Written: Winter/Spring 2002 by the following contributing authors: Essy Jane and Kristy Duke.
Edited by: Essy Jane
CHAPTER TWO
I had a weird dream, the weirdest dream I'd ever
hear of. Black clouds were
all around me. I could hear Uncle Jesse's voice calling for me. I saw
him
but as I ran towards him, Uncle Jesse seemed to get further and further
away.
When I woke up the room was quiet. Bo was sitting
on the end of the double
bed in our apartment. He was slumped over. Bo softly rubbed His head
was
buried into his hands. Bo kept rubbing his hands up and down on his
head.
"Bo?" I questioned softly. The sound
of my voice made him jump. I wondered
why. There were things that weren't clear to me. Why was it so quiet
and
what had happened.
"Yeah?" he answers tiredly facing me,
his bright blue eyes are red from his
own tears and I begin to wonder how long I had slept. The dream continues
to
play in my head, haunting me as it goes on. All I can think of is Uncle
Jesse in the hospital with only Luke as family there for him.
"Why did it happen?" I ask as the guilt
over comes me. There is so much to
be done on the farm and without Bo and I, it only leaves Luke and Jesse
to
take care of it. If he was so stressed over it. . .
"It happens, that is why. The man is fifty-five
years old and is getting
older as the days go on. . . I don't know. I do know that it isn't
your
fault, so you stop blaming yourself," he says getting up stiffly
and his
remark about him not being there for him, to do anything seeps in my
head to
thinking how we would be there now if only I hadn't chosen to run away,
"It
happens is why it happened . . . God has funny ways of showing people
He
loves them, but He does. Luke did say that he isn't in critical condition
and that he should be fine, but they are keeping him in the hospital
for
observation."
I look over at him sourly at his attempt to help
me feel better, which is
quickly replaced by anger. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why
didn't you
come by and tell me at school?!" I yell angrily at him, "I
have the right to
know, he is my uncle too you know."
He nods before he walks out on me and I can feel his temper rising
within
him. His walking away is the only way he knows how to control letting
it
out. Despite of his temper I follow him into the living room of the
apartment. "Answer me Beauregard!" I yell at him.
He looks at me angrily before taking a deep breath
and I realize just how
much he loves me to think of trying to control his temper whereas he
would
just let it fly. "Your principal wouldn't let me in, that is why
Daisy! Your
school is full of wackos with their violence and stuff that they decided
that no one other than students can enter during school hours; except
for
guardians and parents, but I am only a cousin and neither of those!"
he
states sourly, "I would have said it when you got home, but you
had your
girlfriends over and when she went home . . . well I didn't know how
to tell
you."
I look over at me and I find myself taking a deep
breath to calm myself off.
Yelling at my cousin won't do anything but harm; I know he would have
told
me earlier if he could. Bo is as trustworthy as Uncle Jesse and now
Uncle
Jesse is in the hospital. I fight back tears as I rush over to him
and hug
him tightly, crying onto his green work uniform and he pats my back
gently,
trying to comfort me.
Slowly I gather myself up from crying and step
back from him, looking at him
I see the tears of his own that he is fighting back, not wanting me
to see.
"Thank-you," I finally say and he looks at me questionably,
"for all that
you have done, you helped me so much Bo; you gave me a shot of reality
and
what it is like. You showed me instead of yelling and ordering me around.
You were patient with me even though I knew you wanted to turn back
the
first day, but you hung on and took those jobs for me; and made me
get one
of my own."
He shrugs like it is no big deal to him before
saying, "Anyone would have
done it for you Daisy, and Luke would have too; if you would have given
him
the chance. But that is between the two of you, not me."
Tiredly he rubs his face as he looks around the
apartment and I get the
feeling of how lonely he is in this small apartment without Luke to
talk to,
to tell him his problems, secrets and so forth as he always has done.
Now he
doesn't have anyone but me, he is too busy to make new friends or to
meet
new people or go out on dates as he had done in Hazzard. I had changed
his
life around completely and now he misses his old life so much that
it has
brought him down in the past few months.
"Yeah perhaps he would have, I was too hard
on him and on you," I say, "I
didn't mean to yell, I was just upset and you happened to be there
to get
upset at. I'm sorry." I pause hesitantly, "Perhaps it is
time to go home."
"It is up to you my girl, all up to you. Jesse
will be fine one way or the
other, his doctors are sure he will be fine so let it be because you
are
ready to go home," he says tiredly as he walks over to the kitchen,
"meanwhile what are you hungry for?"
I looked out the window and wondered why it was
so dark. It was 10:00 PM.
"What day is today?" I questioned him softly. Bo looked at
me strangely. He
started at me as if he had forgotten something.
"You don't remember?" Bo questioned.
"Remember what?" I wondered if he was
emotionally instable. He began to cry
again.
