Dale The Bold

I posted this over on the General Lee site, but I thought I'd post it here, too. Just a little of my silliness y'all might get a kick out of. I wrote this poem last year, but I decided to make an audio recording of it for everyone and I gathered some photos to make a little video. It's almost eight minutes long, but it's a fun little Christmasy tale. Sorry that the audio is about a half-second off. That happened during the YouTube translation. It may take a while to load, but I hope you find it worthwhile. And, yes, I did ALL the voices. Crazy as that may be, considering Daisy has a line in it. So, if you enjoy it, tell others about it, and leave positive feedback. And if you don't like it....well, please just shut up about it. So, here is my silly Christmas gift to all the other Dukes fans out there. I present to you... <--Click here and wait for it to load. (Sorry, dial-up guys).

You're the first person I've heard who prefers the Willie Nelson version to the one at the beginning of the movie.

The official Dukesfest is June 3rd-4th, in Nashville. There will be other small events over the course of the summer. There's one in Arkansas, some in Texas, another one in Canada, and I think one in Georgia every year.

This "movie mistake" was deliberate. It was a nod to the fans, a reference to the two Generals in One Armed Bandits.

Well, we can speculate all day about how successful the series would have been had it not turned into a more family friendly show. But we all seem to agree, the move to 8:00 and the family mood kept the show alive as long as it did. It also seems to be agreed that a family-friendly movie would have been more successful (and if they would advertise the DVDs because of the car, not just the "Unrated" ads). And that's the thing. We want to see more of the General Lee on screen. Every fan who went to the theaters had goosebumps when they fired up the General Lee at Cooters, and during the big jumps. That's true no matter what you thought of the movie. The disappointment, I think, is largely because of the small possiblity of there being a sequel. That, and making it like the first five shows made it feel awkward, just like a new TV show trying to establish itself. My biggest disappointment was actually Boss and Rosco. There was a lot of potential there for some good humor. Even the Georgia episodes had some great dialog between those two ("I married your fat sister," "the only time I get scared is when you get smug," etc.). But the movie left both of those characters very dry. Not only was that disappointing, it was perplexing. Why change that? That's what bothers a lot of us, the unnecessary changes. Unnecessary, in the sense that it had nothing to do with how "adult" the film was. Those two were sillier in later episodes, but funny in ALL of them, but they weren't funny in the movie. If they felt the need to change Boss and Rosco THAT much, they should have just cast Byron Cherry and Christopher Mayer and called them something else. "Boss Pigg" and "Roger Colemane" or something. (I'm kidding, that would have been a disaster, too).

I didn't like the first five episodes. I preferred the changes (Coy, Vance, the miniature era, and those two painfully bad episodes not included--had the Georgia Five "mood" continued, those atrocities may still have all occurred). The Georgia setting was great, but I much preferred thinking of everyone as much nicer people. I like to think Enos was the oldest virgin because he was older than most of the other characters (but it's hard to think of Rosco as anything but a virgin). Heck, I try not to think about the virginity status of the characters in Hazzard, anyway. Too much like family. My favorite episodes were the ones where the Dukes and Boss and Rosco joined together to fight the baddies. Or where they have to help each other out, despite being "enemies." If the movie had been more like the series, I'd be the guy saying "Thank God it wasn't like the Georgia Five." And lastly, many of us are of the age that our parents wouldn't have allowed us to watch the show if it had continued being like the Georgia episodes. There wouldn't be this big fanbase and all these messageboards, because it would have been a corny show for people who were adults during the 80s, who have long since forgotten it.

Do as I say, not as I do, right?

The new GTO is the "updated" version. In other words, it's the same car they've been making under a different name for years, just now wearing GTO badges. Why is the new Mustang popular? Not because they revamped it, because they gave it an uncanny resemblance to the classic. They correctly brought back the classic, and therefore made it worthy of the classic name. If the decisions they made in the movie were the right ones, why wasn't it the number two movie this summer? With a fan base like the Dukes of Hazzard has, a movie under that name should have came in just behind Star Wars. Instead, we got Super Troopers 2: Cops vs. General Lee, under the name of The Dukes of Hazzard. Same old stuff Hollywood's been pooping out for years, but now wearing a classic name. The reason we're disappointed is that there was such a perfect opportunity, and they blew it. I actually compare it to the new "Dodge Charger," which bears the classic name, but shares little else in common with the real thing. The other thing the fans are disappointed with are the worn-out jokes and old gags that really play down to the audience. It would be like a comedian going up to the microphone and going "why did the chicken cross the road?..." It plays down to the audience. There may have been a few guys rolling around between the theater aisles saying "ha ha, he's smoking pot!" but the rest of us are just offended that the filmmakers assumed we were all like that guy. To make it worse, if you tell that guy that it really wasn't funny, he gets angry and slips some vulgarity into his two word reply, and tells you not to share your opinion.

The fans hoped to see something they hadn't seen come out of Hollywood in years. We wanted that familiar feeling, which we haven't had since 1985. Ironically, they instead tried to "update" it by filling it with tired old dirty jokes, Southern stereotypes, worn out old sex jokes, and ended up alienating most fans, and all kids--a huge part of their potential audience. Basically, they gave us the same old crap they keep churning out for years, only this time it was dressed in the Dukes of Hazzard clothes. I wouldn't be surprised if in the next five to ten years we see the same movie repeated, stripped of the car chases, and titled "Three's Company," or they'll throw in some palm trees and call it "Gilligan's Island." The point is, their attempt to freshen up something from the past turned it into something we're tired of. We like the show because it was unique, not because it can be forcibly jammed into the Super Troopers genre. They cut out the uniqueness, and filled the gaps with leftover Super Troopers/Club Dredd scraps. It's like having a kid draw up the Mona Lisa with crayons and then putting it on display in the Louvre. It's fine to share it with the public, but don't pass it off as "The Mona Lisa," just call it what it is, "Billy's Art Project."

James Best was one of the people who suggested they make it a family show (if it hadn't become that, the show wouldn't have been a part of my childhood). The Georgia location was more down to Earth (although, I do have to wonder how they would have handled swarms of fans at those locations), but I really prefer the silly, funny, family mood of the show in the last 140 episodes.

Boycotts never work, so you might as well just buy it if you want it (and certainly don't pirate it). WB made the movie because of the ongoing success of the series. Then the movie didn't do as well as they had hoped, and even the actors are not really wanting to do a sequel. At this point, we can only hope the the suits in charge at WB figure out why it didn't measure up. If the brainless suits at DCX can bring back the Challenger (we'll see), then anything can happen, maybe Warner Bros will do the same and get it right next time. Personally, I'd make another Dukes movie right now, completely disregarding the '05 fiasco. Call it "Dukes of Hazzard: Warner Bros.' Redemption." I find it weird that fans were happy to see something "different." Yeah, they shouldn't clone an episode when looking for a story line, but they SHOULD have at minimum given us the characters we expect in something called "The Dukes of Hazzard." As far as I'm concerned, this movie had no Boss Hogg, or Rosco. And to the people who say "There is no market for family films (or two-door cars)," there will always be such a market. Everyone loves a movie that makes you feel good, and people are hungry for a story that restores their faith in humanity, even in works of fiction (since storytelling is a form of expression). The teenagers and adults who feel that debauchery and crime are essential for a good story are a small percentage of the population, and even those people secretly prefer a feel-good story (like the series, not like a cheesy Disney flick).

In all the cutscenes, they used a 72-ish model. But in the actual gameplay, it looks correct.

I've always wondered how a General Lee would look with a blown hemi. Or maybe a General Lee Daytona. Still, it'd be hard to mess with perfection.