Brian Coltrane

You didn't steal mah title, it was handed to you on a silver platter. That aside, yer still the biggest pain in mah posterior. I just wanna git ahold of Garrett long enuff to remind him why he should be a mite more respectful. Then, I'll be sortin' thangs out with you. *pauses* If you're not too busy, some enchanted evenin'... *makes eye contact with Alex*

Garrett's ranked above you on mah list, lately. That aint' easy to do, but his mouth has got the rest of him in trouble. *hears Alex's question, and wonders about the lock as well* And MaryAnne's gonna have a fit about that cell door.

*makes eye contact with Alex, then steps through the now-open door. Takes a few steps out of the way, to let Alex through* Where's Garrett?

Awright, you ain't nevah been right in the head, but this is crazy. You know ah wanna attack you, so you're lettin' me out?

Surely, you ain't thinkin' of somethin' underhanded and unlawful, like bustin' us outta heah, at great legal risk to yerself. Ah mean, after all, there's witnesses aplenty. *gestures to those watching* And b'sides. Why would ya do that for us? *turning head a bit to the side, suspicious*

*stands up and brushes hands off on jeans, offering Alex a hand up* No, MaryAnne didnt' fall for it, but I think for a minute she was close. Ah shoulda hit you in the face like ah'd planned --- *hears Chet and looks up sharply* Oh yeah, s' great. Me n' Alex were just havin' a cage match.

Damn! *as MaryAnne leaves, heaves a hard breath of frustration* She didn't fall for it. So close! If she'd a' just opened that cell door an inch, we woulda been outta heah! *still holding a grip on Alex's shirt and having a fist raised*

*looks at cousin, then back to Alex... then seems to shurg and punch Alex again in the stomach, a bit higher up* Fine, ah won't hit 'em in the face much.

*swears as Alex connects the punch* *smack!* OW! #$%&*!! *throws one back on Alex in return, a quick rabbit-punch to his gut, knocking out wind. But at MaryAnne's words, looks up, startled, a fist held in check, the other hand holding Alex by the shirt* Wait a minute, what kinda law enforcement do you call that?!

*looks to the people who are watching* I appreciate ya'lls vote o' confidence, but if ah'm truly the bad guy to beat around heah, I'd better act it, eh? *turns to Alex, taking a step towards him* I got three words for ya. *yells while leaping to attack* CELL BLOCK RIOT!! *throws Alex down and starts grappling with him* YAAAAAH!!

Waaal, I reckon I'll just halfta git rid of Alex. *eyes the blond cellmate* I hated to ree-sort to such an obvious scheme, but....I don't know that I've got the patience to see this thang through... *tenses body, squaring shoulders*

KHEE! Too bad you can't touch me in heah. *turns around, wagging posterior * Nyah nyah! * after taunting a moment, faces forward again* Butt, seriously... *chuckles* ....I bit off way more than I can chew with this bail. I'm screwed. I'm toast. Ah'm stuck heah forevah.

*leans side against the bars* The part where you git killed off. Havin' you get shot is just too ...messy. Havin' you drown ain't as dramatic. Havin' you suffocate because you fell asleep face-down in your pillow, won't fit with the plot. *looks at cousin, teasing her* Nearest thang I can figure, is you break your neck while trippin' over an electrical cord heah.

*quickly mutters to Alex* ...mum's the word... *steps closer to the cell door and gives MaryAnne a shrug* Oh, I got through half a page last night... s'comin' along about as well as you could expect, givin' mah chatterbox cellmate. But I'm havin' some trouble with the story you're in.

*turns head to answer Alex* More like pansies. A pair o' pansies at the garden club. But they might be pushin' up daisies soon enuff.

You betcha. If Chet hates somebody, it usually means I'd like 'em.

*smiles at the offering of baked goods, cheerfully accepting the pie and cookies* Thank ya, Lizzy. *sets the bag down and helps self to a slice of pie, chewing blissfully* Mmm. Gotta say, country cookin' agrees with me... *notices Alex's patient expression and offers him cookies* Heah you go, buddy. *swallows down the pie in short order, then looks at Lizzy again* Yer awright, Miss Lizzy. And if Chet doesn't like you, that means you're doin' somethin' right. Khee! Still, I'd appreciate any news you can sniff out about him n' Garrett. If ah know them two, they're hidin' out at the Ladies Auxilliary Club, or sittin' in on Lulu's Hazzard County Beautifyin' Committe.

*after arranging this much, sighs and turns back to Alex* Jail sucks. I don't know if I can do this much longer.

Khee! Good. You just hang out and relax in the meantime. I really don't wanna pull a jailbreak, so it's kind of a last ree-sort.

*waves the kid in the '73 shirt over closer* Listen up. You don't halfta break any laws or nothin'....but you're gonna be mah ace in the hole for gettin' outta heah early. All I need you to do, is hang around awhile....and if I start fightin' with Alex, you just run and git MaryAnne and tell her we're killin' each other. Got it?

Dude, you were defeated, and in public. Any more defeated and you wouldn't be standin' there. I'll be happy to give you a ree-fresher course when ah'm outta heah. (Author's note: surely you haven't forgotten the RR where Garrett got a busted knee and assorted bruises. Short memory or a selective one?)

*holds on to the bars, frowning* Not only am I short on friends, I ain't got any enemies worth a damn. What is this town comin' to? *notices the quiet Duke who's watching things * You, over there, in the '73 T-shirt. How'd you like to make some easy money?

That's it?! And you call yourself a bad guy?! Bah! *smacks the bars with an open hand in disgust* G'wan, before yer late for your Girl Scout meeting. *grumbles* Man, what happened to the enemies I used to have....

*hears the voice and turns in surprise* Waaal, Garrett, nobody evah accused Dukes of havin' an overload o' common sense. Maybe you ain't afraid of me, but that's probably 'cause yer mind blocked out some very painful memories of the last time we fought. *reaches through the bars and gives a hard tap to Garrett's chest* And if you're not up to somethin', why the hell not? Don't tell me you and Chet get an oppportunity like this, and you're gonna just stand around with your hands in your pockets. I mean, ain't you got any ree-venge planned? A coup? Throwin' toilet paper up a tree? Anythang?

Yeah, ah'm fierce n' all that, locked up. *leaning against the bars, and despite all inner ferocity, really thinking about pie * Hmm. I dunno, Alex. Gettin' outta heah legit-like is gonna take me forevah, and by then nobody will even remember who ah am. I promised MaryAnne I'd make good on the bail, but I got such a brilliant idea for a breakout, it's hard to pass it up.