The Dukes of Hazzard: The Hogg Strikes Back (Working Title)

[JDhoggjr]

This is my fanfic/sequel to the '05 film... let me know what y'all think. Suggestions as to which way the story SHOULD run are welcome through private messages or emailing me, and I will respond in kind. I would appreciate no posting, please...just so the story doesn't get interrupted by random posts.

thanks a bunch...

I'm gone...

UPDATE: Even random comments through the private message function would be greatly appreciated. Is it good? bad? awful? Horrible? It will help me tighten up my style. Thanks.

UPDATE: 9/2/05 - I am adding two more pages, maybe that will inspire some feedback. A little nibbling, I love it, I love it!

Thanks for reading!

[JDhoggjr]

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD: THE HOGG STRIKES BACK (Working Title..LOL)

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

A MAN, mid-forties, is standing on the edge of a dirt road. He looks left and right and steps out into the road. The roar of a car engine startles the man. THE GENERAL LEE roars around the bend. The man jumps off the road.

The Man shakes his fist in anger and steps out into the road again. A police siren fills the air and a POLICE VEHICLE roars around the bend. The man jumps off to the side again. When the dust settles, he’s jumping up and down, yelling.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

Welcome back to Hazzard County. Lots of things have

changed in the last year.

INT. GENERAL LEE - DAY

Camera freezes on BEAU and LUKE DUKE.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

You remember the Duke Boys, Beau and Luke? Well, Rosco finally caught them and had them arrested for running illegal moonshine.

(WHITE FLASH)

EXT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE - DAY

BLACK AND WHITE

Beau and Luke are being led up the steps of the county courthouse in HANDCUFFS, escorted by a smug looking ROSCO P. COLTRANE.

INT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE - DAY

(MOS)

Beau and Luke are sitting at the defense table, listening to BOSS JEFFERSON DAVIS HOGG present his “case†against the Dukes. COOTER DAVENPORT sits behind them for moral support.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

Of course, since no jury in Hazzard would convict the Dukes, Boss Hogg brought in his own jury.

The Jury members sit in the box, listening to the statements being made by Boss Hogg.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.) (CONT’D)

Con men, Cattle Rustlers, Thieves, and just about anyone who could be bought. Rosco issued them with fake ID’s and local addresses to allow the jury team to select them.

The JUDGE beckons the JURY FOREMAN forward. The foreman hands the Judge a piece of paper.

[JDhoggjr]

(Sound on)

THE JUDGE

In light of the damning evidence and the statutes laid down by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, I sentence...

Rosco and Boss Hogg sit back with glee. The court doors burst open and UNCLE JESSE and DAISY are escorted in by FOUR ATF AGENTS. ATF AGENT #1 approaches the bench. The crowd is in an uproar.

The Judge bangs his GAVEL, loudly.

THE JUDGE (CONT’D)

ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! ORDER!

The Judge turns to ATF Agent #1.

THE JUDGE (CONT’D)

What is the meaning of this interruption?

ATF Agent #1 pulls out a document and hands it to the Judge. The Judge unfolds it and reads it.

THE JUDGE (CONT’D)

According to this document, signed by the Vice President of the United States, Jesse L. Duke has entered into agreement with the United States Government, to halt moonshine production.

The crowd goes into an uproar again.

THE JUDGE (CONT’D)

Furthermore, the aforementioned Government of The United States has agreed to probation, rather than incarceration shall be instituted against the Duke Family.

Boss Hogg and Rosco stand up, outraged.

ROSCO

You can’t be serious!

BOSS HOGG

The Dukes are criminals!

The Judge bangs his gavel again, repeatedly.

JUDGE

Order! Order, now!

The Judge continues to read the document.

JUDGE (CONT’D)

The next 10 years, Beauregard and Lucas Duke will report to a parole officer in Atlanta once a month. Leaving the County of Hazzard otherwise is strictly forbidden. Possession of Alcohol, Tobacco, and/or Firearms, will result in a revocation of probation and immediate jail time of 25 years.

The Judge motions for the Bailiff. He covers the microphone and whispers something to the Bailiff. The Bailiff moves toward Bo and Luke.

JUDGE (CONT’D)

Mr. Duke and Mr. Duke, you are hereby released on your own cognizance.

Beau lets out a “yeehaw†as the Bailiff un-cuffs him. Daisy and Uncle Jesse rush over to the boys, hugging them both. Boss Hogg pounds his fist on the table.

