The Dukes of Hazzard vs. Mr. T
Act I
Opening Shot (The General Lee Jumping)
Bo/Luke: “Yeee-haa!” The General hits the ground. (Close up of Bo and Luke grinning) Rosco begins to chase the General Lee.
Balladeer: “Welcome to Hazzard County”.
Bo: “Dang Rosco, What are ya chasin us for this time?”
Luke: “I don’t think you wanna know!”
Rosco: “I’m chasin ya cause you were speeding!”
Bo: “What”!
Luke: “Speeding”?
Rosco: “That’s right!, you Dukes are all mine, so pull it on over!” (He rear ends
the General).
Bo: “What’s he trying to do?”
Luke: “He’s trying to run us off the road.”
Bo: “Ain’t now way I’m gonna let ‘im do that, Hang on!”
Luke: “You gonna try that dump down the highway?”
Bo: “Yeah, I’d like to see the look on his face when we sail over that road block!”
Luke: “I ain’t got a good feelin about this!” (The General freezes in midair)
End Act I
Act II
Balladeer: “Don’t ask me how it’s gonna turnout, yer on yer own, I don’t know!” (The General continues the jump).
Bo/Luke: “yeeee-hooooo!” (The General Lands)
Luke: “I reckon that stirred up Rosco.”
Bo: “I wanna try that again!”
Luke: “Stick ta the highway!”
Bo: “All righty, Cousin”.
(Scene switches to the Duke Farm. Uncle Jesse is on the Phone)
Uncle Jesse: “Hello, Jesse Duke here!”
Boss Hogg: “Jesse did yer boys get home yet?”
Uncle Jesse: “Why do you want to know J.D.?”
Boss Hogg: “Because those boys are under arrest fer speeding!”
Uncle Jesse: “My boys don’t speed, J.D.!”
Boss Hogg: “You ask Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane”. “He’s sittin right here in my office.”
Balladeer: “Don’t look to good does it?”
Rosco: “Those boys are goin ta jail Jesse!”
Boss Hogg: “They can’t wiggle their way out of it this time!” (He hangs up the phone and Uncle Jesse hangs up the phone).
End Act II
Act III
Daisy: “What did he want?”
Uncle Jesse: “He said Bo an Luke are under arrest!”
Daisy: “For What?”
Uncle Jesse: “Speedin!”
(Scene switches to Cooter’s Garage – Cooter is seen getting in his tow truck.) (The General Lee pulls up and Bo and Luke climb out the windows).
Cooter: “Hey y’all!”
Bo: “Hello, Cooter!”
Luke “We got trouble!”
Cooter: “Law trouble?”
Bo: “Who else?”
Luke: “Yeah, Rosco’s tryin ta lock us up fer speeding!”
(Bo and Luke climb in the General.) (Scene switches to Boss Hogg’s
Court House Office). (He is sitting in his chair with Rosco standing next
to him.”
Boss Hogg: “Rosco?”
Rosco: “What?”
Ross Hogg: “I thought of a way to get them Duke Boys out of my hair once an fer all!”
End Act III
Act IV
Rosco: “What’s that boss?”
Boss Hogg: “I’ll call Mr. T from the A team!”
Rosco: “You wouldn’t?”
Boss Hogg: “”Watch me!” (He picks the phone up and dials a number).
Mr. T: “Who is dis?”
Boss Hogg: “This is J.D. Hogg over in Hazzard County.”
Mr. T: “I know you!”
Boss Hogg: “I go business fer you!”
Mr. T: “What?”
Boss Hogg: I got a problem with these boys named Duke, seems no one I hire can take care of em for me!”
Mr. T: “What’s in it fer me?”
Boss Hogg: “Gold chains lots of gold chains!”
Mr. T: “Consider it done!” “What do them hicks drive?”
Boss Hogg: “An orange 1969 Dodge Charger with a confederate flag on top, and a number 01 on the door!”
Mr. T: “10-4 Hogg!”
Boss Hogg: “It worked Rosco, it worked!”
Balladeer: “Now friends that’s dirty!”
