To Keep On Keepin' On

[DaisyMaeDuke]

"I shoulda...had...a plan...if...if I had known..."

It ate at Luke that he didn't know what to do then. He had just froze in shock, unable to do anything. Bo had been the one to run call an ambulance. Bo had done everything... Luke just froze.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo sighed, remembering too looking at Luke as he had seen it and seeing his cousin literally drain of colour. It was the first time he had ever seen Luke Duke completly terrified...and if anything that kicked him into action. He couldn't rely on Luke that time, he had to kick himself into gear and do something, and without second thought he had run faster than ever before up to the house to call the ambulance out. But that wasn't Luke's fault..

"Luke you can't always have a plan...especially not for somethin' like this...its a shock to see someone you love and respect so much, and who always seems so strong to end up like this...I dont blame ya fer freezin an' neither does Uncle Jesse or Daisy...cousin fear gets to the best of us...Lord knows I've frozen a number of times when someone's needed me...the only one that's ever been able t'shake me out of it is you...you can't beat yerself up over a natural reaction t;something like this...if you had've moved I wouldn't have done....it was only because you froze that I actually did anything..."

[DaisyMaeDuke]

His words offered the comfort Luke wanted, but believing them was harder. In Luke's mind he had failed them all...and now his uncle was paying the price.

"I...I wanna...believe that..."

[BoJamesDuke]

"Then believe it, any Doc will tell you the same thing. You can't tell me, in all the situations you've been in, that you've never seen someone freeze up like you did...its born out of pure fear of what is happening and you can't tell me you weren't plumb terrified about what was happening to Jesse because you went paler than a ghost...I swear I could almost see through your skin...you aint failed no one cousin...and if you'd let him...Uncle Jesse would tell you that himself..."

Bo said softly, now close enough again that he could rub his cousins back.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke's only response was to choke, and lean into his cousin, still trembling. He had never in his life been so frightened, not even in Nam. In Nam, things were happening to the Marines around him, and to himself...and he was scared...but to see something happen to his uncle...like that..it had terrified him to the very core of his being.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo held his older cousin close again with a small sigh of relief, hoping that now he had finally got through to Luke.

"Its okay to be frightened Luke, its a human emotion and we all experience it...but dont ever mistake it for failin someone cousin...youa int ever failed any of us...if anything you showed me how hard it is t'keep yer cool when something like that happens...so we swapped shoes for a time...I sure learned somethin' from it...and Uncle Jesse still made it to the hospital...."

[DaisyMaeDuke]

"I...I dunno...wh-what...to do...it...it hurts so...so..." He let out a long sigh the thoughts of earlier still in the back of his mind, but not willing to scare Bo anymore by sharing them just stays leaned into him.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo nodded softly, swallowing gently as he held his cousin just a little bit tighter.

"I know it does...you cant rightly prepair yerself fer something like this but...like I said we...we knew one day it would get to the stage where Uncle Jesse can't be around anymore...he's set up this life fer us...encouraged us t'follow our dreams and stuff...so we can carry on in his place...so we can live to do the things he'd be proud of us for doing...so he can watch us with Auntie grow t'be the people they always said we would be..."

[DaisyMaeDuke]

"I...I feel sick..." murmured Luke. The stress and everything had pushed him to the brink and physically, he was starting to feel the toll it had taken on him. It didn't help that his whole body was shaking, causing his insides to churn even more.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo nodded and quickly helped him over to some bushes, supporing him gently as he threw up any contents in his stomach...though he wasn't actually sure there was any...

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke dry heaved over and over, but it was more a nervous reaction than a need to throw up. He hadn't eaten anything substantial for days, so there wasn't really anything in his stomach. Still, he continued to heave again and again clinging tightly to Bo as he did.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo held him close with a sigh as his older cousins body threw itself into the dry heaving that really wasn't doing much good for him. More than anything Luke needed to calm down so, in an effort to help him do that, Bo softly rubbed his back some more.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Eventually Luke cameto a quivering stop, though his eyes were watering with the force from his heaves, his hair damp with perspiration. He gulped breaths, trying to take in air and calm down.

[BoJamesDuke]

"Its ok now Luke...its ok...just calm down some.."

Bo soothed gently, hoping what he was doing was helping his older cousin some.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke continued to draw shaky breaths. Leaning a bit against Bo, he closed his eyes as tears ran down his face.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo continued to just murmur soft comforting words to the man in his arms, rocking him gently as he soothed him through the grief for their Uncle that Luke was already suffering. He hoped this meant that by Luke accepting this now, it would be eaiser for him when the time actually came that their Uncle would leave them. Perhaps, by working through this now while their Uncle was still around to talk to him, Luke would be able to see a way through what was to come and keep on...well keeping on.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke felt awful. The pain and guilt of what happened plagued his mind, and the thought that now Bo was out here with Luke, when Luke should have been able to care for himself made him feel worse, if that were possible. He didn't want to think anymore. He didn't want to think about that day when they saw him collapse, about the fear on Bo's face, about how he had froze literally scared stiff-something the Marines had trained him to never be. He didn't want to think of any of it. In fact, all he wanted to do was to wake up from his life that had become a nightmare.

[BoJamesDuke]

After a while, Bo sighed softly and decided that there was no way Luke was going to voulentarily suggest doing something...or nothing sane or clever anyway. Standing them both up, he said firmly in a tone that left no room for discussion.

"We're going home, and your gonna get some sleep..."

[DaisyMaeDuke]

"I don't wanna go home! I don't wanna sleep!" He sounded like a spoiled child and he knew it, even as he tried to pull his arm away.

[BoJamesDuke]

Bo shook his head and kept a firm grip on his cousin, leading him down the path away from the cliff.

"I didn't say you had a choice Luke, yer gonna."

[DaisyMaeDuke]

"I don't wanna! Can't you see?! I don't wanna go back there!" insisted Luke, trying to free himself, but weak from the heaves and crying not able to.

[BoJamesDuke]

"You have to! You can't run away from your home, the one Uncle Jesse brought ya up in, the one he needs us to carry on! You are never gonna move on if you don't accept what's happening and so you are coming home and you are gonna sleep there for the first night in days."

Bo said firmly, marching him down the road.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke said nothing more, knowing he wasn't going to get his way this time.

Normally when Luke walked down the path, he noticed everything: the type of bird singing blithely in the trees, a flower to be picked later and given to Daisy to make her smile, a stone that looked undeniably like a turtle...

Today though, Luke didn't notice anything. The tears welling in his eyes blinded him.

[BoJamesDuke]

Eventually, Bo's grip loosened and changed to a loving, gentle hold around Luke's shoulders. He didn't know what else to say, know what else to do. All he did know was that once he got Luke back to the farm and got some sleeping pills in him, he could call the doctor and see what he would reccommend. He couldn't stand to lose another family member and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure it didn't happen.

[DaisyMaeDuke]

Luke walked along beside him miserably, no longer fighting to go back, but walking more to please Bo than for any other reason. Tears dripped down his cheeks and he wiped them on his sleeve. He realized he must look like such a sissy to his younger cousin, and the thought of that just made him sadder still.