BOSS HOGG

Damn! So close, yet so far!

ROSCO

Maybe we can fra...

BOSS HOGG

Sh-sh-sh-sh, you dodo. Not here.

[JDhoggjr]

Luke hugs Daisy. Cooter claps both boys on the back. Cooter reaches into his coverall pockets and pulls out a set of KEYS. Beau and Luke’s faces light up. Luke grabs the keys and bolts from the courtroom.

BEAU DUKE

LUKE! HEY!

Beau bolts out of the courtroom after his cousin. A throng of people flood out of the courtroom after Beau.

EXT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE

Luke bursts through the courthouse doors a leaps down the steps. Now parked in front of the Courthouse is the GENERAL LEE, repaired and shining. Luke vaults over the hood and lands on the driver’s side. Luke laughs.

Beau bursts through the doors and slides down the railing. Luke gets in the driver’s side and starts the car. Luke guns the engine and Beau jumps into the passenger seat. Tires squeal as Luke peels out.

Boss Hogg and Rosco rush out of the courthouse in time to see the Duke Boys speed off in the General Lee. He grabs Rosco by the lapels.

BOSS HOGG

I don’t care how you do it, you get them Dukes!

ROSCO

Yes, Boss.

Boss Hogg releases Rosco, who stands there. Boss removes his STETSON hat and begins whacking Rosco.

BOSS HOGG

What are you standing around for, you dipstick? Get after them.

ROSCO

Right Boss!

Uncle Jesse walks up to Boss Hogg. Boss Hogg backs off with his hands raised.

BOSS HOGG

Now, Jesse. You wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize your once again clean record, would you? ROSCO!

Rosco comes running back toward Boss Hogg. He starts to pull his NIGHTSTICK. Boss stops him.

ROSCO

Hey, back off. You’re not supposed to be within 50 feet of this man.

UNCLE JESSE

You’re not worth my time, J.D. C’mon Daisy, I’ll drop you at the Boar’s Nest for your shift.

Cooter turns to the crowd of people. He waves his hands, “blocking†the crowd’s view. Jesse and Daisy walk down the steps toward’s Jesse’s WHITE F-150.

COOTER

All right, nothing to see here. Trial’s over! Remember, Cooter’s Rebel Repair has the cure for all your auto woes.

[JDhoggjr]

EXT. HAZZARD COUNTY ROADS - DAY

The General Lee swerves down the dirt road, kicking up dirt and gravel. Sheriff Rosco’s patrol car comes careening down the road after them.

INT. ROSCO’S PATROL CAR - DAY

Sheriff Rosco picks up the CB.

ROSCO

Cletus! Enos! You got yer damn ears on?

SPLIT SCREEN

INT. ENOS AND CLETUS’ PATROL CARS - DAY

Both men pick up the radios and fumble with it.

INT. ROSCO’S PATROL CAR - DAY

Rosco continues to follow the Duke Boys all over the countryside.

ROSCO

Will you two dipsticks do something useful! I’m in hot pursuit of the Duke Boys.

INT. ENOS’ PATROL CAR - DAY

Enos giggles nervously.

ENOS

What’d Bo and Luke do this time, Sheriff?

Rosco’s voice barks from the CB causing Enos to wince.

ROSCO (V.O.)

Enos! I am your superior officer. Just do what I say. Now!

ENOS

I’m on my way, Sheriff.

Enos fumbles with the CB, finally putting it back in it’s cradle.

EXT. ENOS’ PATROL CAR - DAY

He leans out with a bullhorn.

ROSCO

All right, you Dukes. I gotcha for speeding, reckless endangerment, and disregard for the law.

[JDhoggjr]

INT. GENERAL LEE - DAY

Luke continues to drive like a maniac. Bo is white-knuckling the dashboard. He marvels at Luke’s driving ability.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

A Man, mid-forties, is standing on the edge of a dirt road. He looks left and right and steps out into the road. The roar of a car engine startles the man. The General Lee roars around the bend. The man jumps off the road.

The Man shakes his fist in anger and steps out into the road again. Police sirens fill the air as three police cruisers roar around the bend, one after another. The man jumps off to the side again. When the dust settles, he’s jumping up and down, yelling.

The General Lee swerves around a corner, kicking up a cloud of dust into the air. The car approaches a “Road Work in Progress†sign.

LUKE (V.O.)

Hey Beau, knock over that sign.

