JDhoggjr Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 I want to see how "vanilla" it was before Broken Lizard put their "tain...oops, I mean spin", yeah that's right....... on it and read it for myself. Anyone know where I can get a copy? or read it online? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Coltrane Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 I didn't find the original screenplay. I did, however, find this smarmy version of the movie script: THE DUKES OF HAZZARD: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPTâ„¢ By Rod HiltonEXT. HAZZARD COUNTYSEANN WILLIAM SCOTT and JOHNNY KNOXVILLE are on the runfrom SOME FILTHY REDNECKS. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Ye-haw! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Ye-haw! NARRATOR Welcome to the movie, folks. I'm here to narrate the film sporadically as a throwback to the TV series we're exploiting. Otherwise, I add nothing now, ya hear?They speed away from the REDNECKS and jump over a closedroad. After they land, they swerve to avoid hitting a mactruck. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT What the hell is a mac truck doing in the woods? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Heading toward a closed road, no less.Suddenly, they CRASH. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT That was fun! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Yeah! Let's go do it with shopping carts in a mall parking lot! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Maybe our ridiculously hot cousin would like to join!They go to a RESTAURANT that won't be seen again for therest of the movie. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS (through forced southern drawl) Heya boys. Let me jus' wait up on this here table here and I'll be right up bein' with ya thurr. CITYSLICKER RACECAR DRIVER I'm a celebrity originally from Hazzard, but I've forgotten about my roots. This may be some kind of social commentary, but almost certainly not. Nice shorts.JESSICA totally KICKS HIS ASS. Actually, she knocks him ontothe floor so that he has a better angle from which to lookup her shorts. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS I'm not just a piece of ass! Oh wait, my sole purpose in the story is to constantly be a piece of ass. But that's my choice! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Don't objectify my cousin without her prior endorsement!A FIGHT breaks out. The bar is destroyed. BURT REYNOLDSenters. BURT REYNOLDS Curse you, Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville! Even with the sheriff of the county in my pocket, I can't seem to stop you from being a thorn in my side! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT You know we drove a car onto your private property and caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage to your construction equipment, right? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE And then we left our illegal moonshine along with our car and walked away. BURT REYNOLDS If only there was something I could do...INT. THE FARMEveryone heads back to the FAMILY FARM and meets up withWILLIE NELSON. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Wow! Willie Nelson! You must be here to add some real southern credibility to this movie full of rich Hollywood a******s trying to act like good ol' boys! WILLIE NELSON How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? (pause) Someone's gonna lose a trailer. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT (beat) Wow. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE This movie isn't even trying to be entertaining, is it?Suddenly, BURT REYNOLDS sleepwalks onto the farm and framesthem for selling moonshine, which they were doing. Heconfiscates the farm. NARRATOR Apparently in Hazzard County, breaking the law results in forfeiting your land instead of, for example, jail.Later, after an overlong re-creation of a scene from SUPERTROOPERS, SEANN and JOHNNY uncover a plot by BURT tostrip-mine Hazzard County. SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT I can't believe he was planning to destroy the town right under our noses! How did we not see this? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE You do realize we're being upstaged by a car, right? SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT We have to stop him! And also, I have to win the race today, because that's extremely relevant!SEANN forces the audience through yet another car chase andbeats the CITYSLICKER A***HOLE. CITYSLICKER RACECAR DRIVER I am beaten! Truly Hazzard county is the heart of the United States! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Ye-haw! WILLIE NELSON Hey, what's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds! JOHNNY KNOXVILLE What an awkwardly malapropos one liner!The TOWNSPEOPLE follow them toward the COURTHOUSE.Meanwhile, DAVID KOECHNER and JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITSdiscover a blockade. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS Leave this to me. I have the ability to turn any man in Georgia into a pathetic, spineless, drooling moron. DAVID KOECHNER So, you make them drool?Suddenly, SEANN busts through the blockade, dozens ofpolice cars chasing him. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Faster, Seann! In Georgia, even if the cops know who you are, if you outrun them they have to forgive you! It's the law! SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT Georgia is very much like Grand Theft Auto.They arrive at the COURTHOUSE, followed by the TOWNSPEOPLE. JUDGE All opposed to leveling Hazzard County, say aye. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Just barely made it! Alright townsfolk, time to object and beat Burt Reynolds! TOWNSPEOPLE Object? Why? Hazzard County sucks. Didn't you just watch the movie? Even though your stereotypical hick qualities have been glorified by the film, those same qualities in us have been condemned and mocked, painting the entire town as being full of worthless idiots for laughs. BURT REYNOLDS What reason has the audience been given to care if this place is blown off the map other than knowing that, if it is, they won't have to endure a sequel? JOHNNY KNOXVILLE Oh. JUDGE All opposed to anyone making another movie that makes the audience actually want MORE screen time for Jessica Simpson, say aye. EVERYONE Aye. JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS More screen time? That's so sweet! Thanks everybody.ENDCopyright 2005 Rod Hilton. All Rights Reserved. This document may be reproduced verbatim (allowing censorship and translation) as long as the author's name is preserved and this notice is either preserved or referenced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Coltrane Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 The above chuckle aside, while I was looking for script copies, I found an Aug 2005 interview with Jay Chandrasekhar on filmforce.com. I pasted a relevant piece of it in this post. Before ya read it, please note that the Dukes movie script was originally penned by John O' Brien. We'll probably never know what O' Brien's script contained. Here's why:CHANDRASEKHAR: [Dukes] the first script I was sent was so terrible; it was just so middle-of-the-road. So, I turned the movie down twice. And then the final script I got... It was OK. There was some structure to it that was kind of pretty good. So I told Warner Brothers we needed to bring in Broken Lizard. We re-wrote virtually the entire script. We kept the structure, but we re-wrote every line of dialogue. It gave it a flavor that I was hoping for: tough, funny and a little unpredictable. Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beauregard Special Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 If it ain't broken, don't fix it. They should call themselves Breakin' Lizard, since they destoryed DOH. If anything, they should have redone Smokey and the Bandit. THAT would have been okay to be vulgar and funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt_Redneck Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 If it ain't broken, don't fix it. They should call themselves Breakin' Lizard, since they destoryed DOH. If anything, they should have redone Smokey and the Bandit. THAT would have been okay to be vulgar and funny.Who says that would have been OK to redo? Smokey & The Bandit is more of a classic than the DOH. NOBODY could ever do Sheriff Buford T. Justice as well or as funny as Jackie Cleason, NOBODY should even attempt it anyway...Who says they detroyed the DOH? It was someone's vision of the DOH on the big screen . A lot of people actually liked it very much. Darrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beauregard Special Posted November 16, 2005 Report Share Posted November 16, 2005 Can't argue with you. Smokey and the Bandit was great, all except for III. You do NOT replace Burt Reynolds with Jerry Reed. The Enis scenes were kinda funny, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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