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Officer Barbrady

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  1. I've got two of my own: 1) A state-employed construction worker . Namely, the only things I would do on the job is work on roads, then wave my arms frantically and run while the General leaps over everything. 2) A state patrol officer who works indepently from the local law enforcement. I would go around smacking crooks in the kneecaps and demanding they respect mah authoritah.
  2. It's been a whole dang year since I last showed up here? Wow. Apparently I had nothing to say, or I had too much on the plate to do. These new forums are quite nice, BTW. Yeah, there's a few changes...namely in pets. The parakeet's found a new home, and Buddy the Father of the Lab/Springer mix found a new home as well. But now we have Capone the Clueless Chocolate Lab, who actually survived a few November nights in the woods after he got loose. And there's gonna be a lil' niece on the way in May. No, her name will not be Daisy.
  3. Hazzard County. Legend has it nobody knows the population 'cause nobody let them count it. Hazzard has all sorts of people, some nice, some not-so nice. Those paths will converge later on, but for now friends, let's learn how the most unlikely person foiled Atlanta's biggest crime wave. HAZZARD COUNTY 10 MILES The bus driver breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a long trip, and the guy singing "Rocky Top" at the top of his lungs wasn't helping either. The driver didn't mind bluegrass, but he was a Georgia alum. The bus was filled with people headed to the police school in Atlanta. Each group he had seen looked like they would be the end of law and order as he knew it. Somehow, most of the people in each group made it through the four-month program and began careers as cops. This group was no exception. "Y'all listen now. We're going to be in Hazzard in about five minutes. Can y'all act more civilized this time?" The driver paused, then glanced at the amateur singer in his mirror. "Especially you, Jenkins." "What, ya don't enjoy my singin'?" Leroy Jenkins replied, once again unzipping his leather jacket in order to pull out his ponytail. Jenkins was on his way to the school, though not by his own choice. It was school or jail. The judge gave him one last chance. "No, Leroy. If he didn't like your singin', you'd be on your way to jail right now," a red-haired woman sitting ahead of him commented dryly. The woman brushed a lock of hair from her forehead and continued to read her copy of Highway Patrol magazine. She had been enamored with the state police ever since junior high. Leroy opened his mouth and was ready to give a retort, but by that time the driver hit the brakes. The bus had arrived at the Hazzard depot. As was tradition on the bus, the passengers continued doing what they had done the entire ride, but were ready to listen in on any conversation. The driver opened the door. The recruits were ready, and got their wish. "You make us proud now, OK?" "Don't do anything Rosco did!" The passengers stifled their laughs as they heard a distant voice yell, "COOTER! HUSH!" "Don't forget to write. Before I forget...a little somethin' from Daisy." "Thank ya, Uncle Jesse." "You're welcome, and I ain't your Uncle Jesse." With that, the final recruit stepped on board. Nobody paid much notice except the woman. She looked up long enough to take a peek at the new guy, then went back to her magazine. "He looks like a decent enough fellow," she thought. "A little nervous, but hopefully friendly. There ain't that much room left though." "This seat taken, ma'am?" The woman looked at the new recruit, leaning against the seat with a grin. She took a look around, then remembered her earlier thought that bus space was running low. "No. Go ahead." "Thank ya," he replied as he took his seat. For awhile, the two sat there, trying to think of a good icebreaker. "So," the woman said, "You live in Hazzard. You been there all your life?" "Yeah," he replied, fidgeting with his hands. "Where are you from?" "Covington. Nice little town. It's where I got inspired to be a smokey." "Really? I joined up 'cause I figured it would be a decent way to repay the town." The man let out a small laugh. "How'd ya get inspired?" The woman had to laugh too. "When I was in junior high, a trooper came to talk to us about the dangers of midnight racin.' He gave some of us rides in his car. I happened to be in it when he got a call sayin' there was a high speed chase. Well, he didn't have time to let me out before he went into hot pursuit. I knew right there I wanted to be a trooper." "Dipsticks," Leroy, who had been listening to the conversation, muttered. "Leroy, you hush!" the woman snapped. To her seat mate she responded, "Never mind Leroy. Dang jailbait." The bus driver, who had heard that, had to smile. The woman was about to go back to reading her magazine when she realized something. "I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself," she said. "My name's Devitt. Shellyn Devitt." She offered her hand to the Hazzard recruit. "Shellyn," he replied as he shook her hand. "That's a mighty pretty name. Guess I gotta tell ya mine now. The name's Strate. Enos Strate." "Well," Shellyn replied, "nice to meet ya, Enos. I think I'm going to enjoy seeing you around at school." Lookee there, friends. Ain't often you see a fellow blush like that!