The General Lee pulls to a stop and Beau Duke leans out and pushes the sign into the underbrush on the side of the road. Beau slides back in and The General Lee roars off down the road.

Rosco’s patrol car swerves around the corner, following them.

EXT. ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

The General Lee slams through the saw-horses blocking the road. The workers scatter. The General Lee zooms toward a large pile of dirt and launches into the air. The workers scramble to safety.

BEAU (V.O.)

YE-HAW!

THE BALLADEER (V.O)

And this is where we came in...

(Insert Waylon’s Theme Song “Good Ol’ Boys†with several of the jump angles.)

The General Lee lands safely outside the construction zone.

INT. SHERIFF ROSCO’S CAR - DAY

Rosco’s car speeds toward’s the dirt pile. Rosco’s eyes widen as he jerks the wheel.

EXT. ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Rosco’s patrol hits the dirt pile at an angle and launches diagonally into the air. The Patrol car lands on it’s drivers side, and skids to a stop.

INT. CLETUS’ PATROL CAR - DAY

Cletus yells in surprises and spins his wheel left, broad-siding the dirt pile.

EXT. ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Cletus’ car spins, hitting the dirt pile.

INT. ENOS’ PATROL CAR

Enos screams and plows into the driver’s side door of Cletus’ patrol car.

EXT. ENOS’ PATROL CAR - DAY

The drivers door opens and Enos falls to the ground. He stands, steadies himself and walks over to Cletus’ car.

ENOS

Possum on a gum bush!

Enos climbs over the hood and peers into Cletus’ car window. Cletus is slumped over on the drivers side, passed out. Enos looks down as a dripping sound is heard. There’s blood on the window sill.

Enos reaches up and touches his face. He looks at his hand, covered in blood, and promptly faints on the hood of his car.

The General Lee skids to a stop. Beau and Luke climb out and sit on their windows, waiting. The road crew come out of hiding and head toward the crashed vehicle.

BEAU

Hey Luke, you think he’s all right?

LUKE

I don’t know, Uncle Jesse’d never forgive us if he ain’t.

The boys slide back into the General and reverse, turning a one eighty.

The General skids to a stop in front of Rosco’s car.

Beau and Luke slide out and run toward the vehicle. With the help of the road crew, they tip the vehicle over. Luke sticks his head in the smashed window.

INT. ROSCO’S PATROL CAR - DAY

Rosco is unconscious, forehead bleeding. Luke checks for a pulse.

LUKE

Ah, hell! Beau, get on Hazzardnet and see if you can reach anyone that can help!

EXT. ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Beau runs back toward the General and ducks inside.

INT. GENERAL LEE - DAY

Bo grabs the C.B. and turns to the emergency frequency.

BEAU

Uncle Shepherd, Country Cousin, Anyone, come back!

There is a blast of static and Cooter’s voice breaks through.

COOTER (V.O.)

Breaker One, Breaker One, I might be crazy, but I ain’t dumb, Crazy Cooter coming atcha. Whatcha need Beau?

BEAU

Cooter! Rosco’s hurt mighty bad. Call 911! We need an ambulance, now!

COOTER (V.O.)

I’m on it. Where y’all at?

BEAU

Miller’s Crossing, by the Highway construction. Cooter, are ya there?

There is a silence. Cooter’s voice pipes in after a second.

COOTER (V.O.)

They’re sending ambulances to the scene. Sit tight, I’ll be there in a jiffy.

[JDhoggjr]

Are you ready for more? Since Obviously warner's couldn't care less abut what we fans want...I shall be posting more in the next day or so and I am VERY VERY Interested in feedback.

Thanks

JDhoggjr

[JDhoggjr]

CLOCK WIPE

EXT. ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Cooter’s tow truck pulls next to one of the ambulances. He gets out as the paramedics are loading Rosco onto one ambulance and Cletus onto another with Enos sitting in the back.

COOTER

Man, you guys did a number on them, didn’t you?

LUKE

Hey, don’t blame...

COOTER

Lucas, you don’t have to explain nothing.

The ambulances sound their sirens and light their lights, pulling away from the scene.

COOTER (CONT’D)

I’ll call my guys to come pick up the cars. Let’s head to the Boar’s Nest.

EXT. BOAR’S NEST - DAY

The General Lee pulls up outside the Boar’s Nest. Cooter parks in Boss Hogg’s stall. The three men exit their vehicles and walk into the Boar’s Nest.

