DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke leaned into Bo's hold. He didn't understand why he was feeling the way he was, why at times he felt so very much alone, why the longing to be free from the pain he felt was so very strong. It all scared him... and he didn't know what to do about it. Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 "Luke I...I talked t'Uncle Jesse bout...bout what you tried t'do an...an everything you were feeling...and he...me and he think maybe...maybe you should go get...some therapy..."Bo admitted softly, still holding Luke close. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke looked up at him questioningly. "Th-therapy?" Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo nodded a little, swallowing hard."You know as...as in staying someplace nice and....letting some doctors help ya work things out cause...I just...I dont know what to do to help you Luke and...i'm frightened that...the moment I take my eyes off ya...the next thing I know you'll have gone and...do...what you nearly did...yesterday and...I...I can't handle...losing Uncle Jesse and you...I can;t do it...and this is the only way I can think of to help you..."he said with a sniff, feeling like the worst person in the world for suggesting it...like he was suggesting sending Luke to some prison... Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke didn't leave his hold, but said softly, "You...you want me to go?" Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo shook his head softly."I don't want you to go...I'm so scared that I feel like you have to get some sort of help...and I cant be here 24 hours a day cause I got a farm to run, and Daisy to look after and Uncle Jesse for now too...I cant give you the support you need I just can't do it...i'm freaking out thinking about all the work I gotta do already...I want nothing more than for you to be here with me, with us working things out together like we always do but....we just can't while you need someone's help and I can't be the one to give it to you this time...I couldn't even if I didn't have so much to do because I just don't know what to say...what you want from me..."he admitted softly, his voice getting tight with emotion, wishing that Luke wouldn't think that he was sending him away. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke swallowed hard tears falling down his cheeks. He felt horrible for making Bo take on all the responsibility. It was supposed to be Luke...Luke was the one who was supposed to be in charge...thee big brother...the would be patriarch...not Bo. "If...if you think...it's best," he said softly not really caring what became of him. Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 "I'm sorry...Luke i'm sorry please don't hate me okay...I really dont want to send you away, I don't want to have to pass you off to someone else to help you but I dont know what else to do...I don't know how else to help you..."Bo pleaded softly with tears dribbling down his own cheeks now. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 "Never...hate you..." said Luke softly. In truth he didn't blame him at all. At least if Luke was out of the way, it would be one less thing Bo would have to deal with. Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 "yes you could...you could even just a little bit...I dont want you to think I dont care, that I'm just passing you off because i've got so much to handle...its not that, its really not...I really am just...I feel so...lost and...I...I want to sort everything out, I want to make it okay again but I dont know how....I just dont know how..."he choked softly on the words, shaking his head and feeling ashamed of his own inadequence. Luke would have known how to help him...why didn't Bo know how to help Luke... Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke didn't answer to that, just hugging more into Bo feeling more and more horrible for what he was doing to him. "M'sorry." Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo sniffed hard, shaking his head and now feeling like he was making Luke feel even worse...which is why he knew he couldn't look after Luke like he should."You don't gotta be...everyone has problems...aint your fault..." Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 "Is too...everything...s'all my fault," he choked burying his head against Bo's shoulder. "I'm s-sorry..." Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo shook his head, holding Luke close again and rocking him, crying as well."Its not...its not Luke its not..." Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke just latched onto Bo, his tears falling continually. He hated himself with a passion and he couldn't imagine why Bo was stilll here with him. So he clung to him, knowing it would probably be any moment and Bo would leave him too. Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo clung back to him just as tightly, just as afraid as Luke was that he was going to lose his older cousin...he was going to lose all authority figure he had in his life and then he would be the one to take the helm...when inside he still felt like a little, unprotected 5 year old. Luke had already suffered that..twice over with the death of his parents and now his Uncle and Aunt...but Bo...Bo was only just learning what loss really meant...and he couldn't handle it any better than Luke. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bitter tears traced down his cheeks dampening Bo's shirt. "I'm sorry...M'so sorry..." Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo just shook his head, he couldn't tell Luke not to be sorry...he knew his words weren't having an effect anymore...because Luke wasn't really there. He didn't know who this was...but it wasn't Luke... Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke continued fighting his losing battle with his tears. He was scared. Scared of seeing his uncle, scared of being sent away, and scared of himself. Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo continued to hold him for some time, just wanting the closeness with his brother again before he noticed the time. Swallowing gently, he pulled away just a little and said softly."We gotta get ready..." Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke swallowed hard but nodded dejectedly. "Kay Bo." Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo nodded a little and got off the bed, helping him up and taking him to the bathroom quietly with some clean clothes so he could help Luke get ready.....not exactly trusting him to do the simple things himself anymore. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Normally Luke would have protested greatly to the special treatment, but right now he didn't. He just went along with what he said, not wanting to hurt Bo any more than he already had* Quote
BoJamesDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Report Posted August 14, 2008 Bo soon had Luke and himself ready, trying to force himself not to think about how robot like and down Luke was. Grabbing some coffee he poured Luke a cup and handed it to him once it had cooled down some, not even willing to risk that. Quote
DaisyMaeDuke Posted August 14, 2008 Author Report Posted August 14, 2008 Luke looked at him questioningly as he took the cup, but drank it down, not even noticing whether it was hot or not. Quote
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