quotes Favorite Dukes of Hazzard Quotes

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Diamonds in the Rough)

Bo Duke has opened up the Bugs Bunny doll's back, and found and pulls out a black pouch. Luke Duke:"Whatcha got?" Bo Duke pours the diamonds out of the pouch. Luke Duke:"Lord oh mighty!" Bo Duke:"Luke, ya know, I think these is real diamonds." Luke Duke:"I don't think somebody'd go to all the trouble to drop phony ones out of a plane!" Bo Duke gives him a "No duh!" Kind of look.

[HossC]

21 hours ago, Skipper Duke said:

(Season 4 Diamonds in the Rough. Later in the episode, when Boss finds out about the diamonds.)

Boss Hogg:"Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, Rosco, Maybelle just told me them Dukes found diamonds in the North Meadow!" Rosco:"You know that infuriates me, I've been all over that Meadow with my metal detector, an' the only thing I found was .60 cents an' a metal muffin." Boss Hogg:"Rosco, yer brain's a metal muffin! Them diamonds they found were stolen an' hijacked!"

Skipper, you missed out several lines of dialogue about Mabel telling Boss everything because he owns her farm near the start of this scene which should come in the middle of your opening line from Boss Hogg, but your biggest faux pas is that Rosco found "60 cents and a meadow muffin."

[Skipper Duke]

7 hours ago, HossC said:

Skipper, you missed out several lines of dialogue about Mabel telling Boss everything because he owns her farm near the start of this scene which should come in the middle of your opening line from Boss Hogg, but your biggest faux pas is that Rosco found "60 cents and a meadow muffin."

Cousin HossC... Can you fix it for me?

[Skipper Duke]

Not sure which episode. I think (Season 6 Cooter's Confession) But remember when Boss ask Enos "Do you read boy?" Enos starts naming off books that he has read. Boss says to himself "I can't believe this." He meant "You read boy?" As in "Do you understand?" Not "Do you read" as in literally read.

[HossC]

It was in 'Play it Again, Luke'.

Boss: "Do you read?"
Enos: "Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Hogg. I read every chance I get. I like boy-dog stories best. The one about Patches at play was my favorite in grammar school."
Boss: "I can't believe this."
Enos: "It's about this dog named Patches. He's got one brown eye and one blue eye, and his master named Christopher, ...and they was out playing with the squirrels and the cows on the farm..."

[Skipper Duke]

11 hours ago, HossC said:

It was in 'Play it Again, Luke'.

Boss: "Do you read?"
Enos: "Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Hogg. I read every chance I get. I like boy-dog stories best. The one about Patches at play was my favorite in grammar school."
Boss: "I can't believe this."
Enos: "It's about this dog named Patches. He's got one brown eye and one blue eye, and his master named Christopher, ...and they was out playing with the squirrels and the cows on the farm..."

Cousin HossC... It's hilarious! 

[HossC]

The was another good exchange just before the one above:

Boss: "Enos. Enos Strate. This is J.D. Hogg, calling Enos Strate. Come in."
Enos: "I'm all ears, Mr. Hogg."
Boss: [To himself] "And no brains."

[Skipper Duke]

42 minutes ago, HossC said:

The was another good exchange just before the one above:

Boss: "Enos. Enos Strate. This is J.D. Hogg, calling Enos Strate. Come in."
Enos: "I'm all ears, Mr. Hogg."
Boss: [To himself] "And no brains."

Cousin HossC Yep! Haha that one too.

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Diamonds in the Rough)

Rosco and Boss arrive at the Duke Farm, under the pretense to start searching for "Moonshine" but really searching for the diamonds. Boss: Let's go. Not you Cletus! You ain't Comin' in. You stay here, an' guard this door, with yer life you hear me. Don't let nobody in or out!" Rosco opens the door Cletus:(Immediately pointing shotgun at Rosco.)"HOLD IT!!!" Boss:"Not him!" Boss and Rosco enter the house. Bo, Luke and Daisy play hide and seek with the Bugs Bunny doll rabbit. Daisy passes it to Luke who passes it to Bo, who throws it out the window after Luke says "Get rid of it!" Boss:"Jesse I got me a search warrant to search for any moonshine you may have on the premises or on your person." Jesse:"On my person?!" Rosco starts searching for the "moonshine" Jesse:"Rosco!" Rosco:"What?" Jesse:"You touch me, an' I'll turn you over my knee!" Rosco:"Well, Boss, I think he's clean." Boss:"Alright. Well then, start friskin' in there!" Rosco searches Luke. Luke:"You don't have respect fer yer elders." Rosco searches Bo. Bo:"I don't wanna dance!" Rosco tries to search Daisy. Daisy:"Rosco!!!" Rosco:"Boss, I don't think the diamonds are on Daisy."