INT. BOAR’S NEST - DAY

Cooter, Beau and Luke walk up the Bar. Daisy is cleaning glasses behind the counter as they approach and sit on the stools in front of the bar. Daisy smiles.

DAISY

Hiya fellas, what can I getcha?

All three of them reply, in unison.

LUKE, BEAU AND COOTER

Beer!

DAISY

Coming up. Why the long faces, fellas?

Beau looks at Luke with the “You tell her, cause you were driving†look. Luke shoots back with the “you really suck†look.

Luke is about to speak when the door to Boss Hogg’s private office opens. Boss Hogg steps out, wearing a checkered BIB. He is holding a LARGE TURKEY LEG in one hand. He takes a large bite out of the Turkey leg.

BOSS HOGG

(in between chewing and lip smacking)

Well, if it isn’t the Duke boys. Just who I’ve been looking for...

Luke slams his mug on the counter. He turns to Boss Hogg, angrily.

LUKE

Dang it all, Boss. We’re in no mood to...

Boss interrupts.

BOSS HOGG

Hold on there, Luke. I want you to meet the new law in Hazzard County.

A clumping sound is heard from Boss’ Office. A large man steps into the bar.

SHERIFF ED LITTLE, early 30’s, wearing a mirrored sunglasses, a green Sheriff’s Uniform Jacket, tan pants and brandishing a shotgun. Boss Hogg cackles between bites.

BOSS HOGG (CONT’D)

I want y’all to meet acting Sheriff of Hazzard County Ed Little. Sheriff Little is on loan from Chickasaw County, due to the fact you boys crippled mine.

Cooter stands and throws his hat on the ground, in disgust. He walks toward Boss.

COOTER

Dang it, Boss. Now you have been doggin’ them boys...

BOSS HOGG

Uh-uh-uh...not too close, my new dog, see he don’t like troublemakers.

Cooter steps back, hands raised.

BOSS HOGG (CONT’D)

Oh, and another thing, Sheriff Little here has a zero tolerance policy for probation and law breakers. He tends to use excessive force.

Sheriff Little cocks his shotgun, forcefully.

LUKE

So, why is he working with you? You’re as crooked as Chickory Lane.

Beau and Luke look at each other and laugh. Daisy giggles behind the bar. Cooter stands there for a second and then bursts into laughter. Boss puts on his innocent look.

BOSS HOGG

Me? The County Commisioner, crooked? Surely you jest!

Boss cackles again and starts devouring the Turkey Leg. He walks back into the office, where a Ten-Course meal is laid out, buffet style. Sheriff Little, removes his sunglasses and glares at Beau and Luke.

SHERIFF LITTLE

I’ll be watching you Dukes.

BEAU

You and every eligible girl in the county.

Sheriff Little raises an eyebrow at Beau, turns and clomps back into the office and shuts the door behind him.

Daisy bursts into laughter. Beau and Luke give each other a high-five. Cooter walks over and claps both of them on the back.

(Sheriff Little Harassment Scenes set to Music)

(SFX: Overlay Tickets being written and torn off)

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

Sheriff Little frisks Beau and Luke as they stand next to the General, hands on the hood. Sheriff Little handcuffs Beau and Luke to a tree and inspects the General.

Not finding anything, he rips off the bumpers and hits the car a couple of times with a sledge hammer. The boys wince. Beau looks like he is going to cry.

[JDhoggjr]

INT. COOTER’S REBEL REPAIR

The General is fixed and repaired. Beau hugs the hood.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

The General is driving down the road. Sheriff Little pulls out in front, causing them to swerve, almost hitting the car. Beau and Luke get out, and Little gives them another ticket.

EXT. GENERAL STORE - DAY

Beau and Daisy exit carrying bags of groceries and supplies. The General has a busted headlight, taillight, and driver’s side mirror. There are a pile of tickets under the windshield wiper.

Daisy makes a disgusted face. Beau kicks the tire, injuring his foot. He hops around with a pained look.

EXT. COUNTY COURTHOUSE - DAY

Luke and Beau come out the front door to find the General parked in a red zone and a fire hydrant. There are several tickets fluttering under the windshield wiper. Beau grabs them, tears them up & tosses them in the air.

Little walks out from behind a bush and writes even more tickets. Luke looks at Beau disgustedly. Sheriff Little smirks as he places in Luke’s outstretched palm.

EXT. GRANNIE ANNIE’S HOUSE - DAY

A CHICKASAW COUNTY DEPUTY skulks around the corner of the house, carrying a jug of clear liquid. The General Lee is parked out front. The deputy walks over and leans into the General’s window. He comes out, grinning and rubbing his hands.