  4. There's nothing like writing your first fanfic. This happens to be my first of what should hopefully be quite a few. I appreciate your comments and/or suggestions on this story.
  5. Inspired in some part by Police Academy. Takes place around the same time as the events of "Happy Birthday, General Lee." The Balladeer's comments are in italic. Friends, you're looking at the Atlanta Police School. Many a future lawman has walked onto this campus, including one Rosco P. Coltrane. Let's just say they're still cleaning up after he left. Now, the school's motto, which you can tell by looking at that sign is "Duty, Courage, Honor, Respect." Each recruit is expected to uphold that motto. There are a few that fail to, but this story ain't about them. Nope, your gonna see that this story is about another fellow that y'all may know. But he ain't arrived yet. But y'all stick around anyway. Captain Dawson paced in his office, a stack of papers in his hand. A new batch of raw, unkempt, gullible recruits were set to start their training in a few days. Most of the recruits were easy to whip into shape; others were a bit more risky, thus harder to get rid of. Dawson often got those folks. Dawson was an authorative type; he loved to be in control. He also had the occasional nasty streak. In fact, out of all the recruits that quit their police training, many left as a result of him. Dawson didn't care; he was there for the intent on turning some rowdy young adult into a future paragon of law enforcement. Now, here he stood, once again looking over his list of new recruits. "Hmmph. This one was assigned here by his probation officer," he sniffed. "L. Jenkins. Convicted of so many misdemeanors the judge gave him the option of this or jail. Looks like Jenkins made the wrong choice." He tossed Jenkins' paper on his desk and stared at the next. "S. Devitt. A female. Has aspirations of joining the state police. She's aiming a bit high. Gotta admire her spunk." Dawson rifled through another recruit's profile, then another. "B. Maxwell. Leadership type. This boy might be someone I need to keep my eye on. R. Fawcett. Another girl, crime victim but wants to help others. M. Cranshaw. A gun nut." Dawson sighed. "Just what I needed." He was about to pick up the next recruit's profile when he heard a knock on the door. He walked over and opened it to discover his lackey, Royce. "Royce," Dawson said disgustedly, "Don't you know that I have some papers to read?" "Yeah," Royce replied, "but ya gotta hear this. The Commandant's going to make some statements at the beginning of training about the current crime wave. He wants you and the rest of the commanding officers to attend. I know ya ain't one to sit there and listen to him, but this could be your chance." "Chance?" Dawson's tired look suddenly changed. "Royce, I gotta admit for being a dimbulb, you can make a man's day." Royce smiled. "Ya mean that?" "Yes. Now git!" Dawson snapped. Royce got the message and left. Dawson shut the door, grumbled something, and sat down at his desk to look at the remaining papers. "The Commandant's going to take a lot of blame if his cops keep botching up with this crime wave. I'm gonna need someone so naiive and nitwitted he makes Gomer Pyle look like a Rhodes scholar." Dawson sat there and looked at his papers. All of a sudden, one profile caught his attention. "Small town boy. Parents involved in moonshine ring, got busted. Group of friends got busted too, got probation as long as their uncle gave up the activity. Honest, but sometimes completely oblivious to the situation at hand. Gets nervous around women." Dawson cringed. "Now why'd they put that in there? No, wait. I've got some future policewomen. This may turn out to be easier than I thought. I'd better get Royce on the phone. Dawson picked up the phone, glancing at his fall guy. "Mr. Strate, you're gonna have some fun here. A whole lot of fun." Lookee there friends. It goes to prove you can't even leave Hazzard without bringin' trouble!
