BoJamesDuke

Bo sighed a little, still regarding the car. "I dunno Luke....I'd like ta but....I just can't right now..."

Bo slipped gently out of his reverie and pushed himself gently so he was sitting up, taking the glass of water in his hand and nodding his thanks to Luke as he took the small pill, placing it in his mouth then quickly downing the water. He quickly lay back on his front once he'd done it, resting his chin on his hands and looking out over the yard again. "Not much Luke....just thinkin' bout the General and how many times he's saved our skin is all...."

Daisy nodded and smiled at Luke. "He's lucky to have you sugar, we all are." All the time that Luke was away, Bo had just been looking at General Lee, recalling many of the good times they had both had, how may times the General had saved their lives. Now that he had the time to stop and think about it, the General was more like a family member to him and he knew to Luke too. He couldn't imagine being without him.

Daisy nodded slowly, smiling slightly. If Bo wasn't angry then that was a good sign, and yet... "Did Uncle Jesse....you know...."

Bo watched Luke sprint across the yard, and for the first time that morning, he noticed the General in the yard, gleaming in the sun. He looked it over wistfully, realising it could be a long time before he left the farm again. Daisy looked up as Luke bolted through the door, looking calmer than he had before he had gone out to see Bo. She had been worried when Jesse had taken off without looking in on them. She looked to B.L before gently saying with a questioning look. "Luke....what happened?"

Shakes his head, sighing. "Nope....forgot about 'em until just now..." He looked back over to the farm house, not particularly feeling the will to walk over there at that moment.

Bo shook his head gently. "Ya ain't a coward..." He laughed slightly "Heck you's puttin' up with my....bad moods how could ya be a coward?"

Bo smiled at his protectivness, thankful that he was here. "Thanks Luke....I'm sorry I snapped at ya earlier. I didn't mean it....I was surpised you didn't go a runin' when Jesse was standin' over us."

He looked over as Luke sighed and noticed how glum he looked, realising just how hard this had been and was on his cousin. "Luke....why don't ya go have some shine? Ya could grab me some water and my antibiotics when ya get it."

Bo replied glumly. "Three....one in the mornin', afternoon and evenin' sometime after I've eaten." He sighed gently "Means no alcohol for me fer a while."

Bo nodded gently sighing and closing his eyes, before opening them again in realization. "Ah I can't....I need ta have my antibiotics.....can't have that and asprin at same time...." He groaned and buried his head in his arm again. "I can't even have no shine neither..."

Bo flopped back in the hay, running his hands over his face wearily. "In a way....I have a pounding headache now though..." He rolled back onto his front, favouring that way because he could rest his head in the soft comfort of his arms, gently rubbing his temple to try and fight off the violent headache, even though is hurt his bruised chest.

At first Bo didn't answer, then he gave a small nod of the head, rolling over and propping himself up on his elbows. "Yeah....i'm alright. Just wanted ta stay up here, straighten things....out in my head you know...."

Bo lay on his front in the hayloft of the barn, looking out the open doors across the back fields, thinking. Daisy looked outside and saw Uncle Jesse walking from the barn, nudging Luke who was sitting beside her.

Daisy rubbed her hand down her face, letting it come to rest on her mouth before rushing forward and pulling Luke into a hug. "Oh Luke...s'alright, I would've done the same thing...." Bo leant on the barn doorframe, looking up to meet Jesse's firm gaze.

Daisy looked worridly back at B.L and immidiatly bolted from her sitting position on the bed to the lounge, seeing an angry and obviously very upset Luke. She hesitantly walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "L....Luke? Sugar what's.....what's happened?" Bo finally made it to the barn, turning as he heard the loud slam of the door to the farm house. He breathed a deep breath in and let it out in a sigh, stepping inside the barn.

Bo cowered slightly underneath Uncle Jesse's burning gaze, although his expression never changed, a mix of fear, determination and desperation for someone to understand. He had apologized to Luke for yelling at him, and Luke had already said it was alright, that all he had needed was to vent to make him feel better. He looked over to Luke as he sat forward, head in hands and sighing softly. Bo shook his head and got to his feet. "Well thanks ever so much for your support Lukas." He turned and started making his way slowly to the barn, leaning on as little as he could, seeing how far he could get without leaning on something, knowing that after this he would more than likely have to be carried from the barn back to the house.

"You know what! I don't act like I feel guilty 'bout it cause now I think about it I AIN'T! WHy should I be guilty fer doin' somethin' that has benifited me? Why should I feel guilty for speedin' my recovery up a little more? Why should I feel guilty for tryin' to get my life back on track!" Bo breathed heavily, his bottom lip quivering slightly, jaw clenched. His head told him that he was right to do this, that he was right to stand up for himself which caused the tightness in his jaw....but his heart told him otherwise, his heart told him that he had lost control again, that he had just comepltly ignored Jesse's understanding of the situation and had thrown his chance of making things better between them away. That was what made his bottom lip quiver and his eyes sting with angry tears.

Bo's jaw clenched and his muscles tensed as Jesse made him look at him and started telling him what was in his head. Jesse didn't understand at all, Jesse didn't have a clue as to what Bo was feeling so what gave him the right to presume to tell him he did?! He jerked his chin sharply away from Jesse's finger. "I couldn't control it then! That was the...first time that it happened! It scared the heck outta me and I felt....downright guilty afterwards! How could I control somethin' that....I didn't even realize was there?!"

Bo shrugged and looked down at the ground, resting his head on his older cousin's shoulder. He knew what he wanted to happen, he wanted Uncle Jesse to just understand that he didn't have any control over what happened when he was in a state like that...but somehow he doesn't think that Jesse believed that.

Bo nodded, leaning slightly more into Luke. "Don't matter whether.....its a good idea or not.....it has ta be done....I can't go gettin' angry at Rosco or Enos....and landin' in Jail forcin' ya to pay Bail...."

Bo nodded and swallowed gently, feeling anger welling up again but keeping himself calm as his hands balled into fists, digging his fingernails hard into his palms. "I know Uncle Jesse....that's why I's....I's decided I ain't leavin' the farm....no matter what. I ain't goin' inta town or nothin'.....I's gonna stay here until this thing is sorted."

Bo felt it flare up again as Jesse told him to mind him and he evry nearly literally kicked himself for it. He hated this, he hated feeling angry at the slightest order and he knew Uncle Jesse probably wouldn't like what was coming next. "I can't mind ya Uncle Jesse.....no matter who it is or what they're tellin' me...I just can't keep a hold of it....if it's somethin' that goes against what....I want ta do or tells me what I should be doin'....that's when it gets the worst and it just....takes over.....I don't know what it is.....I just can't control it when it....gets that bad...." Bo was thankful for the comforting support on his back and leant into it a little more as he finished.

Bo sighed and fought hard to keep his temper in check as Uncle Jesse told him what to do. "I....I don't know Uncle Jesse....it's hard to explain....." He felt himself calming and carried on. "When someone orders me to do somethin'....that i don't wanna do....somethin' insida me just.....just snaps and....I just get angry and defiant."

Bo nodded and held out his arm for Luke, so that his older cousin could gently support him although he knew that Luke wouldn't help any more than Bo wanted him to. Eventually they reached the picnic table and Bo lowered himself gently onto the seat and leaned against the table, elbows up behind him resing on it, looking down at his lap, waiting for his Uncle to talk first.