He sprints over to the bushes as the front door opens. Beau and Luke walk out of Grannie Annie’s house, each with a wad of cash.

BALLADEER

It seems to me that Grannie Annie paying a lot more for work less than done and the boys are about to get a big surprise.

Beau sticks one leg into the General when the police sirens fill the air. Sheriff Little speeds towards the house.

BEAU

What the hell does he want this time?

LUKE

Do you want to stick around and find out?

Beau shakes his head and climbs into the General. Luke follows suit and the General peels out. Grannie Annie waves after them.

EXT. HAZZARD COUNTY ROAD - DAY

Sheriff Little continues to pursue the Duke Boys in the General Lee. Sheriff Little activates the Bullhorn attached to his roof.

SHERIFF LITTLE

Alright you Duke Boys, pull over.

INT. GENERAL LEE - DAY

Luke looks back at the pursuing Sheriff Little.

LUKE

Faster, Beau. If we can get to the Fisher Creek bridge, we can get away. It’s out, remember?

Beau looks at Luke and smile.

EXT. HAZZARD COUNTY ROAD - DAY

The General swerves and turns onto Fisher Creek Road. The bridge is being blocked by a Chickasaw Patrol Car.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

Ain’t Little just like a boy scout? Always prepared.

INT. GENERAL LEE - DAY

Beau yanks the wheel hard and skids to a stop sideways, stopping short in front of the deputy, who is leaning backwards against the car.

EXT. FISHER CREEK ROAD - DAY

Sheriff Little’s Patrol Car pulls up blocking the boys in. He steps out of his car and walks up to the General, where Beau is sitting behind the wheel.

SHERIFF LITTLE

All right. Out. Both of you.

Luke sits on the windowsill. Beau gets out and leans back against the hood.

LUKE

So what’s the charge this time, Officer Piddle?

Sheriff Little scowls at Luke.

SHERIFF LITTLE

I’m gonna have to teach you boys some respect for the law. Cuff these two, while I inspect their vehicle.

The Deputy handcuffs Luke and then Beau. He sits them on the ground as Little starts by inspecting the trunk. He tosses clothes and assorted junk out onto the ground.

SHERIFF LITTLE (CONT’D)

Now, from what I understand, you boys used to run shine and according to the BATF, you were to cease and desist. Correct?

BEAU

Yeah, what’s it to you?

SHERIFF LITTLE

I got an anonymous tip, that you’re making one final delivery.

LUKE

Do you think we’d be stupid enough to break our own probation?

Beau and Luke look at each other and laugh. Sheriff Little laughs and walks back to his car. He removes a large CHAIN SAW.

BEAU

What the hell is that for?

Sheriff Little flashes a grin at them.

[JDhoggjr]

SHERIFF LITTLE

This.

He yanks the ripcord and starts up the Chainsaw. He lowers it toward the doors of the General Lee slowly, watching Beau’s “Oh you son of a *****†reaction. The spinning blade starts to grind against the metal door.

BEAU

No! Leave him alone!

Beau tries to get up, but the deputy shoves him back down and uses a nightstick to keep him there. Sheriff Little deliberately takes him time while sawing through the door. It falls off with a clunk.

SHERIFF LITTLE

Now let’s see what we have here.

He reaches under the seat and pulls out a medium jug filled with clear liquid. It twists off the cap, curls his pinky into the handle and takes a long swig. He replaces the cap and hands the jug to the deputy.

LUKE

You planted that!

SHERIFF LITTLE

Prove it! Take ‘em downtown and book `em. I’ll finish inspecting the vehicle and call the junk yard to come get what’s left.

The deputy loads Luke into the backseat of the patrol car. Sheriff Little picks up the chain saw and begins tearing through roof of The General. Beau is almost hysterical.

BEAU

Why don’t you chop me up as well? What are you doing that for, he hasn’t done anything to you?

Beau struggles with the deputy, trying to kick at Sheriff Little who begins working on the fenders of the General with sadistic glee. The Deputy drags Beau and holds his head down on the back windshield, making him watch in horror as Sheriff Little dismembers the General.

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE - DAY

Uncle Jesse and Daisy walk into the office. Cletus stands to great them.

CLETUS

Hiya Daisy. Hiya Uncle Jesse.

Jesse looks at him and snaps back.

