Brian Coltrane
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Posts posted by Brian Coltrane
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Okay, I was enjoyin' a good ol' fashioned brawl with landsharkk over on the CMT boards - and most of my posts got deleted by the CMT mods. Landsharkk lost a couple of his smarmy ones too. Which was a shame, because it was a spirited fight but neither of us were cussin' or anything. We were insulting each other, but it was clean.
What ticks me off, is the selective deletion of the posts. It was OK for landsharkk to post "The Dukes of Hazzard is crap " but some of my responding comments were evah-dently too colorful.
Granted, I've deleted posts on HNet once in awhile, if they contained profanity or they were just disruptor-bombs of nonsense. Despite the label of "Forum Nazi " it's rare I mess with anything. So I'm very familiar with the decisions a moderator has to make when it comes to argumentive posts. It's a subjective decision and ultimately it comes down to the protection of the site and other users, versus the speech rights of the offending individual.
Knowin' all that, I'm kinda surprised that I tripped a wire on somebody else's turf. Not once, but several times. I had at least 5 posts wiped out over the course of a few days.
As HazzardNet is friendly to CMT, and we fully support and appreciate their airing of Dukes and their good treatment of the original cast, this ain't an anti-CMT message. It is, however, a mild grumble, exercised in the safety of my home turf.
@#$%&*.......
Brian
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Given what has been done to all retro TV shows in the movies - I think ya can only expect the worst. The writing team is decent, though, so maybe CHiPs will get a little more....justice. Heh heh.
Brian
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Wow, they don't call it the Badger State for nothin'. Relax, jllybn, don't shoot. It was a joke, I got nothin' but respect for Tom and the entire state of Wisconsin.
You gotta admit it's true that it's a beer-heavy state. Of course most folks don't try to open a beer bottle with their teeth.
Though I chipped one of mine once, while trying to drink and laugh at the same time. I nailed one of my front teeth with the mouth of a glass beer bottle...bonked right into it.
Brian
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This is kinda sacrilegious, and may be found offensive by anybody with good taste. The rest of ya'll might be amused by it.
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Send some my way!!
Hey, you outta post one r' two of your better cookie recipies.
I'd post my recipie for Hallelujah cookies, but you gotta be 21 and over just to buy the main ingredient.
Brian
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Go ahead, he'd probably get a chuckle out of it !
Thanks for posting Cledus T. Judd's tune. That's one of my favorite smarmy Christmas tunes.
I'm surprised nobody's posted the lyrics to "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" yet.....
Brian
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More n' likely, Tom was opening a bottle of beer with his teeth. He's from Wisconsin, so that'd be my guess.
Brian
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You're convinced that truck stops have the best food.
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
You whistle at women in church.
You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.
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BAHAHAHAHA!! Jax, that's too much. Now I'm walkin' around the house singin' that...
" Fiiiiive… jugs of shiiiiiiiiiiine!!!! "
That was beautiful.
Brian
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My kinfolk usually exchanged gifts consisting of:
Cans of peanuts ( pre-shelled ! )
New socks
Car parts (rebuilt !)
Venison
Beer
I knew I was all-grown-up, the first time I got a set of jumper cables for Christmas.
Brian
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Figured this was a good place to plunk down some holiday humor. Here's a little ditty I found on the web for ya.
'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.
When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.
The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.
When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick!
More rapid than eX-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.
Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENOS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!
From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away you-ins!
I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hogg.
He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's boar hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.
His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.
The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.
He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.
He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had tons of them and yuh can't beat the price.
He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.
When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.
He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!"
YEE HAWWWW!
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There was a big ad banner on CMT.com yesterday, promoting the Unrated DVD with the following words, in bold text:
OBSCENTIY NUDITY DRUG USE
This was on CMT's homepage, mind you. Not the Dukes message board.
At least people know what they're getting....
Brian
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It's that time of year again! What special Dukes item do YOU want for Christmas? (My personal fave is the RC General Lee... I hope someone got it for me )
-Mufn
Guess you'll find out on Christmas, eh?
