MaryAnne

Happy Birthday Scoot!! =)

Let Scoot know that I hope everything's okay. Lisa

DOH!! I hope your computer gets fixed soon! Lisa

I've always liked Johnny Cash and yes he's a legend. Believe it or not Scoot, it is actually kind of on-topic. Johnny did a song for the DOH cast album in 1981 called "The General Lee." The General Lee Johnny Cash I'm a Charger... That charges through the night Like an organge bolt of lightening Passing every thing in sight I'm the best pal the Duke boys ever had I'm thunder on the highway lookin' bad, bad, bad I'm the knight... Like the kind in shining armor With my polished body gleaming I'm a fighter and a charger(?)... If trouble comes your way just ask for me My friends all know me as the General Lee I'm the General Lee A piston pumpin', Steal belted calvary I'll never let you down when your riding with me Buckle up and I'll show you what I mean.. Take a look back there, Sirens blowin' Red lights flashin' everywhere We'll cross the field and we'll be runnin' free... They'll eat dust with compliments of me... The General Lee I'm a hero... And that's how I'll make you feel When you're riding shotgun with me And the law is at your heels I'm glory bound and when the chase is done I'll take off through the mountains and have fun, fun, fun I've got style Tearing through the curves Let my flag wave proudly to the people that I serve I'm number 1 and I will always be The Pride of the South they call the General Lee I'm the General Lee A piston pumpin', Steal belted calvary I'll never let you down when your riding with me Buckle up and I'll show you what I mean.. Take a look back there, Sirens blowin' Red lights flashin' everywhere I'll jump that pond an we'll be runnin' free And they'll go swimmin' compliments of me The General Lee... The General Lee... General Lee...

Updated: March 2006 1. Stories posted under this category are NOT open for just anyone to post to. The author has to do one of two things. They either have to.... A. Put a specific request in their post saying they are looking for suggestions or help with a story, and whether or not they want folks to respond privately (ie, email, private messages) or if the author wants to open it up for folks to post to the thread, keeping in mind that said author is free to request that any inappropriate posts deleted from the thread. Or... B. Author has asked another author to co-write a story, thus they take turns posting back and forth. If you have not been asked to post, either privately or by public announcement from the author here under this category, then please don't post! 2. Please keep in mind that there is wide range of ages of folks who visit HNet. Try to keep the language at a minimum. try keep your story within the G to PG13 range. Slash fics are not allowed at HNet.

Howdy Country Cousin! Welcome to Hazzard County. I'm yer local countie mountie deputy MaryAnne Coltrane (aka Lisa). Yes, as Hilery said we are made up of some interesting town folk. Heh! Make yerself at home and have fun!

Yes, no rice burners please. =) 1973 SD 455 Trans Am. (imagine me suggestin' that....tsk. LOL) Besides 60's and 70's machines I'd like to make a pitch for a few 80's cars, such as Monte Carlo's, Olds 442's and Buick Grand Nationals (ahem, and Trans Am's too...but most folks poo poo me on that). Granted, the 80's are really not known for any muscle cars (lookit what Dodge and Plymouth were putting out at the time: Reliant, Aries, Horizon, Omni, a hatchback Charger, aka Plymouth Tursimo aka Chrylser Laser. Ack. Although I drove a Horizon and it was a damn realiable car but not too fast. LOL) ANYWAY! If they do opt to use some great classic cars in the new Dukes movie, let's hope they actually USE the cars....and not just use them for automotive eye candy ala Nash Bridges. I wanna see Hazzard dirt flying from the back tires please!! =)

MaryAnne chuckled. "It took all of us to wrestle a confession outta this desperate criminal. He's all yours Sheriff." MaryAnne saluted Rosco with screwdriver in hand. She then turned to Val. "I appreciate it, Val, but I'm gonna skip on lunch right now. " She smiled and picked up the box of gunpowder. "Have a glass of chocolate milk for me." MaryAnne started to head for the door. "That's FOR me, not ON me. Khee!" The Deputy disappeared out the door.

Takes Brian's hand and shakes it with a smile. "We're still kin. Always."

"I got a room full of witness to your Coltranian slip. Khee!" MaryAnne removed the last screw on the bottom hinge. "And I think I got this pretty well under control here..." The bottom hinge came loose and MaryAnne pulled the door forward, although still attached by the lock it was just enough for Brian to step through. She looked at him. "Yew can come out now. Khee!"

MaryAnne stopped turning the screws for a moment. "What? YOU superglued the drawers?!?!" Pretends to be screwing the screws back in again.... "KHEE! You rascal! Rosco was sure mad aabout that." MaryAnne resumed removing the screws. The top hinge came loose. MaryAnne pointed the screwdriver at Brian. "And I did just get that lil' confession outta ya. KHEE!!"

Keeps a steady eye on Brian for a long moment and then reaches into pocket, removing a length of fuse. She looks at it wistfully and sighs and then looks back at Brian with a grin. "Yer right. I wouldn't." Drops the fuse length into the box and tucks the match back into her other pocket. She then pulls the screwdriver from her back pocket and reaches up to the top hinge of the cell door. "But the look on yer face has been worth the price of admission, cousin...." Starts to unscrew the top hinge.

MaryAnne grinned. "Sure I would....You want outta here, don't ya cousin?"