UNCLE JESSE

I ain’t yer Uncle Jesse. Dangnabbit, where are my boys?

Cletus frowns and turns away shrugging. The door to the Sheriff’s office opens and Sheriff Little steps out.

SHERIFF LITTLE

Your ‘boys’ are being held on the suspicion of transportation of illegal alcohol. Bail is being set at $3500.

CLETUS

That’s $1250 a piece and a $1000 hauling fee from the junk yard.

UNCLE JESSE

You had my boys car towed to the junkyard?

SHERIFF LITTLE

Nope, I had the pieces hauled to the junkyard.

Uncle Jesse moves toward Little, face blank. Daisy tries to hold him back, but he pulls free, walks over and stands toe to toe with the Sheriff.

UNCLE JESSE

Your father was one o’ my best friends. He was so much fun, I wonder how the heck did you ever turn out to be such a stick in the mud?

Uncle Jesse reaches into his coveralls and pulls out a wad of cash, counts out and tosses the counted part of it at Sheriff Little.

UNCLE JESSE (CONT’D)

Here’s yer money.

He turns to Cletus, as Sheriff Little counts it out.

UNCLE JESSE (CONT’D)

Go on, get my boys.

[JDhoggjr]

Cletus looks over at the Sheriff, who nods. Cletus takes the ring of keys and runs toward the cellblock. He returns a moment later, with Beau and Luke.

DAISY

Beau! Luke! Are you alright? Beau, have you been crying?

Beau wipes his face with his shirt and smirks.

BEAU

Me? Cry? Nahh!

LUKE

Uncle Jesse, where’d you get the money?

UNCLE JESSE

Not now, we need to go see Cooter.

Beau looks at Luke and shrugs. Daisy and Uncle Jesse leave, with the boys in tow.

EXT. COOTER’S REBEL REPAIR - DAY

Dixie drives up and Daisy parks her in front of Cooter’s Garage. Beau and Luke hop out from the back. Uncle Jesse and Daisy get out of the front. Uncle Jesse stops Beau.

UNCLE JESSE

Now, Beau. I want you to listen real closely to what I am about to say.

Beau nods. Uncle Jesse looks at Daisy and Luke. They both nod. Daisy hands a package to Luke.

UNCLE JESSE (CONT’D)

The General, well he's not in the best shape right now, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be. But you have to be strong, you understand me?

Beau nods again, not really looking at Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse grabs his chin and forces him to look at the older man.

UNCLE JESSE (CONT’D)

Say yes, Uncle Jesse. I understand!

BEAU

(mumbling through the old man’s grip)

Yesh Uncle Jesshe, I undershtand.

UNCLE JESSE

Good. Come on, then.

Uncle Jesse releases Beau. Luke laughs. Uncle Jesse shoots Luke a look, and Luke pipes down. Daisy opens the gate and they enter Cooter’s Garage.

INT. COOTER’S REBEL REPAIR - DAY

Cooter is conversing on the phone as they walk in. He quickly hangs up when he sees Beau. There a large tarp draped over odd shapes on the garage floor.

COOTER

Did you warn him, Uncle Jesse?

Uncle Jesse nods. Cooter pulls back the tarp. Beau’s eyes widen and water as he surveys what’s underneath.

The General, totally stripped and dismembered in various pieces, lie on the garage floor. The upholstery is torn and stuffing is sticking out.

BEAU

Nooooooooo!

Beau rushes over to the chassis. He grabs it.

BEAU (CONT’D)

General? Can you hear me?

THE BALLADEER (V.O)

It looks like the General has seen better days. Somehow I don’t blame Beau.

UNCLE JESSE

Dad Burn it all! Luke, Cooter, grab him!

Cooter and Luke drag Beau off the chassis. Beau calms down a bit. He straightens up and tugs on his shirt. He holds his hands up.

BEAU

It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s fine.

As soon as Cooter and Luke let go and Beau immediately grabs for the chassis again. Cooter and Luke grab him again.

[JDhoggjr]

BEAU (CONT’D)

Fine. Tell you what. I am gonna march over to the Sheriff’s office. I’m gonna take this here crowbar...

Beau pulls a crowbar off one of Cooter’s shelves.

BEAU (CONT’D)

I’m gonna turn it sideways, and shove it up Sheriff Little’s Monkey A..

DAISY

BEAU!

BEAU

Aw Shoot!

He throws the crowbar down. It clatters to the ground. Cooter looks over the wreckage.