Lessee, what Dukes stuff do I want for Christmas....well, I've been bad this year, so I took matters into my own hands and bought the RC General Lee back in October. Muahahaha.
But, I'd also like to get the Season 5 DVD. I'd also like to get the Unrated movie DVD. ( For editorial and review purposes, of course. )
If I was gonna pull out all the stops, I'd also get a bassett hound, but my landlord would take issue with that.
Brian
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Yep, you heard me! Make some sleigh bells ring, deck yer halls, have yerself a Hazzard County Christmas! I realize time is short for this, but let's see some Dukes stories centered around a Christmas theme.
Story length can be anything from one page, to all-you-can-write. Show a moment in time, or an all-out adventure.
You can use your choice o' characters, whether just the series originals, or mix n' match with your own creations.
I'd like to see these all in by Dec 20th. I'll post whatevah I get, as I get it, to DukesofHazzardfanfic.com. The more the merrier, and the sooner the better!
Send your Christmas stories to me at: briancoltrane@yahoo.com
Have fun!
Brian
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Doesn't look like much more than some dude out for some sport. But man, you'd think this would be the kinda thing that the CMT Dukes VP would respond to.
You'd think, for a hundred grand a year, that cyber-slacker could answer a @&%# post once in awhile, or PARTICIPATE with the fans he supposedly represents.
Maybe landsharkk would make a better Dukes Institute VP. Muahahaha.
Brian
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TimDuke, thanks for the alert. I'll go check it out for myself. It's possible this landsharkk dude is just amusing himself by stirring up otherwise defenseless Dukes fans.
If he's serious though, well, it sounds like he's gonna be outnumbered by about 80 gazallion to one. Still, we gotta take it seriously. CMT could be paying attention to see if we really give a dang.
In the meantime, if anybody sees spamsharkk over here on HazzardNet, let me know. I'd like to give him a personal welcome. With a manure shovel upside the head.
Brian
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"Tonight." Blackjack's yellow teeth were bared in a canine grin. "You're just gonna bring in that wagon like you was Wells Fargo. Me n' the boys will be ridin' in the back of it. Oh, and in case you was to take a mind about tryin' anything clever....I'll have a gun pointed at the back of your head the whole way."
( Cue Alex )
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Happy Thanksgiving to everybody! Count yer blessings and pass the potatoes!
I've just finished eatin' dinner and I can hardly move. No room for pie. *urp!*
Brian
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At a guess, I'd say ol' confederate Scott is tinkering around with website updates. Looks like everything there is down 'cept the homepage itself. I'm sure he's got 10 million emails about it already, but we'll send him a quick howdy and make sure things are awright.
Brian
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( Note: In MaryAnne's absence, I've decided to keep this one rolling. Until she returns, I'll be covering her character, as well as Rosco, and Blackjack. Which gives me a lot to deal with. I'd have somebody else cover my own character, but that'd be confusing as hell, and then I'd probably fight with myself. )
Back at the campsite of the out-of-town outlaws, BlackJack held a private conference with the trusted members of his killer gang. Alex was made to wait by himself a short distance away, having been plunked down by the campfire. The gun in BlackJack's hand ensured that the blonde drifter wouldn't make a break for it...if he was smart.
After a pointed look at Alex, BlackJack returned his attention to his own men. "Here's the plan. Goldilocks over there will drive the covered wagon into town. Our horses will be tethered to the back of it. We'll leave the saddles and tack off of the horses, so's not to make 'em look suspicous. Anybody watching in town will figure the horses are being brought in for sale. "
The killer band nodded, and BlackJack smiled through yellowed teeth. "We'll have this fool drive the wagon right up to the jailhouse. Just when it gets there, we'll jump out from the back of that wagon, and get on our horses fast, and get some distance from it."
The gang blinked at this. One of them, a long-faced outlaw with a crooked nose, spoke up. "Whut about that Deputy you wanted to kill? Whut about that-there Sheriff ? How we gonna kill 'em when we're runnin' off?"
BlackJack grinned evilly. "That blonde fella yonder is gonna do the killin' for us, seein' as how we'll have that wagon loaded with enough gunpowder and dynamite to blow up half the town. We light a long fuse, we jump...KERBLAM! Little pieces of law come sprinkling down from the sky."
