Brian Coltrane

All considered, we're lucky they remembered to include 'em in the movie, let alone the trailer. Brian

Stairway to Hazzard?! <THUD>

The action scenes look like a full-throttle hellride. That much of it rocks. The characterizations still fall short. Bo Duke in a Led Zepplin t-shirt? BAHAHAHAHA!! Rock ON with yer bad self, Bo. Stairway to where?? Willie looked cool, though. Burt still looks like Burt, no matter what character he plays. Man, I'd laugh my head off if he's behind the wheel of a Trans-Am at any point in this film. I still think this movie will require a 3-beer toxify before viewing, just to get through the insipid dialogue. But when viewed from an alternate-universe perspective, it might be interesting to see Bo and Luke as edgy, wayward, rebels-without-a-clue. They're grittier, nastier, and dumber, but when their main purpose in the movie is to get shook around in the car like two peanuts in a tin can, who cares? Brian

All this carryin' on is gonna make me blush. But thank ya. Honestly, the more I leave the place alone, the better it does. Ain't much to moderate! And if nobody is fighting with me, then I've gotta come up with actual contributions to current topics, which is infinately tougher. Brian

The 04/29 issue of USA Today quotes Aug 05 release date. It seems the box office timing was based on the competition, given the other lineups for that weekend: "Broken Flowers" (Bill Murray) "Cry Wolf" (Julian Morris) "Junebug" (Embeth Davidtz) "The Pink Panther" (Steve Martin) "2046" (Gong Li ) What's coincidental to note, is "Junebug" at least has something to do with the South. Spoiler per IMDB reads: "A dealer in "outsider" art travels from Chicago to North Carolina to meet her new in-laws, challenging the equilibrium of this middle class Southern home. " Okay, so "Junebug" ain't gonna be a white-knuckle action flick. But the release timing is complimentary to the Dukes movie, given the southern settings and cultural aspects. Not a bad move on WB's part, all considered. Brian

Howdy, Retroboy - Sorry if we missed your email. Sometimes it comes in pretty heavy and we get backlogged. Or we get distracted by things like a really good episode of Dukes of Hazzard being on. Anyhow, I don't think MeadowMufn would mind if you put a link up to HazzardNet on yer site. Nice of ya, actually. However, we can't write the Dukes content for your site. (We get backlogged enuff just tryin' to hold our own. And hell, ain't you bein' just a little lazy? ) But, we'll leave your post up, and maybe one of the kind folks around here will help ya out. ( So long as nothin' is "borrowed" from HNet's content without permission, or we'd have to cuff and stuff somebody. ) Good luck with the site! Brian

The thundering hooves of Damascus pounded the dry earth, as horse and rider continued the flight from Hazzard. The distant, faded rumble of a far-off explosion abruptly rolled through the air, almost escaping Brian's notice. But long stretches of living on the lam made Brian's sense keenly aware. Even from miles away, he knew the difference in sound between dynamite, cannons, stampedes, and storms. Against his own will, Brian gradually pulled back on the horse's reins, slowing Damascus to a walk. He turned the horse around to face Hazzard, which was now a good three miles away. The Sheriff was no longer in sight, having disappeared behind the low, sloping hills. It was just Brian, his horse...and his conscience. Angered by the circumstances and by MaryAnne's decree, he had been ready to ride clear to hell without a backwards glance. But now, the cold grip of doubt was squeezing his soul. Tracking Chet down was still high on his list. But making sure MaryAnne had returned safely from her mission seemed damn important just now. "@#$%&*...." Brian cursed. To return to Hazzard was to take an awful risk. The law might reward his concern with a length of rope. Then again, if something happened to the law, there was no quicker way to find out the truth. Maybe he could sneak in, find out what he needed to know, and get the hell out before anyone discovered him. And that would put him that much closer to tracking Chet's trail, or hooking back up with Alex. "Ah, hell.......HYAAAAH!!" Brian gave Damascus a light kick, and the black horse leapt into a renewed gallop, ears forward and nostrils flaring. To the simple mind of the horse, heading back towards town meant one thing. *Sugar!* (Cue anyone!)

