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Shattered - Feedback and doubts about writing


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I don't know where to post it... if here in fanfic announcement or in general discussion.

It's about "Shattered" but also about writing in general. :-? (if Admin want to change the place of this thread, there's no problem)

Now, this is the "problem".

As everybody knows, I'm a huge fan of Enos (did you notice?, LOL), and I started writing fanfic since 2007 (my first attempt to write being here, in Round Robin). Along the years I've improved grammar (even if it's not perfect, and never will be, unfortunately) and in the last year I'm struggling to find MY style (about plots and writing) but without losing the focus on characters.

I mean: I'm re-watching some episodes to catch the "soul" of characters (Enos and Daisy above all), and I want to write of them in a deeper way (dramatic stories) but without losing the basic characteristics of canon characters; a deeper but not distorted version of Enos and Daisy. The more I write dramatic and rough stories, the more I FEAR to "lose" the canon characters, changing them, since whereas the show were light I write darker stories (do you understand what I mean? Did anybody face the same feeling?). An effort to give more depth to characters BUT not changing them in someone else. I know characterization is sometimes subjective, but the are some basic characteristics you can't change, about characters.

About "Shattered": this is a story based on Enos as a COP, what's mean to him (in the show nobody never said WHY a son of a moonshiner decided to be a cop, but it's said that "being a cop" is LIFE). Along the years, writing about Enos, I've developed some basic ideas of him:

- Strong set of values. He needs to feel as if he's living his life in accordance with what he feels is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal.

- He is likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in his dealing with others. Interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, putting a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which he believes in.

- He genuinely cares about people, and he is strongly service-oriented in his desire to please.

- He has an unusually deep will of caring for those who is close to, showing his love through actions, rather than words.

(it's why I LOVE him, after all, LOL).

I love coupling these strong and deep characteristics with his being shy, clumsy and naive. My basic idea of him is that he's basically an IDEALIST.

And lately, re-watching some episodes, I'm having the idea that, in the first series, Daisy was sort of "jealous" about Enos' integrity (his job above all; in many episodes you can seen her angry to Enos because his doing his job, being sometimes nasty to him), whereas in the last series she's more sweet to him (sort of "It's not your fault, sugar. You're doing your job") as if she's learnt to respect this strong side of him (accepting that, yeah, Enos' duty is her worst rival, no other women but his duty). Is it only my feeling?

OK, after this premise: why am I writing it about "Shattered"?

In "Shattered" I'm going to focus on Enos as a COP, so, if ANY of you has some hints, opinions, remarks about this side of Enos (and about how I'm writing of it), well, tell me, or tell me your idea of Enos (it could be useful). (OMG, thinking about it... this thread could be placed also under "Cast - character: Enos Strate", SORRY, but I don't know where to place it!!!).

A fundamental add to explain why I decided to open this thread HERE: I'm going to touch a thorny topic in "Shattered" (but, hey, I won't reveal it here, NOW, 'cause it'd be a terrific spoiler), and, WHEN I'll touch that topic, I'll need a place (here) to explain why and how I've decided to touch such a thing (no, I'm not writing about abuse or rape...., don't worry), but it's my way to expore this side of Enos: the honest and idealistic cop, and maybe I'll need your help for advice, in order not to lose the focus of Enos Strate as he was in the TV-show, despite the thorny topic.

Notes at the end of chapters are good, BUT I can't write so long notes, LOL, and I think this could be a good place for feedback.

I don't know if any of you is reading the story, and I don't want to bother you, so I won't link the story here: if you want to read it, you know where to find it.

If you're not reading the story and you're not interesting in reading it, sorry for this long and maybe useless post...and if you're reading it, any hint (here, by PM; whatever you want) is welcome.


Edited by i1976
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  • 3 weeks later...

Warning: SPOILER!!!

OK, It's finally time to explain what "Shattered" is about.

I posted a new chapter few days ago... and readers got it :innocent: (after the first foggy chapters)... in effect there was too much clues in this chapter.

NOW, this fic is a sort of cross-over between DOH (the series) and Enos (the series), 'cause part of the story is set in L.A.

The story is about... ehm... police brutality: what Enos would do if he saw some officers acting... not as good cops, and the consequences of it. I like to explore his mind and his idealism (and how such a thing can affect him).

