Favorite Quotes???

[CrazyVic]

In season 1, the lady from the show Home Improvement says to Rosco (paraphrase) 'I think we can trust them. Those Dukes are just a bunch of good ole country folk.'

Rosco says, 'I'm as country as grits-n-gravy and I can't be trusted... er if I was a Duke.'

Can somebody help me with this one? Boss says, 'Rosco I won ____ medals in ____ wars and nothing makes me more nervous then when you say ______. ' That one cracked me up but I can't remember it exactly.

Please help w/ this one too. Sherriff Little tears into Rosco bigtime calling him Coalbrain (wish I could remember the whole tirade- classic) to which Rosco responds, 'The name's Coltrane- there's no brain in it.'

Please help if you remember those quotes in their entirety. Thanks and what a great site. DOH is the greatest show of all-time and it's not even close.

[Sway4829]

In High Octane towards the beginning when the Dukes have just left Ms. Huntley's office and Rosco comes in and they're watching them talk down by the General and Bo and Luke had just bought some copper tubing and Rosco thinks it's for moon shining...

Ms. Huntley: It's probably for their pickup truck... or maybe their car.

Rosco: And maybe my Aunt Tilly had a sex change and is now my uncle...

[inga]

Welcome to Hazzarnet, Crazy Vic!

The first quote is of my favorites, also.

The lady is Carlene Watkins (who played one of Jill's sisters in Home Improvement) as the revenuer in High Octane.

The second is from One Armed Bandits. "I won me 3 medals in 2 wars and nothing makes me more nervous than when you get smug".

I don't remember the third one, but I can picture Rosco saying it

[lostsheep22]

This quote comes from the 1st reunion moive.

Luke: You ARE aware this road goes to Dry Creek?

Bo: I AM aware this road goes to Dry Creek.

Luke: You are aware there's no way to get OVER Dry Creek?

Bo: [stepping down on the gas, grinning] I am aware there is ONE WAY to get over Dry Creek!

Luke: Oh, Lordy! We're gonna die!

[Officer Barbrady]

That quote I believe is from the season 2 episode Officer Daisy Duke where Daisy goes after them baddies and Bo and Luke follow her in the jeep and then Uncle Jesse and Cooter follow them

You are correct!!

Then of course everybody takes Swamp Road, which leads into my earlier Jesse/Cooter conversation.

Sway4829: your quote is classic Rosco!

[CrazyVic]

Thank you inga! I'm hoping to catch the 'Coalbrain' episode with Sheriff Little on CMT sometime soon.

Here is my very favorite quote from DOH, Uncle Jesse tells the other Dukes, 'A stranger is just a friend the Dukes haven't met yet.'

I haven't met everybody on this board, but you are all my friends just the same.

[lostsheep22]

Bo: I think I have died and gone to speed trap haven.

Cooter: You know that gal moves like……

Bo: Yeah, Yeah she got more curves then old Mt. Pearlin Rd. ain't she Cooter.

Cooter: That what I meant to say.

Balladeer: Well would you look at that. Bo and Luke spend so much time in a car I wasn’t sure if they could even walk much less run.

[auster]

I had once written down a bunch of my favorite quote, but, genius that I am, mostly didn't write down which episodes they're from. So, errr, see it is a guessing game or something

+

Luke: "I think the General needs a gentle hand today."

Bo: "Yes. (pause) So you'll drive."

-- Welcome Back, Bo 'n' Luke

+

Bo: "Shall we do what General Grant did?"

Luke: "What did General Grant do?"

Bo: "Retreat."

+

Not exactly a quote from the show, but...

Luke: "I'm tired of you getting us into trouble and me having to think of a way out!"

John Schneider: "Whine, whine..."

-- One-Armed Bandits DVD commentary

+

Luke: "Give it up, Bo. I'd hate to have to run you off the road."

Bo: "You ain't running nobody off no road, cuz. First off: you gotta learn how to drive in order to do that."