[HossC]

Skipper, I don't know how many more times I need to say this - if you're posting quotes, make sure they're accurate or make it clear that you're paraphrasing. I don't know if you're mishearing/misremembering these quotes or copying them from an unreliable source like you were with the Smokey and the Bandit quotes. Check the dialogue and then check it again! I don't have time to be constantly correcting you, especially when your favorite quotes are whole scenes like this one, but I hate finding inaccurate quotes on other sites and I don't want them here. In the post above you've missed out lines, got lines in the wrong order and misquoted others. You even left off Boss' funny jibe to Rosco at the end.

Here's how the scene actually played out:

Boss, Rosco and Cletus arrive outside the Duke Farm.
Boss: "All right, let's go. Don't take all night, will you? Come on, come on, Cletus. Cletus. Listen to me."
Cletus: "What?"
Boss: "No, you ain't going in. You're staying here and guarding this door with your life. You hear me? Don't let nobody in or out."
Cletus: [Pointing his gun at Rosco] "Hold it!"
Boss: "Not him."
Inside the farm.
Bo: [To Luke] "Hey, you best get that rabbit."
Luke: "Yeah."
Boss and Rosco enter.
Boss: "All right, Dukes, where are you? There you are."
Jesse: "J.D., what do you come busting in here about?"
Boss: "Jesse Duke, I got me here a search warrant."
Luke: [To Bo] "Take the rabbit."
Boss: "To find out if you got any illegal moonshine on your premises. Or on your person."
Jesse: "On my person?"
Luke: [To Bo, who still has the rabbit] "Get rid of it.
Jesse: "J.D., you know I ain't made no moonshine in years, I promise."
Boss: "Oh, yeah. Maybe you have and maybe you ain't."
Rosco: "Yeah, maybe you ain't."
Boss: "Rosco, start frisking."
Rosco: "Right."
Jesse: "Rosco!"
Rosco: "What?"
Jesse: "You touch me and I'll turn you over my knee."
Rosco: [Looking over Jesse] "Well, I think he's clean."
Boss: "All right. All right. Well then, start frisking in there."
Rosco: "All right, you Dukes. All right."
Luke: "You're lucky we got respect for elders."
Rosco: "Just hush. All right, let's see if you..."
Bo: "I don't wanna dance."
Rosco: "... Daisy."
Daisy: "Rosco."
Rosco: "Uh, listen, I don't think the diamonds are on Daisy."
Jesse: "Diamonds?"
Daisy: "Diamonds?"
Rosco: "Ooh!"
Boss: "Rosco, I ought to take that tongue of yours out and have it bronzed."
 

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Diamonds in the Rough)

