ROSCO: Ooooo....GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! That worked better than I hoped, Flash! The General Lee done come to a dead stop!! CU CU!!
(Rosco's expression turns serious when he notices a lack of movement as the dust kicked up by the landing clears away)
ROSCO: The General Lee ain't the only thing that ain't movin' over there. Why ain't the Duke boys gettin' out?? (pics up cb microphone) Enos, are you on the other side of the river yet? Come on...
(Switch to Enos sitting in his patrol car about fifty feet ahead of the General Lee. He is looking in both directions, but his view is obstructed by bushes and trees)
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I just got here. I don't see no sign of the Duke boys, though. If I know them, they're halfway back to the farm by now. (giggles)
(Switch back to Rosco, who is shaking his head vigorously)
ROSCO: No they ain't, Enos. I'm lookin' at the General Lee right now. Now listen, I'm gonna call an ambulance. In the meantime, I want you to get over there and make sure Bo and Luke ain't hurt. You got that?
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I'm on my way.
(Enos pullsout into the road and almost immediately spots the nearly totaled General Lee. His mouth drops and his eyes open wide)
ENOS: (half whispering) Possum on a gumbush!
(Switch to a shot of the damaged General Lee. The grill is smashed, the bumper is missing, and the hood is teetering between the edge of the grill and the ground. Smoke can be seen rising from the engine. All four tires are blown from the impact of the landing. The General Lee's body is almost completely collapsed on all three sides. The only part that seems unharmed is the roof, due to the placement of the roll bar. Focus on Bo and Luke. They sit, unconcious, in their seats bleeding from their heads, noses, and mouths. Both are covered in shattered glass from the windshield. Switch back to Rosco calling the ambulance on the cb)
ROSCO: Breaker breaker! This is sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane callin' the Capital City hospital. we need an ambulance at Stix River in Hazzard county right away! This is an emergency! Please hurry!!
BALLADEER: Now, friends, I feel for ol' Rosco right now. But it just goes to show ya...ya never know what's gonna happen when ya set out to do somebody harm.
ROSCO: (getting choked up and fighting back tears) Enos, listen, I'm headin' over to you now. But, uh...(swallows a lump in his throat) I'm gonna have to ask you to call Jesse and Daisy. I'm afraid I just ain't got it in me right now.
(Enos switches channels on his cb)
ENOS: Breaker breaker! This is deputy Enos Strate callin' Uncle Jesse and daisy Duke. If y'all got your ears on, please come back! It's an emergency!
(Scene switches to the farm, where Uncle Jesse is throwing seed to his chickens. He hears Enos's voice come over the cb)
UNCLE JESSE: Emergency? I hope J.D. don't have no phony charges on them boys for nuthin'. I ain't got the money to bail 'em out.
(Uncle Jesse picks up the cb microphone from his truck and answers Enos. Balladeer Talks while Enos explains what happened)
BALLADEER: Kinda stings, huh...Jesse wouldn't be crackin' jokes if he knew what Enos was about to tell him.
UNCLE JESSE: An accident? How bad?
ENOS: I'm not exactly sure, Uncle Jesse. I didn't see it happen, myself. But the General Lee's really banged up and Bo and Luke ain't movin' a muscle. I'm gonna go check on 'em now. But Sheriff Rosco wanted me to call y'all first.
UNCLE JESSE: Enos, you go make sure them boys is alright. Me and Daisy'll be there directly! Cooter, are you out there?
(Switch to Cooter already driving his truck toward Stix River)
COOTER: (into cb mic) Yessir, I am. I heard everything. I'm headed for Stix River right now. I'll see ya there. I'm gone.
(Daisy exits house with a basket of laundry under one arm. Uncle Jesse starts getting in his truck and sees her)
UNCLE JESSE: Daisy, put that laundry down! That can wait!
DAISY: What's wrong, Uncle Jesse?
UNCLE JESSE: That was Enos on the cb! The boys have been in a serious accident at Stix River! We gotta get over there right away!!
(Daisy drops the basket of laundry and gets in the truck. We see a shot of the pick up truck speeding away from the Duke farm. Switch to Rosco reaching the other side of Stix River and getting his first close look at the General Lee)
ROSCO: Looks like your daddy's in a lot of trouble, Flash. I done scuffed them Duke boys bad this time.
(Flash lets out a very sad howl. Rosco finally gets out of the car and slowly approaches Enos as he begins to fully take in the sight he sees in front of him. Enos has blood on his sleeves, making it obvious that he has tried to help Bo and Luke)
ROSCO: How bad are they, Enos?