Earlier in this thread, somebody mentioned that WB was actually showing confidence in this movie project, contrary to how they've normally treated the Dukes. ( I'm too lazy to quote the exact line, it's back there someplace.) Anyhow, if anything scares the hell outta me about the movie - it's that, right there. If WB rued the day they financed the project, I'd be more optimistic. Still, the official Warner Bros. website says nothing - diddly-squat, nada, zero, zip, zilch - about the Dukes movie. No poster. No release date. No promo for the Dukes under the "Coming Soon." In fact, doing a search for "Dukes of Hazzard" on WB own site, yields...you guessed it, nothin'! Except for a bunch of merchandising ads for the usual crap. Not even a link to the "official" movie site for the wallpaper and buddy icons. ( And even there, none of those look like anyone spent a lot of time making them.) I figured we'd start seeing the General Lee on a box of Corn Flakes or something by now. So, if WB truly has confidence in this movie - ya'd think they'd start makin' a little noise. Brian

I'm gonna hedge my bets, by making sure I'm not sober when I see the movie. That way, if it's good, I'll think it's even better. If it's bad, I won't remember half of it. Yeeehaaaw! Rrrrrroll that beautiful bean footage....*hic * Brian

Howdy, Officer Barbrady! Welcome to HazzardNet. You picked a great topic to chime in on. I think "busted frame" takes the prize for the most hazzard-ous vehicular condition, while driving. I've driven old cars for the majority of my life, so I've always got one more for the "You know your car is old, when..." ...when the trunk lock breaks, and the trunk lid abruptly flies open while you're driving, and refuses to stay down for anything. All other motorists assume you haven't noticed this and proceed to wave and honk for your attention all the way home. Brian

At the sight of the two-gun cowboy and the deputy leveling a Winchester rifle, BlackJack hauled his horse around in a wide circle, changing direction. His two surviving accomplices did the same, turning tail. Running down fleeing prey was one thing; fighting a battle open-range without cover was another. The rifle's range was superior to any pistol, and its accuracy would change the odds to the defender's favor. Timing was everything, and it was time to run and regroup. So much for the plans to take the Hazzard law unaware. BlackJack cursed between his teeth and spurred his horse to retreat. His compatriots galloped beside him, unquestioning. Suddenly, another rider was noticed in their path. A roving saddlebum on a Buckskin horse had been coming up on their back, and with the gang's abrupt retreat, was now coming in head-on. By the expression on the drifter's face, BlackJack knew the hapless rider was seeing spades in the deck. BlackJack flashed an oil-slicked smile and raised his pistol, leveling it just above his horse's ears. He cocked the hammer back and fired, controlling his horse by brute strength as the beast shied from the gunfire. The hat of the drifter blew clean off from the bullet, but the blonde head was unharmed. For the moment. BlackJack's pistol remained leveled and the hammer was cocked back a second time, aimed lower, taking point between the drifter's eyes. He called out a command. "TURN AROUND AND RIDE WITH US, BOY, OR YOU'LL TASTE YOUR OWN BLOOD!" And so BlackJack made his recruitment offer to the drifter. There was only one correct answer.... (Cue Alex! )

...the directional signal no longer blinks on it's own, so you gotta move the little stick back and forth. DINK dink DINK dink DINK dink... Brian

Why, thank ya. And the red shorty-shorts (actually, the color is almost like a fuchsia ) were seen in the episode "Road Pirates." Daisy was pretending to tinker around under her car, her legs strategically displayed, in order to get semi-truck drivers to stop. Worked like a voodoo charm, too. Brian

S'awright, we're all cool. I know that JBama01 ain't the same as bamamediamafia - nor do we take any particular user to represent their state as a whole. And I've got nothin' against bamamedia. He's been merrily posting away some interesting stuff about joblo.com. Once in awhile, he's taken a potshot at me, but so have a few others over the years. When people get bored, sometimes they'll fight with the moderator for something to do. Ain't no big deal. Thanks ya'll - Brian

I guess time will tell on that one, eh? *OINK* BOOOOM!! On a serious note ( before I get cans of Skoal winged at my head by Jessica fans ) it does seem that Jessica is very concerned about staying in shape. So much so, that according to spy-witness reports by our Louisiana cousins, Jessica routinely purges 15 minutes after eating. Sad. Her ribs can be counted in movie pics we've seen. ( And the fan response to those pics, for the most part, was a big lusty yeeehaaaw. ) Catherine Bach was slender, but she didn't look like she'd starved herself to get that way, know what I mean? I wasn't going to go here, but since I am.....the same issue of Star had Jessica on the front cover, along with Jennifer Aniston, both in bikinis. The caption blared, "Skin & Bones! Why Stars Go Too Far." And then later in the very same issue, they give Jessica the "Best Butt Award" and laud her efforts for making a great future for her behind. Hollywood.....thhhbpth!! Brian