"Ooooooooooo." Impressed, the rest of the gang nodded.
BlackJack looked smug. "That's not the best part. Once the law is nothing more than a crater in the ground, we'll be able to clean that town out like pirates. Won't be anything to stop us, boys."
The long-faced outlaw spoke up again, excitement in his rough voice. "We get to rape the women and shoot the dogs and kill all the menfolk and burn the town?"
BlackJack nodded. "Just get it in the right order this time."
"I will, BlackJack! Sorry about that time in Kansas City, I was drunk-"
"Don't remind me." Cutting off the discussion with a wave of the gun, BlackJack turned back towards the campfire, walking towards Alex. The gang fanned out to sit down near the unwilling accomplice. All of them wore devilish expressions, and they chuckled to themselves as they passed a whiskey bottle around.
BlackJack handed the bottle to Alex. "Have a snort and relax, Goldilocks. All you need to do is drive the wagon tonight. "
(Cue Alex!)
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Supernatural
in TV
Don't tell me you're fallin' for that Dean Winchester.
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TimDuke, in review of the thread....I don't think Cap'n Redneck is your enemy, and I don't think he aimed that remark directly at you. He did use the word "asinine" in a broad sense, but he didn't say anything about bein' childish. ( That remark was somebody else. )
In any case, I don't think it was meant as a personal attack. All in all, it's just opinions about a movie. And man, I'd JUST got done sayin' a few posts ago that this movie didn't tear the fandom asunder, and then you go asunder.
Seriously, Darrell is a good guy. I'll also know you, TimDuke, from your haunts of the CMT stomping grounds and a few other places. ( I lurk a lot but I try not to interfere with other folks territory.) I think folks on HazzardNet are more level-headed than most, tho' of course I'm biased and I can't be objective about that. All I'd ask, is that you don't let one spirited debate here drive you off.
Brian
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Nah! Not my style. Plus, I don't believe in tryin' to sway people against checking something out for themselves, and getting their own opinion.
One thing's for sure, the movie didn't bring about the end of the world, and it didn't split the fandom asunder. I ain't sure it added fans, but it did galvanize us into talking about how much we care about the show. I saw that on both sides of the debate. The Dukes fandom is a culture unto itself; it's one of the strongest and rabidly-loyal fan bases anywhere to be had. That hasn't changed.
On an aside, whatever else we liked or didn't like, let's all give WB credit for leaving the rebel flag on the roof of the General Lee. Let s give 'em a hell-yeah for that much!
Brian
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Supernatural
in TV
I started watching this show because of the '67 Impala in it. I got some bias there. But I've been pleased to find that this show is very well-written, and chock-full of tension, surprise, and drama.
The central characters, Sam and Dean, are two brothers who roam the country in a vintage Chevy, on an endless mission to disrupt evil phenomena wherever it may lurk. Sam, the younger brother, is a boyish youth recently jaded by loss, but not quite over his ideals yet. Dean is the older, protective brother who's been jaded a lot longer than Sam. Together, they remind me of the dark Dukes of suburbia.
For those of you who've never seen the show, let me paint a brief picture of what these two modern-day exorcists do. Last episode, they returned to their haunted childhood home to fight a Lurking Evil that threatens the new homeowner. ( A helpless blonde single mother of two. What nice boys. ) Anyway, after things like knives flying out of the kitchen drawer and furniture moving around on it's own - Sam becomes trapped in the house by Something Evil that is trying to kill him.
Dean, locked outside, runs to the trunk of the Impala and grabs nothing less than a sawed-off shotgun and an axe, and hacks his way through the front door in a desperate fury to save his brother.
A shotgun and an axe. YEEEHAAAA!! Now that's entertainment.
Man, the Dukes only had compound bows and hunting knives. If Bo and Luke had this trunkful of artillery in the General Lee, ol' Rosco woulda kept his distance.
Brian
Duke fans Help! Need your support!
in General Discussion
Posted
Thanks, much appreciated. I figure I'll leave a few more remarks over there and give their moderators somethin' to do.
Brian