once they were within town and riding towards the saloon, Brian broke the silence. "You know what kind of trouble you're in," he told Chet ominously. "You know the price tag it comes with. But before ah hand you over to the law, we're gonna stop for a drink and talk things over." Brian reined in at the saloon and made sure Chet did the same. He gestured with the gun to make sure Chet dismounted first, and then continued speaking. "Ya see, I found me a few stray racehorses that just might be worth somethin' to the right buyer. Ah figure you might know of a buyer that's interested in them. So, we're gonna have us a friendly drink an' talk a little business." Brian paused, and his dark eyes held a sharp expression. "What happens to you after that.....depends on how good our talk goes. Dig?" (cue Chet)

( Chet, I'll shoot you if I have to. Now, if you know as much about horses as you claim to, you'd know that Red is gonna instinctively look for more horses, rather than roam around by himself. I reckon he'll amble along and follow us, and I'm happy to work that in. I want him for evidence anyway. So, make yer choice now, and I'll ree-act accordin'ly.)

GAH!! No, it's not what ya think! And that bottle of Nair isn't mine. Tho' the warnin' labels on that stuff outta be a bit more prominent. If ya can't use it on yer bikini line, what good is it? AAAAAHHH!!! Ow ow ow ow... ( This was all a whimsical jest, o' course. So don't ya'll get the wrong idea! )

Dude, for fifty grand, I'll shave my legs and send you a picture. I won't win, but I'll drastically improve the odds for somebody else. BAHAHAHA! But seriously man, we do not allow unauthorized solicitation of our Hazzardnet friends and neighbors. If your club is genuine and your contest is legit, email your club info and contest rules to the webmaster, and we'll attempt to verify that you're for real. Durin' the meantime, your post will be editied or removed. We now return to the usual shenanigans. Brian

Guess I should wear skirts more often and show them off. This may explain Rosco's pechant for the occassional evenin' gown... Man, this is a bad thread. EDIT!! DELETE!!

Back in the outskirts of town, Brian heard the lady gambler's admissions and gave a low chuckle. "A gambler and a pickpocket, eh? Can't say ah'm surprised. I'm just glad that you and your friend each chose the right career for yerselves." Brian added a leering wink in Min's direction. He then turned to watch Chet stagger around. "You there," he snapped to Chet. "Git up on that horse. You n' me are takin' a ride back to town. An' you'd better keep both hands on the reins where ah can see them...if you make a wrong move, it'll be your last." Brian glanced back at the two women who were staring up at him. "And you fine ladies of the Apocalypse can use your hind legs and walk." (Cue Chet, or Min, or Chance)