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The Andy Griffith Show(1960-1968)


Skipper Duke

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(Season 2 The Jinx)

Barney:"There are atmospheric rays which control bodily motion. Now if a person containing negative or hexant qualities gets between you and them rays, why he creates a static that jars any successful motion into an unsuccessful motion, and jinxes ya'. And that is a scientific fact!"

Andy:"And that's also the biggest  crock of nothin I've ever heard!"

Barney:"Forget it. It's guys like you who laughed at Edison, the Wright Brothers, Buzz Fluheart." Andy:"Buzz Fluheart!?" Barney:"The man who discovered the scientific fact I was just telling you!"

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MOUNTAIN WEDDING

EARNEST T. BASS: “You're mine. You was meant to be mine. You WILL be mine. Charlene, I'll make you a fine husband. I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy. Say you'll be mine. Say you'll be my "belove-ded." 
 
BARNEY IN WEDDING GOWN: “ I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth.”

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(Season 1 Irresistible Andy)

Ellie Walker:"How dare you think I'd wanna marry you? Who do you think you are? Just because I accepted what I thought was a friendly, neighborly invitation... And for your information, Mr. Sheriff, I've given dozens of children free ice cream cones - even if they weren't the children of such gorgeous, charming, desirable catches as yourself! Well, let me tell you something, you big, brave hero - I wouldn't go to the dance with you if you were the last man on Earth, let alone marry you! Nor do I need your generous help in getting an escort. Just to prove it to you, I'm gonna go with the first single unattached man who comes through that door!" Barney Fife walks in. Ellie Walker:"You!" Barney Fife:"Me?" Ellie Walker:"Yes! Are you taking anybody to the dance Saturday?" Barney Fife:"No." Ellie Walker:"Good! In that case, I accept your invitation, thank you!" Barney Fife:(to Andy Taylor, after Ellie Walker leaves.)"I just came in here for some foot powder."

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  • 2 weeks later...

(Season 2 Sheriff Barney)

Deputy Barney Fife:"Well, come on! Let's get the axes, and go!" Sheriff Andy Taylor: Go where Barn?" Deputy Barney Fife:"Well, to where he said to 411 Elm St.!" Sheriff Andy Taylor:"Don't that address sound familiar to you Barn?" Deputy Barney Fife:"Familiar!? Well, how could it sound familiar!? He just now told it to me this second! Wait a minute. 411 Elm St. that's where I live! Darn you Otis!" Otis Campbell:"The owner of the still is Barney Fife! Yeah get Barney Fife!"

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