Brian Coltrane

I'll buy two outta three of those. Except for Obstruction of Justice. What justice?! C'mon, this is Hazzard! There ain't no justice to obstruct!

What?! Oh, come on now! *lunging up to the bars* You can't keep me heah! You ain't even made up any charges! Besides, I'm expensive to keep penned up and ah've got nasty habits.

*pauses in mid-slurp of the milkshake, lifting head up* Yeah, "bail", as in, pay mah way outta heah. You outta be familiar with bail, based upon yer own recent experience.

Now that's service. Thank ya. *accepts the food, wolfing it down, hoping to build up a reistance to the inevitable prison-surplus can of chipped beef * Wonder what the bail's gonna be...*slurping down milkshake* ..sooner I find out, the sooner I can meet it and git outta heah...

Yeah. Plus, I'm hungry.

Thank ya, one and all, for that fine collection o' sympathy. *looks back through the bars* Normally I'd have a witty comeback for each and every one of ya, but I'm still sufferin' from Roger's blow-up-doll comment. I ain't recovered from that yet. I've been called a lotta thangs in mah day, but....no, I don't look enuff like a blow-up doll to fool MaryAnne. Nor would a man in mah current circumstances see fit to try any imitation of such. Which leaves me stuck heah, pacin' around behind the bars like an animal at the zoo. I'm surprised MaryAnne didn't put one of those little crank peanut machines out there so ya'll could feed me for a quarter.

*hears the evil laugh, and swallows* I reckon it's too soon to inquire about bail..... *wonders if there's any creamed, chipped beef left *

*looks up at the loud clang of the cell door* You're gonna stoop to some dirty trick like this? Against your own kin? How could ya?!

Yer right. It won't. *stays back for a minute, to save a copy of the collage* This was pretty good. Nice jail picture in there, too... *typing away* So now that you're free, who should we put in heah next?

..."Jail Bailapalooza".... *snorts* An insanity plea woulda went through with flyin' colors, ya know. But, I gotta say, ya did a good job and it meets bail ! Guess yer free to go, and fully ree-in-stated, and all that jazz. *gestures to the open cell door* I only wish I woulda gave ya somethin' harder. I didn't get half of mah nasty schemes done. Ah well....

Awright, lemme see.... *looks through the bars* Ah, I need to get closer. Hang on, don't try anythang funny heah.... *takes the keys out of jacket pocket and unlocks the cell. Pulls the keys back out of the lock and keeps them in hand, only then stepping inside for a better look*

*comes out of the Sheriff's office, walking up to the holding cell. Stands there and watches MaryAnne bang the tin cup around for a moment* You rang?

If you ain't careful, Roger, yer gonna have a return engagement heah. Then you'll have plenty of time to help with interior decoratin'.

I'm a fan of it. How could I not be, given the Impala... but that's another story. Thing is, the first couple seasons of this show were cool without going way over the edge. In latter seasons, though, blood and gore became more common, the shock value went up, and the whole demons and end of the world thing took over the entire premise. The writing is excellent no matter what, and there's a generous amount of humor in this show. My main complaint is that they don't do enough with the Metallicar. Man, there was one episode where Dean was driving the Impala up to a demolished bridge, and everybody in my household was screaming for him to jump it. LOL. But, he didn't. Guess it ain't Dukes of Hazzard....

*putters around in the Sheriff's office, looking at paint color samples* Hmm. Slate black. Onyx black. Midnight black.... eh, maybe I'll hang up some sleezy posters and forget about paintin'. That sounds easy. *tosses the samples aside, then goes over to measure a window* These boring blinds and roll-down windowshades gotta go. Becasuse now that ah'm in charge... ...it's gonna be CURTAINS for the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department! MUAHAHAHA!!!

*takes a step out of the office to overhear this last bit* Nutless. Just like.... *thinks better of saying this to Alex, and ducks back into Rosco's office*

*notes the progress* Then I'd better make long-term arrangements for you, MaryAnne. We ain't equipped to hold nobody more than a couple weeks or so. Reckon I'll halfta transfer you to Atlanta. *looks to Alex* You might wanna get those flowers and chocolates for her while you've got the chance. *walks away from the cell, resuming the Cold Heartless Jerk act* MUAHAHAHAHA! *goes into the Sheriff's Office and thinks about re-decorating it to own tastes*

*accepts the bag with a smile* I would. Thank ya. *takes the donut from the bag and chomps it down in a few big bites. Speaks after scarfing down the last of it* Awright, cousin. You know I'm blowin' smoke and tryin' to keep up the Cold Heartless Jerk act. Sure, it comes naturally to me, but in truth I can't stand to see a Deputy Damsel in Distress. Especially when you so kindly share your food. Now then... *brushing crumbs from hands* Your bail, is as follows. I wantcha to take a piece of everybody's image heah, and make a "quilt" of sorts. A big collage of photos n' pics to represent all the usual suspects that share this town. Now, I realize this is a pretty big chore, so maybe for now we'll simplify it to the people who've been involved in this jailhouse thang. You put together this big picture, and we'll hang it up where everybody can see it. Think of it as community service. *grins*

What cars? I see igloos there. Those are cars?? Glad ya'll are safe - please stay that way!

*strolls up closer to the bars* Why are ya worried about it? You look comfy enuff, enjoyin' yer contraband coffee n' donuts....this is a jailhouse, not a Holiday Inn. Ain't no free continential breakfast heah! *eyes the second donut.....*

You can run, but you can't hide. Muahahahaha!!

*watches MaryAnne's display of temper, giving a low whistle in reaction* And people used to think there was no way we were related. Tho' you ain't helpin' yer case any....

See? More disorderly conduct, right there.

Bail. Uh, it's a bit complicated. Ya see, whenever an officer is arrested, there's an automatic suspension involved. So, I have the burden of your rank, it seems.... *picks up the ordinance book and flips through it* And as fair as bail goes, I haven't figured out all the charges, but so far, you're a shoe-in for Disturbing the Peace about a zillion times. Disorderly Conduct comes to mind, too. All that ruckus you make during your car chases, ya know....

Aw, I'd give you the flowers and candy....in a platonic, cousinly gesture o' course. But Alex just wants me to play errand boy, and that ain't happenin'. Nice to see you ain't gonna be lonely in heah, though.