End Act IV
Act V
Rosco: “Boss, you sneaky little devil you!”
Boss Hogg: “I know it!”
Rosco: “What now?”
Boss Hogg: We wait for Mr. T. to arrive and then it’s goodbye Dukes!” (He does his evil laugh).
Rosco: “Cew Cew!”
(Scene switches to a black custom van driving down the road).
Balladeer: “That’s him Mr. T.” (Mr. gets out of the van and walks into the Court House).
Mr. T: “Hello, Hogg and Coltrane!”
Boss Hogg: “Well, well Mr. T, How are you?”
Rosco: “Them Duke boys live on a farm on millpond road.”
Mr. T: “Thank you Coltrane!”
Rosco: “yer welcome, cew cew!”
(Scene switches to the Duke farm and Mr. T approaches)
Uncle Jesse: “You boys better get out of here!”
Bo: “Let’s hit it!” (He climbs in the General)
Luke: “Let’s move Bo!” (He climbs in the General). (The General Lee pulls out
the driveway and Bo hits the Dixie horn as they pass Mr. T).
End Act V
Act VI
(The Screen Freezes).
Balladeer: “Boss Hogg has pulled some dirty tricks in his day, but this takes the cake!” (The van chases the General Lee).
Bo: “We got company, cuz!”
Luke: “Get rid of ‘em, we ain’t got time to socialize!”
Bo: “Hold on cuz!”
Luke: “They way you drive, I’m always hangin on!”
Luke: “You are aware this road goes to Dry Creek?”
Bo” “I am aware that this road goes to Dry Creek!”
Luke: “You are aware there’s no way to get over Dry Creek?”
Bo: (Stepping down on the gas grinning) “I am aware that there is only 1 way to get over Dry Creek!”
Luke: “Oh Lordy, we’re gonna die!” (The General Lee jumps the creek)
Bo: “Yeee-haa!” (The General Lee lands. Mr. T tries to jump it, but he ends up goin for a swim. He shakes his fist.
End Act VI
Act VII
(Scene switches to the Duke Farm) (The General pulls up and Bo and Luke climb out).
Uncle Jesse: “Well it’s about time you two got here.”
Daisy: “What happened?”
Bo: “Well, that fella that was chasin us, we lost him and came back here!”
Luke: “We jumped Dry Creek”.
Uncle Jesse: “Did Mr. T fall in?”
Bo: “Yeah!” (A voice come over the General Lee’s C.B.)
Cooter: “This is Crazy Cooter comin’ at ya”.
Luke: “We got ya Cooter!” “What’s up?”
Cooter: “y’all wanna go boar huntin?”
Bo: “Yeah-hoo!”
Luke: “You bet!”
(Scene switches to Hazzard Pond). (Bo, Luke and Cooter are seen walking in the woods).
Bo: “Well, where’s the boars at Cooter?”
Luke: “There sure don’t seem to be no one around here.”
Cooter: “There here, betient y’all!”
Bo: “Hey Luke did you see that?”
Luke: “See What?” (A wild boar approaches.
End Act VII
Act VIII
Balladeer: “I’m sure glad I’m not that wild boar!” (Bo draws his bow and arrow)
Bo: “There’s a boar Luke!” (He fires and hits the boar).
Luke: “I see it Bo!” (He fires and hits the boar)
Cooter: “Hey y’all we just killed the grey boar!”
Bo: “This call for a celebration!”
Luke: “It sure does!”
Cooter: “Let’s load this boar into the trunk of the General Lee, and then we’ll head
to the Boar’s Nest!” (They put the boar in the trunk) (Bo shuts the trunk and the three slide in the General Lee.
(Scene switches to the Boar’s Nest).
Boss Hogg: “Dang that Mr. T, he failed his assignment!”
Luke: “Howdy Boss!”
Cooter: “Hey Boss, here is my Garage payment.”
Daisy: “Hey fella’s!”
Bo: “Got somthin for us Daisy?”
Luke: “Would three beers be to steep?”
Cooter: Drinks are on me!” (Daisy brings them their beer and they drink them).
End Act VIII
Submitted by: Robert Broadhurst