BoJamesDuke

Bo was still leant back in the driving seat of Dixie, fast asleep because of the sleepless nights the worry and stress had started bringing on.

Yeah same here, Anything that John's in i'll tend to watch because usually its family stuff... (with the exception of Nip/Tuck which I didnt watch lol)

"I'd appriciate it...if you could let me know as well so I can tell Luke..."

Sara looked down at her notes again and saw that that was indeed the person she needed to speak to. "Hey there Daisy, this is Sara from Altanta General Hospital...I was wondering if you have any idea where Bo is...he was supposed to come in today, he promised Luke he would, but he hasn't turned up and i'm getting no answer at your home..."

Sara kept trying the house phone, sighing as she continued to get no answer...looking at her notes, she sighed and tried the other contact number she had there - the number for the Boar's Nest.

"He promised he would...so i'm sure he will. He seems like he cares for you a lot, and I can see normally you two are very close...i'll bet he's on his way right now..." Well...Bo would have been....had he not been sitting in the front seat of Dixie fast asleep...still on the farm...

lol too true...he may be my alter ego but me as a person...there are people out there with more knowledge than me, on Hazzardnet even. I know a fair amount but if other people had known about this thread, i'm sure others would have answered it. I dont even know if the answer I gave is right yet lol

"I'm sure that's not true either...its probably because your so upset, any flaws you might have, any fears are magnified greater than they should be, making things appear worse than they actually are...i'll bet in reality you have nothing to worry about...course we can wait for Bo to get here then ask him..."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with who you are Luke...you may have some insecurities but everyone does...I can help you with them...get you back on track...you can never change who you are Luke, its not possible..."

"But if you change all of you, then where's the person that Bo loves so much gonna go? What's gonna happen to Bo if you leave...because if you change all of you, you'll no longer be you..." She said softly.

"So...the only way to stop a loop is to break one part of it...to do that we have to stop your way of thinking in just one part to make it all change eventually...however I cannot be the one to tell you what to change first...you have to do that..."

"Sometimes...the most extreme emotions are triggered by something so simple that has simply snapped the ropes holding the load of emotional baggage you've been carrying around...and then can lead to deeper things. Right now i'm starting to sense that because of this sense of negligence that you can't figure out...you feel like you've lost control of your life...people dying all throughout your life has made you mroe aware than most people about how out of control of our own lives we really are...and it scares you doesn't it...because your a man that likes to be in control...which is why you feel so guilty you weren't when your Uncle collapsed and you froze...you see how it all continues in one big emotional loop?" She explained gently.

Sara nodded a little, reaching for her clipboard and writing some things down before replacing it back on the cabinet beside the bed. "Well lets see if we cant work it out...maybe the reason your so upset has something t'do with your parents...and the fact that your Uncle was a surrogat parent for you...maybe because you couldn't do anything to save your parents...sub conciously you feel guilty for letting the same fate happen to your Uncle...even though there was nothing you could have done in either scenario...you believe that everyone's deaths are the result of some sort of neglegence on your part..."

"So...if it wasn't your fault, which we have determined by deduction it wasn't...what's the real reason your so upset?" She had probably already gathered what it was - she wasn't a psychiatrist for nothing - but Luke had to admit it himself for him to realize what it was he needed to tackle.

"No...nothing would have. Throught your Uncle's life i'm sure you helped him, looked after him....made him the happiest man alive having you as a part of his life. You may not have done what your cousin did in the feild that day...but you never failed your Uncle in making every single day special because you were with him....and i'm sure if he could now he'd tell you that over and over..." She spoke with a soft tenderness, trying to make Luke think a bit clearer.

"Yes you do...you do...just stop thinking about what you have been for just a minute and think instead of what really could have happened if you had moved...feasibly...if you can think of something that would have drastically changed the outcome...tell me..."

Sara shook her head softly. "No...No you didn't...he may have counted on you but i'll bet even he and Bo knew it wouldn't have made a difference even if you had moved...Luke think about it...please...what difference would it have made if you had moved...not including the fact you wouldn't be feeling like you are now..."

"So you froze in shock and fear of what was happening...that's not an uncommen response...and besides, if you hadn't have froze the result still would have been the same from what I saw on his notes...the help wouldn't have arrived any quicker if you'd gone to get it...your Uncle's heart wouldn't have magically repaired itself...would it now?" She questioned softly, trying to make him think.

Sara listened with sadness, shaking her head softly as she practically now felt Luke's guilt radiating from him, seeing there was more than one problem to fix. "Now that ain't true....lets take this first things first....for starters I heard your Uncle passed on because his heart gave out..."

"I know you don't Cassie, that ain't what i'm saying. I know Luke ain't gettin any younger, and he knows it too. He doesn't want to move on, he still loves Sara...she may be ead but his heart still belongs t'her and its not as easy as picking him up, dusting him off and saying get over it and move on. He's not being stubborn...he's heartbroken and right now the only person in his life he wants to focus on is Abi. I told you this so you'd understand...its not your job to help him do anything. Just be there, act like you usually do and that'll be the greatest help of all. If he gets used to you being around, then maybe he'll become more like his old self again....just dont push it...he's still your friend...but it's gonna take a while to get back to how he used t'act round you..." He broke off as Enos came over, smiling up at him despite his heavy heart and nodding. "Hey there Enos..."

"You can tell me Luke I promise...I'm here t'help you, not t'judge...tell me what you can't tell anyone else...tell me what your afraid of, why your supposed to be seen as such a bad person...cause I dont see a bad person before me...I see a troubled and tortured young man who needs someone strange to pour his inner most hauntings out to...someone who doesn't know him so he doesn't have to worry about making an impression...I can do that...i'm here to listen..." She implored softly.

Bo closed his eyes and shook his head softly, saying in as nice a tone as he could. "I can't...as soon as I suggest taking Abi, he'll wanna know why and I can't lie t'him...he knows when i'm lyin'...when i'm plannin somethin'...an' I can't do that t'him Cassie. I can't put him in such an awkward position, he was even acting it around ya when we were all there....he's not looking to talk t'anyone Cass...he just wants people to go on around him like nothin's gone on so he can work through it on his own...if he wants t'talk t'you he will...but about women he'll only talk t'me an Sammy and even then that's rare...he don't want t'get into that kind of a relationship again, he don't even wanna consider it...so he'll stay away from the subject an unfortunatly at the moment away from women too...like I said me an' Sammy are workin' on it but...it takes time...i've never seen him so taken with anyone as he was with Sara...it was the real deal...and I dont think he'll ever find that again...he couldn't be happy with anyone else....not now..."

lol I have a reputation? It lies only with you I think my friend lol

"What d'ya mean, killing people?" she asked with a gentle frown.

"What kind of bad things..." she kept pressing gently, needing to know all this so she could stat to see how he was thinking.