NastyTheReindeer

I'm always available for private parties.

For all my noise, I won't be able to make that date. If any of the rowdies do show up, they won't want to go up against MaryAnne.

I was having a little fun with the deer statue in the front yard. Until it tipped over and broke. And whattaya mean, if MaryAnne blows another fuse again? Oh, if she causes a fuse to blow. I see. Well, I haven't talked to cousin Rudy in years. That goody-four-hoof has a higher nose wattage than brain IQ, if ya get my snowdrift. Lucky for him he's got a career as a nightlight, or he'd be nothin' more than a packet of venison jerky for sale on the counter of a Canadian gas station. Yeah, Rudy gets all the fame and glory, the lil' twinkle bulb! I'm not bitter tho'.

Now is that any way to talk about your old, deer friend? I had too much egg nog and misjudged the distance, that's all. It's the egg nog, I'm tellin' ya. It's the same reason that I started a fight that time with a taxidermy decoration. (and I won, too.)

No need, I can drink from the punchbowl with a straw. Is Roger going to be Santa this year?

It's true, I've changed for the better. In fact I support the arts. I'm a frequent contributor to the North pole dancers.

Christmas!! This calls for a random act of caroling! And now, I give you, to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland".....uh, somethin' else. Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- although My boss let me go -- Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?" With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man; I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!" I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday, they drag me away? I’m happily addicted to the Web I'm happily addicted to the Web! Happ-ily, ad-dict-ed to the Web!!!

Minor mishap. Shouldn't have put my whole face in it, I suppose, but we were outta those dainty little cups.

Did somebody say Christmas party? The 17th sounds good to me. I don't think you'll have much to worry about in the way of chaos, though. Alas, all the rowdies have moved on. There's only me, and I've turned over a new punchbowl.

Dude. You have proven yourself as truly naughty for digging up "White Trash Christmas" and these other items of questionable holiday merit. If fact, you're at the top of my naughty list! If somebody else doesn't prove themselves naughtier than you between now and Christmas, you will receive a special dishonorable mention in our Newsletter, and a suitable token of my esteem.

There was some naughty behavior at the party, which put several more people on my list. One talented cuss wrote his name in the snow outside, which shows not only a naughty streak, but a tolerance for cold weather you don't usually find this far south. I got more deliveries to make. Might even have to stop at the All-Night Deli on Frontage Road and re-stock my gift bag.

Santa leaves coal. I leave reindeer chips. They burn just as good, too. Howevah! Roger's been kinda bad this year, so he gets a dishonorable mention. I have a can of Skoal, a 42-ounce beer, and an outdated Victoria's Secret catalog for his stocking. *deposits the items in Roger's stocking* There! That'll jolly 'em up. ~Nasty~

You know what would make this really tasty? A splash o' holiday cheer! *adds homemade egg nog* Good recipie.

Nothing brings out Christmas spirit like...Christmas spirits. *pours a glass of private-stock egg nog* These are impressive carols you got going. Might just have pick one out as a winner at the Christmas party. Anybody else got one?