  6. This is one of my favorite car-themed movies. Put together big-time movie stars and some kickass cars, and we have cinematic gold. For one thing, you can't go wrong with Dom DeLuise as Captain Chaos. For me, the best line belongs to Burt Reynolds: "We could do a Trans-Am....no, that's been done." Great Smokey and the Bandit reference. The sequel wasn't half bad, either.
  7. Comedy Central just aired this the other afternoon. Ahh, what a thrill. I've seen the first six; I don't think I want to see Mission to Moscow. The fifth and sixth ones weren't as good without Mahoney, but the other cops more than made up for it. I almost forgot one of my favorite recurring jokes in the series: The Blue Oyster.
  8. I've been a member for some time...maybe I should finally do this danged thing. Name: Hannah HNet Screename: Officer Barbrady Age: 23 Location: The Badger State Occupation: Cashier/waitress Marital status: Single and loving it! Siblings: Older sister, 28; older brother, 25; and younger brother, age 19. I have two nephews; Bowen is 11 and Cole is 6 (and both are diehard Dukes fans). You want to know what's even scarier? They were both born on the same day, five years and eight minutes apart. Pets: The family pet is Scamp, the Paranoid Wonder Dog, still with us at 15 human years. Walter, the Flatulent Hound and Dufus Buford, a pair of screwball bassets. Buddy, who will soon be the proud father of a Labrador/Springer Mix litter. Lord knows how many plott hounds we have in the family, but there are quite a few. Three beagles: Tessie, one whose name I forgot, and Cletus. Oh, yeah, and a parakeet. Favorite Movie: I don't have a favorite, but I love most comedies and animated films (preferably Pixar). If it has Burt Reynolds in it, I will almost always automatically like it. Favorite TV Show: Obviously Dukes, South Park (which inspired my screen name), Family Guy, Survivor, American Idol, Robot Chicken, SpongeBob, Whose Line is it Anyway?, and Seinfeld Favorite Music: I love the Beatles. Throw in some George Strait, Alan Jackson, and Toby Keith, then mix it with some ABBA and ELO, and you have my eclectic taste in music. Hobbies: reading, cross-stitch, computer stuff and teaching kindergarten CCD.
  9. When I first read this, "The Ten Million Dollar Sheriff" came to mind. I know that it was Jesse who took the tumble (looking for Steele, I think) but that was the only thing that came to mind.
  10. Officer Barbrady


    I don't know if I have an exact favorite, but from the newer shows I loved Matt Foley the motivational speaker, the Butabis, and Celebrity Jeopardy! In the older shows, I liked Samurai, the My favorite commercials are the Bass-o-Matic, Donuts, and Oops, I Crapped My Pants!
  11. I always liked this one; this was one of the first episodes I remember watching. I was kind of partial to the Hayride from Hell scene...or is is Hayride To Hell? Either way, it was a helluva lot more realistic than Bo "jumping" the patrol car into the stock miniature truck, landing on the tires and bouncing back onto the road....in one piece.
  12. hahaha. There's always an on going battle with Minnesotans and Wisconsins ain't there?? lol. Yeah, at least this part of the state (western/northwestern). The southern Cheeseheads have their own battle going on with Illinois. Football season is very ugly here.
  13. I live in northwestern Wisconsin, about a couple hours from Twinkie-land ( at you Minnesotans). I've lived in Rusk County in the city of Ladysmith for all but a few months of my life.