+

Bo: "Luke, I told you not to go this way."

Luke: "How was I supposed to know the bridge was out?!"

Bo: "By that big, white sign that says 'Bridge Out'!"

+

The boys are being chased (again) by the law.

Luke: "It is Rosco!"

Bo: "You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man."

+

Rosco, upon seeing the Duke farm has been trashed: "What, did the termites stop holding hands?"

+

Jesse: "When You (Bo) was hungry, or wanted something, you used to scream like... like a baby!"

Bo: "Wait a minute! I was never--"

Luke: "Some things never change, do they?"

-- A Baby for the Dukes

+

Enos: "I've been thinking..."

Rosco: "That's your first mistake."

-- Boss Behind Bars

+

Bo: "He (Andy Slocum) ain't gonna change unless there's a week with two Sundays in it, Luke."

-- Big Brothers Duke

[auster]

I had once written down a bunch of my favorite quote, but, genius that I am, mostly didn't write down which episodes they're from. So, errr, see it is a guessing game or something

+

Luke: "I think the General needs a gentle hand today."

Bo: "Yes. (pause) So you'll drive."

-- Welcome Back, Bo 'n' Luke

+

Bo: "Shall we do what General Grant did?"

Luke: "What did General Grant do?"

Bo: "Retreat."

+

Not exactly a quote from the show, but...

Luke: "I'm tired of you getting us into trouble and me having to think of a way out!"

John Schneider: "Whine, whine..."

-- One-Armed Bandits DVD commentary

+

Luke: "Give it up, Bo. I'd hate to have to run you off the road."

Bo: "You ain't running nobody off no road, cuz. First off: you gotta learn how to drive in order to do that."

+

Bo: "Luke, I told you not to go this way."

Luke: "How was I supposed to know the bridge was out?!"

Bo: "By that big, white sign that says 'Bridge Out'!"

+

The boys are being chased (again) by the law.

Luke: "It is Rosco!"

Bo: "You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man."

+

Rosco, upon seeing the Duke farm has been trashed: "What, did the termites stop holding hands?"

+

Jesse: "When You (Bo) was hungry, or wanted something, you used to scream like... like a baby!"

Bo: "Wait a minute! I was never--"

Luke: "Some things never change, do they?"

-- A Baby for the Dukes

+

Enos: "I've been thinking..."

Rosco: "That's your first mistake."

-- Boss Behind Bars

+

Bo: "He (Andy Slocum) ain't gonna change unless there's a week with two Sundays in it, Luke."

-- Big Brothers Duke

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Rosco, we’d like a word with you about Enos

Rosco: Oh, and what word would you like? Hockey puck. Butterfingers. Or just plain old dipstick.

Luke: Rosco we’d like to report an attempted burglary.

Rosco: who’d you burgle?

Daisy: Rosco!

Bo: We weren’t the burglars.

Luke: What are you doing?

Bo: Just taking a short cut.

Luke: I’m familiar with your short cuts, you’re going to drive the General to an early retirement.

Rosco: Boss, that ain’t silverware, the only ware there is underwear.

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Rosco, we’d like a word with you about Enos

Rosco: Oh, and what word would you like? Hockey puck. Butterfingers. Or just plain old dipstick.

Luke: Rosco we’d like to report an attempted burglary.

Rosco: who’d you burgle?

Daisy: Rosco!

Bo: We weren’t the burglars.

Luke: What are you doing?

Bo: Just taking a short cut.

Luke: I’m familiar with your short cuts, you’re going to drive the General to an early retirement.

Rosco: Boss, that ain’t silverware, the only ware there is underwear.

[Jamanda]

Cooter watches Boss and Rosco run out of the station and fall headfirst into wet cement.

Cooter: (looking up and taking off his hat) Thank you sir, for a perfect day.

[Jamanda]

Cooter watches Boss and Rosco run out of the station and fall headfirst into wet cement.