MaryAnne looks back at Brian in mild surprise. "Hmmm.....perhaps dynamite won't work. Excuse me y'all, I'll be right back...." MaryAnne ran out of the booking room and came back several moments later with box full of gunpowder and a match. In her back pocket was a screwdriver. She put the box down infront of the cell door and held the match up to Brian. "How's this for a firecracker? KHEE!!!"

MaryAnne looked at Mac and Daney. "Believe me, Daney, Brian's already received the 2nd degree from me. And Mac, I appreciate the offer of help, but as a deputy of this county, I put him in there, and I gotta take him out---I mean GET him out." Looks back at Brian with a grin. "I meant get on that cousin."

MaryAnne sighed and put the CB mike down. "Yeah, he ain't respondin'." She turned and looked at the holding cell Brian was in. "Hmmm...." She studied the bars and brick walls that surrounded it. "Anybody got any dynamite?"

Sighs and thinks for a moment. "Brian's right, the law put 'em in here and the law's gotta get him out." MaryAnne placed her gun back in her holster and stepped over to the radio. "Deputy MaryAnne Coltrane callin' Sheriff Rosco. You gotcha ears on cousin? I gotta...uh...problem, here at the booking room. Come back."

MaryAnne holds her breath and releases the hammer, sending the bullet zippin' to the lock..... ....and immediately bouncing right off it. PING! ZIP!! ZIPPOW!! "DOHHO!!!" MaryAnne hit the floor as the bullet zipped around the booking room, pinging off the clipboard, walls, the booking desk, the metal radio set, back across the room and finally breaking through the glass of the door of Boss's office. MaryAnne slowly stands up and looks at the hole in the glass of the door. "Uh, okay....obviously THAT didn't work..." Looks at Brian under the bunk. "You can come out, Brian it didn't work."

Looks at Brian. "You WHAT?!?! You stuck a dinner fork in here one night?? Cripes, no wonder the @#!$%ing thing won't open!" Pauses and takes a breath. "Yer right, two Coltranes one lock..." Looks over at Mac. "Oh hey, Mac. I think I got it covered here but don't go nowhere....hmmm...." Looks at the lock and then looks down at gun. "AH HA!!" Pulls gun from holster. "Stand back, Brian, I'm gonna try to shoot it." Takes aim at the lock....

"Oh just hush a moment..." MaryAnne takes a small pouch from her gunbelt and opens it up, revealing her lock picking kit. "Brian, believe me I'm tryin' to get ya outta here! " She selects a tool and goes to work on the lock. After more than 10 seconds, the lock still hasn't given. "*&%$#@!!" MaryAnne picks another tool and tries it but still no lock...er...luck. She sighs looking at her useless lock picking tool and the stubborn lock. "Startin' cussin', cousin."

"Well..." MaryAnne fumbles with the key a second, "this door's always been kinda tricky to open," *click click* "and I could always hit it just right before but..." *click, clickety-click* "I ain't hittin' it right." MaryAnne pulls the key out and looks at it. Looks at the other keys on the wall. "Maybe it is the wrong one..." Makes a swap and tries another key, but the door still won't open. "Umm...heh heh..." She tried another key and still no luck. "Brian, I dunno quite how to tell ya this..."

After signing, stamping, officializin', duplicating in triplicate, having notarized, bronzed, laminated and sworn upon the form for Brian's parole, MaryAnne turned to the holding cell and grinned. "Kheehaaa, cousin!" She plucked the keys off the key holder on the wall. "Yer back to freedom!" Puts the key in the lock and tries to turn it. The door doesn't unlock right away but MaryAnne is unconcerned. The door had always been tricky to open.

NOTICE OF PAROLE July 25th, 2003 County of Hazzard State of Georgia In Witness Thereof, Notice is here by given that Brian Coltrane has met the requirements for parole and parole has been granted. (enter fancy shmancy signature here. ROFL) Deputy MaryAnne Coltrane Hazzard County Sheriff's Department (KHEE!)

"Strange Visitor to Hazzard" was by far the worst episode of the series. It's clear the writers were becoming confined in the Paul Picard denfined box that was Hazzard (although this episode broke one of Picard's cardinal rules. It never gets dark in Hazzard). The episode does have a couple of moments, but it's pretty much ranked at the bottom. "Lawman of the Year" had potential but nobody took advantage of it. Rosco (and James Best for that matter) really could have pulled off something super (and left Coy and Vance permanently in the dust). But alas. Another one to add to the list of "if I were to rewrite an episode..." =) Lisa

"Thanks Miz Tizdale," MaryAnne called after the Hazzard Postmistress as she left the room. She looked down at the comic books and smiled. making a note to thank Hilery later as well. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck...who put the Maverick comic in here? "Khee!" She handed several of the comics to Brian through the bars and looked at her cousin for a moment. Obviously he was waiting for her to answer Rosco's question as much as Rosco was waiting for an answer. MaryAnne silently sighed and turned back to Rosco. "I'm sorry, Rosco. As much as I'd like to, I can't let Brian out yet. His parole date is set for the 25th and it will stay that way. If I let him out earlier than that, I think it would undermine the whole purpose of the sentencing anyway." She walked over to Rosco. "Don't worry, he'll be home again. I'm not sending him up the river forever. You know I would't do that anyway. He's in there because I don't want to see anything happen to him. And I know you wouldn't either."