"So you don't remember? I should've known
you wouldn't. I mean you went
white and...I don't know I was scared when you wouldn't respond."
"What do you mean I didn't respond. What day
is it today?" Bo pointed to the
calendar. It was no longer September. I wondered how time could pass
so
fast. "Bo? What's going on here?"
"You had all the stress of being here. I told
you it wasn't good for you.
And when I told you about Uncle Jesse...Daisy you went pale faced.
I told
Luke that you were ill and he wanted to come down and see you."
"I was sick?" How could I be sick? It
felt like a dream to me. A very long
and extended dream; I did hear Bo's voice a few times telling me to
wake up
but...I never did respond.
"You were very sick. They called it post dramatic
stress. You seemed to be
getting better so we brought you home; first Uncle Jesse and then you."
Was this to a dream? I am I still in Hazzard. No,
I couldn't still be in
Hazzard. I got on the bus and Bo beat that man down with the purse.
I was so
confused.
I gave Bo a blank glance. I couldn't believe any
of this. "Why don't I
remember any of this?" I questioned.
"The doctor said that you might not. You've
been in between nurses around
here and..." Bo began.
"You mean I was surrounded by strangers?"
"I had to quit one of my jobs. They took care
of you at night." My face
turned red. All the things I had said to him had finally gotten into
my
head. This was unbelievable.
Bo taking care of me? He sacrificed so much and
now this? I couldn’t handle
it. I mean he was so nice to me and look what I had said. I was such
a brat.
I mean look at what happened and he’s still sitting by my side.
As if by magic, I was in a bear hug. I couldn't
stop telling him that I
loved him. I mean he is awesome. How many people could take my abuse
and
still live with me? Only Bo and maybe Luke; well Uncle Jesse did too,
they're all so good to me.
My thoughts were in tuned. But yet I didn't want
to go home. I wanted to
talk to Uncle Jesse though. I felt bad about not being there for him.
I had
the feeling that I had lost him. He was still there though.
I picked up the phone and dialled for the operator.
She connected me with
Hazzard. As I asked for Uncle Jesse's unit, I was bumped around to
many
different units. Finally he answered the phone.
"Daisy? I missed you my girl. How's Bo treatin' ya?" He questioned.
"Don't worry about me. How are you?" I answered.
"The only thing I want right now is to stand
in my own kitchen and eat a
home cooked meal. Luke told me you weren't doin' so well and I figured
because you thought about me in here. Don't worry Daisy, I'm fine.
I just
have to work on things. You know like eating better and exercise."
"You need me don't you?"
"You can stay or you can come back but sweetie
it is up to you. Hey, call
Luke if you can. You two need to talk."
"Should I?"
"What do you think baby?"
"I don't know. I miss him more than anything just like you."
"He just got back from all the fighting. Can
you imagine the feeling he
must've had when both his cousins suddenly disappeared?"
"No I couldn't. I still have one with me."
"You need to understand his worry for you. He loves you."
"Yeah, I love him to."
I hold the cold black receiver in my hand, which
feels ice cold. My mind
races from thought to thought of all that I have learned the past few
hours.
All at once! I think of what my uncle just told me over the phone,
he
sounded so close, but he is so far away from me. My mind hops like
a frog
from a lily to another on the milky ponds in Hazzard, from Uncle Jesse,
to
Luke, and then to Bo.
Bo has always been so close to Luke and when he
left for war, Bo was never
the same person, but remote and silent; lost in his own world, lost
in
thought about Luke. He looked forward to Luke's return, but when he
arrived,
I drug him away from Luke and from Jesse who is more like a father
to him
than an uncle. I knew he would follow me.
That’s just how Bo is; I had counted on it
in a way; so I wouldn't be alone
in this big city. I am not alone, but he is alone even with me with
his
loneliness and homesickness that is so apparent. Yet he continues to
be by
my side, taking up the two jobs. Bo is putting me through school and
he took
care of me when I was so sick. I would be lost or worse without him
and yet
I have never thanked him. Yet I yelled and disrespected him each time
he
said something I didn't like.
Back in Hazzard he was the one that gave me what
I wanted when Jesse or Luke
wouldn't let me have it. Here in Chicago he is a whole different person,
more responsible and almost father-like in his protectiveness. I never
thought of it that way, but of him trying to get back at me for taking
him
so far away, though I knew differently; only wanting someone to take
it out
on and since he was the one that stuck close to me, it was him.
Blindly I dial up the Hazzard operator and instruct
Maybelle to connect me
with the Duke Farm. My heart races in fear and excitement at the thought
of
talking to Luke after so long but fear what he will have to say. I
didn’t
want him to look after me differently.
"Hello," comes a loud groggy voice of
my cousin and I can tell that I have
awakened him or he hasn't slept in awhile. I sigh wearily as I gasp
for
words to say to my cousin that I had ran away on, taking his cousin
and best
friend away from him when he needed him most. "This is the Duke
Farm."