Cooter: (looking up and taking off his hat) Thank you sir, for a perfect day.

[bethie88]

Cletus: Where's the dipstick, Bo?

Bo: You're under the hood, Cletus.

[Officer Barbrady]

Here's some more quotes.

"Lawman of the Year"

Rosco, after a woman with a baby who just squirted Rosco with milk strolls away: "Ugly baby. Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch."

Cletus after taking a spill in Cooter's cement patch: "I guess this cements our relationship."

"The Hazzardgate Tape."

One of my favorite lines comes from this one.

Rosco: "You call yourself a deputy? Ha. Know what I call you?"

Enos: "A dipstick?"

Rosco: "That's right!"

Rosco doesn't stop there...later on, after Enos busts down a closet door:

"Enos, if the government saw you like this, they'd classify you as a dumb-guided missile!"

From "Coy vs. Vance", when we're treated to yet another General/Police chase, only this time Rosco hits a porta-crapper with one of those poor road construction workers still doing his business inside.

Enos: "Sheriff, there's a toilet on your roof!"

Rosco: "Enos! Have you lost your kumquats? (hears a noise) Oh! Khee khee khee!"

(The look on Jimmie Best's face when he realizes the porta-crapper's on his roof is absolutely hysterically priceless.)

From "Too Many Roscos," when Jesse tells Boss about Rosco's "accident."

Jesse: "JD, I hate to tell you this, but we lost Rosco."

Boss: "So? I've lost him plenty of times!"

From "Cooter's Confession":

Jesse: "A stranger's just a person we ain't met yet."

[lostsheep22]

Bo: An all right fell, my shovel. Scratch any Hogg deep enough you're bound to find something rotten.

Luke: Much as I hate to bring it up, looks like you and me gotta talk to Daisy

Bo: um

Luke: Come On Bo

Bo: My name first, huh

Luke: Yeah you do it

Bo: Me do it? You’re older

Luke: Not much

Bo: Enough

Luke: Dang fuel pump, Every time we want to get somewhere in a hurry.

Bo: Well if you didn’t take so dang long to fix it in the first place, maybe we get there.

Luke: You could have help me you know

Bo: I could help you.

Luke: Let’s just hope we’re in time to stop Daisy from doing something foolish

Bo: I’d help you if I knew about mechanics, all I do is drive

Bo: Oh gosh, well what’s the plan?

Luke: Plan?

Bo: Yeah the plan you just told Uncle Jesse you had.

Luke: I ain’t got no plan. Are you crazy? I just didn’t want him to worry.

Bo: Oh Fine! You didn’t want him to worry, so you got me worrying twice as much. I don’t see how we’re going to get out of this mess and you’re making jokes.

Bo: Oh boy we really messed up this time. Rosco not only got them stolen credit card but. Shoot without a witness, people are gonna think we’re the crooks that stole them.

Luke: Anything else you wanna tell me that I don’t already know.

Jesse: What are you doing?

Luke: Welding the doors shut.

Jesse: What are you doing that for?

Luke: Well you weld the doors shut on a race car for safety sake.

Jesse: How do you get in?

Bo: Clime thru the windows.

Jesse: (patting is stomach) Well count me out.

(Boss comes out of his house in his night shirt and cap and see Rosco sleeping on the car)

Boss: Rosco!

Rosco: Oh Santa Claus is going to steal Boss…oh Boss its you.

Boss: Yeah its me

Rosco: Hi.

[bethie88]

Enos: [Talking about the robot Boss replaced Rosco with] I ain't gonna let him call me 'dipstick' sheriff.

[lostsheep22]

Rosco: Boss what a five letter word for dunce?

Boss: R O S C O

Rosco: That fits (as Rosco give Boss a mean look)

I just love this one.

[Iloveschnieder]

Two of my favorite Rosco lines are:

"There's a flaw in the slaw"

and

"Shame, shame, everyone knows your name."

