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"You Might Be a Reckneck" if....

Brian Coltrane

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You're convinced that truck stops have the best food.

Your standard of living improves when you go camping.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.

Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.

There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.

You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.

None of the tires on your van are the same size.

You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.

Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.

Starting your car involves popping the hood.

Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.

You whistle at women in church.

You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.

You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.

You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.

You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

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  • 3 months later...

You might be a redneck if.....

- You chew the "ABC" gum from under the table

- You think a vase is a modernized spitoon

- you have an out house on your front lawn

- you go to the nearest fire hydrant to get your drinking water

- A vase consists of a beer can

- Your shirt is cleaner if you wear it inside out

- You use a toilet scrubrush for a back scrubber

- You think that fork is either a new tool used for self-defense or picking the food out of your teeth

- You use a fly swatter for a spatula (SP?)

- If your car engine works by the connection of rubber bands, string and chewing gum

- Your child's braces contains of bent paper clips

- There is an elective for hunting at your childs middle school

MY sister and I thought up these

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You might be a redneck if:

1. You finance a mobile home

2. You wear high topped steel toed boots with shorts (my husband has)

3. Every redneck joke that Jeff Foxworhty tells either describes you, your closest friends or your relatives

4. You furnished your entire home with random pieces of furniture that you found sitting on the curb side with a "free" sign attached to it

5. You use blankets, towels, sheets, etc. for curtains

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