Brian Coltrane

*takes a step out of the office to overhear this last bit* Nutless. Just like.... *thinks better of saying this to Alex, and ducks back into Rosco's office*

*notes the progress* Then I'd better make long-term arrangements for you, MaryAnne. We ain't equipped to hold nobody more than a couple weeks or so. Reckon I'll halfta transfer you to Atlanta. *looks to Alex* You might wanna get those flowers and chocolates for her while you've got the chance. *walks away from the cell, resuming the Cold Heartless Jerk act* MUAHAHAHAHA! *goes into the Sheriff's Office and thinks about re-decorating it to own tastes*

*accepts the bag with a smile* I would. Thank ya. *takes the donut from the bag and chomps it down in a few big bites. Speaks after scarfing down the last of it* Awright, cousin. You know I'm blowin' smoke and tryin' to keep up the Cold Heartless Jerk act. Sure, it comes naturally to me, but in truth I can't stand to see a Deputy Damsel in Distress. Especially when you so kindly share your food. Now then... *brushing crumbs from hands* Your bail, is as follows. I wantcha to take a piece of everybody's image heah, and make a "quilt" of sorts. A big collage of photos n' pics to represent all the usual suspects that share this town. Now, I realize this is a pretty big chore, so maybe for now we'll simplify it to the people who've been involved in this jailhouse thang. You put together this big picture, and we'll hang it up where everybody can see it. Think of it as community service. *grins*

What cars? I see igloos there. Those are cars?? Glad ya'll are safe - please stay that way!

*strolls up closer to the bars* Why are ya worried about it? You look comfy enuff, enjoyin' yer contraband coffee n' donuts....this is a jailhouse, not a Holiday Inn. Ain't no free continential breakfast heah! *eyes the second donut.....*

You can run, but you can't hide. Muahahahaha!!

*watches MaryAnne's display of temper, giving a low whistle in reaction* And people used to think there was no way we were related. Tho' you ain't helpin' yer case any....

See? More disorderly conduct, right there.

Bail. Uh, it's a bit complicated. Ya see, whenever an officer is arrested, there's an automatic suspension involved. So, I have the burden of your rank, it seems.... *picks up the ordinance book and flips through it* And as fair as bail goes, I haven't figured out all the charges, but so far, you're a shoe-in for Disturbing the Peace about a zillion times. Disorderly Conduct comes to mind, too. All that ruckus you make during your car chases, ya know....

Aw, I'd give you the flowers and candy....in a platonic, cousinly gesture o' course. But Alex just wants me to play errand boy, and that ain't happenin'. Nice to see you ain't gonna be lonely in heah, though.

Why should he? This is the most attention you've evah paid to him. Heh!

Say! Thanks for reminin' me. Lemme jot that down....

How is it, that MaryAnne's in jail, and I'm the one gettin' in trouble?

I knew ah forgot about somethin'....lemme git back to ya on that.

It don't matter who I practiced on before...it's who I practice on next that matters. Sign-up sheets are right over there on the bookin' desk.

*awkward pause* Yeah, that's more like it. Awright, Romeo, take it over there and speechify at MaryAnne! It's better that you practice your lines on her, than me, ya know.

That was awful. It's no damn wonder she's nevah went out with you. Don't you know how to romance somebody proper?! *sets down the coffee cup and steps closer, to demonstrate* You gotta be personal! Intimate! You gotta git eye to eye, and speak quiet enuff so she's gotta pay attention to listen! Like this.... *leans in closer to Alex, murmuring* You've nevah known how often ah've wanted to be this close...to see the light in your eyes, and be able to touch your face...if only ah dared. But such privileges are nevah mine, nevah will be mine, so long as your heart is kept locked away. Oh, how ah've hoped, and wished, and dreamed for the day when I could confess all I've felt for you! And confess it ah would, if there was the smallest chance on this green earth, that you could care for me the same. *ends this with a strained whisper, dark eyes holding a deep gaze...and then remembers the audience* Ya'll do realize this was for educational purposes only! *looks back at Alex* YOU do realize this was for educational purposes only..... *takes a step away*

Awright, now you're bein' cruel and unusual to me! Quit with the bad limericks. You gotta appeal to her sensitive side. Say somethin' from deep inside....that doesn't come out like a belch.

Yeah, I can see you're just shakin' like a leaf, Roger. You'll enjoy our current jailbird, I'm sure.

This keeps gettin' better. I notice thus far, nobody is clamouring for MaryAnne's release. Except, of course, MaryAnne. Bahahaha!

Just thought I'd open the window here and let some of the smoke out. I wanna take this opportunity to point out that the parties involved in the original fracas did apologize. MaryAnne and I did accept it. And given the number of people and posts that have been going on in this place for years, occurrances of this nature are thankfully rare. I don't want people thinking they can't horse around with MaryAnne and me. I also don't want anybody afraid to post because of all this. I can't speak for the Deputy, but for myself, it's done with and I see no need to whack the ban button or hose anybody down.

*almost pours coffee on the floor hearing that suggestion* Alex, lockin' you up with MaryAnne would be cruel and unusual punishment to her. *pausing* Even if it ain't cruel, it would be unusual, and paybacks are hell, ya know. *pours a dozen sugar packets into coffee, sips at it* Ya know what ya could do, though, is woo her through the bars. Read her some poetry...sing to her...do a mime impression....impress her with your Yoga poses. Do all those lil' thangs you've been dyin' to do but nevah had the opportunity. Ah'm sure she'd enjoy the attention.... *having thus arranged mild torture for MaryAnne, grins into the coffee cup*

Good! 'Cause yer gonna be in heah all day! All night, too. You just list all yer little wants and complaints for Amnesty International there. I'll think of some bail for ya after I make up some charges. After mah donut and coffee. *jumps down from the booking desk, and heads over to the coffee pot, whistling the theme from the Andy Griffith Show, which is darn inappropriate under the cirmcumstances*

*turns around in mid-dance* You've been in there thirty seconds. B'sides, the tin cup won't fit through the bars. Would her Jail-ness like a paper cup to sip outta?

Yes folks, MaryAnne wasn't payin' attention and found herself shoved inside the holding cell by yours truly. KHEEHAHAHAHA! ( See the "Arrest Garrett " thread for how it unfolded.) *looks at uniformed cousin who's locked behind bars* Ya know MaryAnne, I always wanted to pull this on ya, just once. And it's every bit as entertainin' as ah thought it would be. Now if you'll excuse me just a moment, I need to allow mahself some display o' victory. *snatches up the jail keys from the peg on the wall, not taking any chances, and shoves them into the inner pocket of leather jacket. Proceeds to jump up on the booking dance and break into an end-zone boogie* I fought the law, and ...I won! I fought the law, and...I won! Da da! Da da! Dah da-da-da-dahhh!