  14. I caught this new addition to the Adult Swim lineup the other night. I really have no way to describe it, except for "Starsky and Hutch become PIs and drive KITT." (except now it's smaller, orange and named CARR...khee!) Sunday night's episode featured Stroker and Hoop traveling to Mississippi to help Hoop's lawman cousin solve a string of murders; turns out contestants in a beauty pageant are getting offed based on the foods they represent. Of course, that's not the part I found interesting; to blend in with the Southern atmosphere, CARR decks itself out with Confederate flags on the doors and...a Dixie air horn! Considering that CARR's already orange, you can probably guess what the writers were going for.
  15. Bwaaa ha ha ha!! I'm going to have "Believe it or Not" in my head now for about two days. The spandex wasn't so bad compared to whatever it was that Rosco wore; it made him look like a reject from Olivia Newton-John's "Physical."
  16. I don't think these are all of them, but here goes: TV Shows: 1.) Dukes seasons 1-3 2.) Family Guy season three 3.) The Brak Show first season 4.) South Park: Insults and Injuries (featuring the infamous naughty word ep) 5.) Schoolhouse Rock 30th Anniversary Edition 6.) Mr. Bean: The Complete Bean Movies: 1.) A slew of Burt Reynolds flicks (Smokey and the Bandit, Cannonball Run, Stroker Ace, Hooper, The Longest Yard) 2.) Four Monty Python films (including Holy Grail, Life of Brian, Live at the Hollywood Bowl and The Meaning of Life) 3.) National Lampoon's European Vacation 4.) The Goonies 5.) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 6.) Boat Trip (the beginning of the end of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s career LOL) 7.) Baseketball 8.) South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut 9.) Team America: World Police (uncut and unrated) 10.) Billy Madison 11.) The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (classic Don Knotts) 12.) Mars Attacks! 13.) The Royal Tenenbaums 14.) The Scorpion King 15.) McLintock! 16.) Back to School 17.) Ray 18.) Forrest Gump 19.) The Rutles: All You Need is Cash (any similarity between this group and that other famous quartet is intentional ) 20.) A Fish Called Wanda 21.) The Magic Christian (old Peter Sellers/Ringo Starr flick) 22.) Finding Nemo 23.) Monsters, Inc. 24.) That damned Spongebob Miscellany: Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" Ron White's "They Call Me Tater Salad" Wrestlemania 18
  17. This was a good ep....Boss hungry to the point where he eats Flash's doggie num-nums? Classic. The fellow that played Benson looked familiar.
  18. One of my all-time favorite comedies, even though I'm not a golf fan. None of the characters, even Judge Smails, are really despisable. In fact, my sister and I will break out into Ted Knight impersonations and see who cracks up more. Bill Murray is a hoot. Rodney Dangerfield is still his wacky self. And don't get me started on the Baby Ruth in the pool scene. NOONAN!!!!
  19. Yep, they'll be racing at Atlanta. It was mentioned after the twister hit that the track would be ready. I'll go out on a limb and make some predictions for the Chase races: Loudon: Stewart did win here in July...I'll give him the broom. Dover: Hmm....yeah, Biffle did win here but Newman's done well here in the past. Newman repeats as the fall winner. Talladega: Upset Special...Juuuuuunnnnnior! (I hated that stupid mobile ad) Kansas: Well, it probably won't be Nemechek. Out of the Chasers, only Newman's won here. It won't be Newman either; I'll score this win for Greg Biffle (based on his 1.5 mile record) Charlotte: Jimmie Johnson's personal playground. Four in a row for the Lowe's man (and I see him getting help from Vickers or Lil' Busch) Martinsville: Rusty wins his final short track race. Atlanta: Mark Martin was so close last year, so my bet is he'll hold off Carl Edwards for the win. Texas: Take your pick from the Roush stable. Phoenix: Kurt Busch may very well sweep here. Homestead: Tony Stewart takes the checkers. 2005 Nextel Cup Champ: Tony Stewart Mr. Congeniality (11th place): Dale Earnhardt Jr. by virtue of winning Talladega Should've Raced the Truck: Dale Jarrett The Next Shane Hmiel: Jeff Gordon
  20. Officer Barbrady

    Family Guy

    Now I know which episode! Peter loses the watch in the stuffed animal crane machine at Cheesey Charlie's. Bonus points to the freeze frame of Peter and the kid fighting over the watch. This show, Robot Chicken and South Park have done a fine job of saluting the Dukes in their own twisted fashions.