ENOS: Well, sir, I remembered what I learned in my CPR course back at the police academy. So I went over and made sure they was still breathin'....
ROSCO: (with a panicked look on his face) ....Are they?
ENOS: Yessir. I took their pulses, too.
ROSCO: And?
ENOS: Well, I can't be totally sure. But I reckon they're pretty good, considerin'.
ROSCO: Have you seen 'em move at all?
ENOS: No, sir. I didn't wanna risk movin' 'em either. Not that I could have, what with the General Lee's doors bein' welded shut n' all. We'll just have to wait til Cooter gets here for that.
(Balladeer speaks as Cooter, Uncle Jesse, and Daisy pull up)
BALLADEER: Now, if y'all are wonderin' why Enos knows all about CPR and first aid, and Rosco don't...well, ya gotta remember that Enos became a lawman the honest way by goin' through the police academy. Rosco, on the other hand, kinda "married" into his Sheriff job when Lulu married Boss and threatened to move into his bedroom if he didn't make Rosco sheriff. Friends, them Hazzard politics do get complicated, don't they...
(Daisy approaches the General Lee, tries to scream, but instead begins to cry. Uncle Jesse comes to her and hugs her while he looks, helplessly, at the boys sitting unconscious in the General Lee)
UNCLE JESSE: (very quietly) Now Daisy, I know you're upset and discouraged right now. I am, too. But goin' to pieces like this ain't gonna help Bo and Luke none. Now, I want you to stand over here with Enos while me and Cooter get 'em out so the ambulance can take 'em when it gets here.
(Uncle Jesse motions to Enos to come and be with Daisy. Enos holds Daisy. She looks again at the boys in the General Lee and begins to cry again. Enos gently turns her head and hugs her)
ENOS: I'm sorry, Daisy, but maybe it's best if you don't look.
UNCLE JESSE: Cooter, what have ya got to get the boys outta there with?
(Cooter picks two large tools out of his truck bed)
COOTER: Got a crow bar and the jaws o' life right here, Uncle Jesse.
(Cooter and Uncle Jesse approach the General Lee. Cooter slides the crow bar inside the driver's side door frame)
COOTER: General, this is gonna hurt me a whole lot more than it does you.
(Cooter uses all his energy to pry open the General's door)
BALLADEER: Now, friends, that just goes to show ya how desperation can clowd a man's thinkin'. Cause there ain't no way a crow bar alone is gonna pry open a welded door.
COOTER: It's no use, Uncle Jesse. I'll go get my blow torch out of my truck. If we can heat up the weldin' enough to get it to melt, I should be able to pry it open that way.
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, well, let's quit talkin' about it and let's do it. We gotta get them boys out as quick as we can.
(Switch to Rosco going back to his patrol car and picking up the CB mic.)
BALLADEER: While Uncle Jesse and Cooter was busy tryin' to get the boys out of General Lee, Rosco suddenly realized that Boss had no idea what was happenin'. He figured he'd better fill him in.
ROSCO: (voice cracking) This is Rosco P. Coltrane callin' Boss Hogg. You got your ears on, Boss? Come on...
(switch to county courthouse. Boss Hogg puts his ribs down and picks up his cb)
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, this is J.D. Hogg. What in tarnation took you so long to report back to me? Listen, (whispers) did you manage to stop the Duke boys before anything happened?
ROSCO: Yeah, Boss, they stopped. But, uh...listen, Boss, are you sittin' down? Cause you ain't gonna like what I gotta tell ya.
(Switch back to Stix River. Cooter is now wearing goggles while he uses his blow torch. Uncle Jesse uses all his strength on the crow bar and the General Lee's door finally begins to open.)
UNCLE JESSE: There we go! That's got it! Cooter, you keep meltin' and I'll keep pullin'.
COOTER: Yessir.
(switch back to court house. Boss Hogg's face goes blank when he hears the news from Rosco)
BALLADEER: Now, folks, y'all are lookin' at a Hazzard rarity. Boss Hogg showin' two emotions at the same time, and niether one of 'ems greed. What yer seein' on Boss's face is both concern and guilt, cause folks, if Boss Hogg is concerned about the Dukes, ya know he's gotta be guilty of somethin'.
BOSS HOGG: Alright, Rosco, you listen to me and you listen good. Now, first, I want you to give the Dukes and the paramedics all the help you can in gettin' Bo and Luke outta that car and into the ambulance ok, on account of if them Dukes see you helpin' out, it might make 'em forget that this was all your fault to begin with. Then, to make it look even better, you're gonna give 'em a police escort all the way to the Capitol City hospital. And when ya get there, you tell them doctors to charge the Duke boys whole bill to me! You go all that?
