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I DO have a degree in Psychology but like Roger said, it's hard to help over the computer. We are......nevertheless, here for you/with you!

Wow! That is a lot....and none of it good. We care about you and are concerned, but I'm sure you know there is only so much we can do on forums like these. It sure sounds like you need more help than internet friends can provide so I suggest you reach out to local organizations that can help. If you don't know where to go maybe you can contact your county health department and they can point you in the right direction. Churches also can offer help but if you aren't inclined to go that route I understand. We have all been at low points in our lives and talking about it is always the most important step to get better and that means face to face counseling with someone who is trained to help. Please seek out a person like that and keep us updated.