[Iloveschnieder]

Here are some of my favorite lines from "Cletus Falls in Love"

Daisy to Bo after getting boxed in between Cletus and a farmers flatbed full of hay.

Daisy: "Cletus has us boxed in"

Bo: "Well this is down right embarassing."

Boss after talking to the new state probation officer on the phone:

"Son of a revenuer"

Boss to Rosco when trying to figure out how to frame the Dukes.

"Save your brains for a rainy day, Rosco"

Rosco after Boss came up with away to get the Dukes boys "out of his hair forever"

"Right out of your--hair. but you don't have to much."

(I always love it when Rosco takes a pot shot at Boss"

Waylon about Cletus being in love with Daisy:

"That boy was higher than a Georgia Pine."

Rosco to Flash just as he thinks he has the Dukes framed:

I know it's difficult, but try to look alive"

I love that one.

Boss to Rosco after a failed attempt to frame the Dukes

"Your about as useless as an umbrella to a -- duck."

Boss stressed the word duck.

Rosco to the Dukes in jail:

"Sleep tight and don't let the crawdads bite."

And finally Rosco to Flash as she is eating the check that Boss changed from $11 to $1,100:

"I order your teeth to pull over."

[Iloveschnieder]

I had a mini Dukes marathon today! Yeehaww

From Welcome Waylon Jennings

Rosco to Boss Hogg talking about what Boss is going to do with the mesuem.

"That proberly is one of the most generous selfish things you've ever done."

Waylon: "Doesn't that just blow your hat in the creek."

Luke to Bo as they drive past a tied up Waylon

Luke: "Is that who I think it is?"

Waylon: "Yes sir, them Duke boys is quick."

Bo: "Yeah, it's Waylon."

Waylon: "I only gave 'em one hat. That'd give 'em something to fight over."

Betty Jo (the insurance lady) to Luke at the supper table, talking about the missing empty truck.

Betty Jo: "Anybody ever tell you you had a very criminal mind?"

Bo: "Shoot, lady, your the first person ever noticed he had a mind at all."

Waylon after the real museum was stolen from under Enos's guard.

"The news traveled through the Hazard Hotline quicker than a room getting dark when the light was blown out."

Waylon: "If it weren't for bad luck, the Dukes wouldn't have any luck at all."

Bo to Luke while Luke is checking the General out for a transmitter.

Bo: "Find anything?"

Luke: "About 1,000 gum wrappers and 73 cents in change, and that's mine.'

Waylon during a final fight scene between Bo and Luke and the theives.

"Now I would have joined in but I didn't want to hurt my hand."

Waylon at the end of the episode.

"It's down right tuckering being in the middle of one of these Duke things."

From Daisy's Shot Gun Wedding

Daisy to Bo and Luke after they insite on driving her to the Boars Nest.

Daisy: "Bo, I ain't a child"

Bo: "Yeah, I can see that." I really like how he said that

This isn't a line, but I love the expression Luke has when Bo starts the bar fight by hitting Richard Moll's character. That expression said so much!

Rosco trying to break up the fight.

"Just cease and insist"

"sist and sis--stop it!"

"disist and--"

Daisy after the fight, back at home.

"I ain't in pigtails and braces any more fellas. In fact I never wore braces."

Luke to Daisy hugging after making up.

Luke: "Easy easy. Squeeze to hard."

Bo: "Heh he's older you know. ha ha"

Luke to Bo after flapping the shades while checking on Daisy.

Luke: "She's gonna kill me."

Bo: "Looks like something I'd have done." (and they looked good saying it in thier boxers and sleeping pants without shirts!)

Waylon after the Duke boys plowed through a fence.

"Them Dukes just can't resist a fence, can they?"

Jesse trying to get out of the General Lee after arriving to save Daisy

"Dad gum this car. It runs but you can't get out."

Waylon at the end as Flash comes running to rescue Rosco and Boss from the net. (I love seeing Flash run. Such a rare sight!)