  21. I was reading my copy of Entertainment Weekly, and this issue happened to be the fall TV preview. The info for Blue Collar TV (Foxworthy, Engvall, and Mr. Git-r-done's show) does provide an interesting episode preview. The executive producer mentions that in one episode "We do a politically correct Dukes of Hazzard. They've changed the Confederate flag to a rainbow with a unicorn, so as not to offend anybody. And Boss Hogg is now black." Interesting....I really can't imagine a PC Hazzard. Any of y'all feel the same?
  22. "Operator, get me room 321....Noble Zor, this here's the Illustrous Potentate. The Illustrous Potentate. The Illustrous....Dang it Coy, this is Bubba!" I always think they could've deviated from the usual celebrity speed trap and have Ray brought in for making obscene calls, especially to a woman named Margaret.
  23. Looks like the chase for the final spots in the Chase will come down to the wire in Richmond. TNT must be salivating over the likely high ratings. NASCAR's nightmare is now half-complete; Jr. is out of the running. I can only imagine the fun the marketing execs are going to have when Gordon is eliminated. It'll be interesting seeing the ratings for Loudon. If things hold up, the Chase'll be called this: Roush versus Stewart, Johnson, Rusty, McMurray and Mayfield. I'm not exactly Stewart or Rusty's biggest fan, but I'll gladly root for them over Roush. And don't get me started on the "Race for 11th" hooey. My uncle (a big Rusty fan) calls that thing a crock, citing the fact that one of the Chasers could crap out while a Sadler, Gordon, Harvick, etc. could go on a tear. BRING BACK THE SOUTHERN 500!!!!
  24. Here's some more quotes. "Lawman of the Year" Rosco, after a woman with a baby who just squirted Rosco with milk strolls away: "Ugly baby. Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch." Cletus after taking a spill in Cooter's cement patch: "I guess this cements our relationship." "The Hazzardgate Tape." One of my favorite lines comes from this one. Rosco: "You call yourself a deputy? Ha. Know what I call you?" Enos: "A dipstick?" Rosco: "That's right!" Rosco doesn't stop there...later on, after Enos busts down a closet door: "Enos, if the government saw you like this, they'd classify you as a dumb-guided missile!" From "Coy vs. Vance", when we're treated to yet another General/Police chase, only this time Rosco hits a porta-crapper with one of those poor road construction workers still doing his business inside. Enos: "Sheriff, there's a toilet on your roof!" Rosco: "Enos! Have you lost your kumquats? (hears a noise) Oh! Khee khee khee!" (The look on Jimmie Best's face when he realizes the porta-crapper's on his roof is absolutely hysterically priceless.) From "Too Many Roscos," when Jesse tells Boss about Rosco's "accident." Jesse: "JD, I hate to tell you this, but we lost Rosco." Boss: "So? I've lost him plenty of times!" From "Cooter's Confession": Jesse: "A stranger's just a person we ain't met yet."
  25. I would consider my two nephews, ages ten and five, to be part of the new generation. It must've been sometime after CMT started running episodes, and I was sitting with Bowen, the older one (yep...guess what his nickname is? ). We were talking about some stuff we saw on TV the other day, and out of the blue he said, "I've been watching this show called Dukes of Hazzard. It's so cool!" He doesn't do the hood slide, but will answer phone calls from family members with "This is Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane!" and refers to his pet basset hound Buford as "Flash." He also complains when I complain that an episode needs more Cooter. The five year old loves the General Lee.
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