Waaaal, lemme see heah. Daisy shows up in all the episodes 'cept fer one. And darned if I can remember which one she's missin' from. Shut mah mouth! Far as ones she's starred in....there's a good number o' those. "Birds Gotta Fly" , "Daisy's Song", "Officer Daisy Duke", and "Daisy's Shotgun Wedding." To name a few. Maybe MaryAnne can answer the question better. Let's just hail the Deputy on this one. Yo, MaryAnne! Can yew address the question from Milo, heah?

Dug this one up from the March 28th issue of the "Star" celebrity mag. Says here, Jessica worked out six days a week with a personal trainer, in order to fit her buns into the Daisy Dukes package. That's terrific, but has she ever watched a Dukes episode? Hmm. On an aside, the article goes on to quote the movie release date as June 24. Not sure if WB has actually locked this down yet; we've heard different dates thrown around since this magazine hit the shelves. Brian

Hell yeah!! What the hell! Why not!! God Bless America!! YEEHAAAW!! Wait a minute, what's the topic again? Brian

When you take it through the carwash, the bad weatherstripping allows in so much water, you think yer gonna drown. Cops pull you over to tell you something is leaking, dragging, smoking... You take it to a new mechanic, and he panics at the sight of it. You can lower neighborhood property values by parking it in front of any given house. Hitchhikers turn their backs to you when they see you coming. New car dealers refuse you at the gate. Brian

The sorghum thickens! I don't have a lot of confidence in the "reviews" we've seen on the net so far. At least one has been proven to be a hoax. You know what would be kewl, is if WB would give us HazzardNet folk an advance screeening. ( advance screaming? ) At this point, I'd just love to see what the heck really happens for myself. At least they don't kill off any characters in this flick. Talk about Star Trek movies as an example - how about when Spock died, eh? They practically had to carry Trek fans out of the theatre on a stretcher. Brian

No harm done, Fathead, I figured you were just goofin' around. The overwhelming majority of the posts on this site are never touched, because we've got a great group of people on HazzardNet. I'm lucky to be of any use around here! And yeah, every now and then Bama says something of material interest, and I take the rest with a grain of salt. He's not being persecuted or nothin', so not to worry. ( That doesn't mean I won't fire back if fired upon, tho'.) Die-hard fans can handle the opinions of the less-rabid crowd - but anybody can get touchy about the tone of a message. We're all human. Awright - back to the usual shenanigans! Brian (ps - thanks ya'll for the kind words in the above posts )

It's just a bridge too far to imagine any of the Dukes involved with drug use. ( What is this, Cheech & Chong go to Hazzard?) Now, if they showed any of the Dukes chewin' Skoal, or Uncle Jesse was smoking an ordinary pipe out on the front porch - it would be a surprise, but not a flat-out shock. Jessica mighta picked up a Skoal endorsement, too. There's a career booster..... pting! Brian

Ya know, we used to have some wav files around here, but somehow during our remodeling of the episode section, they got shelved. I'll check and see if we can make them available again. Brian

Can't, don't have it. The topic was entitled "enough of this" and it went on to say that Uncle Jesse and the characters of the original show weren't real and we just need to get over it, blah blah blah. It wasn't particuarily constructive and it was more of the same individual opinion that had already been scattered around a dozen of his other posts. I made the editorial desicion to remove it based upon content redundancy and the antagonistic nature of the comments. (Had he posted it on an existing thread I probably wouldn't have blinked.) This resulted in the "Forum Nazi" topic - and really, a true Forum Nazi would have banned his posterior months ago instead of dealing with him one post at a time. But I'm a kind-hearted and sentimental sort of moderator. I'd rather edit or remove an occassional post - and such action is rare - in lieu of hitting the nuke button on the person as a whole. I don't take much personally, and so the aforementioned party is free to roam and bray and is probably writing more pearls of wisdom as we speak. That doesn't mean my esteemed peers are gonna feel the same way, though, and if they get cranky, my own shenanigans will pale in comparison. Brian

I deleted your "poast" just to see if you were paying attention, Bama ol' boy. Sometimes I can't stop myself from toying with ya. Brian -------------- Forum Nazi