Bo, Luke and Lisa arrive in town from the Duke Farm to get the diamonds back, after Bo unknowingly threw the Bugs Bunny doll into Boss Hogg's car out at the Duke farm. Luke:"Boss's Cadillac." Lisa:"Just pull in behind him nice an' easy boys. Don't pull anything stupid." The Duke Boys and Lisa search Boss Hogg's car. Luke:"Bugs Bunny's gone. Boss must have found him." Lisa:"Sorry to hear that." Bo:"Now wait a minute, don't you jump to no conclusions. Maybe, maybe he's under the seat somewhere." Bo moves the seat and starts searching further. Cut to the Duke Farm. Frank, Lenny, Daisy and Uncle Jesse are in the kitchen. Frank and Lenny are sitting at the table. Lenny is eating Chocolate Chip Cookies. Uncle Jesse is nervously pacing the floor. Frank(Polishing his gun with a checkered napkin.):"Say pops, why don't you find a spot to squat?!" Uncle Jesse:"Don't call me "pops" I'll take that pee shooter, an' shove it up yer nose!" Frank rolls his eyes. Uncle Jesse is frustrated with them, and snatches the cookie Lenny is eating, puts it back in the jar, after snatching the jar away from Lenny too. Lenny spits out little bits of cookie, which sprays Frank, while Lenny makes a choking sound. Daisy:"Take it easy Uncle Jesse. I'll make you some coffee." Uncle Jesse:"Make mine strong, an' they don't get none." Waylon Jennings:"That's a tellin' 'em, Jesse." Cut back to town, Bo, Luke and Lisa. Luke:"You ain't gonna tell me he ain't under there?" Bo:"Not if you really don't want me to." Lisa:"Well, I can't tell you boys how sorry I am to hear that." Bo:"It's a long ride. Maybe he fell out of the car. We could check on the road." Lisa:"Yeah. Why don't you check on the road?" They all start to leave. Flash barks in Rosco's patrol car. Bo:"Flash. You little sweetheart!" They get closer. Flash has Bugs Bunny from when Rosco gave him to her. Bo(To Lisa.):"Watch out now, don't get to close. Flash is kind of mean." He reaches into the patrol car's open passenger side window where Flash is sitting on the seat with Bugs Bunny in her mouth. "Flash, I need them fingers. Gimme that!"(Takes Bugs Bunny from her.)Lisa:"I'll take that. Thank you. We can go now." Luke:"I suppose." Bo:"At least she said "Thank you." Rosco sees Bo, Luke and Lisa steal Bugs Bunny from Flash. Rosco:"Freeze! I saw that!" Waylon Jennings:"Now one sure fire way to get old Rosco riled up is to mess with his dog. Some folks are just like that." Rosco comes outside, gets in the patrol. "I saw that Flash. Those Bugs Bunny nappers ain't gonna get away with this!" Rosco and Flash leave town. They have caught up with the Duke Boys and Lisa. Luke:"It's Rosco." Lisa:"I don't have to tell you boys the consequences to Daisy an' the old man if you don't shake him do I?" Bo:"No you don't mam. Just don't worry about it. We'll do it." Bo:"Come on Luke!" Luke:"I see a new cut off into highway 101. I hope that billboard ain't made of two by fours. Hang on!" Lisa:"Ahh!" Luke hits the ramp and the car goes airborne crashing right threw the billboard. Luke:"Yeehaa!" The car lands. Bo and Luke:"Ha ha ha!" Rosco:"Oooh oooh Flash! Oooh!" He jumps threw the billboard, the car lands and hits a tree coming to a stop.

[HossC]

Skipper, I'm not sure where to start with that one, but I can't believe that one of your "favorite Dukes of Hazzard quotes" is three consecutive scenes. If you look at the other quote threads, you'll see that they're mainly either one-liners (often from Waylon) or short, funny interactions. What you wrote above is about three and a half minutes of screen-time without a single line break to make it easier to read. Maybe you should start a separate "Favorite Scenes" thread, but don't put the dialogue in quotation marks if it isn't screen accurate (I don't have time to correct the post above).

You did, however, give me a laugh with "pee shooter". It conjures up a rather different image to the "peashooter" that Jesse was actually talking about.

[Skipper Duke]

4 minutes ago, HossC said:

Skipper, I'm not sure where to start with that one, but I can't believe that one of your "favorite Dukes of Hazzard quotes" is three consecutive scenes. If you look at the other quote threads, you'll see that they're mainly either one-liners (often from Waylon) or short, funny interactions. What you wrote above is about three and a half minutes of screen-time without a single line break to make it easier to read. Maybe you should start a separate "Favorite Scenes" thread, but don't put the dialogue in quotation marks if it isn't screen accurate (I don't have time to correct the post above).

You did, however, give me a laugh with "pee shooter". It conjures up a rather different image to the "peashooter" that Jesse was actually talking about.

I'm sorry Cousin HossC. Oops yeah I forgot it's pea as in the food kind. The second e should an a as it is "peashooter" that refers to guns.

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 1 Route 7-11) Cooter is driving the General Lee, he just picked up Luke from the gambling truck.

Luke:"Climb on it Cooter! We only got a few minutes." Cooter:"Give or take a few minutes."

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Diamonds in the Rough) Frank and Lenny are chasing Bo and Luke. Frank is shooting at them.

Bo:"They're sure tryin' to tell us somethin'." Luke:"I had no idea doll collectin' was this serious a business." Frank shoots out the General's mirror. Luke:"Man, they do mean it!" Frank stops shooting. Lenny:"I think they're headed for River RD. Right up here, take Rimfire Lane. Yeah, yeah. We'll cut 'em off at place called Willow Junction." Frank:"Gotcha."

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 1 Daisy's Song)

Boss Hogg's driver parked in an alley way behind Lester Starr Recording Studio. He is asleep at the wheel of the Cadillac. Boss Hogg comes running out, and raps on the window of the car. Boss Hogg:"Wake up you bingo! It's a raid!"

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Miss Tisdale on the Lam)

Miss Tisdale is driving her loaner motorcycle from Cooter, and Uncle Jesse is riding with her in the sidecar. They are being chased by Rosco and Cletus.