"Luke," I gasp at last, wanting to hug
him over the phone to comfort him.
His voice is weak with fear that he never allowed to surface before,
wanting
to be strong for Bo, as well as loneliness. "I know you probably
won't be
able to forgive me and I don't blame you if you don't want to take
my
apology; but I am real sorry. I should never have run away because
of how
you treated me. I wanted to be a grown woman and to be treated like
one and
yet I acted like a child by running away."
The other end goes silent and for awhile I wonder
if he has fallen asleep on
me. "I was wrong too; I shouldn't have pushed as far as I had.
You are a
grown woman and can take care of yourself. . .it just seemed to me
that time
in Hazzard froze while I was gone and that you and Bo were the same
age. I
should have listened to you, I guess I was just surprised that Bo didn't
get
upset when I treated him like I did and not allowing him to work on
the
General," he finally says, "Look if you are willing and ready
to come home I
will try to change and place the past in the past; it is just real
hard for
me at the moment."
I nod as if I expect him to see it as Bo walks into the room, his face
is of
a milky white color and life seems to have drawn away in his baby blue
eyes
that use to be full of life before he followed me here. "He wouldn't
say
anything to you or anyone about it, how you treated him, I don't think
he
minded just as long as you were home. He was impossible to live with
when
you were away, it was Luke this and Luke that. Well he looks up to
you too
much to get angry at you, even if it is refusing him the privilege
of the
car that you two both own; of what he loves. I don't or didn't understand
that either, but now I do," I say looking at him and my heart
swells within
me at the sight at him. He has been through a lot with being so far
away
from his loved ones, taking those two jobs and getting barely any sleep
on
regular basis not to include lately, then Jesse's heart attack of who
he
wanted to be with so bad and yet he stayed here with me.
"What is wrong?" Luke's voice trembles as he hears my pain and worry.
"I don't know . . . yes I do; it is just hard
to explain. You would have to
see him in order to know what is wrong," I say looking at Bo who
swishes his
hand at me before he gets up.
"I'm fine," Bo yells out walking into the kitchen for a drink
of water. I
hear him sigh stressfully as he looks at the clock and I glance down
at my
watch to see he has forty-five minutes to get ready for work and to
be
there.
"Bo don't go," I plea with him covering
the receiver, "call in sick, it is
the truth. Look at yourself; you look like death just crossed you."
"And what? Let you starve out there in the
cold?" Bo asks sarcastically
disappearing into his room to get changed.
"How bad?" Luke asks worriedly for his
little cousin who he took great pride
in taking care of and protecting him from harms way; ever since Bo
came to
live with at the farm as an infant and Luke was five.
"Don't know, he is silent and has been since
a couple of months ago," I
answer, "I did this Luke . . . everything. I am not talking about
Jesse or
me, but Bo. It is almost like he isn't himself anymore. The life has
disappeared in his eyes and his skin is milky white. . .he is so stressed
out and lonely that all he does on the few hours of spare time he has
is in
his room looking at an old photo or glaring out the window."
"How is it your fault?" he questions me on the other end.
"I know it is all due to being so far away
and missing you and Jesse as much
as he does. I don't help much with all my back talk I have done to
him, when
I should be thanking him for all he did. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't
for
him; probably would have gotten mugged and killed the first day I arrived,"
I paused on a thought, "he has done so much for me without complaint
or
muttering as I have been doing toward him when he makes me angry. The
Jesse
issue and me sick only makes it worse . . . he refuses to go home without
me
and has since he has arrived. If it wasn't for me he would still be
there in
Hazzard with you and Jesse where his heart is."
The other end goes silent for a long moment and
I can feel his pain and
sadness over the phone with no blame in it. "It doesn't help blaming
yourself, he chose to follow you down knowing this could have happened,"
he
finally says, "let me talk to him, if he is the way he is perhaps
he should
come home or at least not go to work."
"Okay Luke. I love you and am sorry, I hope
that you can forgive me for all
that I have done and caused," I add thinking of Bo in his room.
"I didn't help much, now put him on the line,"
he says worriedly and I walk
over to Bo's closed door and knock on it and get no answer. My heart
swells
as I recall the last time this happened; it was the news of Jesse's
heart
attack.
I walk in the room to find Bo in his pants and
boots, his back his bare. He
stands near the window, looking down at the ground as people walk by
down
below. Though he refuses to look at me, I hear his crying and sniffling
back
tears of sadness and fear, and perhaps pain. "Luke wants to talk
to you," I
say hugging him.
He turns around to look at me before walking past
me and into the living
room to pick up the phone to talk to his cousin. Alone in his room
I sit
alone on his bed, lost in my own thought of what I had caused in my
selfish
ways and all the pressure I had placed upon my cousin. I let the tears
freely fall from my eyes until I give into the tiredness and fall asleep
on
his bed.
~End Chapter Two~