I just want to say that this fic is not against "cops", and I want to say to readers who're following it that I hope I didn't offend anybody, touching this kind of topic (it's the thorny topic I was talking about), and if someone is offended, I'm sorry. It's not a story against cops but a story against violence, and the real meaning of being a cop, an honest cop.

I prefer to say it, and... I decided to say it here 'cause I can't say it at the end of every chapter, as a final note.

Recently, looking at pictures Roth is posting (GREAT pictures!!!), I started to ask to myself if I'm not betraying Hazzard's spirit with a fic so dramatic and violent, in some points, but, hey, fanfics means also exploring new paths and new adventures for our beloved characters: my attempt, now, is to write this fic remembering the spirit of the show (and it's why I'm re-watching some episodes and I'm very glad to find some great pictures on this site... 'cause they remember me the show; and it's why the fic is set in Hazzard whereas the "dark"-L.A.'s part is written as flash-backs).

In the future, I promise to write fics less dark and more sweet (as my first ones... I realized, recently, how much people like them :))

OK, I won't bother you anymore with my confused and confusing thoughts. I think I said everything I have to say (and a lot MORE, as usual :roll:). And... thinking about it... maybe I shouldn't even have opened this thread. Maybe I worry too much for stupid things.

I hope you didn't find it pointless... and weird.

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Hey i1976,

Shattered is the first fanfic i've ever read. I think it wasn't too dark and you surely did not betray the characters as you say, I think you really opend the characters up in a very good way. I've never watched the series Enos but i'd really like to.

As you write in Shattered, Los Angeles is a dangerous place. Which you portray very good with the flashbacks, I really like them. They are a bit short but tell everything the readers have to know. I liked the foggy begining, they make you want to read more and more. but reavealing a bit more in one chapter is also good from time to time. Because if its always foggy people will lose interest, there needs to be a good balance which I think you nailed perfectly.

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Thank you, Roth, I really appreciate it.

The series Enos... it's very foggy in my mind, 'cause I watched it only one time, when I was a child. But I remember an episode where Enos' colleagues go on strike, and he's the only one to keep on working, 'cause it's his job (totally Enos-style): this is the side of Enos I want to write of ;)

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Just a little reflection on writing.

There was a time I just wrote fanfic, with no clue about statics... and be content of a single review. 'Till "Memories?" :roll:

I don't know why, maybe it's because of me (doubting of my writing) or maybe something changed into fanfiction.net's realm, or maybe I simply became aware of something I didn't notice, previously.

I'm pretty sensitive to changes in athmosphere wherever I go, and I couldn't help but notice that a LOT of old writers are stopping writing (GOOD and TALENTED writers), and I don't know why: Hazzard's realm is dying? Are they noticing that strange change in athmosphere, like me? Or... simply.. they're interested in other fandoms, right now.

So, I'm wondering when I'll stop writing, 'cause it'll happen.... it's normal, and I'm wondering how it'll happen: will I be interested in something else beside DOH? or why? Sometimes I wonder WHY, and WHEN, a fanfic writer just decides "OK, stop, I've had enough".

Uh, no, I'm not saying I'm going to stop NOW, just a reflection. :-))

I have to finish "Shattered", anyway, and I just have to find the naivety of my first writing... and I'm finding it again.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

"You really seem to take all the characteristics of the characters, explore them and add feelings to them in the way we expect people from hazzard to react. What I mean to say is that everything in 'Shattered' is something which could most definitively happened in Hazzard County."

Roth_Potter gave me the best compliment EVER. THANK YOU!!!! :-))

I'm really glad to write this story, 'cause I've found something to say above the plot in itself, and a way to explore characters: as I said elsewhere, writing for me it's not just a matter of "plot", but I usually try to say something more in a story... and this story is about idealism and honesty (despite the thorny topic about police brutality).

I want to THANK everybody is reading it, I really appreciate it and I'm really happy to realize how many people are reading it.

And I hope the "sense" of this story is going to reach the readers.

Obviouly, it's just a DOH's fanfic, and I'm doing my best to keep the story "in Hazzard". So, I think in the next chapters you're going to meet some of Hazzard folks... Miss Tizdale, Granny Annie, and... maybe... Emery Potter :-)) It's a broad story involving ALL Hazzard, all the town around its beloved deputy.

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