Miss Tisdale:"Yeehaw! Eat dust you turkeys!"

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Nothin' But the Truth) During the car chase, after the Dukes load up Uncle Jesse's truck, and then spread out to make their getaway.

Waylon Jennings:"Yes sir, the Dukes had been snookered smooth as a country pool hustler with their rent due. An' Jesse an' Daisy carryin' a full load, were like 2 sittin' hens, waitin' fer the hungry fox."

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 1 Daisy's Song)

Bo & Luke have returned to Lester Starr Music Publishing to try and get Daisy her money. They burst into Starr's office. Lester:"Hey! What are you guys doin'- Where's Jo Jo?" Luke:"Now look Mr. Starr, all we want is Daisy's royalty money." Bo:"Or her $50 back! Now, is that to much to ask for?" Lester Starr:"You guys are nuts!" Just then, Jo Jo bursts into the office. Jo Jo:"Mr. Starr-" Luke elbows him hard. Jo Jo:"Oooooh!" He falls to his knees, holding his stomach in pain. "Cops!" Lester Starr:"Cops?!" Jo Jo:"Outside! It's a raid!" Lester Starr:"A raid?!" Luke:"God! An' us on probation." Bo:"What are we gonna do?!" Luke:"Uh run!" Bo:"Yeah!" Lester Starr:"Hold 'em Jo Jo!" Cops burst into the recording studio. Luke:"Come on, this way!" Bo & Luke run out of the office into the hall to try and continue leaving. More cops show up.

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Hughie Hogg Strikes Again)

Luke:"There they go!" Bo:"Come on General." Luke:"Hey Bo! Pull over to that old Oak tree over there. I got an idea about how to get 'em outta that motorhome!" Bo:"Hahaha alright!" Luke slides out the window, sits on the door. Luke:"Slow down Bo. Easy!"(He has taken his shirt off to grab the beehive with.) Continued. "I got it!"(Gets back in General Lee with beehive.)

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Hughie Hogg Strikes Again)

Miss Tisdale(To Bo & Luke about Uncle Jesse.)"That Jesse Duke just sets my motor at fast idle."

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Ten Million Dollar Sheriff)

Jason Steele & Dawson are in their brown prison van, hauling Bo & Luke to the federal prison in Atlanta. Rosco starts chasing them to get Bo & Luke back, because it turns out his inheritance was ten dollars not ten million dollars. He can't pay Jason Steele the hundred thousand dollars he owes him. Dawson and Steele left Bo & Luke their knives. The boys are working on picking the lock open on the prison vans back doors so they can jump out and escape . Bo:"Never thought I'd be happy to hear a siren." Luke:"Well, you gotta consider it's gotta be either Rosco, Boss or Cletus. Kind of like Russian roulette. We better keep at this. Come on." They continue working on picking the lock. Just then Dawson hears the siren, and notices in the mirror Rosco chasing them. Dawson:"We're bein' chased by the Sheriff. You want me to pull over?" Jason Steele:"Not until we get to Atlanta. That'll give him a lot less chance to welch on that hundred thousand dollars he owes us."(Points to road ahead. Dawson continues driving.) Rosco:"Those two ain't gonna play hard to get with me!"

[Skipper Duke]

(Season 4 Hughie Hogg Strikes Again)

Bo & Luke are still chasing Hughie. He notices they're still chasing him.

Hughie Hogg:"Uh oh. Here they come!" Notices in the mirror, Luke getting out the passenger window of the General Lee. Hughie Hogg:"Wait a minute. What's goin' on? What are they doin'?"(Sees Luke walking to the hood of the General Lee, to the back of the motorhome.) Hughie Hogg:"Awwe! Arrrgh!" Luke is still on General Lee's hood. Bo:"Watch yer step out there, Luke!" Luke falls down on his back. Bo:"Luke! Luke, you alright?" Luke:"Yeah! Get me up some more! Alright. A little bit more. Come on. A little bit more." Luke jumps off the General Lee's hood onto the back bumper of Hughie Hogg's motorhome. Bo:"Woohoo!" Hughie Hogg (To henchman who's riding up front with him.)"Get rid of him, fast man! Geez!"

[Skipper Duke]

(Not sure which season/episode)

Boss & Rosco are in Boss's office in the Courthouse.

Boss Hogg:"Rosco, next time there's an election fer village idiot, I'll manage yer campaign!"

[HossC]

It's near the start of 'The Boar's Nest Bears' in season 6.The scene actually takes places in Boss' office at the Boar's Nest where Rosco has added a vibrating device to Boss' barber chair.