COOTER

Now Beau, I'm pretty sure it's gonna cost more than you can afford for me to put the General back the way he was. I could loan you a down payment on a new...

Beau’s face is crestfallen. Luke rolls his eyes and reaches into his pocket.

He pulls out a an envelope and hands it to Cooter.

LUKE

Will this cover it?

Cooter looks at Luke. He takes the envelope, tears it open. His eyes go wide. He whistles.

COOTER

That’s a pretty penny there, Lucas. You sure you wanna spend it on this?

LUKE

Well, that would make the General half mine, since I am paying to put him back together.

Beau sits next to the chassis, hugging the fender.

BEAU

The General’s mine I tell you! He's MINE!

LUKE

And now it will be half mine. Look Beau, I need you to stop obsessing...

BEAU

It’s not an obsession, it’s love. I love my car.

COOTER

You seriously need the love of a good woman.

Daisy looks at Cooter, shocked. Cooter looks back at Daisy.

DAISY

COOTER DAVENPORT!

COOTER

What? You know it's true.

[JDhoggjr]

UNCLE JESSE

Beauregard Jackson Duke! You stop acting like a 5 year old this instant.

BEAU

Fine. We are co-owners of the General.

UNCLE JESSE

Good. Now spit and shake.

Beau and Luke spit in their hands and shake on it.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

Now that’s the way deals are sealed.

DAISY

C’mon, we’re gonna be late for Rosco’s Welcome Back party.

Cooter pulls a set of keys off the wall and tosses them to her.

COOTER

If you see Rosco, give him these.

EXT. BOAR’S NEST - DAY

Dixie pulls up to the Boar’s Nest. The boys get out of the back. Uncle Jesse and Daisy get out of the front. There is a large stage set up in the parking lot. Daisy runs up to the front door and opens it.

DAISY

I’m gonna be late, see y’all later.

BEAU

I need a beer.

Uncle Jesse opens the door and the two boys walk in.

INT. BOAR’S NEST - DAY

Beau and Luke take a seat in one of the booths. Uncle Jesse joins them. Daisy ties on an apron and walks over with a tray of beers. She sets one down in front of each of them. Uncle Jesse lifts his mug.

UNCLE JESSE

Cheers!

The three men drain their glasses. They slam their glasses on the table and make disgusted faces.

LUKE

Oh, that’s horrible.

BEAU

Yuck!

UNCLE JESSE

Figures, JD would water down the beer for a celebration.

The Door opens and Enos and Cletus walk in. Enos is wearing civilian clothes.

ENOS

Hey Beau, Hey Luke. Hi Uncle Jesse.

UNCLE JESSE

Enos. How are you, my boy.

Cletus frowns. Enos shrugs.

ENOS

Can’t complain.

Beau and Luke stare at Enos.

BEAU

There’s something different about you...

LUKE

Can’t put my finger on it.

Daisy walks up. When she sees Enos, she smiles and pats his shoulder.

DAISY

Hiya, Sugar.

Enos smiles sheepishly.

ENOS

Hi Daisy.

DAISY

Enos, you got rid of the creature that crawled up your lip and died.

Daisy rubs her finger across his upper lip. Enos swoons, smiling from ear to ear.

ENOS

Possum on a gumbush!

Daisy looks at him. As does everyone else.

DAISY

What?

ENOS

Huh? That’s just an old family saying.

Beau and Luke laugh. Daisy smiles again, and Enos melts.

DAISY

I never heard anything quite like that.

Daisy notices the cut on Enos lip. She cups his chin.

DAISY (CONT’D)

Enos, you hurt yourself?

ENOS

Shucks, it’s just a scrape. Doc Appleby said I should shave until it heals proper.

DAISY

Here’s a kiss to make it all better.

Daisy pecks him lightly on the upper lip. Enos, eyes closed, rocks slightly, in heaven.

BEAU

Wow...if she continues at this rate, Enos’ll have to give up his title.

LUKE

What? The oldest virgin in Hazzard County?

Daisy stops, she shoots a mean glance at her cousins, who are laughing. Enos is oblivious, still swooning. She looks at Uncle Jesse, upset.

UNCLE JESSE

Well, now. That’d be up to Daisy, isn’t it?

Uncle Jesse raises his eyebrows. The boys laugh some more. Cletus makes a face and clears his throat, interrupting.

CLETUS

Can I get a beer?

Daisy turns and looks at him, sternly.

DAISY

It’ll be a second, officer.