"Flash chewed Boss and Rosco free. It took about two hours."

Waylon at the very end, and I totally agree with this.

"One thing aout a family, though/ they may get in the way sometimes, but when you really need 'em, nothing else works as good."

Amen to that Waylon!

[thegeneral]

Some of my favouriye quotes from TDoH are:

"Jus incase y'all are wonderin' what's goin' on, so am I" -Ballader

"Thats a big 10-4 little fat buddy" - Roscoe

"I'm awfully sory y'all but im gonna have to arrest ya" -Enos

"Can't we give them another chance to think of a better story" -Enos

[Julieduke]

This sounds like something that would've happened on the show but this happened to me at work and here it's.

I am the prep person at the McDonald's I work at and I was working with a Ice Cream Scoop and I noticed that the spring was sticking. Well, of course I had it filled with yogurt and and I finally get the spring but the scoop was pointed at me and I ended up wearing the yogurt.

True Story.

[BoJamesDuke]

A couple of my fave quotes are...

One Armed Bandits:

Jesse: Dumb Cooter? You was the one who lent your car to him. Next time you wanna lend your car to a fool like that, just run it over a cliff, save gas.

Boss: Rosco, I got me three medals in two wars and the only time I get scared is when you get smug.

Ghost of the General Lee

Bo: You know this is real funny. Of all the ghost stories I ever read, we’re supposed to be chasin’ them!

Luke: That’ll teach ya not to believe everythin’ ya hear.

Rosco: You seen it? You seen it too? The ghost of the General Lee? Come back.

Boss: O’course I seen it. And that car was no ghost. Them Duke Boys maybe dead but that car ain’t because cars don’t die!

Rosco: Well batteries do Boss why not cars?

I can't remember where the rest of these come from...

(Enos is chasing the Dukes)

Luke: Bo, do you like having a tail?

Bo: Do I look like a Possum? [Pause] Don’t answer that.

(At a warehouse. There is a guard in front of the door. Luke starts walking towards the door.)

Guard: (seeing Luke) Hey you!

Luke: Howdy.

Guard: What are you doing?

Luke: Well actually I’m looking for someone. (Bo jumps down off the roof and on top of the guard) Oh and here he is now!

Bo: (gets the guard off the floor)

Luke: This here’s my cousin Bo.

Bo: (knocks the guy out cold.)

Luke: It is Rosco!

Bo: You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man.

Bo: they're shootin at us!

Luke: course they are, what'd you expect em to do? throw darts?

Bo: It’s just a bugs bunny doll, who would shoot at a bugs bunny doll?

Luke: Elmer Fudd.

Waylon: When Daisy found out about her car, well, she took it in her stride (as Daisy chases Bo and Luke with a frying pan.)

Luke: Bo! You got the IQ of a turnip, a small one!

By-Line Daisy Duke

(Bo and Luke are in an orange truck, Jesse in the General behind them, Rosco and Boss coming at the truck from the front and Cletus from the back)

Jesse: You boys got any idea on how we’re gonna get outta this mess?

Luke: The only way I can see is do a little square dancing. I’ll do that calling.

(Bo gives him a puzzled look)

Jesse: Square Dancing?

Luke: Hold your partner close and tight, Do-si-do with all your might.

(Bo and Jesse laugh)

Jesse: And I’ll swing left, you swing right.

(And they do as the song says, at the last minute, Bo swerves right and Jesse swerves right, making the patrol cars collide.)

(In by-line Daisy Duke, Bo looks in the wing mirror and sees Daisy aiming at the tires of the truck)

Bo: Now if we can just figure out what the heck Daisy’s up to.

Bo: (Nervously) Uh Daisy don’t do that….Daisy! Daisy!

Waylon: You know it just dawned on me! Daisy don’t know whose drivin’!

Ok thats more than a couple but at least I kept you entertained for a few minutes...right?

[deathangel_tori]

Those are some great quotes. A real good way to start the day. I really love the dart one.