ROSCO: That's a big 10-4, Boss but listen, it don't make too much sense to do all that stuff to take the blame off us and then go and pick up the bill.
BOSS HOGG: Well, of course it makes sense, you do-do! But listen, we ain't got time to talk about it now. You just go do everything I told ya to and I'll meet ya at the Capitol City Hospital. This is J.D. Hogg over and out!
(switch back to Stix River, where the ambulance is finally arriving. The paramedics approach the General Lee and start getting Bo out. Unlce Jesse and Cooter start working on the passenger door)
UNCLE JESSE: (watching the paramedics while Cooter melts the welding) I don't know whether to be mad at them boys for not wearin' seat belts, or be glad that it's not one more thing we gotta get 'em out of.
(Rosco approaches Unlce Jesse)
ROSCO: Jesse, listen, is there anything I can do to help?
(Uncle Jesse gives Rosco a very repremanding look)
UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, now you know I ain't one to fly off the handle when things get bad like this, so I'll just ask you one thing. My boys was in this mess cause they was tryin' to outrun you, right?
ROSCO: Well, Jesse, now ya don't know the whole story....see....
UNCLE JESSE: (yelling) AM I RIGHT OR AM I WRONG?!
(Rosco doesn't respond but gets a very hurt and guilty look on his face)
UNCLE JESSE: Well, then....don't you think you've done enough?
(switch to Boss Hogg leaving court house and getting into his cadillac)
BOSS HOGG: (talking to himself) Tarnation! I mean, sure I wanted that orange car outta my hair. But I never meant for anything like this to happen. (looking up, praying) I sure hope that you believe that.
(Switch to the Capital City hospital about an hour later. Uncle Jesse, Daisy, Cooter and Enos are all pacing the waiting room)
BALLADEER: Well, the paramedics finally got Bo and Luke of out the General and over to the hospital. Now the Dukes was goin' through the toughest part of the whole ordeal...the waitin'.
DAISY: Oh, Uncle Jesse, I hope the boys come outta this alright.
UNCLE JESSE: Well, baby, at this point....that's up to the good lord to decide.
ENOS: (clutching his hat in his hands) Don't you worry none Uncle Jesse, Daisy. Doc Applebee's in there with 'em. If anybody can mend Bo and Luke, it's him.
COOTER: Amen to that.
(switch to outside the hospital. Rosco sits in his patrol car waiting for Boss Hogg)
BALLADEER: If y'all are wonderin' what Rosco's doin' outside while everybody else is in the watin' room, well, after what ol' Jesse said back at Stix River he figured he'd be better off stayin' outisde by himself til Boss showed up.
(On cue, Boss Hogg's cadillac pulls up)
BALLADEER: And speak of the devil....
(Rosco approaches the cadillac as Boss Hogg is getting out)
ROSCO: Boss, listen, I don't think you're idea's gonna work. You shoulda heard Jesse at Stix River. He knows it's my fault.
BOSS HOGG: No, no, no. Don't ya get it? Jesse only knows that Bo and Luke had that accident on account of they was tryin' to get away from you. I'm willin' to bet he ain't got no idea what you done to the General Lee. Now listen, did you go in there and have 'em charge the bill to me like I told ya?
ROSCO: Not yet, Boss. I think I'm just about the last person the Dukes wanna see right now.
BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, do I have to do everything myself?
ROSCO: Boss, what're you plannin' on sayin' to the Dukes?
BOSS HOGG: I'll worry about that when I see 'em. Right now we gotta find them doctors so I can take care of that bill.
(Switch back to waiting room as Doc Applebee enters)
UNCLE JESSE: (standing up) Doc, what's the word?
DOC APPLEBEE: (placing his hand on Uncle Jesse's shoulder) Jesse, the good lord must've been watchin' over your boys today. You folks can come in and see them now.
(Scene switches to Bo and Luke's hospital room. We are looking at the door from inside the room, so we don't see Bo and Luke. The door opens and Doc Applebee enters, followed by the group)
UNCLE JESSE: Hey, boys, how're you do...(Jesse becomes speechless)
(Daisy gasps)
ENOS: (his eyes go wide) Possum on a gumbush.
(Cooter is speechless)
(We finally see Bo and Luke. They are in wheel chairs. They both have casts on each leg, and Bo has a brace around his rib cage. The boys grin sheepishly and wave. Scene freezes)
BALLADEER: I don't know about y'all, but I wasn't ready for that.
(end act 2)