Brian Coltrane

*listens, surprised....eyebrow drifting up....wondering why MaryAnne would prefer to see Alex in here...*

*speechless*

And then it'd be like treason, Alex, if you bumped off somebody she duly appointed as actin' whatnot. Though it'd almost be worth losin' the title, to have Open Season on Chet... *wistful expression*

A ree-volt is a noble idea, Alex, but you won't do that to MaryAnne.

WHAT?! *grabbing the bars, protesting loudly* No!! If Chet was in charge of the bad guys around heah, we'd be overrun with mediocre badness! If you want quality trouble, you can't give that title away! I know Chet can do bad thangs, like put his head through the jukebox, and spit for a half-mile, but that ain't finesse! That ain't the caliber of bad ah've worked so hard to cultivate around heah!

...uh, yeah. *uncomfortable beneath that steady gaze* ...well.... *glances quick to Alex, who's too infatuated by MaryAnne to be doing any decent scheming* You shoulda brought somethin' fancier than a burger and fries, buddy. Nobody's last meal should come in a brown paper bag. *looks back to deputy cousin* Awright, MaryAnne. Ah see yer point. I've cost the county a pretty penny in keepin' you locked up. But there's gotta be some sorta terms we can come to.....

! *starts doing some math on how many days MaryAnne was behind bars, how many tickets she coulda wrote each day, and the average dollar rev-ah-noo value of each ticket *

*holds the bars, eyebrow lifting* How serious, is serious serious? You mean, like... serious, serious o-ffense, or...SERIOUS, serious, yer-so-screwed-now-boy, o-ffense.

... a Depu-Pez ticket dispenser. All somebody's gotta do, is tip yer hat back to git a ticket.

You're justice?! Yer a parkin' and speedin' ticket dispenser! Like a Depu-Pez!

I'll buy two outta three of those. Except for Obstruction of Justice. What justice?! C'mon, this is Hazzard! There ain't no justice to obstruct!

What?! Oh, come on now! *lunging up to the bars* You can't keep me heah! You ain't even made up any charges! Besides, I'm expensive to keep penned up and ah've got nasty habits.

*pauses in mid-slurp of the milkshake, lifting head up* Yeah, "bail", as in, pay mah way outta heah. You outta be familiar with bail, based upon yer own recent experience.

Now that's service. Thank ya. *accepts the food, wolfing it down, hoping to build up a reistance to the inevitable prison-surplus can of chipped beef * Wonder what the bail's gonna be...*slurping down milkshake* ..sooner I find out, the sooner I can meet it and git outta heah...

Yeah. Plus, I'm hungry.

Thank ya, one and all, for that fine collection o' sympathy. *looks back through the bars* Normally I'd have a witty comeback for each and every one of ya, but I'm still sufferin' from Roger's blow-up-doll comment. I ain't recovered from that yet. I've been called a lotta thangs in mah day, but....no, I don't look enuff like a blow-up doll to fool MaryAnne. Nor would a man in mah current circumstances see fit to try any imitation of such. Which leaves me stuck heah, pacin' around behind the bars like an animal at the zoo. I'm surprised MaryAnne didn't put one of those little crank peanut machines out there so ya'll could feed me for a quarter.

*hears the evil laugh, and swallows* I reckon it's too soon to inquire about bail..... *wonders if there's any creamed, chipped beef left *

*looks up at the loud clang of the cell door* You're gonna stoop to some dirty trick like this? Against your own kin? How could ya?!

Yer right. It won't. *stays back for a minute, to save a copy of the collage* This was pretty good. Nice jail picture in there, too... *typing away* So now that you're free, who should we put in heah next?

..."Jail Bailapalooza".... *snorts* An insanity plea woulda went through with flyin' colors, ya know. But, I gotta say, ya did a good job and it meets bail ! Guess yer free to go, and fully ree-in-stated, and all that jazz. *gestures to the open cell door* I only wish I woulda gave ya somethin' harder. I didn't get half of mah nasty schemes done. Ah well....

Awright, lemme see.... *looks through the bars* Ah, I need to get closer. Hang on, don't try anythang funny heah.... *takes the keys out of jacket pocket and unlocks the cell. Pulls the keys back out of the lock and keeps them in hand, only then stepping inside for a better look*

*comes out of the Sheriff's office, walking up to the holding cell. Stands there and watches MaryAnne bang the tin cup around for a moment* You rang?

If you ain't careful, Roger, yer gonna have a return engagement heah. Then you'll have plenty of time to help with interior decoratin'.

I'm a fan of it. How could I not be, given the Impala... but that's another story. Thing is, the first couple seasons of this show were cool without going way over the edge. In latter seasons, though, blood and gore became more common, the shock value went up, and the whole demons and end of the world thing took over the entire premise. The writing is excellent no matter what, and there's a generous amount of humor in this show. My main complaint is that they don't do enough with the Metallicar. Man, there was one episode where Dean was driving the Impala up to a demolished bridge, and everybody in my household was screaming for him to jump it. LOL. But, he didn't. Guess it ain't Dukes of Hazzard....

*putters around in the Sheriff's office, looking at paint color samples* Hmm. Slate black. Onyx black. Midnight black.... eh, maybe I'll hang up some sleezy posters and forget about paintin'. That sounds easy. *tosses the samples aside, then goes over to measure a window* These boring blinds and roll-down windowshades gotta go. Becasuse now that ah'm in charge... ...it's gonna be CURTAINS for the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department! MUAHAHAHA!!!