Beau and Luke laugh hysterically again. The front door opens and a beautiful brunette walks in. Beau and Luke stare. Luke’s jaw drops open. Uncle Jesse, turns in his seat, to see what they’re gawking at.

[JDhoggjr]

Uncle Jesse turns back and closes Luke’s mouth. Daisy greets the new girl.

DAISY (CONT’D)

Hi Angie.

Angie, 25, Brunette, wearing short shorts, and a fitted t shirt. Angie turns to greet everyone.

ANGIE

Hi, Pleasure to meet y’all.

She winks at Luke. Both Luke and Beau stand. Luke pushes Beau. Beau looks at him. Luke gives him the “She’s mine, eyesâ€. Luke steps out from the booth. Beau sits back down.

LUKE

My name is Lucas K. Duke.

ANGIE

It’s a pleasure Luke Duke.

Luke kisses her hand. The bartender walks over with rolled up banner. He hands it to Daisy.

BARTENDER

Boss wants this put up.

The Bartender walks away. Daisy turns to Luke, Enos, Angie, Beau and Uncle Jesse.

DAISY

Can y’all give me a hand?

Luke and Angie are still staring at each other.

ANGIE

If you don’t let go, I’ll be late for work and then I won’t be able to see you later.

Angie pulls her hand out of his. She turns and walks behind the bar. Luke stares starry-eyed after her.

DAISY

Luke!

Luke turns. Daisy is standing near the door. Beau turns to Enos.

BEAU

See that’s what you look like around Daisy...

ENOS

Really? Golly.

Beau shouts at Luke who is still standing there.

BEAU

Hey Lover Boy, who’s obsessed now?

Beau and Enos laugh and give each other a high-five and follow Daisy out the front door. Luke makes a face and follows.

EXT. BOAR’S NEST - DAY

Uncle Jesse and Luke unroll the banner. They hand the corners to Beau and Enos, who are standing on ladders near the stage. There is a big picture of Boss Hogg and it says ‘Welcome Home, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane’.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

I guess it’s obvious who this party is really for.

BEAU

Hey Uncle Jesse, do you think Boss’ picture is too big?

UNCLE JESSE

A horse’s ass is still a horse’s ass no matter how big it is.

Beau, Luke, Daisy and Enos laugh. Beau and Enos roll the banner up and climb down the ladder. Beau ties the cord off to the side. They all walk back to the entrance as cars and guests begin to pull up to the establishment.

[JDhoggjr]

INT. DARKENED ROOM - DAY

MEDIUM SHOT - TORSO’S ONLY

A Man in a WHITE TUX stands in front of table. There is a large briefcase on the table. The door behind the man in white opens and closes. Another man, wearing jeans and a BLUE PLAID SHIRT with sleeves rolled up walks up. The two men begin speaking in hushed tones.

WHITE SUITED MAN

You know the drill?

PLAID SHIRTED MAN

Yep.

WHITE SUITED MAN

Here’s half. You get the rest upon completion.

PLAID SHIRT MAN

That wasn’t part of the deal.

WHITE SUITED MAN

It is now.

The Plaid Shirt Man grabs the briefcase off the table and walks away. The door opens and slams shut.

THE BALLADEER (V.O.)

That don’t sound good at all. And it don’t look good, neither.

INT. BOSS HOGG’S CADILLAC - DAY

Boss Hogg and Rosco ride toward the Boar’s Nest.

ROSCO

I really appreciate you paying my hospital bills, Boss.

BOSS HOGG

I paid your bills on the insistence of my wife, your fat sister, Lulu. She hounded me day and night.

Boss Hogg lights up a cigar.

ROSCO

So who’s minding the store.

BOSS HOGG

Sheriff Ed Little.

Rosco twitches.

ROSCO

Gudgit! That corrupt...

BOSS HOGG

You shush now. You’re twice as corrupt, you just don’t show it.

Boss leans back, puffing on his cigar.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

Boss’ Caddy zooms down the road. MAYBELLE peers out from behind a tree. She scampers into the brush.

EXT. CLEARING - DAY

Maybelle exits the brush in a clearing. There is a yellow roadrunner parked there. She reaches in and pulls out her Nextel phone.

MAYBELLE

Maybelle calling Daisy.

DAISY (V.O.)

This is Daisy.

MAYBELLE

Boss and Rosco just passed the checkpoint.

DAISY (V.O.)

Gotcha. Okay everyone, they’re almost here. See you soon Maybelle.